THE WHIRLIGIG OF TIME
Give what you have; to some it may be better than
you dare to think.
--LONGFELLOW.
The Possible stands by us ever fresh,
Fairer than aught which any life hath owned,
And makes divine amends.
--JEAN INGELOW.
Two years had passed away since Malcolm had uttered his passionate
protest in the Priory garden that May morning, when the white petals of
the Guelder roses in Elizabeth's hand lay like snow on the gravel path,
and all this time he had sternly adhered to his resolution.
In those two years he had only paid four visits to the Wood House, and
on two of these occasions Elizabeth had been absent. Each time he had
come on Dinah's invitation, to give her the help and counsel she
needed, and more than once he had met her at 27 Queen's Gate.
For Cedric had had his way, and had effected an introduction between
his sisters and Mrs. Herrick; and as they had mutually taken to each
other, a pleasant intimacy had been the result, and Anna had paid two
or three visits to the Wood House. From the first moment of their
meeting Anna had fallen in love with Dinah. "You must not think that I
do not care for Miss Elizabeth Templeton," she had observed rather
shyly to Malcolm, after her first visit to Staplegrove--"for I admire
and like her more than I can say, and I am never tired of talking to
her--but I do love my dear Miss Dinah!" And indeed Dinah accepted the
girl's innocent worship with great kindness. "She is a dear child, and
Elizabeth and I are very fond of her," she wrote once to Malcolm; "the
thought that some one else is fond of her too makes me very happy." For
at this time it was evident to all Cedric's friends that a mutual
attachment was growing up between him and Anna.
The years had not been unfruitful to Malcolm, and his name as a
powerful and successful author was firmly established. He no longer
held his appointment, and had given up his dingy chambers in Lincoln's
Inn. His own work fully occupied him, and thanks to his literary
receipts and his mother's generosity, he realised a good income.
To his own regret and to his friends also, he was no longer a member of
the Keston menage. He had outgrown his homely quarters, and now
occupied one of the new flats in Cheyne Walk, and lived in quite a
palatial fashion, though many a pipe was still smoked in Amias's
studio. Malcolm had emerged from his shell, and mixed freely in
society. His was a name to conjure with, and all the people best worth
knowing gathered round him and delighted to do him homage. Elizabeth
used to read his name sometimes in the columns of the Times and the
Morning Post. "He seems to go everywhere, and to know every one," she
observed once to Dinah; "I am afraid he will be terribly spoiled." But
she only said it to tease Dinah. She knew that Malcolm Herrick had no
overweening estimate of himself--that, in spite of his success and his
many friends, and all the smiles and adulation lavished on him, at
heart he was a lonely man. Perhaps in her way Elizabeth was lonely too.
In spite of her devotion to David's father, there were times when the
narrowness of her life oppressed her--when her broad sympathies and
strong vitality seemed to cry out for a larger life, for a wider
outlook--when she trod the woodland paths with a sense of
weariness--the same path day after day.
"How tired one gets of it all!" she said to herself one May afternoon,
as she came in sight of the porch where Mr. Carlyon was reading
tranquilly and enjoying the sweet spring air. The curate-in-charge
looked slightly older and had taken to spectacles, but otherwise there
was little change in him. On the whole, his existence was a very
peaceful one. He loved Rotherwood and the simple, kindly folk amongst
whom he lived. His books and Elizabeth's society were his chief
pleasures. If the day passed without seeing her, Theo noticed that he
grew restless and preoccupied, and finally went across to the Wood
House on some excuse or other, to assure himself that nothing was amiss.
"Father thinks that there is no one like Elizabeth," Theo would
observe: "nothing that she says or does is wrong. If he had his way
they would never be apart;" and Theo was right.
In spite of his short sight, Mr. Carlyon soon detected the signs of
mental weariness on Elizabeth's pale face; for as she seated herself on
the wooden bench beside him, he patted her hand in his tender, homely
way.
"What is it, my dear?" he asked gently. "You look tired, Elizabeth."
"Do I?" she returned absently; "I feel as though I could walk ten miles
with pleasure. That is the worst, I am so strong that nothing tires me.
Sometimes I fancy it would be a pleasant experience to be honestly
fatigued in some good cause. How one would sleep after it!"
"I thought you always slept well, dear?"
"Oh, so I do: often I fall asleep as soon as my head is on the pillow.
But I wake early--the first twitter of the birds rouses me--and then
life looks so long." Elizabeth spoke in a dejected tone.
"Come and walk," was Mr. Carlyon's only answer to this; "I have been
writing my sermon all the morning, and I feel a bit stiff and headachy.
Let us go down the valley;" and as Elizabeth made no objection to this,
he got his hat and stick, and they sallied forth together. Outside the
gate they came upon the vicar, and the three walked on together, as Mr.
Charrington intended calling at the Crow's Nest. Elizabeth had been
very silent all the way, and had left the conversation to the two
gentlemen. When Mr. Charrington had quitted them, they turned into the
long woodland path that skirted the valley. It was a beautiful spot,
and a favourite resort of Elizabeth's. She loved to breathe the spicy
incense of the pines, and to watch the shadows move across the valley.
As they seated themselves under a little clump of firs, they could look
down into the dark woods far below. All round them were heather,
bracken, whortleberries, and brambles, and later on the hillside would
be a glory of purple.
"Well, Elizabeth, what is it?" asked Mr. Carlyon, as she still sat
beside him in a brown study, and her brow puckered and lined with
thought. "I am sure I have been patient enough." Then she started and
laughed a little nervously.
"How stupid I am this afternoon! And I have so much to tell you. I am
so ashamed of myself, for I ought to be in such good spirits. The young
people have come to an understanding at last. Cedric and Anna have
written to Dinah; I left her crying for joy over their letters."
"I do not wonder at that--Miss Sheldon is a sweet girl."
"Cedric thinks she is perfect. I wish you could have seen his letter:
he is rapturously happy. And Anna writes so sweetly: she says it seems
like a dream; that she can hardly believe in her happiness; that she
does not deserve it, and that Cedric is everything that she could
desire."
"Ah, they are young--life does not seem long to them, does it,
Elizabeth?" She smiled and shook her head.
"Cedric is going to bring her down on Wednesday, and he wants Mr.
Herrick to come too. Dinah means to ask him, I believe. I tell her that
he is far too busy and important a personage to trouble with our small
family concerns; but Dinah was quite indignant when I said that."
"She has greater faith in his friendship, you see." But to this
Elizabeth made no answer. She went on talking with assumed eagerness of
the young couple.
"Cedric intends to be married soon," she said. "Mr. Strickland is going
to let them have the Priory, and has taken a cottage for his own use.
How charmed Anna will be when she sees it--the garden is a dream of
beauty, and the house is delightful!" For each summer she and Dinah had
spent weeks at the Priory, and had succeeded in transforming the place.
Anna would have a lovely home, and the simple country life would be far
more to her taste than ever town had been. Even Mrs. Herrick, who would
feel her loss keenly, owned this.
"And Mr. Herrick is to be asked on this grand occasion? I am glad of
that, Elizabeth;" and here Mr. Carlyon pushed up his spectacles and
peered at her in his mild, short-sighted way. "Do you know, my child,
there is something I have been wanting to say to you for a long time,
and I may as well say it now."
Elizabeth looked at him rather apprehensively: there was something
significant in his manner.
"Something? What do you mean?" she faltered,
"You have been a dear good daughter to me," he went on, clearing his
throat from a slight huskiness, "and if you were my own flesh and blood
you could not be more to me. We have so much in common, have we not, my
dear--and then we both loved David."
"Yes--yes," she murmured, and the ready tears sprang to her eyes.
"We mourned for our dear boy together," he went on slowly, "and groped
our way hand in hand through the darkness. How unhappy we were three
years ago! Even now it is painful to look back on those days, but,
thank God! time and His grace have helped us, and we no longer suffer."
"I am not so sure of that," returned Elizabeth in a low voice; but he
seemed not to hear her.
"You have been very faithful, Elizabeth. If you had been David's widow
you could not have mourned for him more deeply; but, as David's father,
I would bid you mourn no more."
She stared at him with parted lips, but the words would not come.
"Why should you spoil your life, Elizabeth? You are only thirty-five,
and please God there are many, many years before you. Why is your heart
to be empty and your arms unfilled because our precious boy is in
paradise? Do you know, my dear, we often spoke of this--he and I. Thank
God, there were no secrets between us, and he told me more than once
that the thought of your future was always on his mind."
Elizabeth bowed her head on her hands. She was weeping now, though the
tears came very quietly. "If he had only talked to me!" she murmured.
"He tried to do so more than once," returned Mr. Carlyon, "but each
time you stopped him. Would you like me to tell you what he said as
well as I can remember his words?" She nodded, but her face was still
hidden.
"It was at Ventnor, and very near the end, and he was talking about
you--living or dying you were his one thought. 'I know how she will
grieve,' he said to me, 'but, father, you must not let her grieve too
long. I think it would trouble me even in paradise--if such a thing
could be--if I thought I had spoilt her life. Elizabeth is made for
happiness--she must not waste her sweetness.' And then--shall I go on?"
but all the same he did not wait for consent--"it was then that David
told me something that I had guessed before--that some one else loved
you, and loved you dearly. I am right, am I not, Elizabeth?" No answer,
but he could see how her hands clutched each other, as though in sudden
agitation.
"'I was beforehand, and he had no chance,' David went on, 'but he is my
superior in everything'--he was always so humble in his own estimation,
dear fellow. 'Father, Malcolm Herrick worships the ground she walks on.
One day he must have his reward.'"
"Oh, hush--hush, for pity's sake," and Elizabeth stretched out her hand
to stop him, but he detained it gently.
"Elizabeth, three years are long enough for mourning, and Mr. Herrick
has been very patient. Why should another life be spoiled? Why should
you doom him as well as yourself to loneliness? I have not forgotten
his look that evening when you were singing to us--it was the look of a
man who is starving for a little happiness, for the comfort and sweet
sustenance that only a wife can give him. There, I will say no more--I
have discharged my conscience, and repeated my boy's words. I trust
they have not been spoken in vain." His hand rested lightly on her head
for a moment as though in blessing, but no word escaped his lips. Then
he rose, and after a moment Elizabeth joined him, and they walked back
silently together.
"You are not vexed with me, my dear?" he asked anxiously, when they
parted at the gate of Rowan Cottage. Then Elizabeth raised her sad eyes
to his.
"Why should I be vexed? You are always so kind--so kind; but you have
said things that have troubled me;" and she left him, and walked on
rapidly until she found herself in the familiar woodland path, and then
she unconsciously slackened her pace.
She felt strangely shaken and agitated. The words her old friend had
spoken had thrilled her as though by an electric shock. It was a
message from the dead. Half-involuntarily she sank down on the bank in
the very spot where Malcolm had picked the honeysuckle. She knew what
it was to be tired now--for the moment she felt weak and powerless as a
little child.
Over and over again she repeated dumbly Mr. Carlyon's words. How could
she doubt that David had spoken them when he had tried with loving
unselfishness to say them to her! Would she ever forget the tender
solemnity of his manner?--
"Elizabeth, life is long as you say, and your great loving heart must
not remain unsatisfied. Do not mourn for me too long--do not refuse
comfort that may be offered to you, if you can be happy, dear;" but she
had stopped him, and he could say no more. Truly, as his father had
said, "living or dying she had been his one thought." "Oh, how good you
were to me, David!" she whispered.
She rose and paced restlessly to and fro, while a bright-eyed robin
watched her from a hazel twig; for other words besides David's were
haunting her, and had been haunting her for two years, thought she had
vainly tried to forget them. Sometimes she would wake from sleep with
her heart beating, and those sad, reproachful words sounding in her
ears--
"I can never be your friend, Elizabeth." And again, "If either of you
want me, I will come if needs be from the ends of the earth." Would she
ever forget the look on his face as he said this!
She had told him then that she should miss him. In these two years she
had only seen him twice, and each time some strange embarrassment on
her part had seemed to estrange them still more. He was Dinah's friend,
not hers--from her he would have all or nothing. And yet, as time went
on, and that vast loneliness of life pressed on her more and more, and
her woman spirit seemed to wander through waste places seeking rest and
finding none, that silent, patient love, that seemed to enfold her from
a distance, began to appeal to her more strongly. "Why should another
life be spoiled?" Mr. Carlyon had said. "Ah, why indeed?" she murmured.
Then her mood changed; her face grew hot, and there was a pained look
in her eyes. "I have tried him too much," she thought; "there are
limits even to his patience. Last time I noticed a change: he is
growing weary--perhaps he has seen some one else;" and here she choked
down something like a sob and hurried on.
Dinah wondered what was amiss with her that evening; she seemed so
listless and silent, and took so little interest in the absorbing topic
of Cedric's engagement.
The young couple were to arrive the following afternoon, and Dinah had
arranged to drive to Earlsfield to meet them. As they sat down to
luncheon, she said to Elizabeth, "I am so glad that Mr. Herrick has
promised to come to-morrow; I have just had a telegram from him;" and
she handed it to her sister. Elizabeth was rather a long time reading
it. "Shall be with you by dinner-time. Shall take fly. Stay two nights."
"Is it not good of him to come, when he is so dreadfully busy?"
continued Dinah in her placid, satisfied voice. "Cedric will be
delighted to have him! Do you think we ought to ask Theo and Mr.
Carlyon to dinner, or would Mr. Herrick prefer just a family party?"
"Oh, I think a family party will suit him best," returned Elizabeth
gravely; "Theo rather bores him with her parish talk;" and Dinah said
no more.