TRAVELLING THROUGH SAHARA
The hope I dreamed of was a dream--
Was but a dream; and now I wake
Exceeding comfortless, and worn and sad
For a dream's sake.
--CHRISTINA ROSSETTI.
For the next few weeks Malcolm was much occupied with business, but he
contrived to pay a flying visit to Oxford, and to spend a few hours
with Dinah and Cedric. He had corresponded with Dinah regularly, and
her letters told him all he most wished to know. At first they had been
very sad. Cedric had broken down utterly on seeing his sisters, and
both she and Elizabeth had been very much upset. The change in him was
so great that they could hardly recognise their bright-faced boy, and
Dinah owned that they had been shocked by the hard, reckless manner in
which he had spoken. "I think Mr. Jacobi's influence has done great
harm," she wrote; "Cedric says such extraordinary things sometimes,
that I feel quite frightened to hear him. He never used to talk
so--surely Oxford cannot have done this." Malcolm ground his teeth
rather savagely when he read this. "He has poisoned the wells," he said
to himself a second time. "There is no punishment too severe for one
who tries to contaminate the innocence of youth!"
Dinah's letters became more cheerful after a time. Cedric liked having
her near him, and she saw him for an hour or two every day. Elizabeth
had not come down again. David Carlyon was not well. He had caught a
fresh cold, and Elizabeth seemed worried about him, all the more that
his sister was with him, and Theo did not understand nursing. "Theo
Carlyon is rather an unsatisfactory person," wrote Dinah.
By-and-by she gave him news of Leah Jacobi. Mrs. Godfrey's brilliant
idea was certainly likely to be verified. Mrs. Richardson had been
several times to the Manor House, she wrote, and had evidently taken a
fancy to Leah. A few days later there was still more satisfactory news.
"It is all arranged," she wrote triumphantly. "Mrs. Richardson has
engaged Miss Jacobi as a travelling companion, and will pay her a
handsome salary. They are to leave England in about ten days' time.
Mrs. Godfrey says that she and the Colonel will be quite sorry to lose
their guest--Miss Jacobi is so gentle and affectionate that they have
both grown fond of her; and Mrs. Godfrey predicts that Mrs. Richardson
will never part with her."
Malcolm paid his second visit to Oxford soon after the receipt of this
letter. Dinah was delighted to see him, and to hear that he intended to
spend a quiet Sunday with them.
"I was just going to write to you," she said, when the first greetings
had passed between them. "Cedric was so upset last night. He had a
letter from that odious man Jacobi. Such a letter! written on a dirty
scrap of paper in pencil. But I will show it to you; Cedric left it
here;" and Dinah unlocked her writing-case.
Malcolm frowned as he read it.
"I am up Queer Street, my boy," wrote Jacobi; "12 Gresham Gardens is in
the hands of the bailiffs, and every stick of furniture is to be sold;
and as England is rather too hot for me just now, I am going to make
tracks for New York. If I could see that sister of mine, I would give
her a piece of my mind. What a cursed fool the girl has been! But it is
all that fellow Herrick's fault. He is a deep one, and he has a game of
his own on hand; I am as sure of that as that my name is Saul Jacobi.
Well, ta-ta, old fellow, I will let you know my diggings later on. Hang
that fellow! if it had not been for him we should have pulled the job
through, and you would have had the handsomest wife in Europe. Well,
that game's played out, and I was never the one to cry over spilt milk.
'A short life and a merry one,' that's my creed.--Yours up to date,"
"SAUL MELCHIOR JACOBI."
"So we are rid of the brute for the present," observed Malcolm. The
expression seemed to alarm Dinah.
"For the present?" she repeated anxiously.
"My dear lady," he returned gravely, "do you suppose that we have seen
the last of Saul Jacobi?"
"Indeed--indeed, I hope so," very earnestly.
"Then 'hope told a flattering tale,' and you must not believe her,"
replied Malcolm smiling. "The Jacobis of this life are not so easily
shaken off. Like the horse-leech's daughters, they cry 'Give, give.' I
should not be the least surprised if a series of begging letters with
the New York postmark reached Cedric at due intervals."
"Oh, Mr. Herrick, what shall we do?"
"Do--why, put them in the fire unread. That will be my advice to
Cedric. I know exactly the sort of letters that fellow will write. The
first one will be jocular and friendly, and the business part will be
in the postscript; the second will be pathetic and somewhat
reproachful, and the demands more urgent; finally, if money is not
forthcoming, he will bluster and threaten and make himself exceedingly
unpleasant. Cedric must simply have no dealings with him; and above all
things, he must take no notice of his letters."
"I hope you will tell Cedric this." And Malcolm promised that he would
speak to him very plainly.
But Cedric was not the docile pupil of old. The lad's sweet disposition
and milk of human kindness had soured under the sudden shock of his
trouble; the loss of his sweetheart and the consciousness of his own
misconduct filled him with bitterness, and made him at times very
irritable. Dinah's gentleness suited him better than Malcolm's bracing
counsels, and her exceeding patience with him in his fits of
despondency sometimes roused him to penitence.
By Malcolm's advice she had told him in guarded terms that Leah was
well, and with friends who intended to take her abroad; but no
entreaties on Cedric's part could induce her to reveal the names of
Leah's protectors, or how she had received the information. Cedric
complained bitterly to Malcolm that they were all treating him like a
child.
"Not at all, my dear fellow," was Malcolm's answer; "it is by Miss
Jacobi's wish that we keep silence. The lady who has engaged her as a
companion is a stranger to all of us, but I believe she is a very
kind-hearted woman, and that Miss Jacobi will be very comfortable with
her."
"Comfortable--a companion--my beautiful Leah!"
But the pain was too great, and Cedric burst into tears. After all, he
was little more than a boy, and Malcolm remembered this and was patient.
On Sunday afternoon, as they were coming out of chapel, Dinah said
suddenly, "I quite forgot to tell you that Mr. Rossiter has been at the
Manor House again, and has seen Leah, and quite approves of the
arrangement with Mrs. Richardson. He is going back to America, and has
promised to keep an eye on Saul Jacobi. He was quite confidential with
Leah."
"He is rather intimate with them," returned Malcolm; "indeed, I believe
he is in love with the fair Rebekah himself"--for he had never
forgotten Elizabeth's name for her. "Hugh Rossiter is a fine fellow,
and would suit her a hundred times better than poor old Cedric. Oh
well, he is too cunning a hunter to make a false shot, but I have a
notion that he will try again some day;" and then Cedric came out and
joined them, and they walked back to the lodgings.
Malcolm was going back to town that evening, and when Cedric had left
them Dinah talked a little about her future plans.
"Cedric is so much better," she said, "that I think I can go home next
week. He will follow me in another fortnight, and I do not like leaving
Elizabeth so long alone."
"I think you told me that she was worried about Mr. Carlyon?" returned
Malcolm with manifest effort.
"Yes, indeed, and she may well be," replied Dinah with a sigh. "Young
men are so reckless and imprudent--at least David is. Just think of his
madness, Mr. Herrick. He is not strong, and he takes cold more easily
than other people. He got very wet taking a funeral for a clergyman at
Dinglefield, and when he reached home, instead of changing his clothes,
he went a mile farther to baptize a dying child. He was soaking by the
time he got back, and a bad feverish cold set in. Elizabeth insisted
that Dr. Randolph should see him; and she wrote to Theo herself, but I
fancy from her letters that she rather repented of sending for her; but
poultices were needed, and Mrs. Pratt, his landlady, is simply an
impossible woman. However, things have worked so badly between them
that Theo has gone back to Stokeley, and Elizabeth declares that even
her brother is thankful to be rid of her. But he is better now."
"He is up and about again, but he doesn't lose his cough, and I can see
Elizabeth is anxious. You look surprised, but I assure you my sister
has some reason for her fears. David's mother was consumptive, and two
of his sisters died young of the same complaint. Theo is the only
robust one, and David knows well that he ought to take care. Mr.
Carlyon is always worrying about him."
Malcolm tried to express his sympathy properly, but he felt he
acquitted himself badly. Was this the reason, he wondered, why
Elizabeth had looked so grave? but he thought it wiser not to dwell on
the subject.
Malcolm was having a bad time just then. The excitement of the Jacobi
episode had roused him for a while, but now natural reaction had set
in, and the deadness and dulness of his daily routine oppressed him
intolerably. Nothing interested him--nothing gave him pleasure. His
literary work, the society of his friends, even his nightly "smokes"
with the faithful Goliath, were like the dust and bitterness of the
apples of Sodom. The present was like the desert of Sahara to him, and
the future a perfect cavern of gloom.
He was tired of himself and every one else, and, though he did not know
it, his nerves were unstrung, and he could not always control his
irritability.
But he did his best, and fought his "foul fiend" gallantly. "He is a
good divine that follows his own instructions," he would say grimly,
when he compelled himself to make fresh efforts. Anything was better
than brooding, he thought. And in the evenings he would resist the
temptation to yield to his weariness and to take possession of his
easy-chair.
For he knew too well that at such hours he was not master of his
thoughts, and that in fancy the empty chair opposite to him would not
long be unoccupied.
How often had he pictured Elizabeth there as the companion of his
solitude--how often had her bright face, with its changing expression,
come between him and his book! And in the gloaming her pleasant voice,
with its quick breaks and hesitation, its characteristic abruptness,
had sounded in his ears. Sometimes he would walk to and fro in a
perfect agony of impatience and passionate rebellion against his fate.
"I am possessed, but it is with an angel in woman's shape," he would
say to himself; "and yet she is no angel either--she is far too human.
And her faults--oh well," with a dreary laugh, "her faults are
Elizabethan too." But once, when the bitterness of his pain was too
great, he muttered to himself a strange thing.
"It is I who ought to be in his place," he said. "She is
bewitched--David Carlyon's simplicity and goodness have bewitched
her--but he is not her rightful mate." And then he struck himself
fiercely on the breast and whispered, "He is here--he is here,
Elizabeth!"
But in spite of his inward sadness he would not spare himself, and
every week he went as usual to Queen's Gate to dine with his mother.
But the long evenings tried him, and he found it difficult to hide his
ennui and weariness from his mother's sharp eyes. One evening, just
before Christmas, Anna made some remarks on his tired looks in her
gentle, affectionate way, and he had checked her with unwonted
irritability.
"I wish you would get out of that habit of commenting on people's
looks," he said quite angrily. "It is very objectionable to me. I
suppose every one is tired and out of sorts at times, but it does no
good to notice it."
"I am sorry, Malcolm--I will try to remember next time," faltered Anna;
but the tears were in her eyes, and a few minutes later she left the
room.
Mrs. Herrick ventured on a remonstrance. "I am afraid you have hurt
Anna," she said; "she is so sensitive, and you were quite rough with
her."
"I am afraid I was," returned Malcolm penitently; "but if you only knew
how it riles a man to be watched so closely."
"It was a very natural speech on Anna's part," replied his mother in
her sensible, matter-of-fact way. "The truth is, Malcolm, you have not
been like yourself for months--you are ill or worried, and you do not
wish us to take any notice. Well, you shall have your way, but it is a
little hard on us both."
"Mother, there is nothing that I can tell you. You know I have said
that before. One must have worries in this life--" But Malcolm checked
himself as Anna came back into the room. She was rather quiet and
subdued all dinner-time, though she tried to appear as usual. And
Malcolm's conscience pricked him unmercifully.
Later on he found himself alone with her. She was drawing at a little
round table, and he went and stood by her.
"Annachen," he said caressingly, as he put his hand under her chin and
made her look at him, "I was a brute to speak to you as I did. Of
course you meant it kindly, dear, but it seemed to rub me up the wrong
way. I think I am tired this evening; anyhow, my head aches." And
Malcolm might have added with truthfulness that his heart ached too.
"Yes, and I worried you; it was very tactless and foolish on my part,"
and again the ready tears started to Anna's eyes. But Malcolm would not
allow this--his dear little Anna was always kind and thoughtful, and he
had no right to be so savage with her.
"My mother is always hinting at my changed looks, but indeed I try to
be as usual. If I behave so badly, I must keep away." But this threat
so alarmed Anna that he took back his words.
"He is very unhappy--I think he gets more so," Anna thought, as she
stood by her window that night; "and of course it is Elizabeth who
makes him so." And that night Anna again wept and prayed for
Malcolm--her dearest brother, as she called him--for deep down in her
girlish heart there was buried the pure virginal love that she had
unconsciously given him--a love that no touch or breath would ever wake
into life now.
Malcolm was very repentant for days over his unkind speech, and on
Christmas Eve, when he paid his next visit, he brought Anna a
peace-offering in the shape of a valuable proof engraving of a picture
she had long coveted. Malcolm had had it beautifully framed. Anna was
enchanted with the gift, but Mrs. Herrick privately called her son to
account for his extravagance.
"There was no need to make Anna such an expensive present," she said
seriously. "You must have paid twenty guineas for that engraving. You
are too lavish in your generosity. She would be quite satisfied with
some pretty trifle."
"I am quite sure of that," he returned; "but it is such a pleasure to
give her things. Indeed, mother," as Mrs. Herrick still looked grave,
"I can well afford it. I have more money than I know how to spend, and
as I am not likely to marry, I see no good in hoarding."
Malcolm was right in saying that his income was too large for a
bachelor, for in addition to the salary he drew from his literary post,
his mother insisted on making him a handsome allowance, and every
quarter day a large sum was placed to his account at his banker's,
which Malcolm rarely touched.
"You are my only son, and there will be plenty for you when I die," she
had said to him; "and Anna shall have her share too. Your father was a
rich man, Malcolm, and there is no need for you to work unless you wish
to do so;" but Malcolm soon convinced her that an idle life was not to
his taste.
Just after the new year Malcolm received rather a reproachful letter
from Mrs. Godfrey, accusing him of forgetting their existence.
"Of course you will say you are busy," she wrote, "but I do not mean to
accept that excuse. You can spend a quiet Sunday with us as well as at
Oxford, and I beg to remind you that I am an older friend than Dinah
Templeton." Then Malcolm somewhat reluctantly made up his mind to
accept the invitation for the following Saturday, although he was
hardly in the mood for his old friend's lively talk.
To his surprise his genial hostess received him rather gravely, and it
struck him at once that her cheerfulness was a little forced, and with
the familiarity of their intimate friendship he at once taxed her with
it. "Colonel Godfrey is well, and you are quite well," he said
pointedly, "and yet something seems troubling you?"
"You are quite right," she returned with a sigh. "You know I am rather
a sympathetic person, Mr. Herrick, and I have been very much upset this
morning by a letter from Elizabeth Templeton. Mr. Carlyon has been up
to town to consult Dr. Broderick. His father took him; and from what
she says there is nothing to be done--the poor fellow is in a rapid
decline," and as she said this Mrs. Godfrey's eyes were full of tears.