This he handed to Maguire with the remark that if it was not
sufficiently comprehensive he might dictate such an one as he desired
and he would sign it. Maguire, perceiving that his employer was not in
a talkative mood, quietly left the room. As he left, Mrs. Burchard
came into the library and sat down to talk over the dinner-party. Both
agreed that it was a great success, and that Maguire was a jewel. Mrs.
Burchard began to laugh, and then asked, "Did you observe that pickle,
my dear?"
"What about the pickle?"
"Why, the pickle which Mr. Malcolm took happened to have a cut nail
extending the full length of it. Now, my dear, do you suppose that
nail could have grown in the cucumber? Ha, ha! What an entertaining
man he is, and what a fund of anecdote, and how well he tells a story;
and yet I don't fancy him. Those bills of fare in Hebrew, Greek, and
Latin, how did--"
The door-bell rang and Mr. Sidney was announced. "Thank God!"
exclaimed Mr. Burchard. So rejoiced was he that his whole frame
trembled with emotion and tears trickled down his face. Grasping his
hand with both his own, he asked, "You received my telegram, then?"
"No."
"Then what brought you here so soon?"
Mrs. Burchard perceiving the conversation was not free in her
presence, quietly left the room, when Mr. Sidney assumed a grave
demeanor and said: "Mr. Burchard, I have always believed you eminently
an honorable and honest man, and do so still. Do you grant this of
me?"
"Yes, but if you did not receive my telegram, what brought you here
to-night, for I am aware of the necessity you are under to be
elsewhere?"
"I told you I should soon return," said Mr. Sidney, "for I feared that
you might compromise yourself to an unpardonable degree with the
scamps by whom you have been surrounded, and the thought of it so
weighed upon my mind that when I met the train at New Haven bound
eastward I determined to come again to you and inform you of your
peril."
"I am not aware that I am in any peril."
"If you were aware of it you would be safe, and your lack of knowledge
is the reason of my return."
"Have you any information of what has transpired since last evening?"
inquired Mr. Burchard.
"None, whatever."
"Then unburden yourself with the least possible delay, for I have been
so harassed and tormented during this day as almost to be overwhelmed;
and as you are aware that I hold your judgment in these matters akin
to prophecy, I beg you will proceed, for I have pondered over and over
again your meaning when you compared me, both at the beginning and
ending of the company, to Bartimeus."
"First," said Mr. Sidney, "I wish you to understand that I have never
before last night seen or heard of the two or three persons concerning
whom I propose to speak, and I feel that I ought first to have your
permission to say all that is in my mind, for it comes nearer home to
you than you suppose."
"You have it; go on."
"If it be true that the heart of a man changeth his countenance, then
it is absolutely certain to my mind that your clergyman is the most
unmitigated scamp, and it may, with propriety, be said that he has no
conscience at all, so perverted has it become. He is a gambler by
profession, and a passer of counterfeit money, but his business is
burglary. He has followed it for years, and had his mind not been on
it for years, he could not have become so perfect in his craft. The
one great quality demanded by his business is _patience_, and he has
attained it. The most remarkable thing about him is his assurance. I
never knew an instance of so bad a man having the audacity to appear
in the company of gentlemen of refinement, and to say grace with a
voice that had no heart in it. It is usually the last place that those
of his craft seek, and I cannot yet comprehend how he wheedled you."
Mr. Burchard explained, as has been previously stated.
"And that Maguire of yours is as bad a woman as walks the earth."
"Woman!" exclaimed Mr. Burchard; "for eight years he has been one of
the most faithful servants and upright men I ever knew."
"_Now, Mr. Burchard!_" said Mr. Sidney, looking him straight in the
eye, "do you mean to tell me that you don't know Maguire is a woman?"
"I surely do not so suspect even."
"Then the blindness of Bartimeus was nothing to yours. Has she any
beard? Has she a man's voice? Has she the figure of a man? Does she
make any motions of body or limb like a man? Surely not. She is a
woman, and has consummate art, more than any woman I ever saw save
one. She consorts continually with thieves and robbers, and if you do
not suspect it you ought to know it, and that is what has brought me
here. Your house is on fire of hell, and you do not seem to apprehend
it. Did you not notice at the table that she spilled some wine on the
Reverend (?) Mr. Malcolm's head and white cravat, and do you suppose
it was accidental? No, sir, they are better acquainted than you and I,
for he did not start when it was done, but was conscious who did it.
When I entered your drawing-room and saw you standing between these
two graceless villains, I looked around me in order to ascertain how
many of that stripe were present, and finding but one other, I
concluded you had been imposed upon and that I would improve the
opportunity to study human nature. I _should_ like to be informed how
it came to pass that that reverend state's-prison bird obtained an
invitation from you."
Mr. Burchard explained the method of the introduction by a letter from
his kinsman in England, as before stated.
"Have you the letter?"
The letter being produced, after a moment's examination he said: "Very
well done. _Very_ well done. He is better at that than I supposed, yet
many of the letters show more than one stroke of the pen. He is an
Englishman, but learned to write in Germany. He was once a cook. He
does not write Malcolm as if used to it, and that is an assumed name.
Great nerve, assurance, self-reliance, and patience. Is fond of
children. Has more conceit than his manners indicate, kind-hearted man
and even generous in his way, but has no notion of truth or morals.
Should say he had spent much of his time in Baden Baden and other like
places. Is good at gambling, but burglary is his _forte_. Ah! yes,
this specimen of his handwriting, if it is disguised, tells the whole
story of his life. That was a pretty crowd, was it not? for me to show
off, too, that I could read their characters in their faces."
"Is it possible?" soliloquized Mr. Burchard, "and my admirable Maguire
his accomplice!"
Mr. Sidney asked for the last letters which he had received from
Winfield Burchard, in order to compare the two, but examining his
portfolio, all were gone.
Mr. Burchard then stated to Mr. Sidney what had transpired during the
day,--Malcolm's arrest, the giving of bail, the suppression of the
report in the newspapers, and the report which appeared in one of the
journals, his acceptance of the draft of one thousand dollars, and
some other particulars, when Mr. Sidney said,--
"Why were your eyes not opened by the fact that Malcolm did not give
the same name to the watchmen as to you? That is an offence against
the statute, and you know it, and an honest man, whether clergyman or
boot-black, never descends to that. Besides, the robbery was
committed, according to this account, more than an hour after the
night train had gone to which your supposed relative was hastening.
That mat also should have convinced you; and what an adept he was to
have known enough of the forms of law to have waived a preliminary
examination and to have secured you as bail before you had recovered
from your dream! He managed well to get your opinion last night of the
duty of lawyers to defend rogues. Mr. Burchard, you are harnessed. You
must now defend that rascal. Your mouth is closed, you have pocketed a
retainer. A thousand dollars' fee does not indicate light work, but
seems to imply a strain upon your conscience. I once heard the
ex-secretary of President Harrison's Cabinet decline a like amount
because it implied too much for his honor."
Mr. Sidney touched a sensitive place. If Mr. Burchard had any
reputation or quality as a lawyer, it was for his unsullied integrity
and keen sense of honor. The ability of Mr. Sidney in his department
had not brought that comfort which Mr. Burchard had hoped for. His
distress of mind was so great that Mr. Sidney judged he had gone
beyond the limit of safety, and he quoted, "'Faithful are the wounds
of a friend.' As your friend I open to your view the peril from which
it is your duty to escape. If you are involved, extricate yourself
with honor if you can, and if you cannot, then do no more than honor
requires."
A long pause ensued. At length Mr. Burchard broke the silence by
inquiring what evidence there was that Maguire was criminal.
"Because she gets the information for Malcolm, and draws plans of the
houses which he intends to rob, and locates every piece of furniture
in them so that he can enter the house and go through darkness to his
objective point. He passes half his nights in her room. There the
schemes are matured, and if you think her less criminal than Malcolm,
you are welcome to your opinion."
"But what information can you give me upon which I can act?"
"She has deceived you in passing herself off as a man. She is in
fellowship with Malcolm, while it is for her interest to be faithful
to you, for by reason of being your man she has access to those houses
which may be presumed to be profitable in the plundering. I cannot
tell you any particular thing she has done, but I can send a message
to the back door by reason of which she will fly from your house and
never again show you her face."
"What message will you send?"
"I will write on a card these words, 'All is known, detectives are
approaching.'"
"Do it," said Mr. Burchard, "and if he is honest he will show it to me
and ask advice, and we will see if he will fly."
The card was delivered, no commotion followed. She was not seen to
escape, though watch was set for the purpose. Search was made for her
in vain. From the appearance of her room it was evident she had fled.
It was months before she was heard from, and then the inquiry came
from the chief of police in a Western city, "Did Mary Maguire, alias
Sonsie Jane, alias Wily Mary, ever reside with Bernon Burchard? Is his
certificate genuine?"
In the mean time Mr. Burchard was intensely excited by conflicting
emotions and the discussion within himself concerning his duty. Could
he retain the money and give information to the police? No. Did the
fraud of Malcolm vitiate his obligation to him? In some particulars,
but not in all. Did his oath to be faithful to his client prevent him
from withdrawing from the case till at least he had returned what he
had received? Yes; but how could he return it, since it was doubtful
if Malcolm would ever again appear?
Before Mr. Sidney left town it was arranged that he should ascertain
the whereabouts of Malcolm if possible, and, as the attorney of Mr.
Burchard as bail, bring him hither at all hazards, and confine him in
jail to await his trial or till he should procure other securities.
Mr. Sidney stipulated that Mr. Burchard should not on any account
telegraph to him or any other person upon the subject, because that
the telegram would certainly reach Malcolm, if he was a chief member
of a gang of villians, before it did him or the person to whom it
should be addressed. This injunction, however, escaped the mind of Mr.
Burchard. As the time for Malcolm's trial drew near, he, Mr. Burchard,
became nervous and care-worn. Learning through a New York detective
that Malcolm was in that city, he at once telegraphed to his attorney
there to seek out the detective and have Malcolm arrested.
The writer of this article, who was then aware that some great trouble
shrouded the mind of Mr. Burchard, without knowing what it was,
happened to be conversing with him on the street near his office door
when the answer to the telegram arrived, and had the opportunity of
reading it all except the signature. Before the message had been
delivered to the attorney in New York, the answer came from Malcolm at
New Orleans, printed upon a long strip of paper as follows:
"NEW ORLEANS, March --, 1856.
"I never disappoint my bail. My thoughts on awful subjects
roll, damnation and the dead, what horrors seize the guilty
soul upon a dying bed. Lingering about these mortal shores
she makes a long delay, till like a flood with rapid force,
death sweeps the wretch away. Good for Doctor Watts. I have
three weeks yet to spare."
How it was signed I am not aware. The envelope was marked "paid
$32.75."
On the afternoon previous to the sitting of the court at which Malcolm
was under bail to appear, he unexpectedly presented himself at Mr.
Burchard's office. The conflicting emotions in Mr. Burchard's breast
upon beholding him can well be imagined. Indignation for the
imposition and forgery was most apparent. Vengeance was secondary,
tempered by the fact that he had made his appearance, although not
yet safe in jail. His soul burst forth in a holy horror of a man
apparently incapable of entertaining a moral sentiment, and so brazen
as not to appreciate his guilt. His presence so exasperated Mr.
Burchard that he rushed toward the door without any definite intention
but to be rid of his visitor. Malcolm calmly placed his back against
the closed door and said very coolly: "All this indignation is well
enough before a jury, Mr. Burchard, and I read in your countenance
what is passing in your mind, but it is wise to take men as they are
and the world as it is, and not as it should be. I meet you to-day on
equal terms. You claim something of me, and I of you. If you are a man
of honor, fulfil your contract. If you are a sneak, do as I should
have done had I forfeited my bail. I have shown the estimate I put
upon my duty by appearing to discharge you as my bail in the face of
the indignity I have put upon you, and knowing full well what I was to
encounter. Show half my pluck and it will serve you well. I am not yet
your prisoner, and by the Eternal! I will not be till to-morrow, when
I shall be content with that position. On your peril answer me. Will
you fulfil your agreement? Will you be a man or a knave?"
Mr. Burchard answered not, but saw the desperate nature of the man
with whom he had to deal, and that he was provided with weapons with
which to enforce his argument. Malcolm proceeded, "I never was and
never will be a sneak. I am bound by honor as well as you. You are a
lawyer, and a good one. I am a burglar, sir, and am not ashamed of my
jobs. You exalt your profession, and so do I mine. Business is
business, and mine is as honorable as yours. Think you I am less
public-spirited than you? Think you I love my wife and children less
than you? Come, come, Mr. Burchard; down from your perch! You are a
man of principle. I am no sardine. You have taken my money, and you
cannot return it if you would, for the bankers upon whom it was drawn
have failed, and the draft has not been presented and is your loss. I
know what you would like to say. It is true I used dissimulation and
procured an invitation to your dinner-party, and here is Winfield
Burchard's letter to you (presenting it), whose handwriting I
imitated; but it was all in my line. I laid a bet I could do it, and
that draft was just the sum I won. Bristol Bill pays up like gentle
folks, but then he didn't know my opportunities. What possessed you to
dismiss Maguire? but no matter; that is all gone by. During the last
eight years I have passed at least six hundred nights in your house,
and have been very frequently in your sleeping-room, and have heard
your confidential talk with your wife. Doubt it, do you? Yes, your
door _was_ always bolted on the inside, and no other one opened into
your chamber, but I can tell you conversations you had with your wife,
which will convince you. Do you remember one night when your wife
became nervous and fell to crying lest the pain she felt in her breast
should prove to be a cancer, and you told her that you would go to
Boston with her and consult Dr. Jackson and ask Dr. P. to go with you?
Do, eh? And do you remember one night when your niece slept upon the
sofa in your room? I had no idea she was there, and needlessly waked
her. She screamed, and while you was attending to her fright I slipped
out and didn't leave your door bolted. I heard you tell her she was
dreaming.
"And do you remember one night telling your wife that you could not
imagine how three cigars got out of a new box you had opened the night
before? Those cigars were the only things that either Maguire or I
ever took from your house.
"I will make you this proposition, and if you will accept it you will
do well. By the night train my two accomplices in that job will
arrive. I don't intend to be shut up till they come. I will pay for
six men to sit up with me here to-night in this office, and you shall
select them, and in the morning I will pay their fees and go to jail."
The proposition was accepted, and the chief of police furnished the
keepers.
During that night Mr. Burchard's office was the scene of strange
revelations. Malcolm furnished money to one of the officers, who
brought in a basket of champagne, and ordered a supper at one o'clock
in the morning, to be the most complete that money could buy and the
city furnish. The officers were at liberty to invite in their friends
who were reliable. Malcolm distributed to each of his keepers five
times the sum of money agreed upon for their wages, and demanded of
them a faithful performance of their duty. Some thirty had entered the
office, and the door was closed and not to be opened on any account
till supper was announced. Malcolm had sent to a neighboring
bookstore, and obtained one pack of every edition of playing cards
there kept for sale. Some forty packs with different backs were piled
up at one end of the table. Malcolm invited some one to take a hand of
euchre with him. The captain, who was considered the most expert
player, took a chair at the corner of the table, and the rest were to
observe the game, but say nothing which they should discover till the
game was over. Malcolm took one of the packs from the envelope and
said, "This edition was gotten up by Count ---- at ----, and with it
he played twenty-one nights and won ---- thousand dollars before the
markings were discovered. Cut the cards if you please, and mind, if
you can, that the ten of spades is not turned." The cards were dealt
and the ten of spades was turned. The two bowers and two aces were
given to the captain, who ordered up the ten.
"Now, captain, I have given you the bowers and two aces, and yet you
are euchred." And so it was. Malcolm inquired if any one perceived how
it was done, and, receiving a negative reply, said, "Very well, he
shall do precisely the same thing, and see then if you detect the
method. I will cut for a ten to be turned and order it up, and you
will observe."
Almost the same cards were put into Malcolm's hand, as had been put
into the captain's.
"Now," said Malcolm, "I order it up, and will make one," and so it
was.
"Did any of you see how that was done?"
None could detect. The cards were again shuffled by a looker-on. It
was Malcolm's deal.
"I must not make too often. This time you shall march. You see I have
given you three trumps and a king and an ace of another suit." And so
it was.
The cards were shuffled again. "You must make one this time." And so
it was.
"Now," said Malcolm, "please say whether I shall make one, or lose
one, or go out."
It was the captain's deal, and the company requested Malcolm to go out
if he could.
"Very well then, I cut a bower; the left is next above it as they fell
into the last hand, and so will not be out."
Malcolm ordered up a queen, took it out with a king, and made three
low clubs and won the game.
"Let's take another pack while these gimlet-eyed fellows hunt up the
markings. This edition was gotten up by Sunderland for a high-low-jack
pack, and was read the first night. The profession never use it, the
marks are so apparent. Try it once at all-fours."
The cards were dealt by the captain, and Malcolm said, "I will stand,
although I have but one trump, for you have none." And Malcolm made
three points.
"Had you detected the manipulation, I should have lost and you would
have made three.
"Try another pack. This had a run of three months before it was
detected. It is well executed, and only the most sagacious and
quick-sighted are never mistaken in the cards. There is not an edition
of cards that I cannot read as well by seeing one side as the other.
No pack was ever edited in fairness to both parties. A man is a fool
who will get out such an edition. I carried two new ones to the B----
house in London, and won thirteen nights with them."
One of the company who had been out and returned, produced a pack with
plain backs, and asked triumphantly if Mr. Malcolm would please to
read them by the backs.
"This edition," said Malcolm, "was gotten up in Edinburgh by an
Irishman named Mulligan, and was popular for a while, but when he won
every night with it suspicions were aroused, and finally a boy twelve
years old deciphered it. I can tell each card across the room." And he
did.
And so the entertainment went on, Malcolm winning every game till
supper was served; not one of the company detecting how it was done.
"Now, boys," said Malcolm "this is my treat, and please enjoy
yourselves, for I shall expect you all to be in court when my case is
tried, to laugh on my side. Lawyers don't understand the value of a
chuckle in swaying a jury in a doubtful case. Lay to. 'The art of
cookery,' says Henry Cornelius Agrippa, 'is very useful if not
dishonest.' My appetite is good, and I trust you are all likewise
minded, for Beaumont and Fletcher say, 'What an excellent thing God
did bestow upon man when he gave him a good appetite. Mine is almost
equal to that of Erisichthon described by Ovid,--
'Thus Erisichthon's profane chops devour
All sorts of food: in him food is the cause
Of hunger: and he will employ his jaws
To whet his appetite.'
"'Tis said that Maximus, the Emperor who succeeded Alexander Memneaus,
consumed forty pounds of flesh in one day, and drank an amphora of
wine containing forty-eight quarts.
"Waiter, pass your wines. No blue ruin or heavy wet. In the days of
the great Caesar all feasts began with eggs and ended with fruits,
cream and apples; hence the proverb, _ab avo usque ad mala_, and the
man who did not crush his eggshell or put his folded napkin on his
left knee, was considered a fool. As we have not eggs we will do our
best with the napkins. No melancholy subjects at this table. So here's
luck." And all drank a bumper.
"Did you ever hear how Pope Julius III. became enraged against his
cook for not having saved him a cold peacock for supper, and how he
began to blaspheme? Whereupon one of his cardinals said to him, 'Let
not your Holiness be so moved with a matter of so little weight.'
'What!' said the pope, 'if God was so angry for one apple that he cast
our first parents out of Paradise, why may not I, his vicar, be angry
for a peacock, sithers a peacock is greater than an apple?'
"The oysters from Tarentum, so prized by one of the Caesars, I forget
which, were not to be compared to these. Captain, take a hand at them.
Let me give you a song."
And with a sweet melodious voice and a Scotch accent, he sang Burns's
Ode on the Haggis.
"'Fair, fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the pudding race:
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Paunch, tripe, or thairm;
Weel are ye worthy o' a grace
As lang's my arm.'
"This bird is excellent; whoever cooked it,
'His name should be enrolled
In Estcourt's book, whose gridiron's framed of gold.'
"Help yourselves, gentlemen, digestion is the business of the stomach,
and indigestion that of the physicians. It is better to dine late, for
one can then concentrate all his thoughts upon his plate, forget
business, and only think of eating and drinking and going to bed. Ha,
ha! I should have omitted the bed in quoting from the gourmands, for
they would rather fast than be obliged to eat a good dinner in a
hurry. Five hours is little enough, provided Mr. Burchard shall not in
the mean time appear and drive us away.
"This venison is delicious; none was ever better served. The Roman
Senators debated the question how a turbot should be cooked, and the
author of this dish deserves a place among such.
"Montmaur is reported to have said that Easter and Christmas were the
two best days in the year. Easter because it was farthest from Lent,
and Christmas because then you breakfasted at midnight. Who says this
is not equal to Montmaur's Christmas breakfast?"
This sort of banter, interspersed with songs and stories, was kept up
till a late hour, when all of a sudden the keepers awoke to the fact
that Malcolm had flown. The visitors laughed heartily. The company
dispersed, not standing upon the order of their going. The table was
cleared, and the office put in order. Only one of the keepers
remained, who resembled in appearance a cat that had played with her
mouse and lost it; the others were out looking for Malcolm. At an
early hour in the morning he returned, and seating himself at Mr.
Burchard's desk, wrote him this note: