Captain Puffeigh was still on the sick list when the ship arrived at
Singapore, where, upon coming to anchor, despatches were received
directing the Stinger to refit within twenty-four hours, and proceed to
Hong-Kong.
Crushe bullied and drove the crew from 4 A.M. until 11 P.M.,
consequently the men deserted at every possible chance, in spite of
sentries, master-at-arms, and lynx-eyed midshipmen; and although strict
search was made before any craft was allowed to leave the ship's side,
very few of the stow-aways were discovered and recaptured in that
manner. The lieutenant dared not send a boat's crew on shore, as he knew
they would bolt to a man. Even his trusty bullies failed him, and were
as anxious to get away as any of the others. Everything seemed what
sailors term "jammed up," and the ship appeared to be in the greatest
disorder, although in reality she was very rapidly being fitted for sea.
The commander was confined to his cabin, where he amused himself by
swearing at Jerry, Boyldwyte, or any stray quartermasters, who were sent
down to him with messages.
On deck Crushe indulged in the most fearful language towards the men,
who, in their turn, vented the rage they dared not show before their
officers upon the boys. As the lads scorned to be outsworn by any sailor
breathing, they entirely discarded ordinary words in their conversation,
and communicated with each other by oaths of the most powerful and
horrible kind, that elegant and improving style of conversation being
rather encouraged by the genial first luff, who often declared "that in
a gale of wind a sailor who swore was worth two who prayed."
Forward, the deck was strewn with greasy, undulating, fizzing, bursting
hoses, through which hundreds of gallons of lukewarm water were forced
into the ship's tanks from the boats alongside; while amidships a gang
of noisy coolies pitched coal upon the deck, or shovelled it down the
shoots, to the airs of the day, popular among those coloured minstrels,
their tunes being graphically described to the commander by Jerry as
"strong convulsions set to music."
The stewards vied with each other in buying all the lame, blind, and
aged poultry brought off to the ship by the enterprising bum-boat men.
Wild-eyed, ragged, half-starved, goat-like animals were purchased as
sheep and brought aboard by the confiding Boyldwyte. When they were cut
adrift, these brutes cruised round the quarter-deck, and picked up a
meal of swabs and green paint. There had not been much rain fall for
some months in Singapore, and probably anything green was welcome to
them. Crushe let them roam about unkicked; he did not like to insult the
captain's sheep, and as it would be a difficult matter to poison hide
and frame-work, the animals appeared rather more lively than otherwise
after their feed of oakum and carpenters' stores. Patriarchal cocks,
that had for years been "laid up in ordinary," and excluded from all
decent shore fowl-society, limped about the ship, and looked knowingly
at the guns, as much as to say, "Ah! there has been great improvement
made in these articles since we were hatched." The only bird worth
looking at was one called by Boyldwyte a goose, but by the
assistant-surgeon derisively pronounced a Dodo. Altogether the
ornithological collection on board was one calculated to puzzle a
naturalist, and drive a poultry fancier out of his mind.
The engineers, who are never outdone by "those midshipmen fellows in the
gun-room," came out quite strongly in purchasing live stock. One of the
first acquisitions was a pig; which they directed their steward, Angus
Mac'Squabble, "to have killed and dressed without delay," so roast pork
figured on their bill of fare. During the afternoon this came to the
ears of the doctor, who sent for the second engineer, and pointed out to
him the risk he ran in partaking of such unclean food. By way of
enforcing his argument, he exhibited some highly-coloured illustrations
of the delightful creatures found in swine's flesh.
Donald looked at the diagrams--as he termed the pictures--asked the man
of science any amount of questions, and then coolly remarked,
"Hech, mon docter! it's ay verra weel for ye to tell me aboot yon, bit
as I've eaten an unca guid pund or twa o' the puir beastie, I think I'll
gist fa' tult agin, and risk the rest at supper."
Upon hearing this the surgeon gave up further argument, and put away his
pictures.
The well-kicked steward, who catered for the midshipmen, was sent on
shore early in the morning to "secure the best the market afforded."
Much to the annoyance of the young gentlemen, he did not return until
late in the evening, when, staggering into the mess-berth, and throwing
a dead turkey-buzzard upon the table, he looked solemnly at the senior
midshipman, and said, "Th-there's all the (hic) game I could come a
(hic) cross," then wept bitterly, and requested one of the young gemmen
'ud knock his head off, as he was tired of life. Unluckily for the
fellow, his only friends in the mess were absent on duty.
The indignant middies held council, and found it imperative on their
part to make an example of the fellow, who, after stealing their two
hundred dollars, had insulted them by bringing off a stinking
turkey-buzzard, instead of a boat load of sea stock; nothing short of a
cobbing would meet the requirements of the case. It never, for a moment,
occurred to them that had they treated the steward better, he would not
have so misbehaved himself.
No doubt the man was not sufficiently appreciative of all their favours,
and the many kindnesses they _imagined_ he received at their hands. It
was also very wrong indeed for him to lose the money and get
intoxicated; but he was a poor weak-minded fellow, and human, although
some of the young gentlemen--his masters--often tried to persuade
themselves to the contrary.
Torture being rather the popular amusement on board the Stinger, not one
of those present imagined the order "to give the Yahoo fits" was a cruel
one; and when the senior midshipman, who gave it, proceeded to gag the
steward with a towel, willing hands were put forth to hold "the brute."
After binding the bewildered victim to the mess table, the young
gentlemen worked away at him, until they got tired of the amusement, and
then kicked him adrift with instructions "to fetch aft some grog water,"
upon which he replied, "he would see them blessed if he did."
Finding the man determined to resist lawful authority, they reported him
to Crushe, who directed him to be lashed up in the fore-rigging. Strange
to say, after he had been suspended by the wrists for an hour he
fainted, so he was cast adrift, and told "he might turn in." He never
turned out again, being found dead in his hammock when the young
gentlemen wanted their coffee the next morning. The doctor was sent for,
and he declared the man had died in a fit some hours before; so they
entered it in the ship's log as "a death caused by intoxication and
over exertion." No one ever made inquiry about the parish apprentice,
and the matter was soon a thing of the past.
Captain Puffeigh declined to receive visitors, and Crushe was obliged to
do the honours of the ship. During the morning one of the principal
magistrates called to pay his respects to the commander, and was
entertained by the first lieutenant. It was quite amusing to hear Crushe
speak of the crew, and the old Anglo-Indian thought he had never met a
more humane, kind-hearted officer.
"Is it not strange," he remarked, "that although we give our men good
pay, excellent food, and the kindest treatment, yet no sooner do they
touch shore than they abuse the confidence reposed in them, get drunk
and desert?"
"They ought to be flogged, sir--yes, sir! The lash is the thing. I
advocate the lash for such fellows. You're a devilish sight too humane,
sir."
"My dear sir, pardon me! not the lash. We can do without that."
"True! Well, you are right; the cause of humanity forbids its use. I
honour your sentiments, sir. I was hasty."
Crushe led the old fellow into a promise, "that he would use his utmost
endeavour to cause the arrest of every deserter then on shore;" and,
true to his word, by night all were seized and sent on board again. When
the last man was caught, he shocked the worthy old magistrate by
describing the Stinger as a "hell afloat," and declaring "Crushe was a
cold-blooded tyrant." One of the officials who heard this statement
seemed desirous of inquiring into the matter, but he was overruled by
his brother magistrate, who informed him that "the noble young officer
was a most gentle, kind man, and he would pledge his honour that the
sailor spoke falsely." The deserters were double ironed and placed in an
empty shell room, where they spent a most uncomfortable night.
Mrs. Puffeigh had a very dear cousin residing in Singapore, and her
husband was intrusted with a small parcel, which she instructed him "to
deliver to darling Horace with his own hands." The package was sealed;
and although quite capable of such meanness, he was afraid to open it.
Several times he determined to drop it overboard, but anticipating
certain after consequences, let it remain in his valise, where it served
as a kind of mental blister for the amiable old man. As upon arrival in
port the doctor pronounced him too unwell to visit the shore, he
determined to act the invalid, and decline to see the object of his
jealousy, even if he came off to call upon him.
Mr. Oldcrackle was a wealthy merchant, who had not visited England for
some years; and his flirtation with Mrs. Puffeigh consisted in an
exchange of letters, exceedingly amusing as far as the writers were
concerned, and of which the gallant captain of course knew nothing.
When the Stinger left England the lady wrote to her dear coz as follows:
"MY DARLING COUSIN,
"Blue-Beard leaves for your out-of-the-way place to-day. I have
given him a small parcel, which contains my portrait. Don't be a
dear old donkey over it, as you were over the last. If the seal is
broken, tell me. I know B. B. is inquisitive, and will cure him if
he has dared to tamper with my private affairs. When are you coming
home?
"Your loving little coz,
"HELEN."
"P. S. Take care of B. B., and see he does not get into mischief.
He is a very harmless old thing."
Puffeigh was in his bath when Mr. Oldcrackle's brown servant arrived on
board with an invitation for the captain to take up his abode at his
bungalow, during the Stinger's stay in the harbour. The gallant warrior
did not condescend to fully peruse the note, but directing Jerry to tell
him "he would send up the parcel that evening," he dropped the letter in
the water, and vented his feelings by blessing the writer _sotto voce_.
As Thompson was leaving the cabin for the purpose of carrying out his
instructions, he heard the servant's voice near the after-skylight,
speaking to the quartermaster of the watch; so, to save a journey on
deck, Jerry got upon the table, and putting his head up the hatch, told
the flunkey "to give the captain's compliments to his master, and he
would call upon him that evening;" then slipping off his perch,
disappeared from the astonished gaze of the coloured individual.
"Captain sahib berry funny man," remarked the oriental to the
quartermaster.
"You'd find him a sight funnier if you shipped under him," replied the
old salt.
When the servant reported the matter to Oldcrackle, he told him,
"Captain sahib hab handsome eye, like debil."
About six o'clock in the evening Puffeigh sent Thompson on shore with a
note, "declining Mr. Oldcrackle's invitation on account of ill-health,
and begging to forward a small parcel from his dear wife."
Knowing his cruise would be a very short one if he went in sailor's
attire, the coxswain did not scruple to avail himself of the captain's
wardrobe, from which he borrowed a shooting suit and opera hat. These he
made into a parcel, and took upon the quarter-deck, telling Crushe "they
were the things the captain had ordered him to carry on shore." As it
was not prudent to send a ship's boat with the sailor, the lieutenant
called a waterman alongside, and directed him to "take the coxswain to
the nearest wharf." Jerry touched his forelock, and said, "Any orders,
sir?" upon which Crushe laughed; and giving him some money, directed the
impudent sailor "to bring him off a dozen fine green pines, and mind not
to come without them."
The coxswain stepped into the boat, and as soon as the Stinger was lost
in the gloom proceeded to strip, and re-clothe himself in Puffeigh's
garments, in which, if we except the opera hat, he strongly resembled a
poacher. The boatman did not trouble himself,--it was no business of
his,--as the sailor gave him a liberal fare; so after having landed the
man, he hauled up his boat for the night, and retired to the bosom of
his family.
Jerry was not a stranger in Singapore, having visited the place in a
merchant ship; therefore upon landing he at once proceeded to the house
of an old acquaintance, who made a living by selling fruit and rum to
the sailors on board ships in the harbour, and poisoning them with bad
liquor when they called to have a good time on shore. Having ordered
some pines and deposited his sailor's clothes with his friend, the
coxswain stepped into a sedan, and directed the bearers to take him to
Mr. Oldcrackle's. Before starting the generous hotel-keeper handed him a
bottle of ale and a cigar, entreating him to "julde julde, and be back
soon," as he wanted to have a good long talk with him; i. e. make him
drunk and rob him.
After a pleasant ride, during which the sailor smoked his cigar, and
imbibed the nauseous mixture given him as ale, the bearers turned into a
well-kept compound, upon which Jerry threw the empty bottle into the
shrubbery, dropped his cigar, and took out the parcel addressed to Mr.
Oldcrackle, and so found himself opposite the bungalow.
Out came a servant, who salämmed and "desired his excellency the captain
sahib would alight."
The somewhat puzzled tar paid his bearers, and followed the servant
into a spacious hall, whence he was conducted into a side room, where he
found a suit of white linen clothes laid out.
"Will the sahib deign to put on these?" inquired the obsequious flunky.
It now dawned upon the mind of the bewildered sailor that he was being
taken for his commander; and as he knew a good dinner awaited him, he
accepted the situation. When he had completed his toilet he drank a
glass of brandy pawnee, and ordered the servant "to lead the way to the
banquet."
Upon entering the dining-room the guests rose, and Oldcrackle came
forward and welcomed him in true East Indian fashion. Jerry handed the
parcel to the merchant, then turning to the other gentlemen he observed,
"Having done that, I beg to take my leave."
"My dear fellow, you're not going off like that. Come, sit down, I've
asked these gentlemen specially to meet you; indeed, you must stay."
"'Pon my word I'm almost inclined to."
"Come, Puffeigh, sit down like a sensible fellow," added the host,
saying which he led the not unwilling coxswain to the table, and seated
him at his right hand; at the same time directing the butler to fill up
the captain sahib's glass with champagne.
Thompson was now formally introduced to the guests; and finding they all
took him for a genuine royal naval captain, fell to at the viands, and
ate as if he had not tasted food for a week.
"You don't get such a curry as that on board, do you, Puffeigh?" said
Oldcrackle, who, like most old East Indians, had very little appetite
left, and consequently looked upon a man who could make a good hearty
meal as a lucky fellow.
"No," replied his visitor, "our cook ain't up to this; pea soup and duff
is more in his line."
This observation of _the captain_ set the table in a roar. "Capital!"
screamed one, "Haw, haw," laughed another.
They all thought the commander was speaking facetiously of his French
cook, and were immensely tickled with his peculiar phraseology.
Oldcrackle saw that the captain was a six-bottled man, and admired the
quiet manner in which he tilted off a glass of champagne--no sips. No
sooner was the glass filled than up it went to his lips, when in an
instant it was emptied and returned to the table. We may add this raised
him in the merchant's estimation, but it puzzled him why Helen described
Puffeigh as "a harmless old thing;" however, he came to the conclusion
that it must be a term of endearment, and thought no further about it.
European residents in those days kept up the old English custom of
drinking healths, so in due time the host arose, glass in hand, and
begged "to propose the health of his guest and cousin, the worthy naval
hero who sat by his side. Gentlemen, I can say that this day I have
found a relation, a cousin. This gentleman has hitherto been unknown to
me. I propose his health, with three times three, and one,
'For he's a jolly good fellow,
And so say all of us,' &c., &c."
The genial old merchant led off the above ditty, which was roared forth
by the guests in chorus, all standing bumper in hand. When the noise had
subsided Jerry was called upon to make a speech in reply; so fortifying
himself with a glass of burgundy, he rose, first pulling his forelock in
true nautical style (which funny action raised a laugh, and delayed his
speech for a few minutes), and spoke as follows:--
"Ladies and gentlemen, I beg yer pardin, I wish there was some ladies
present, bless 'em, I love all of 'em (roars of laughter). Gentlemen,
you flatter me. I am a very humble individual (cheers), and did you know
all, you would do anything but drink my health (renewed cheers).
Gentlemen, I am proud to meet with such jolly good fellows (cheers, and
cries of 'Bravo, captain'), I would be proud to see you all aboard the
Stinger to-morrow, but we sail at daylight (cries of 'No, no! stay here
for a month'). Gentlemen you don't know how I _should_ like to stay here
for a month (cheers). I am a plain sailor (cheers and cries of 'You're a
brick, old fellow'), I came here little thinking I should have such a
blow-out (loud laughter), and I can say I never was better treated in my
life (cheers, and cries of 'give up the sea and settle here, old boy').
Gentlemen, here's towards you, and I wishes you many happy returns of
the day" (roars of laughter and cheers, amidst which Thompson seated
himself, and motioned the butler to bring him another bottle of wine).
A very merry time followed the delivery of this speech, no one imagining
it was said in sober earnestness. They had often heard worse from
captains of the old school; so they drank the "jolly good fellow's"
health again, and swore he was a "tremendous brick."
After a time the party adjourned to the drawing room, and the merchant
took the opportunity to have a quiet chat with his cousin's husband.
Seating themselves in the verandah, the following conversation took
place:
"I like this portrait of your wife immensely."
"Do you? I don't think it's flattering."
"Have you any family? You see I am quite ignorant of your affairs." (Sly
dog, he received a letter from his dear cousin nearly every mail.)
"Aw, well, there's no family that I know of."
Oldcrackle lay back in his chair, and fairly roared with laughter. After
a time, however, he again questioned his guest.
"You ought to be very happy with such a girl as Helen. How can you bear
to leave her?"
"Well, you see, we now and then have a row--she goes to balls and stays
out all night, and then I blow up a bit--but it all comes right again,
and I buy her a lot of diamonds, and that makes it up." (Jerry was a
little adrift here, so he replied in what he considered the correct
style in high life.)
"Oh!" thought Oldcrackle, "that's what Helen means by B. B.; well,
although he is not bad looking, he is by far too rough a fellow for a
gentle being like her;" and then the old merchant thought what a
different match the girl would have made if she had only waited for him.
Thompson now lighted a cigar, and puffed away like a locomotive, to
avoid answering further questions.
At this moment a very pretty half-caste girl glided into the verandah,
and taking her place behind the merchant's chair, commenced to fan him.
Alaya was a great pet of Oldcrackle, her father having died in his
service, and we will do the merchant the justice to say, he was a kind
master, both to the widow and daughter--the latter having budded into
womanhood without any one regarding her otherwise than as a child.
"Well, Alaya," said her master, "do you see the captain sahib?"
The girl nodded and smiled at Jerry.
"Go and fan him, child."
Alaya walked round, and taking position behind the coxswain's chair--so
close that he felt her balmy breath upon his forehead--proceeded to cool
his face with a soft and gentle motion of her fan, at the same time
looking down upon him, from under her long silken eyelashes, in a
manner that would have seduced a much less susceptible individual than
our sailor.
"Oh Lor! ain't that lovely!" ejaculated the coxswain, as leaning back he
brought his eyes to bear upon those of the lovely girl, who fanned and
smiled--smiled and gazed upon him, until Jerry, instead of being cool,
was in a high state of fever.
Oldcrackle was all this time gazing upon Mrs. Puffeigh's portrait; and
as he slightly turned his back upon _her husband_ when he did this,
failed to observe the little flirtation going on at the other side of
the verandah, although the moon was shining brightly. At last he said,
in a dreamy kind of manner,
"Ah! she's a lovely creature."
"Werry," echoed the sailor, pursing his lips, and blowing kisses towards
the delighted girl by his side.
"You're very fond--of--her--are--you--not!" mused the merchant, who was
half asleep, and almost dreaming of his English cousin--(she did not
paint when he knew her).
"Werry." Saying which Jerry, seeing his host was now asleep, placed his
arm round the supple waist of the girl, and drawing her towards him,
gave her a sounding kiss.
Oldcrackle woke with a start, and sat bolt upright in his chair, calling
out, "What's that?" Upon turning round towards his guest, he saw the
latter with his hand held to his cheek, as if he had just slapped it in
order to crush some insect.
"What's that, Puffeigh?"
"A thundering big mooseskeeter just settled on my--" here the sailor
slapped his face again, as if he had just killed another tormentor.
Alaya was sitting behind the coxswain's chair, apparently fast asleep.
The old merchant murmured something about "soon being
used--to--those--th--things," then snoozed off again, and snored.
Alaya woke up, or pretended to do so, and the enchanted sailor soon was
supporting her in the former manner. Poor girl, she was far too deeply
in love to sit upon a chair, so Jerry kindly placed his arm round her
waist to prevent her falling, while she fanned and drove him out of his
senses at the same time. At last he whispered to her,
"Do you love me, Alayer?"
The girl nodded several times.
"Kiss me!"
Alaya did not know it was wrong. "The sahib was lovely, and no one had
ever noticed her so before."
"Kiss me!" repeated the enamoured tar.
With a startled face, and quickly gazing round to make sure that no one
was looking, the beautiful girl stooped forward, laid her soft lips upon
those of the delighted sailor, and gave him a tender loving kiss; then,
like a timid fawn, drew back and trembled with fear of discovery.
At this moment her master awoke.
After a yawn and stretch, Oldcrackle turned to his guest, but finding
him to all appearance asleep, he ordered Alaya to wake him.
When that difficult matter was accomplished, for the sailor pretended to
be very fast asleep indeed, the merchant asked him "how he had enjoyed
his forty winks."
"I thought I was in Mayhomed's Parodice," replied Jerry, winking at the
now placid Alaya; "and I would werry much rather never to have left
again."
"You sly dog!" said the other, and added _sotto voce_, "A married man,
and talk so."
The sailor laughed, saying, "Ah! I'm a deal slyer than you imagine."
A hearty laugh followed this speech, then, hooking his arm within that
of the _eccentric captain_, the delighted Oldcrackle conducted his
_relation_ into the drawing-room, where they found every one engaged in
playing whist.
Thompson was pretty well employed in imbibing soda and brandy until a
late hour, and was far from sober, when Oldcrackle, who had also taken a
great deal more wine than his usual quantity, challenged him to play a
game of whist, to which the sailor solemnly agreed. Alaya was watching
them from the verandah. Seeing the girl, her master bade her fetch him a
pack of cards. When she brought them into the room, Jerry caught her
round the waist, and "declared he would marry her, if they would only
schend for a parson." Up sprang the guests, who crowded round the
"captain," and enjoyed the scene immensely.
"Yesh," added the sailor, with the greatest gravity, "I'll marry her,
she is the best and mosth beautifullish girl I ever met in all my
bornish daish."
"Let me go, sahib! let me go!"
"No, you beaufiflish girlsh in the world. I'll keep you heresh for ever,
and die with you in my armsh."
After a little persuasion he released the trembling Alaya, and was led
to bed by his host, murmuring all the time that "Alayer was the only
angel he had ever seen."
"The idea of his spooning over little Alaya!" observed one of the
guests.
"He's mad!" said another.
"Not at all, gentlemen, he's like all naval men,--rather susceptible,
and Alaya's pretty face has turned his brain; he is a thoroughly good
fellow, so let us drink the health of Captain Puffeigh, and that of his
officers and crew," observed Oldcrackle, who now returned.
The party then separated, and many were the comments on Captain
Puffeigh's extraordinary behaviour.
Where was Alaya?--Crouched in the verandah under the captain sahib's
window, and crying quietly for "love of the beautiful one, who kissed
her, and made her heart beat so; the handsome sahib who took such notice
of poor little Alaya. Now he was sick and might die. Oh, sad! and his
slave not near him. Would she could creep between the jalousies, and
crouch at the foot of his bed. She could see his eyes now, they were--"
"Alaya!" cried her mother, "where are you? Come, my child, there's no
more fanning to do to-night; go to your mat."
So the little half-caste retired to rest, or rather curled herself up on
her mat, and wept until morning broke.
Before sunrise Jerry was up and stirring. After a search he secured his
clothes, and was quite ready to leave the bungalow, but he still crept
about the passages, candle in hand. Did he want to say good-bye to his
kind host? No. Was it a soda and brandy he required? No. As he explored
the matted corridors, he murmured, "I wish to goodness I could find out
if Alayer's about, I would so like to apologize to her for my rudeness."
However, not finding her, he left the house, managing to get away
without observation.
Thompson walked down to the hotel, changed his clothes, packed
Puffeigh's up with the pines in a basket, placed a bottle of grog under
all, and taking a shore boat, made the best of his way on board his
ship.
Crushe was walking the quarter-deck, when the coxswain reported himself
as having "come aboard."
"Why were you not back last night?" demanded the angry first
lieutenant.
"I was huntin' ov your pines, sir; they were werry scarce, and I came
off the moment I got 'em."
"That will do, you brute; you have the best of me this time," said
Crushe, with a grin.
So Jerry got the better of Puffeigh, Oldcrackle, and Crushe, and not one
pang of remorse ever seemed to trouble him with regard to Alaya. Perhaps
we do not know what he felt. She certainly was too good for the fellow
they married her to very shortly afterwards, and to this day Alaya
dreams of the "beautiful captain sahib," who made her heart beat so.
The Stinger sailed at 9 A.M., and Oldcrackle never saw his real cousin.
When Puffeigh was on his way back to England he only remained at
Singapore an hour; and not having much regard for his wife's relation,
he did not call upon the hospitable merchant, so the fraud was never
discovered.
The letter which Puffeigh gave Thompson was posted by the latter in the
galley fire.
[Illustration: Decoration]