The Stinger steamed up the river, and in due time arrived off the city
of Canton, where Woodward was directed to anchor, and await instructions
from the commander-in-chief, the day of attack being kept a profound
secret. Yeh obstinately refused to listen to the numerous deputations
sent him by influential corporations belonging to the city, who knew
full well what would be the result of the combined attacks of the
English and French forces.
In vain did old Ho-qua himself seek an interview, and with tears in his
eyes, beg that the great Tartar would listen to reason and make terms
with the fierce invaders, even offering Yeh a good round sum of money if
he would allow him to negotiate with the outside barbarians; but the
well-advertised tea-dealer, like the rest of the remonstrants, was
ignominiously driven out of the governor's presence. Yeh looked upon the
whole affair from a Chinese point of view, and could not understand why
he, the governor of Kwan-tung--a Tartar of great literary
ability--should so far humiliate himself as to sue for peace, because,
forsooth, a few red-haired barbarians were thundering at the gates. Let
them thunder,--the walls were thick enough: and, as his omens were all
propitious, he imagined himself secure; but took the wise precaution of
sending his household and private treasure away out of reach of
ill-disposed persons belonging to the city.
Finding him inexorable, the principal merchants fled to their country
residences, leaving their stores in charge of faithful servants; but the
bulk of the population, influenced by the governor's bombastic
proclamations, went on with their work as coolly as ever, and ridiculed
all idea of the combined forces being able to take Canton.
The allies, finding that the Chinese population did not heed the
warnings posted and distributed by an armed party among the houses near
the water's edge, determined to send a trusty agent actually into the
city; but the plan was somewhat a difficult one, as none of the
renegades would undertake such a hazardous task. It now seemed
impossible to save them, and it was feared that thousands of innocent
people would fall victims to Yeh's ignorance and indifference to
bloodshed, when some one happening to think of Thompson, Captain
Woodward received instructions to sound him upon the matter.
"Do you think you could manage the business without detection, Mr.
Thompson?"
"Bless you, sir, I can post several thousand bills in a couple of
nights."
"How will you go about it? Mind, we should be very sorry indeed for you
to lose your life."
"Leave it to me, sir. Of course there's risk in it, but it ain't no
worse than I've run before for mere fun. Provided no soul but us knows
about it I'll do it, and be back in a few days, as right as a trivet."
"Very well, Mr. Thompson; you ought to know how far you can go."
"Yes, sir, I means to go right in and come out again; and please
goodness if I've any luck. I'll stick a programme right before old Yeh's
front door."
The acting boatswain left the ship about dusk, and shortly afterwards
returned with a suit of scavenger's clothes and a hat, both very dirty,
two filthy pails, and a bamboo bearing-pole, also a Chinese pass, which,
being translated, ran as follows:--
"Chuy, Bearer of garbage from the city of Kwan-tung to boats on the
river, by this enters and departs from The Gate of Eternal Purity
and Joy between the hours of sunset and sunrise."
"Respect this.
"(Signed) CHIH-FA,
"HO-PO-SO" (Director of Boats),
"KWANG-CHOW-FOO" (City district of Canton).
The ship's barber--a marine named Reece--was called into Thompson's
cabin, and in a short time the acting warrant-officer once more appeared
in his old character of Lew; then having besmeared his person with some
clay brought on board for the purpose, the upper deck was cleared, and,
under cover of the night, Jerry landed and wandered about until he came
across other scavengers, with whom he proceeded to "The Gate of Eternal
Purity and Joy," that being the sweet name of the dirtiest gate in the
city, through which all the rubbish was carried in tubs and pails,
underground sewerage being one of the modern improvements unknown to the
Celestials.
Upon arrival at the gate, which was guarded by a considerable number of
Tartar soldiers, each man was stopped and searched, and Thompson feared
they would find the six thousand small proclamations which he had
secreted under his jacket, but at that moment the guard was relieved,
and as the man deputed to search him felt weary, he merely gave him a
kick, and in a few moments Jerry found himself inside the outer wall.
Like all other large cities, Canton had its day and its night
population; the latter being composed of night watchmen, who struck the
hour on bamboos, scavengers, and the people who supplied them with
refreshments, or assisted them in their vocation.
Having proceeded some distance, he came across a blind woman selling a
kind of thin paste made of boiled rice, used as food by the night
watchmen; of this Jerry purchased about a dozen pints, and dumped it
into one of his pails, after which the crone sung herself into a doze.
Knowing the old woman would not be able to inform against him, he put
down his pails and relieved himself of one of the twelve packages which
were bound round his body. These were printed upon thin Chinese paper,
six inches long by three wide, and were so light that but for fear of
discovery he might have carried double the number. He took care not to
detach more than one parcel at a time, and even that he kept out of
sight, by hiding it in the band of his dress. The proclamation ran as
follows:--
"To the Inhabitants of Kwan-tung.
"Your city is in danger of destruction by the guns of the Western
men. Heed not the voice of your rulers, but flee all of you who are
not fighting men. Let these who are in Yeh's service stay and
defend the walls, but you innocent people leave the city, which
will shortly be destroyed by fire.
"Respect this notice, which is sent out of pity for the aged,
women, and children."
Thompson, knowing it would not do to placard the spot near where he
purchased his paste, shaped his course for the inner or Tartar city, and
by good luck passed the guard there as safely as the last, he being
taken for one of the numerous scavengers who perambulate the place at
all hours of the night, in pursuit of their repulsive calling. Once
inside, he commenced the business upon which he came, and ere the day
dawned had posted about half of the notices, taking particular care to
stick them upon the walls before the entrance of large buildings; and
when the city awoke he had the satisfaction of seeing hundreds of the
poorer classes congregating about the bills, upon which they passed
remarks not very complimentary to their ruler.
When the shopkeepers began to unpack their wares Thompson retired to the
ruins of a government building, which had been destroyed by
"barbarian's" shell the preceding year, and, having found a nice
out-of-the-way hole, thrust in his buckets and bearer, then got in
himself and in a few moments fell sound asleep, and dreamt he was
anywhere else but inside the Tartar portion of the city of Canton. When
he awoke he found it was getting dusk; so, after shaking himself, he
fished out his stock-in-trade, placed the pole upon his shoulder, slung
his buckets, and trotted out into the streets, crying,
"Ah-ho--Ah-ho--Ah-ho," in the most approved scavenger style. His
greatest difficulty was to avoid being engaged by some person who had
rubbish to get rid of, but by dint of pretending to be deaf, he
succeeded in getting away from all such inconvenient patrons.
Jerry found no trouble in obtaining food, which he ate as he stood with
the buckets slung from his bearing-pole, after the manner of other
carriers, but even at such times he was busy in slyly pasting the
notices upon the garments of those with whom he came in contact.
That night he completely "did" the Tartar quarter, getting safely
outside the inner wall before daybreak, when he again sought the
friendly shelter of some ruins, and spent the day as before. At dusk he
once more sallied forth, and wandered all over the city, posting an
immense number of placards, and sometimes narrowly escaping arrest by
the Tartar sentries, who were beginning to be very vigilant, but his
unsavoury aspect threw them off their guard.
Having affixed his last paper but one, he determined to retrace his
steps, but ere he reached "the Gate of Eternal Purity" he was stopped,
and ordered to follow some Tartar soldiers. Knowing resistance to be
useless, and finding that they arrested every scavenger they came
across, he followed his captors with a cheerful air, when, to his
horror, he found they were conducting him to Yeh's ya-mun, his knowledge
of the Canton dialect enabling him to understand their conversation.
When they had secured about two hundred of the "fragrant fraternity,"
the imperial soldiers ceased their arrests, and bidding the captors not
to think of escaping, drove them towards the governor's palace, and when
inside directed them to deliver their buckets to a guard, who gave each
in exchange a billet of wood marked with a number, by which they could
recover their property. They were directed, however, to retain their
bearing-sticks.
After a short delay, during which the guard served out to them warm tea
and rice spirit without stint, they were marched into the interior of
the palace, where sat the angry Yeh surveying a huge pile of silver
bars, which he wished carried out of the city. They were part of the
imperial treasure, but the governor, who thought it as well to secure
himself in case of emergency, determined to remove some portion of it,
as, notwithstanding his bombast, he looked out for his own future, and
for that purpose deputed two trusty mandarins to convey the silver to a
country residence in the White Cloud mountains, where they had orders
to bury it, until the disturbances were over.
Thompson was greatly relieved on finding how matters stood; and that
instead of being, as he feared, immediately hurried off to execution, he
would simply be detained for no very long period, as the Tartar soldiers
had pressed more scavengers than were necessary to convey the treasure.
Yeh was in a great rage, swearing at his officers like a madman. By some
means a number of spurious bars had been brought out and mixed with the
pile, upon seeing which the governor flew at his assistants, and used
Chinese oaths which would have turned a Dutchman pale with envy.
When the scavengers found they were in the presence of the great man who
had sent so many thousands to their last account they fell upon their
knees, upon which he roared at them to stand up, saying, "I am only the
governor's aide-de-camp," but the full face and cunning eye were too
familiar, and all of them knew that they were before the dreaded
Yeh-ming-chin himself. The governor was in a terrible passion; and when
the keeper of the treasures made his appearance he rushed towards him,
and in the usual Celestial fashion slapped his face.
"Take that, you thieving dog. You dare attempt to pass off such rubbish
upon me."
"My Lord Yeh, it is a mistake."
But Yeh would not hear a word of explanation, so the victim rubbed his
face, and looked round at the scavengers, who gaped at him with stolid
faces, expressive of neither pity nor amusement, being fully aware of
the danger of manifesting either. As the governor darted about he
sometimes thrust the scavengers to the wall; and so near did he go to
Thompson on one occasion, that the latter contrived to slip his
remaining proclamation into an open tobacco pouch which was swinging
from the great man's girdle, shortly after which feat he and the rabble
who were not wanted received orders to clear off.
Having picked out his buckets, and received a red paper, granting him
exemption from all enforced labour for the next twenty-four hours, he
bent his steps towards the gate, taking care to obtain a load of rubbish
on his way. But what a contrast to the night on which he entered the
city! then the place was comparatively deserted, save by brother
scavengers who would go limping by towards one of the gates softly
crying, "Ah-ho! Ah-ho!" but upon this night, where formerly sat the
solitary vendor of boiled rice, from whom he purchased his supply of
paste, the ground was covered with refreshment-stands, and thousands of
Cantonese were pouring out of the city in consequence of having read the
notices he had so liberally posted. Jerry heard on all sides how
thankful the people were to the foreign devils.
"They don't fight US, these western barbarians, they only seek to punish
Yeh!"
"Bah! They have nothing to do with it. This proclamation is the work of
the Tai-ping-che-houi (Peace society). Those western devils never do any
good. They are accursed of the genii, and only live to commit evil
acts."
"How like a fool you talk! Why, I worked for those same Fanquis, and
they paid me like men. Imagine me getting twelve hundred cash a day from
them for carpenter's work. Indeed, they are an honourable people."
"You ought to be reported to the inspector of crimes for such a speech.
You side with the enemies of your country."
Ere he reached "the Gate of Eternal Purity and Joy" Thompson was
compelled, by the pressure of the crowd, to stop before a mandarin's
residence, where the night before he had posted several of his warnings
alongside the ordinary city official documents; and he was very much
amused to hear the people read the various notices, offering rewards for
the capture of live Fanquis, or the production of their heads.
"To brave men.
"All heads of the dastardly dogs, called Fanquis, brought to me,
Ho-pin, who keeps the Pawnbroker's Hall, near 'The Gate of
Benevolent Intent,' will be paid for in silver. Ten taels per head
for common men, and twenty taels for superiors of the yellow badge.
I deal in all sorts of charms against death by bullets or fire.
Cash paid for all heads ten days after delivery. Note given for the
same on receipt. I am a reliable man.
"HO PIN MOKH."
"Hear! Hear! Hear!
"Listen, all ye who burn with desire to avenge the insult offered
to our beautiful city. All of you unite with me to purchase the
(fresh) heads of Fanquis brought, by our brave soldiers. Five taels
for each blue devil's (sailor's) head. Ten for each red devil's
(soldier's) head. I pay money down, and don't give notes payable in
a moon, as some do. I live in the street of the yellow girdle,
overlooking the Temple of Agriculture.
"LAO-CHOW.
"Only fresh heads paid for. None but white Fanquis paid for."
It will be seen that, in their desire to possess the heads of their
enemies, the clever Chinese did not forget to advertise their business;
indeed if we except the wealthy classes, who purchased the visages of
enemies they dared not face in person, only a few of the city fathers
indulged in such luxuries, and the articles thus obtained were exhibited
as a lure to draw customers to their shops.
After a time Jerry was pushed on by the mob, and passed through the
outer gate without even the semblance of a challenge. It was a wonderful
exodus, as nearly all the people were of the middle class, and had left
their property protected only by bolts and locks, the secrets of which
were known to every thief in the country; but the little notices had
frightened them, and as Yeh did not care whether all the inhabitants
left, provided his soldiers remained, the guards at the gates had secret
orders to wink at the emigration, but to be very cautious not to admit
disguised Fanquis into the city. A proclamation like the one posted by
Mr. Thompson would have shown weakness on the part of the governor, but
he did not care a fig for the notices when they were once posted,
although he raised a great disturbance upon finding one in his
tobacco-pouch.
"What? A Fanqui proclamation in my tobacco-pouch. Treason, by Fo! Send
for my secretary; send for the chief of the Tartar guard; send for
everybody; send for my executioner!" he cried.
"Gracious Yeh, why are you so disquieted?" observed his physician, who
at that moment entered the apartment. "Pray do not be annoyed by
trifles."
"Trifles! you withered old anatomy, you miserable compound of cunning
and conceit, you--you go to--"
"Yes, your excellency; but what is the trouble about? What has the usual
serenity of your most excellent excellency's mind been disturbed about?"
mildly inquired the patient and long-suffering "man of many remedies."
"Look at this!" cried the irascible governor, thrusting the offensive
document under the nose of the last speaker, in a manner which totally
prevented his reading it. "Look at that. Do--you--call that a trifle,
eh?"
Without taking notice of the offensive manner in which Yeh spoke and
acted, the old fellow calmly re-adjusted his horn spectacles, scratched
his shaven pate, and then delivered himself as follows:--
"My vision's not quite as good as it was sixty years ago, but from a
casual inspection I judge this to be a prescription for the prevention
of heart-burn, it being about the size of the papers I dispense for that
disease."
"Hum! and you're the official who has charge of my valuable person? Go,
sir, you are dismissed; I physic myself in future."
"Great Fo, hear him," cried the old fellow, falling upon his hands, and
kow-towing before the now calmed governor. "Oh, mighty Yeh, don't be
angry with an old man. I confess I am almost blind, but believe me I am
still possessing my other faculties. Who will prescribe for you when I
am gone? Who knows your constitution as I do? Oh, gracious governor,
don't discharge me."
"Go, sir!"
"Then I give thee a parting present, my lord; for the day may come when
you will wish me back. Two at night before going to bed, and you'll
never want another physician," saying which he handed Yeh a small
bamboo-box, then kow-tow'd and having collected his treasures, made the
best of his way towards the White Cloud Mountains.
"Two at night. What does the fool mean? Two gold-leaf pills. POISON; So
he thinks these foreign barbarians may take me, does he? I'll keep them;
they may be useful if luck goes against me."
After much pushing and jostling, Thompson arrived at an open space where
he deposited his buckets: and, walking away, mingled with the crowd, who
were struggling towards the water's edge, where the boatmen were reaping
a fine harvest by carrying passengers at about ten times the ordinary
fare. No one who could not pay was taken across; and although a
tremendous crowd was waiting, the calculating sampan men would not lower
their demands a sapeck.
Finding his chances of obtaining a passage rather small, the shrewd
sailor walked further down the river, and at length came to a place
where a number of sampans were actually waiting for fares, and he
without difficulty got one to take him across. Stepping into a boat
steered by a pretty girl, he motioned her to pull him over to Honan.
When about half way he suddenly seized the girl from behind, and before
she could offer much resistance, secured her hands and feet, and tied a
cloth across her mouth, then taking the scull, propelled the sampan down
the river in the direction of his ship.
It was just about daybreak when he got alongside, and having released
and paid his boat-woman, was preparing to climb the ladder, when a surly
marine looking over the gangway, told him to get into his boat again,
as no one was allowed on board until the pipe went for breakfast.
"Hill! here! don't you see who it is?"
"You get back into your sampan, will ye?"
"James Hill, don't you see it's me--Mr. Thompson?" cried the now
irritated acting boatswain. "Are you mad or drunk? can't you recognize
an acting warrant-officer in disguise?"
Upon hearing this, the well-fed marine leaned over the gangway, until
his cheeks became the colour of a cabbage rose,--then after surveying
Thompson for several moments, he turned his head and called to the
sergeant, who was chatting with the carpenter near the main hatchway.
"If you please, sir, here's a Chinee who reports he's the acting
boatswain."
"Let him come aboard, then."
"You Chinee," whispered the sentry to the amused Jerry, "you ken come
aboard, d'ye hear?"
"I hear, Hill; but who set up this main rigging?"
"I don't know, Chinee, Mi, ain't you a good un to talk English? Why,
it's really Mr. Thompson! Lord, sir! how you do disgust yourself. I
didn't know you."
There was a smile of satisfaction upon the acting boatswain's face when
he walked aft, and reported himself to the officer of the watch, who,
after assuring himself that it was actually Thompson, and not a Chinese,
went below and informed the captain. Jerry looked round at the crew who
were bringing aft the sand and holy stones preparatory to washing decks,
but none of them recognized him; however, upon seeing one of the boys
attempt to screw on a hose without the necessary implement, he cried,
"You boy Arnold, get a spanner."
"Who are you a calling boy Arnold?" replied the youth.
At that moment the officer of the watch returned with orders for Mr.
Thompson to go below to the captain's cabin, but when the disguised
warrant-officer presented himself at the door, the sentry at first
refused to let him pass; however, the captain hearing the altercation,
came to his assistance.
"Well, Mr. Thompson, I'm exceedingly glad to see you back safe. Your
disguise is perfect. I can only see in you the Chinaman who came on
board at Foo-choo."
"I'm real proud to see _you_ agin, sir; real proud, sir. I thought once
or twice it was a gooser--beg yer pardon, all over with me, sir."
"How did you get through? Have you posted all the proclamations?"
"Every one of 'em, sir. The last I slipped into old Yeh's backker-pouch.
They hauled me up to carry specey, and I took the opportunity when he
was a giving the supers fits, to drop my last paper into his pouch. He
must find it when he goes to take a draw at his pipe."
The captain laughed at the account of his warrant-officer's adventures
which followed, and having lavished many encomiums upon his daring and
ability, dismissed Mr. Thompson to take a bath and rest as long as he
felt inclined. As he left the cabin, Jerry stopped at the door, and
after fidgetting about for a few moments, walked back to the place where
Captain Woodward was seated, and begging he would excuse him for the
liberty he was taking, asked if the captain had not such a thing as a
wig among his baggage.
Woodward laughed when he heard the request, but upon sending for his
servant, the required article was procured, and proved to be a
theatrical wig of brilliant red hue, which the captain had once
purchased for some amateur performance, and which had remained unheeded
by him in his wardrobe ever since.
"You can take that and welcome, Mr. Thompson, but don't you think it
will look rather odd?"
"Well, sir, I'm used to old wigs. When I were on the stage I wore almost
anything, and this is a star's wig, an' no mistake. It's as nateral as
life."
"Very well," replied the captain with a shrug. "After having sacrificed
your growing crop for your country's good, I will allow you to wear even
_that wig_, but shall order a darker one from Hong-Kong for you. I don't
think that suits your complexion."
"Maybe it don't, sir, but it's a wig. I've a horror of being regarded as
a Chinese by the men forward."
Mr. Thompson having secured the glowing head-dress, proceeded to his
cabin, where he had not been long ensconced before Tom Clare found him
out. Instead of going to sleep, after he had taken a bath and dressed
himself once more in his warrant-officer's uniform, Thompson proceeded
to give his friend a full account of his adventures when acting as
bill-sticker in Canton.
"Well, Mr. Thompson, your mother says you're a genius, and she spoke
true. How you could find courage enough to enter that ere city beats
me."
"It wasn't courage."
"No?"
"It was cheek--cheek, old friend, an article wot will carry a feller a
deal further than genuwine courage. I don't say I'm afraid of much, but
it wern't bravery as led me on,--it were cheek. Why, I consider my
slipping that last proklemation into old Yeh's bakker-pouch the werry
axme of cheek. I must ask the new paymaster to strike off a pictur of
that. Old Yeh was a-blowing up his fellers like one o'clock, when sudden
he backs upon me, and pointing to a pile of stuff says, 'You fools, you
duffers, you thick-headed swine, that's not treasure, that's only
make-believe silver; leave that in the treasury, you geese.' As he
screamed this out, his bakker-pouch bobbed up agin me, and I slipped the
proklemation into it."
"But didn't you feel afraid?"
"Not much. I felt as if it were the gayest game in the world; the only
drawback on it was my being a scavenger. All the people bullied me to
carry their rubbish; which not being my little game, I were somewhat
puzzled to refuse them; but I felt glad when I got safe aboard agin, I
can tell ye."
"I began to think you were never a-coming back. Three days away, and no
signs of you when I turned in last night."
"By the way, Tom, it's Christmas-day. Don't you know it?"
"Captain's compliments to Mr. Thompson, and will he dine with him this
evening at six o'clock?" said a voice outside the door.
"My respects to Captain Woodward, and I am werry much honoured by the
inwite, and accept it with thanks," promptly replied the acting
boatswain.
"Now you turn in, Jerry, and have a real good sleep. Why, what is that?"
said Tom, as his eye fell upon the bearing-pole which Thompson had
brought on board with him.
"That's my pole wot I carried my buckets slung from."
"How did you get that rig, Jer--Mr. Thompson?"
"Blow your politeness, Tom. When we're off duty call me Jerry. Mr. is a
deal too civil. Well, old man, I were told to get a disguise, so I took
the Chinese bum-boat,--old Chumpee's,--landed at the place where the
scavengers shoot their rubbish into the tanks ready for floating down
the river, and watched until I saw a feller all by himself. Well, having
singled out my man, I grabbed hold of him, and when the bum-boat
fellers had secured him, stripped off his clothes; put on a pair of old
pants, and gave him in charge of Chumpee, who has him all right now,
stowed away under the bottom boards of his boat. Well, I secured his
pails, stick, and clothes, besides his pass, which was what I pertickler
wanted, then come aboard and got my head shaved, arter which I went on
shore in a sampan."
"Well, now go to sleep, Jerry; I'll wake you at eight bells in the
afternoon watch."
Six o'clock arrived, and Mr. Thompson upon hearing the dinner bugle,
marched aft in company with the gunner and carpenter, who were both
well-educated men, and his very good friends. When they arrived at the
cabin door, they were duly announced by the steward; and, to the delight
of the captain, the acting boatswain not only appeared in his red wig,
but had painted eyebrows to correspond, his own having been shaven off,
to complete his disguise when he visited the city. The operation was
well done, but the effect was to give his face a slightly intoxicated
appearance.
"Good-evening, gentlemen," exclaimed the commander. "Help yourselves to
bitters."
In a short time the various officers invited upon the occasion made
their appearance, and, to their surprise, found the acting boatswain not
only well behaved, but positively au-fait in the courtesies of the
table; and after the novelty of his wig and eyebrows wore off a little,
they took wine with him as gravely as with the others. It was a proud
moment for Mr. Thompson when the captain challenged him, and he felt he
was some one of importance, and half resented a kindly hint from the
carpenter "not to empty his glass at every toast," particularly as that
gentleman prefaced the remark by the familiar term "Jerry." The roast
beef and turkey were splendid, the plum-pudding first rate, the
champagne delicious, and everything grand, dazzling, and magnificent in
the eyes of the acting warrant-officer. "Ain't it like a banquet in a
play?" he whispered to the gunner. "I can't believe it's real."
When dinner was over, the party adjourned to the upper deck, and the
delighted fellow was again reminded of his new position, by the captain
offering him a cigar. "Drink bitters with the captain; dine in the
cabin; ax me to take wine with him, and now offers me a cigar to smoke
on the quarter-deck. I must go aft and find out if it ain't all a
dream," thought he. Finding, when he got aft, that he was not dreaming,
his test being a question to Tom Clare, who was getting some boat's gear
out of a locker abaft, Jerry proceeded to smoke his cigar, surrounded by
those who, a few months ago, he thought as far above him as the masts
from the deck. From that day Thompson became a more reserved man. He
still retained his friendship for Clare, but held the crew at a
distance; and while always ready to oblige any of them off duty, treated
them like men when on service, considering his position required a
certain amount of respect from them, and consequently did not allow his
former shipmates to take advantage of him. But the wig! When he appeared
on duty in it the day after, it created such a sensation among the men,
that Woodward was obliged to send for the doctor, and consult with him
as to the means of getting the acting boatswain to take it off. Wherever
he went the eyes of the crew were upon him, and the Stingers virtually
knocked off work to stare at Thompson's head.
"Did you ever see sich a fee-nomer-nile?" observed the captain of the
foretop. "Vy, it's a regler red-hot swab. Did he go ashore to av his edd
dyed?"
"No; he's got a wig on, can't ye see? It's the capting's wig, wot the
steward airs sometimes. It's a theatre wig."
"Pshaw! Do you think the captain is agoin' to lend the acting bosun his
'ed dress. Besides, whoever heerd of a captain in the Rile Navy wearin'
a red wig?"
These and similar observations caused the commander to seek the advice
of the little surgeon, who thereupon sent for Mr. Thompson, and after a
few preliminary remarks asked him why he wore a wig.
"Well, you see, sir, I don't like looking like a Chinaman on duty; and
as the captain has been good enough to lend me this, I wear it until I
can get one more suited to me."
"That's right enough, but it is a very poisonous colour, and will ruin
the growth of your hair. It would be a thousand pities to spoil that--"
Mr. Thompson looked at the doctor for a moment, but as no smile
illuminated his face, Jerry concluded he was serious in his advice.
"But is it pisonous to wear for a few hours every day?"
"Deadly. I can show you the picture of a case, if you like to step down
to my surgery."
"No thankee, sir; I don't like that place, with all politeness to you.
I'll just take this wig back to the steward, as I don't care to pison my
hair."
Mr. Thompson accordingly doffed his conspicuous adornment, and went
about his duty with his uniform cap pulled tightly over his forehead,
which gave him the appearance of having been bonneted.
The mail arrived that evening, and to his astonishment, Jerry received
the following mysterious communication:
"She who arth fix her art on the
Wil alway tinder proav
Wil dreme of yew by day or nite
An treasure up your lov
Think not tho ragin sees do part
She wil beleaf your not untro
Sheal wayt for the in spit of hawl
Not dew as others dew."
"No name. No date. Portsmouth postmark. This is a rewiwer from Mary
Ann," cried Thompson. "Well, if she waits until I get home, she'll have
a warrant-officer instead of an able seaman for a husband. But I ain't
pleased with her going into poetry; besides, she don't mention my name.
However, I'll write her a line by way of reply," saying which he
proceeded to scrawl off the following:
"Dear Mary Ann, I've got your poe-try;
Keep up your pluck and dry your eye;
I'll anchor alongside you by-and-by."
This elegant effusion he addressed--
MISS MARY ANN ROSS,
Care of MRS. SHEVER,
Portsmouth.
And having posted it, turned his attention to official matters, and
thought no more of his old flame.
Mrs. Shever, having written the stanzas, which Thompson supposed came
from her sister, did not scruple to appropriate the reply to herself; so
Mary Ann never received this last love-offering from her old admirer,
who was still in blissful ignorance of her being "his no more."