ONLY A DOLL.
AS the night drew on, and the time at which he was accustomed to seek
the excitement of the spirit-vaults or beer-shops, a sore conflict
began within Rodney's soul. With the darkness came a cold, thick fog
from the river, which penetrated into the ill-built houses, and wrapped
freezingly about their poorly-clad inmates. What few pence he had saved
from the scanty wages of the previous week, he had spent earlier in the
day in buying a little food for Nelly, and some medicine to lull his
wife's racking cough. There was no light in his house, and the fire
was sparingly fed with tiny lumps of coal or cinder, which gave little
warmth, and no brightness to his hearth. The sick woman had stayed in
bed all day, and had only strength enough to speak to him from time
to time; while Nelly, who was also suffering from cold, and hunger
but half-satisfied, grew dull as the darkness deepened, and rocked
her doll silently to and fro, as she sat on the floor in front of the
fire, where the gleams of red light from the embers fell upon her. Not
far away was the brilliant gin-palace, where the light fell in rainbow
colours on the glittering prisms of the gas pendants, to which his dim
and drunken eyes were so often lifted in stupid admiration.
A chilly depression hung about Rodney, which by and by gave place to
an intense, unutterable craving for the excitement of drink, which
fastened upon him, and which he felt no power to shake off. As time
dreary minutes dragged by, he pictured to himself the warmth and
comfort that were within a stone's-throw of him. But there was no money
now in his pocket, and nothing that was worth pawning in the house. He
almost repented of having spent the poor sum that had been his in food
and medicine; for Nelly was still hungry, and her mother's cough had
not ceased. That cough irritated him almost to frenzy; and he felt that
he should die, perish that night of cold and misery, if he could not
buy one dram to warm and comfort him.
He peered anxiously around, in the gloom, upon the few beggarly
possessions remaining to him, and groaned aloud as he confessed to
himself that they were worthless. His wandering glance fell upon Nelly,
curled up sleepily on the hearth, with her doll lying on her arm. That
looked gay and attractive in the red light, its blue dress and scarlet
sash showing up brightly against Nelly's dingy rags.
Rodney's conscience smote him for a moment as he thought that the toy,
fresh and unsoiled still, might fetch enough, if sold, to satisfy his
more immediate craving this evening—but the idea once in his mind, he
could not banish it. To-morrow he would work, and earn money enough to
buy Nelly another quite as good as this one. If he had not spent his
money for her and her mother, he would not now be driven to taking her
plaything from her; and it was only a toy, nothing necessary to her, as
it was necessary to get warmth, and what was more to him than food. She
would not be any colder or hungrier without her doll; and she would not
mind it much, as it was for him. He did not mean to take it from her
against her will; but she would give it up, he knew. Leaning forward,
he laid his shaking hand upon her cheek.
"Nelly," he said, in his kindest tones, "Nelly, you've got a pretty
plaything there."
"Oh, yes!" she answered, opening her eyes wide, and hugging the doll
closer to her. "But it isn't a plaything, father. It's a lady that has
come to live with me."
"A lady, is it?" said Rodney, laughing. "Why, it's a queer place for a
lady to live in. Would you mind lending her to me for a little while,
Nelly?"
"What for?" asked Nelly, her eyes growing large with terror, and her
hands fastening more closely around her treasure.
"No harm," he answered softly, "no harm at all, my little woman. I only
want to show it to a friend of mine that's got a little girl like you
that's fond of dolls. I'll bring it back very soon, all right."
"Oh! I cannot let her go!" cried Nelly, bursting into tears, and
creeping away from him towards the bed where her mother lay.
"John," murmured the mother, in feeble and tremulous tones, "let the
child keep her doll. It's the only comfort she's got."
Rodney sat still for another half-hour, the numbness and depression
gaining upon him every minute. Nelly had sought refuge by her mother's
side, and the dreary room was awfully silent. At last, he could endure
it no longer; and with a hard resolution in his heart, he stirred the
fire till a flickering light played about the bare walls, and then he
strode across to the bedside.
"Look here, Nelly," he said, in a harsh voice, "I promised that friend
of mine to show his little girl your doll; so you'd better give it up
quietly, or I must take it off you. What are you afraid of? I'm not
going to do you any harm, but have the doll I must. I'll bring it back
again with me, if you'll only lend it me without, any more words."
"Nelly," said the mother, tenderly, "you must let him take it, my
darling."
Nelly sat up in bed, rocking herself to and fro in a passion of grief
and dread. Yet her father had promised to bring it back, and she had
still some childish faith in him. The doll lay upon the ragged pillow,
but she could not muster courage enough to give it herself into her
father's hands, and with a bitter sob she pushed it, towards her mother.
"You give it him," she said.
For a minute or two, Rodney's wife looked up steadily into his face,
for some sign of relenting, but though his eyes fell, and his head
sank, he still held out his hand for the toy, which she gave to him,
murmuring, "God have mercy upon you!"
For a second Rodney stood irresolute, but the flickering flame died
out, and darkness hid him from his wife and Nelly. Without speaking
again, he groped his way to the door and passed out into the street.
[Illustration: THE PAWNBROKER AND THE DOLL.]
It proved a very paltry, insufficient satisfaction after all. The toy,
handsome as it seemed to him, did not sell for as much as he expected
at the pawn-shop, where they refused altogether to take it in pledge.
He could only drink enough to stupify him for a little while, but not
sufficient to give him the savage courage to go back and meet Nelly
without her doll. What he had taken only served to quicken the stings
of his conscience, which made it a difficult thing to return home at
all.
The night was even keener than the last when Nelly watched for him at
the door of the gin-palace, yet he dare not go back till she was fast
asleep, and in the morning he could readily pacify her by promising
to buy another doll. He hung about the entrances of the spirit-vaults
with a listless hope that some liberal comrade might offer him a glass;
and as long as there was any chance of it, he loitered in the streets.
But they were closed at last, the brilliant lights extinguished, and
the shutters put up; and Rodney was forced to return home tenfold more
miserable than when he left it.
His hope that Nelly would be asleep was ill-founded. He could not see
her; but the instant his foot struck against the door-sill, he heard
her eager voice calling to him to bring the doll back to her. His own
voice, when he answered her, was broken by a whimper, and a sob which
he could not control,—
"Father couldn't bring it home," he answered; "my friend's little girl
wouldn't part with it to-night. But it will come home to-morrow, Nelly."
"Oh! I know it never will," wailed the child. "I shall never see my
lady any more; never any more. They've stolen her off me; and I shall
never, never have her again."
He could hear her sobbing far into the night; and after she had cried
herself to sleep, her breath came in long and troubled sighs. He
cursed himself bitterly, vowing a hundred times that Nelly should have
a doll again to-morrow. But when the day came, the daily temptation
came with it; and though he found work, and borrowed a shilling from a
fellow-workman, the money went where his money had gone for many a past
month and year.
For some days his child was dull and quiet—bearing malice, Rodney
called it, when she gave no response to his fits of fondness. But
neither she nor his wife spoke to him of the lost plaything, and before
long, it had passed away altogether from his weakened memory.