Strelsa was no longer at home to Quarren, even over the telephone. He
called her up two or three times in as many days, ventured to present
himself at her house twice without being received, and finally wrote her
a note. But at the end of the month the note still remained unanswered.
However, there was news of her, sometimes involving her with Langly
Sprowl, but more often with Sir Charles Mallison. Also, had Quarren not
dropped out of everything so completely, he might easily have met her
dozens of times in dozens of places. But for a month now he had returned
every day from his office to his room in the Legation, and even the
members of that important diplomatic body found his door locked, after
dinner, though his light sometimes brightened the transom until morning.
Westguard, after the final rupture with his aunt, had become a soured
hermit--sourer because of the low motives of the public which was buying
his book by the thousands and reading it for the story, exclusively.
His aunt had cast him off; to him she was the overfed embodiment of
society, so it pleased him to consider the rupture as one between
society and himself. It tasted of martyrdom, and now his own public had
vulgarly gone back on him according to his ideals: nobody cared for his
economics, his social evils, his moral philosophy; only what he
considered the unworthy part of his book was eagerly absorbed and
discussed. The proletariat had grossly betrayed him; a hermit's
exemplary but embittered career was apparently all that remained for his
declining years.
So, after dinner, he, too, retired to seclusion behind bolted doors,
pondering darkly on a philosophic novel which should be no novel at all
but a dignified and crushing rebuke to mankind--a solid slice of moral
cake thickly frosted with social economics, heavy with ethical plums,
and without any story to it whatever.
Meanwhile his book had passed into the abhorred class of best sellers.
As for Lacy and O'Hara, both had remarked Quarren's abrupt retirement
and his absence from that section of the social puddle which he was
accustomed to embellish and splash in. O'Hara, inclining more toward
sporting circles, noticed Quarren's absence less; but Lacy, after the
first week, demanded an explanation at the dinner-table.
"You spoiled a party for Mrs. Lannis," he said--"and Winnifred Miller
was almost in tears over the charity tableaux----"
"I wrote them both in plenty of time, Jack."
"Yes. But who is there to take your place? Whatever you touch is
successful. Barent Van Dyne made a dub of himself."
"They must break in another pup," said Quarren, amused.
"You mean that you're chucking the whole bally thing for keeps?"
"Practically."
"Why?" asked O'Hara, looking up blankly.
"Oh," said Quarren laughing, "I'm curious to find out what business I
really am in. Until this week I've never had time to discover that I was
trying to be a broker in real estate. And I've just found out that I've
been one for almost three years, and never knew it."
"One's own company is the best," growled Westguard. "The monkey people
sicken you and the public make you ill. Solitude is the only remedy."
"Not for me," said Quarren; "I could breakfast, lunch, and dine with and
on the public; and I'm laying plans to do it."
"They'll turn your stomach----"
"Oh, dry up, Karl!" said O'Hara; "there's a medium between extremes
where you can get a good sportin' chance at anythin'--horse, dog,
girl--anythin' you fancy. You'd like some of my friends, now,
Ricky!--they're a good sort, all game, all jolly, all interestin' as
hell----"
"_I_ don't want to meet any cock-fighters," growled Westguard.
"They're all right, too--but there are all kinds of interestin' people
in my circles--writers like Karl, huntin' people, a professional here
and there--and then there's that fascinatin' Mrs. Wyland-Baily, the best
trap-shot----"
"Trap-shot," repeated Westguard in disgust, and took his cigar and
himself into seclusion.
Quarren also pushed back his chair, preparing to rise.
"Doin' anythin'?" inquired O'Hara, desiring to be kind. "Young Calahan
and the Harlem Mutt have it out at the Cataract Club to-night," he
added persuasively.
"Another time, thanks," said Quarren: "I've letters to write."
* * * * *
He wrote them--all the business letters he could think of, concentrating
his thoughts as much as possible. Afterward he lay down on the lounge
with a book, and remained there for an hour, although he changed books
every few minutes. This was becoming a bad habit. But it was difficult
reading although it ranged from Kipling to the Book of Common Prayer;
and at last he gave it up and, turning over buried his head in the
cushions.
This wouldn't do either: he racked his brain for further employment,
found excuses for other business letters, wrote them, then attacked a
pile of social matters--notes and letters heretofore deliberately
neglected to the ragged edge of decency.
He replied to them all, and invariably in the negative.
It gave him something to do to go out to the nearest lamp post and mail
his letters. But when again he came back into his room the silence there
left him hesitating on his threshold.
But he went in and locked his door, and kept his back turned to the desk
where pen and ink were tempting him as usual, and almost beyond
endurance now. And at last he weakened, and wrote to her once more:
* * * * *
"MY DEAR MRS. LEEDS--
"I feel sure that your failure to answer my note of last week was
unintentional.
"Some day, when you have a moment, would you write me a line saying
that you will be at home to me?
"Very sincerely yours,
"RICHARD STANLEY QUARREN."
He took this note to the nearest District Messenger Office; then
returned to his room.
After an interminable time the messenger reported for the signature.
Mrs. Leeds was not at home and he had left the note as directed.
* * * * *
The night was a white one. He did not feel very well when he sat
scanning the morning paper over his coffee. Recently he had formed the
custom of reading two columns only in the paper--Real Estate News and
Society. In the latter column Strelsa usually figured.
She figured as usual this morning; and he read the fulsome stuff
attentively. Also there was a flourish concerning an annual event at the
Santa Regina.
And Quarren read this very carefully; and made up his mind as he
finished the paragraph.
The conclusion he came to over his coffee and newspaper materialised
that afternoon at a Charity Bazaar, where, as he intended, he met
Strelsa Leeds face to face. She said, coolly amiable:
"Have you been away? One never sees you these days."
"I have been nowhere," he said, pleasantly.
She shook her pretty head in reproof:
"Is it good policy for a young man to drop out of sight? Our world
forgets over-night."
He laughed: "Something similar has been intimated to me by others--but
less gently. I'm afraid I've offended some people."
"Oh, so you have already been disciplined?"
"Verbally trounced, admonished, and still smarting under the displeasure
of the powers that reign. They seem to resent my Sunday out--yet even
their other domestics have that. And it's the first I've taken in three
years. I think I'll have to give notice to my Missus."
"The spectre of servitude still seems to obsess your humour," she
observed indifferently.
"I _am_ that spectre, Mrs. Leeds."
"You certainly look pallid enough for any disembodied rôle. You have not
been ill, by any chance?"--carelessly.
"Not at all, thank you. Rude health and I continue to link arms."
"Then it is not by chance that you absent yourself from the various
festivities where your part is usually supposed to be a leading one?"
"All cooks eventually develop a distaste for their own concoctions," he
explained gravely.
She lifted her eyebrows: "Yet you are here this afternoon."
"Oh, yes. Charity has not yet palled on my palate--perhaps because I
need so much myself."
"I have never considered you an object of charity."
"Then I must draw your kind attention to my pitiable case by doing a
little begging.... Could I ask your forgiveness, for example? And
perhaps obtain it?"
Her face flushed. "I have nothing to forgive you, Mr. Quarren," she said
with decision.
"Do you mean that?"
"Certainly."
"I scarcely know how to take your--generosity."
"I offer none. There is no occasion for generosity or for the exercise
of any virtue, cardinal or otherwise. You have not offended me, nor I
you--I trust.... Have I?"
"No," he said.
Men came up to speak to her; one or two women nodded to her from nearby
groups which presently mingled, definitely separating her from Quarren
unless either he or she chose to evade the natural trend of things.
Neither made the effort. Then Sir Charles Mallison joined her, and
Quarren, smilingly accepting that gentleman's advent as his own congé,
took his leave of Strelsa and went his way--which chanced, also, to be
the way of Mrs. Lester Caldera, very fetching in lilac gown and hat.
Susanne Lannis, lips slightly curling, looked after them, touching
Strelsa's elbow:
"Cyrille simply cannot let Ricky alone," she said. "The bill-posters
will find a fence for her if she doesn't come to her senses."
"Who?" asked Strelsa, as one or two people laughed guardedly.
"Why, Cyrille Caldera. _Elle s'affiche, ma chère!_"
"Mrs. Caldera!" repeated the girl, surprised.
"_And_ Ricky! Are you blind, Strelsa? It's been on for two weeks or
more. And she'd better not play too confidently with Ricky. You can
usually forecast what a wild animal will do, never how a trained one is
going to behave."
"Such scandal!" laughed Chrysos Lacy. "How many of us can afford to
turn our backs to the rest of the cage even for an instant? Sir Charles,
I simply don't dare to go away. Otherwise I'd purchase several of those
glittering articles yonder--whatever they are. Do you happen to know?"
"Automatic revolvers. The cartridges are charged with Japanese perfumes.
Did you never see one?" he asked, turning to Strelsa. But she was not
listening; and he transferred his attention to Chrysos.
Several people moved forward to examine the pretty and apparently deadly
little weapons; Sir Charles was called upon to explain the Japanese game
of perfumes, and everybody began to purchase the paraphernalia, pistols,
cartridges, targets, and counters.
Sir Charles came back, presently, to where Strelsa still stood,
listlessly examining laces.
"All kinds of poor people have blinded themselves making these pretty
things," she said, as Sir Charles came up beside her. "My only apparent
usefulness is to buy them, I suppose."
He offered her one of the automatic pistols.
"It's loaded," he cautioned her, solemnly.
"What an odd gift!" she said, surprised, taking it gingerly into her
gloved hand. "Is it really for me? And why?"
"Are you timid about firearms?" he asked, jestingly.
"No.... I don't know anything about them--except to keep my finger away
from the trigger. I know enough to do that."
He supposed that she also was jesting, and her fastidious handling of
the weapon amused him. And when she asked him if it was safe to carry in
her muff, he assured her very gravely that she might venture to do so.
"Turn it loose on the first burglar," he added, "and his regeneration
will begin in all the forty-nine odours of sanctity."
Strelsa smiled without comprehending. Cyrille Caldera was standing just
beyond them, apparently interested in antique jewellery, trying the
effect of various linked gems against her lilac gown, and inviting
Quarren's opinion of the results. Their backs were turned; Ricky's blond
head seemed to come unreasonably close to Cyrille's at moments. Once
Mrs. Caldera thoughtlessly laid a pretty hand on his arm as though in
emphasis. Their unheard conversation was evidently amusing them.
Strelsa's smile remained unaltered; people were coming constantly to pay
their respects to her; and they lingered, attracted and amused by her
unusual gaiety, charm, and wit.
Her mind seemed suddenly to have become crystal clear; her gay retorts
to lively badinage, and her laughing epigrams were deliciously
spontaneous. A slight exhilaration, without apparent reason, was
transforming her, swiftly, into an incarnation entirely unknown even to
herself.
Conscious of a wonderful mood never before experienced, perfectly aware
of her unusual brilliancy and beauty, surprised and interested in the
sudden revelation of powers within her still unexercised, she felt
herself, for the first time in her life, in contact with things
heretofore impalpable--and, in spirit, with delicate fingers, she
gathered up instinctively those intangible threads with which man is
guided as surely as though driven in chains of steel.
And all the while she was aware of Quarren's boyish head bending almost
too near to Cyrille Caldera's over the trays of antique jewels; and all
the while she was conscious of the transfiguration in process--that not
only a new self was being evolved for her out of the débris of the old,
but that the world itself was changing around her--and a new Heaven and
a new earth were being born--and a new hell.
That evening she fought it out with herself with a sort of deadly
intelligence. Alone in her room, seated, and facing her mirrored gaze
unflinchingly, she stated her case, minutely, to herself from beginning
to end; then called the only witness for the prosecution--herself--and
questioned that witness without mercy.
Did she care for Quarren? Apparently. How much? A great deal. Was she in
love with him? She could not answer. Wherein did he differ from other
men she knew--Sir Charles, for example? She only knew that he _was_
different. Perhaps he was nobler? No. More intelligent? No. Kinder? No.
More admirable? No. More gentle, more sincere, less selfish? No. Did he,
as a man, compare favorably with other men--Sir Charles for example? The
comparison was not in Quarren's favor.
Wherein, then, lay her interest in him? She could not answer. Was she
perhaps sorry for him? Very. Why? Because she believed him capable of
better things. Then the basis of her regard for him was founded on pity.
No; because from the beginning--even before he had unmasked--she had
been sensible of an interest in him different from any interest she had
ever before felt for any man.
This uncompromisingly honest answer silenced her mentally for some
moments; then she lifted her resolute gray eyes to the eyes of the
mirrored witness:
If that is true, then the attraction was partly physical? She could not
answer. Pressed for a statement she admitted that it might be that.
Then the basis of her regard for him was ignoble? She found pleasure in
his intellectual attractions. But the basis had not been intellectual?
No. It had been material? Yes. And she had never forgotten the light
pressure of that masked Harlequin's spangled arm around her while she
desperately counted out the seconds of that magic minute forfeited to
him? No; she had never forgotten. It was a sensation totally unknown to
her before that moment? Yes. Had she experienced it since that time?
Yes. When? When he first told her that he loved her. And afterward? Yes.
When?
In the cheeks of the mirrored witness a faint fire began to burn: her
own face grew pink: but she answered, looking the shadowy witness
steadily in the eyes:
"When he took my hand at the door--and during--whatever
happened--afterward."
And she excused the witness and turned her back to the looking-glass.
The only witness for the defence was the accused--unless her own heart
were permitted to testify. Or--and there seemed to be some slight
confusion here--_was_ Quarren on trial? Or was she herself?
This threatened to become a serious question; she strove to think
clearly, to reason; but only evoked the pale, amused face of Quarren
from inner and chaotic consciousness until the visualisation remained
fixed, defying obliteration. And she accepted the mental spectre for
the witness box.
"Ricky," she said, "do you really love me?"
But the clear-cut, amused face seemed to mock her question with the
smile she knew so well--so well, alas!
"Why are you unworthy?" she said again--"you who surely are equipped for
a nobler life. What is it in you that I have responded to? If a woman is
so colourless as to respond merely to love in the abstract, she is worth
nothing better, nothing higher, than what she has evoked. For you are no
better than other men, Ricky; indeed you are less admirable than many;
and to compare you to Sir Charles is not advantageous to you, poor
boy--poor boy."
In vain she strove to visualise Sir Charles; she could not. All she
could do was to mentally enumerate his qualities; and she did so, the
amused face of Quarren looking on at her from out of empty space.
"Ricky, Ricky," she said, "am I no better than that?--am I fit only for
such a response?--to find the contact of your hand so wonderful?--to
thrill with the consciousness of your nearness--to let my senses drift,
contented merely by your touch--yielding to the charm of it--suffering
even your lips' embrace----"
She shuddered slightly, drawing one hand across her eyes, then sitting
straight, she faced his smiling phantom, resolute to end it now forever.
"If I am such a woman," she said, "and you are the kind of man I know
you to be--then is it time for me to fast and pray, lest I enter into
temptation.... Into the one temptation I have never before known,
Ricky--and which, in my complacency and pride I never dreamed that I
should encounter.
"And it is coming to that!... A girl must be honest with herself or all
life is only the same smiling lie. I'm ashamed to be honest, Ricky; but
I must be. You are not very much of a man--otherwise I might find some
reason for caring: and now there is none; and yet--I care--God knows
why--or what it is in you that I care for!--But I do--I am beginning to
care--and I don't know why; I--don't--know why----".
She dropped her face in her hands, sitting there bowed low over her
knees. And there, hour after hour she fought it out with herself and
with the amused spectre ever at her elbow--so close at moments that some
unaroused nerve fell a-trembling in its sleep, threatening to awaken
those quiet senses that she already feared for their unknown powers.
* * * * *
The season was approaching its end, still kicking now and then
spasmodically, but pretty nearly done for. No particularly painful
incidents marked its demise except the continued absence of Quarren from
social purlieus accustomed to his gay presence and adroit executive
abilities.
After several demoralised cotillions had withstood the shock of his
absence, and a dozen or more functions had become temporarily
disorganised because he declined to occupy himself with their success;
and after a number of hostesses had filled in his place at dinner, at
theatres, at week-ends, on yachts and coaches; and after an
unprecedented defiance of two summonses to the hazardous presence of
Mrs. Sprowl, he obeyed a third subpoena, and presented himself with an
air of cheerful confidence that instantly enraged her.
The old lady lay abed with nothing more compromising than a toothache;
Quarren was conducted to the inner shrine; she glared at him hideously
from her pillows; and for one moment he felt seriously inclined to run.
"Where have you been?" she wheezed.
"Nowhere in particu----"
"I know damn well you've been nowhere," she burst out. "Molly Wycherly's
dance went to pieces because she was fool enough to trust things to you.
Do you know who led? That great oaf, Barent Van Dyne! He led like a
trick elephant, too!"
Quarren looked politely distressed.
"And there are a dozen hostesses perfectly furious with you," continued
the old lady, pounding the pillows with a fat arm--"parties of all sorts
spoiled, idiocies committed, dinners either commonplace or blank
failures--what the devil possesses you to behave this way?"
"I'm tired," he said, politely.
"What!"
He smiled:
"Oh, the place suits, Mrs. Sprowl; I haven't any complaint; and the work
and wages are easy; and it's comfortable below-stairs. But--I'm just
tired."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking _about_ my employers, and I'm talking _like_ the social
upper-servant that I am--or was. I'm merely giving a respectable
warning; that is the airy purport of my discourse, Mrs. Sprowl."
"Do you know what you're saying?"
"Yes, I think so," he said, wearily.
"Well, then, what the devil _are_ you saying?"
"Merely that I've dropped out of service to engage in trade."
"You can't!" she yelled, sitting up in bed so suddenly that her unquiet
tooth took the opportunity to assert itself.
She clapped a pudgy hand to her cheek, squinting furiously at Quarren:
"You _can't_ drop out," she shouted. "Don't you ever want to amount to
anything?"
"Yes, I do. That's why I'm doing it."
"Don't act like a fool! Haven't you any ambition?"
"That also is why," he said pleasantly. "I am ambitious to be out of
livery and see what my own kind will do to me."
"Well, you'll see!" she threatened--"you'll see what we'll do to
you----"
"_You're_ not my kind. I always supposed you were, but you all knew
better from the day I took service with you----"
"Ricky!"
"It is perfectly true, Mrs. Sprowl. My admittance included a livery and
the perennial prerogative of amusing people. But I had no money, no
family affiliations with the very amiable people who found me useful.
Only, in common with them, I had the inherent taste for idleness and the
genius for making it endurable to you all. So you welcomed me very
warmly; and you have been very kind to me.... But, somewhere or
other--in some forgotten corner of me--an odd and old-fashioned idea
awoke the other day.... I think perhaps it awoke when you reminded me
that to serve you was one thing and to marry among you something very
different."
"Ricky! Do you want to drive me to the yelling verge of distraction? I
didn't say or intimate or dream any such thing! You know perfectly well
you're not only with us but _of_ us. Nobody ever imagined otherwise. But
you can't marry any girl you pick out. Sometimes she won't; sometimes
her family won't. It's the same everywhere. You have no money. Of course
I intend that you shall eventually marry money--What the devil are you
laughing at?"
"I beg your pardon----"
"I said that you would marry well. Was that funny? I also said,
once--and I repeat it now, that I have my own plans for one or two
girls--Strelsa Leeds included. I merely asked you to respect my wishes
in that single matter; and bang! you go off and blow up and maroon
yourself and sulk until nobody knows what's the matter with you. Don't
be a fool. Everybody likes you; every girl _can't_ love you--but I'll
bet many of 'em do.... Pick one out and come to me--if that's your
trouble. Go ahead and pick out what you fancy; and ten to one it will be
all right, and between you and me we'll land the little lady!"
"You're tremendously kind----"
"I know I am. I'm always doing kindnesses--and nobody likes me, and
they'd bite my head off, every one of 'em--if they weren't afraid it
would disagree with them," she added grimly.
Quarren rose and came over to the bedside.
"Good-bye, Mrs. Sprowl," he said. "And--I like you--somehow--I really
do."
"The devil you do," said the old lady.
"It's a curious fact," he insisted, smiling.
"Get out with you, Ricky! And I want you to come----"
"No--please."
"What?"
"No."
"Why?"
"I want to see some real people again. I've forgotten what they
resemble."
"That's a damned insolent remark!" she gasped.
"Not meant to be. _You_ are real enough, Heaven knows. But," and his
smile faded--"I've taken a month off to think it out. And, do you know,
thinking being an unaccustomed luxury, I've enjoyed it. Imagine my
delight and surprise, Mrs. Sprowl, when I discovered that my leisurely
reflections resulted in the discovery that I had a mind--a real
one--capable of reason and conclusions. And so when I actually came to a
conclusion my joy knew no bounds----"
"Ricky! Stop those mental athletics! Do you hear? I've a toothache and a
backache and I can't stand 'em!"
Quarren was laughing now; and presently a grim concession to humour
relaxed the old lady's lips till her fat face creased.
"All right," she said; "go and play with the ragged boy around the
corner, my son. Then when you're ready come home and get your face
washed."
"May I come occasionally to chat with you?"
"As though you'd do that if you didn't have to!" she exclaimed
incredulously.
"I think you know better."
"No, I don't!" she snapped. "I know men and women; that's all I know.
And as you're one of the two species I don't expect anything celestial
from you.... And you'd better go, now."
She turned over on her pillow with a grunt: Quarren laughed, lifted one
of her pudgy and heavily ringed hands from the coverlet, and, still
smiling, touched the largest diamond with his lips.
"I think," he said, "that you are one of the very few I really like in
your funny unreal world.... You're so humanly bad."
"What!" she shouted, floundering to a sitting posture.
But, looking back at her from the door, he found her grinning.