"It isn't only trunks and purses which I lose--I lose everything. The
day before yesterday I went into the City to buy groceries; filled two
great parcels four feet square; had them put with me into the cab so
that I might keep them well in sight; got out on the road to have a
drink; when I had had it got into the wrong cab; never discovered the
mistake till I reached my own doorstep. Those groceries haven't yet
come to hand----"
"These anecdotes----"
"Excuse me, I'll tell you another thing I've lost. Six months ago I
lost my wife. Took her for a run on the Continent; on the way home
dined at a restaurant on the Boulevards; went out to buy a cigar;
forgot all about my wife; left her eating an ice; came over by the
night boat; never noticed she was missing till I was between the
sheets in bed." He paused, as if to meditate. "She wasn't a dead loss;
turned up afterwards, as I've reason to remember."
Whether the man was or was not mad, or whether he was merely amusing
himself at my expense, is more than I can say. We had the greatest
difficulty in getting rid of him. By the time I had interviewed
another dozen applicants I came to the conclusion that, if I had to go
through much more of that kind of thing, my brain would turn. One
red-headed man came into the room with a huge portfolio under his arm.
Before I could stop him he had unfolded it before my astonished eyes.
"I have here one of the finest works ever issued from the press. It is
a universal gazetteer and general encyclopædia of information, and
contains 22,000 more references than any other work of the kind which
has been previously produced. It is most superbly illustrated, in the
most lavish manner, by the greatest artists, two or more full-page
illustrations to each part, besides innumerable smaller illustrations,
splendid maps, and magnificent coloured pictures, which are quite
worthy of being framed. It is issued in monthly parts price
sevenpence, and with the first part is presented a free gift----"
It was all I could do to prevent myself kicking him downstairs. He was
not by any means the only offender in this direction. One young woman,
after beating about the bush in a manner which, although I was
becoming familiar with it, was none the less maddening, explained that
she had come to solicit contributions towards providing a day in the
country for some ragamuffins at the other end of the town.