De schrijver van het werkje over de uitspraak van het Engelsch „Drop your
foreign Accent”, droeg mij op, aangezien ik nogal makkelijk rijm — meende
hij — voor zijn boek een gedicht te vervaardigen, waarin al de gewone
struikelblokken van de Engelsche uitspraak verwerkt moesten worden. Ik
kreeg een lijst van ongeveer 450 woorden, alfabetisch gerangschikt,
en daarmee moest ik maar aan den gang gaan — asjeblieft! Hier is het.
Met toestemming van den schrijver van „Drop” bied ik het alvast mijn
velen vloeiend Engelsch sprekenden landgenooten aan, om er zich op een
regenachtigen Zondagmiddag mee onledig te houden. Zij zullen merken, dat
elk paar regels volkomen zuiver rijm geeft, en dat de klemtoon duidelijk
door het rhythme aangegeven wordt. Moge het alom schrik en ontsteltenis
verspreiden.
Dearest _creature_ in _Creation_,
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like _corpse_, _corps_, _horse_ and _worse_.
It will keep you, _Susy_, _busy_,
Make your _head_ with _heat_ grow dizzy;
_Tear_ in eye your dress you’ll _tear_.
So shall I! Oh, hear my _prayer_,
_Pray_, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, _sew_ it?
Just compare _heart_, _beard_ and _heard_,
_Dies_ and _diet_, _lord_ and _word_,
_Sword_ and _sward_, _retain_ and _Britain_,
(Mind the latter, how it’s written!)
_Made_ has not the sound of _bade_,
Say — _said_, pay — _paid_, _laid_, but _plaid_.
Now I surely will not _plague_ you
With such words as _vague_ and _ague_,
But be careful how you speak,
Say _break_, _steak_, but _bleak_ and _streak_,
_Previous_, _precious_; _fuchsia_, _via_;
_Pipe_, _snipe_, _recipe_ and _choir_,
_Cloven_, _oven_; _how_ and _low_;
_Script_, _receipt_; _shoe_, _poem_, _toe_,
Hear me say, _devoid_ of trickery:
_Daughter_, _laughter_ and _Terpsichore_,
_Typhoid_; _measles_, _topsails_, _aisles_;
_Exiles_, _similes_, _reviles_;
_Wholly_, _holly_; _signal_, _signing_;
_Thames_; _examining_, _combining_;
_Scholar_, _vicar_ and _cigar_,
_Solar_, _mica_, _war_ and _far_.
From „desire”: _desirable_ — _admirable_ from „admire”;
_Lumber_, _plumber_; _bier_ but _brier_;
_Chatham_, _brougham_; _renown_ but _known_,
_Knowledge_; _done_, but _gone_ and _tone_,
_One_, _anemone_; _Balmoral_;
_Kitchen_, _lichen_; _laundry_, _laurel_;
_Gertrude_, _German_; _wind_ and _mind_;
_Scene_, _Melpomene_, _mankind_;
_Tortoise_, _turquoise_, _chamois_-leather,
_Reading_, _Reading_, _heathen_, _heather_.
This phonetic labyrinth
Gives _moss_, _gross_, _brook_, _brooch_, _ninth_, _plinth_.
_Billet_ does not end like _ballet_;
_Bouquet_, _wallet_, _mallet_, _chalet_;
_Blood_ and _flood_ are not like _food_,
Nor is _mould_ like _should_ and _would_.
_Banquet_ is not nearly _parquet_,
Which is said to rime with „darky”.
_Viscous_, _viscount_; _load_ and _broad_;
_Toward_, to _forward_, to _reward_,
And your pronunciation’s O. K.
When you say correctly _croquet_;
_Rounded_, _wounded_; _grieve_ and _sieve_;
_Friend_ and _fiend_; _alive_ and _live_;
_Liberty_, _library_; _heave_ and _heaven_;
_Rachel_, _ache_, _moustache_; eleven.
We say _hallowed_, but _allowed_;
_People_, _leopard_; _towed_, but _vowed_
Mark the difference, moreover,
Between _mover_, _plover_, _Dover_,
_Leeches_, _breeches_; _wise_; _precise_;
_Chalice_ but _police_ and _lice_.
_Camel_; _constable_, _unstable_;
_Principle_, _disciple_; _label_;
_Petal_, _penal_ and _canal_;
_Wait_, _surmise_, _plait_, _promise_; _pal_.
_Suit_, _suite_, _run_, _circuit_, _conduit_
Rime with „shirk’ it” and „beyond it”,
But it is not hard to tell,
Why it’s _pall_, _mall_, but _Pall Mall_.
_Muscle_, _muscular_; _gaol_; _icon_;
_Timber_, _climber_; _bullion_, _lion_,
_Worm_ and _storm_; _chaise_, _chaos_, _chair_;
_Senator_, _spectator_, _mayor_.
_Ivy_, _privy_; _famous_, _clamour_
And _enamour_ rime with „hammer”
_Pussy_, _hussy_ and _possess_.
_Desert_, but _dessert_, _address_.
_Golf_, _wolf_; _countenance_; _lieutenants_
Hoist, in _lieu_ of flags, left pennants.
_River_, _rival_; _tomb_, _bomb_, _comb_;
_Doll_ and _roll_ and _some_ and _home_.
_Stranger_ does not rime with _anger_,
Neither does _devour_ with _clangour_.
_Soul_, but _foul_ and _gaunt_, but _aunt_;
_Font_, _front_, _wont_; _want_, _grand_ and _grant_,
_Shoes_, _goes_, _does_.[2] Now first say: _finger_,
And then: _singer_, _ginger_, _linger_.
_Real_, _zeal_; _mauve_, _gauze_ and _gauge_;
_Marriage_, _foliage_, _mirage_, _age_.
_Query_ does not rime with _very_,
Nor does _fury_ sound like _bury_.
_Dost_, _lost_, _post_ and _doth_, _cloth_, _loth_;
_Job_, _Job_, _blossom_, _bosom_, _oath_.
Though the difference seems little,
We say _actual_, but _victual_,
_Seat_, _sweat_, _chaste_, _taste_; _Leigh_, _eight_, _height_;
_Put_, _nut_; _granite_, but _unite_.
_Reefer_ does not rime with „deafer,”
_Feoffer_ does, and _zephyr_, _heifer_.
_Dull_, _bull_; _Geoffrey_, _George_; _ate_, _late_;
_Hint_, _pint_; _senate_, but _sedate_;
_Scenic_, _Arabic_, _pacific_;
_Science_, _conscience_, _scientific_;
_Tour_, but _our_, and _succour_, _four_;
_Gas_, _alas_ and _Arkansas_!
_Sea_, _idea_, _guinea_, _area_,
_Psalm_; _Maria_, but _malaria_;
_Youth_, _south_, _southern_; _cleanse_ and _clean_;
_Doctrine_, _turpentine_, _marine_.
Compare _alien_ with _Italian_,
_Dandelion_ with _battalion_,
_Sally_ with _ally_; _yea_, _ye_,
_Eye_, _I_, _ay_, _aye_, _whey_, _key_, _quay_!
Say _aver_, but _ever_, _fever_,
_Neither_, _leisure_, _skein_, _receiver_.
Never guess — it is not safe;
We say _calves_, _valves_, _half_, but _Ralf_!
_Heron_; _granary_, _canary_;
_Crevice_, and _device_, and _eyrie_;
_Face_ but _preface_, but _efface_,
_Phlegm_, _phlegmatic_; _ass_, _glass_, _bass_;
_Large_, but _target_, _gin_, _give_, _verging_;
_Ought_, _out_, _joust_ and _scour_, but _scourging_;
_Ear_, but _earn_; and _wear_ and _tear_
Do not rime with „here”, but „ere”.
_Seven_ is right, but so is _even_;
_Hyphen_, _roughen_, _nephew_, _Stephen_;
_Monkey_, _donkey_; _clerk_ and _jerk_;
_Asp_, _grasp_, _wasp_; and _cork_ and _work_.
Pronunciation — think of _psyche_! —
Is a paling, stout and spikey;
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing „groats” and saying _groats_?
It’s a dark _abyss_ or tunnel,
Strewn with stones, like _rowlock_, _gunwale_,
_Islington_ and _Isle_ of Wight,
_Housewife_, _verdict_ and _indict_!
Don’t you think so, reader, rather,
Saying _lather_, _bather_, _father_?
Finally: which rimes with „enough,”
_Though_, _through_, _plough_, _rough_, _hough_, or _tough_?
_Hiccough_ has the sound of „cup”......
My advice is — give it up!
[2] No, you are wrong. This is the plural of „doe”.