The Bad Boy Feeds Cayenne Pepper to the Sacred Cow--He and His Pa
Ride in a Circus Parade With the Circassian Beauties--A Tipsy
Elephant Lands Them in a Public Fountain--Pa Makes the Acquaintance
of John L. Sullivan.
I am learning more about animals every day, and when the season is over
I will be an expert animal man. Animals naturally have a language of
their own, and lions understand each other, and bears can converse with
bears, but in a show, all animals seem to have a common language, so
they understand each other a little.
I found that out when I put a paper of cayenne pepper into a head of
lettuce and gave it to the sacred cow. She chewed the lettuce as
peacefully as could be, and swallowed the cayenne pepper, and then
stopped to think. You could tell by the expression on her face that when
the pepper began to heat her up inside she wanted to swear, although she
was a sacred cow. She humped herself, and shivered, and then bellowed
like a calf who has been left in the barn to be weaned, while its mother
goes out to pasture, and the sacred bull, her husband, he came and put
his nose up to her nose, as much as to say: "What is the matter,
dearie?" and she talked sacred cattle talk to him for a minute, and then
the bull turned to me and chased me out of the tent. Now, as sure as you
live that cow told the bull that I had given her something hot. All the
animals within hearing were onto me, and they would snarl, and make
noises when I came along, and act as though they wanted to make me
understand that they knew I gave that cow a hot box, and they all wanted
to get a chance at me.
They don't like pa any better than they do me, and the big elephant
seems to have been laying for pa ever since he run the sharp iron into
him, the time he got on a tear and tried to run a town. When the
elephants are performing in the ring, they all have an eye on pa, so
everybody notices it. I knew something would happen to pa, so when the
man who plays the sheik, and rides the elephant in the street parade, in
a howdah, with a canopy over it, with some female houris in it, and they
called for a volunteer to do the sheik act, at Steubenville, and pa
offered to do the stunt, I went along as an Egyptian girl, 'cause I knew
there would be something doing.
The elephant eyed pa when he got up into the bungalow on top of him with
the Circassian woman and me, and winked at the other elephants, as much
as to say: "Watch my smoke." As he went out from the lot, on the way
downtown, ahead of the bunch, all the other animals acted peculiar, and
seemed to say: "He will get his before we get through this parade."
The big elephant is one of the best ring performers, but he has always
been steady in the street parade, with the light of Asia on his back. We
got to the edge of town and stopped to let the rear wagons close up, and
were in front of a saloon, where the bartender had been emptying stale
beer out of the bottoms of kegs into a washtub, which was standing on
the sidewalk, ready to be sold to people who buy it in pails.
Well, sir, that confounded elephant got his trunk in that tub of stale
beer, and he never took it out till the beer was all gone. I looked down
from the pagoda and told pa the elephant was drinking again, and had
drank a washtub of beer, but pa couldn't say anything, 'cause he was
doing the Arab sheik act, and had to look dignified, as though he was
praying to Allah.
But just then the band struck up, and we started down the main street of
Steubenville. The people began to cheer, 'cause our elephant began to
hippity-hop, and waltz sideways across the street and back again, and I
thought pa would die. In the parade one man on a horse attends to the
elephants, so the sheiks don't have anything to say, and pa remained
like a statue, and told me and the Circassian beauties to be calm, and
trust in him and Allah. This Allah business was all right when the
elephant waltzed, but when we got to the next block the beast began to
stand on his hind feet, and pa and the houris rolled to the back end of
the howdah, and were all piled in a heap, while I held on to the cloth
of gold over the elephant's head.
Pa yelled to the people on horseback to kill the elephant, and the crowd
cheered, thinking it was the best performance they ever saw in a free
street parade, and the animals in the cages behind were yapping as
though they knew what was going on. The elephant got down on all fours,
and we straightened up in the pagoda, and for a block or so the beast
only waltzed around. As we got to some sort of a public square, where
there were thousands of people, the stale beer seemed to be getting in
its work, for the elephant looked at the people, as much as to say: "Now
I will show you something not down on the bills," and, by ginger, if he
didn't raise up his hind quarters and stand on his front feet, right by
the side of a big fountain, and he reached in his trunk for a drink,
when all of us on the pagoda clung to pa, and we all slid right off into
the big basin of water. The fountain played on us, and pa was under
water, with the four Circassian beauties, and when we rolled or slid
down over the elephant's head, he looked at us and seemed to chuckle:
"What you getting off here for, the show ain't half out."
Well, the parade went on and left the elephant and the rest of us at the
fountain, and to show that animals understand each other, and can
appreciate a joke, every animal that passed us gave us the laugh, even
the hippopotamus, which opened his mouth as big as a tunnel, and showed
his teeth and acted as though he would like to exchange tanks with us.
The circus people that could be spared from the wagons came to help us,
and the citizens helped out the Circassian beauties who were praying to
Allah, and wringing out their clothes, and I crawled up on the neck of a
cast-iron swan in the fountain. Pa yelled and talked profane, and told
'em to bring a cannon and kill the elephant, which kept ducking him with
his trunk, and swabbing out the bottom of the fountain basin with pa. It
seemed as though he never would get through using pa for a mop, but
finally the people got a rope around pa, and a keeper got an iron hook
in the elephant's ear, and they pulled pa out on one side, and got the
elephant away on the other side, and just then the callipoe, that ends
the parade, came by us and played the "Blue Danube," and the elephant
got on his hind feet and waltzed on the pavement. They put pa and the
Circassian beauties in a patrol wagon and took them to the show lot, and
I sat by the driver, and he let me drive the team.
[Illustration: The Elephant Kept Ducking Pa and Swabbing Out the Bottom
of the Fountain.]
Pa had his sheik clothes rolled up around his waist, and was wringing
them out, and talking awful sassy, and when we got to the lot it took a
long time to convince the policemen that we were not guilty of
disorderly conduct, and just then the elephant came tearing by us, with
the keeper on horseback behind him, prodding him in the ham every jump
with a sharp iron, and he went through the side of the tent as though he
was mighty sorry he didn't kill us all.
They made him get down on his knees and bellow in token of surrender,
and then we all went and changed our clothes for the afternoon
performance. As we passed through the menagerie tent, dripping, every
animal set up a yell, as much as to say: "There, maybe you will give
cayenne pepper to a pious sacred cow again, confound you," and that
convinces me that animals are human.
The last week has been the hardest on pa of any week since we have been
out with the circus. The trouble with pa is that he wants to be "Johnny
on the spot," as the boys say, and if anything breaks he volunteers to
go to work and fix it, and if anybody is sick or disabled, he wants to
take their place, as he says so he will learn everything about the
circus, and be competent to run a show alone next year.
But it was a mean trick the principal owner of the show played on pa at
Canton, O. You see John L. Sullivan used to do a boxing act with this
show, years ago, and everybody likes John, and when he shows up where
the show gives a performance he has the freedom of the whole place, and
everybody about the show is ready to fall over themselves to do John L.
a service.
Well, Sullivan showed up at Canton, and he went everywhere, all the
forenoon, and met all the old timers, and at the afternoon performance
he was awfully jolly.
John was standing beside the ring when the Japanese jugglers were
juggling, and he leaned against a pole. Pa came in from the menagerie
tent, and he didn't know Sullivan, and when he saw Sullivan holding the
pole up, pa said to the boss proprietor that the fat man who was
interfering with the show ought to be called down or put out.
The boss said to pa: "You go take him by the ear and put him out," and
pa, who is as brave as lion, started for Sullivan, and the boss winked
at the other circus men, and pa went up to Sullivan and took hold of
John's neck with both hands, and said: "Come on out of here."
Well, sir, we ought to have moving pictures of what followed. Sullivan
turned on pa, and growled just like a lion. Then he took pa around the
waist and held him up under his arm, and picked up a piece of board and
slatted pa just as though pa was a child, and the audience just yelled,
and pa called to the circus men for help, but they just laughed.
[Illustration: John L. Slatted Pa Just as Though He Was a Child.]
Pa got a chance at the fat man and he hit him in the jaw, but it did not
hurt Sullivan, only made him mad. He took pa up by the collar and
whirled him around until pa was dizzy, and then he started with him for
the menagerie tent, and called to the boss canvasman: "Bill, come on and
tell me which is the hungriest lion, and I will feed him with this cold
meat."
Pa yelled, 'cause he thought he was in the hands of an escaped lunatic,
and the circus hands came and took him away. Then the owner told pa who
Sullivan was, and pa almost fainted. But finally, after breathing hard
for awhile, pa went up to Sullivan and shook his hand, and said: "Mr.
Sullivan, you must excuse me. If I had known you were the great John L.,
I would not have licked you." Sullivan looked at pa and said: "Well, you
are a wonder, old man, and you did do me up," and pa and Sullivan became
great friends. Since then pa is pretty chesty, 'cause the circus men
point him out to the jays as the man who whipped John L. Sullivan.