"The work of feeding, you must understand,
Was but a fraction of the work in hand."
_Atlantic Monthly, November, 1872._
In the year of grace 1855 there resided at the fashionable end of one
of the largest of our Eastern cities, a person who will be called for
the purpose of this article Bernon Burchard. He is not a myth, but a
veritable person. For fifteen years he had been a practising lawyer,
and had risen to eminence in his profession. His personal appearance
was fine and prepossessing. His mind was clear, vigorous, and
well-stored with varied learning. His sense of honor was pure and
discriminating, and like the president of the Jewish Sanhedrim in the
days of Caius Caesar, he "was had in reputation of all the people." He
was blessed with a capacious soul, and seemed naturally inclined to
acts of benevolence and generosity. In society he held the foremost
rank, and was fitted by birthright, education, and taste for the
highest social position. His noble nature, his wit and learning and
generous flow of spirits, united to complete a most pleasing and model
gentleman.
At this time, upon the old estate in Lancashire, England, from which
the first of the Burchards in this country emigrated in 1630, there
resided Winfield Burchard, who dispensed generous hospitality to all
the American kindred who made pilgrimage to fatherland. Mr. Bernon
Burchard in particular, of all the name, had special occasion for
holding the said Winfield in lasting remembrance and esteem for the
many and great favors bestowed upon him and his immediate family
during a series of years,--favors which were rendered doubly pleasing
because it was nearly certain from the age and infirmities of the host
that the branch of the family on this side of the Atlantic would never
have the opportunity of reciprocating the favors in kind.
At a certain period in the year first mentioned, when Bernon
Burchard's enthusiasm was all aglow for his English namesake, there
called upon him the Rev. Mr. Malcolm of Oxford, with a letter of
introduction from Winfield, wherein he commended his nephew to the
attention of Mr. Bernon for his many virtues and acquirements.
He was cordially received, and Mr. Bernon Burchard at once determined
to show his new cousin every mark of consideration and attention, as
some slight token of the regard in which he held the writer of the
letter.
In personal appearance the Rev. Mr. Malcolm was of average height, of
a lymphatic temperament, and of modest and retiring manners. His brown
hair shaded bright hazel eyes, which under embarrassment or surprise
flew about with remarkable rapidity, and occasionally gave his
countenance a wildness of expression. He showed at least a smattering
of a variety of knowledge; he had evidently enjoyed the acquaintance
of many of the conspicuous men in Europe, and had the air of a man who
had seen much of the world.
Among other efforts for the entertainment of the Rev. Mr. Malcolm, and
the only one pertinent to the object of this article, was a grand
dinner-party, which surpassed all others that had ever been given in
the city, both for the elegance and sumptuousness of the feast and the
wit and learning displayed by the distinguished guests, as well as in
another particular which it is our purpose to unfold.
There were present, besides the Rev. Mr. Malcolm, a learned Doctor of
Divinity, famous for his proficiency in the Hebrew language and in
Rabbinical lore, and who was at times greatly embarrassed because of
his inability to hold what he deemed a proper restraint over his
risibles. There was also a professor of Greek literature, who
delighted in the tragedies, especially of Euripides and Sophocles, but
who had, nevertheless, a keen relish for the humorous. He was
accustomed among scholars to quote certain old Latin and Greek authors
who were seldom read, and it was a frequent remark among the learned,
with a sly wink of the eye, that our professor had access to some
books which other less favored literati had never seen. There was
present a brace of literary gentlemen of ready memories and wits, who
contributed largely to the enjoyment of the occasion, besides several
lawyers of distinction, who as a class are always to be relied upon
when festivity offers them a retainer; a Senator, who was grave
and dignified; a Right Reverend, who was quite the contrary; a
physiognomist and expert in handwriting, who was the gravest of all,
and naturally so as he was intent on taking rather than making
observations; and several others, who, to say the least, were good
listeners.
In Vespasian's time entertainments were first given _praecise_, and
Mr. Burchard's guests arrived at almost the same moment. As the
physiognomist paid his respects to the host the Rev. Mr. Malcolm stood
upon his right, and at the same moment the man who had the ordering of
the feast, formerly called the butler, stood upon his left offering
him a rolled-up napkin, which was the mode of announcing the readiness
of the repast in the days of the Caesars. This man with a napkin under
his arm led the way to the dining-room, and Mr. Burchard brought up
the rear, also an invariable rule for an "amphitrion" in the times of
the gourmands.
While the _convives_ were passing through the hall, Mr. Sidney, the
physiognomist and expert, seemed disinclined to proceed. Mr. Burchard,
supposing him to feel somewhat overawed in the presence of so wise a
conclave, hurried him along, while Mr. Sidney whispered in his ear,
"With all respect, sir, you are more blind than Bartimeus."
Mr. Sidney has been heretofore described in the pages of the _Atlantic
Monthly_ in these words, "His counterpart in personal appearance you
may find in the thoroughfares at any hour of the day. There is nothing
about him to attract attention. He is nearly forty-five years of age,
and weighs perhaps two hundred pounds. His face is florid and his hair
sandy. His eyes are small, piercing, and gray. His motions are slow,
and none are made without a purpose. The wrinkles in his lips are at
right angles with his mouth, and a close observer might detect in his
countenance self-reliance, and tenacity of will and purpose."
One of the most important personages present, and one who contributed
largely to the success or non-success of the feast, was Mr. Burchard's
major-domo Maguire, the same who handed the napkin to Mr. Burchard
when Mr. Sidney entered the drawing-room. For eight years he had
resided in the family, and had endeared himself to the whole
household by the kindness of his heart, his devotion to the interests
of his employer, and by his perfection of knowledge in every art which
relates to an entertainment and the customs which prevail in refined
society. He was small in stature, of dark complexion, smooth face,
subdued expression of countenance, very quiet in his manners, and aged
about forty-five.
The Rev. Mr. Malcolm, most tastefully attired, was seated on the right
of the host, and said grace in the most approved English formula and
with distinct enunciation. The Doctor of Divinity sat on the left.
Beside his plate was a bill of fare beautifully executed in Hebrew
(much to the surprise of the host and to the credit of Maguire). The
doctor's attempt at translating the same into English afforded not a
little amusement, he being not particularly successful in the effort.
Indeed, he was so perplexed thereby when pressed by the Professor of
Greek, that he could not conceal his annoyance, and the whole company
were equally excited lest the professor should press the Rabbin so
far as to mar the harmony of the occasion. It was beginning to be
painfully embarrassing, when the doctor discovered beside the
professor's plate a similar bill of fare equally well executed in
Greek, and the doctor begged leave to inquire of him, "What is the
difference between _artos_ (bread) and _azumos_ (biscuit), and in what
respect do the _tyrontes_ and _dolyres_ and _typhes_ and _placites_
and _melitutes_ differ?"
The professor became at once so confused as to put the whole company
and the Rabbin in particular in the best of humor and indeed in almost
uncontrollable laughter.
"And what, if you please," further inquired the great Hebrew, "were
those highly flavored _arto laganos_ and the _escarites_ which the
Epicureans are said to have relished so highly that they could devour
them even after the operation had become distressing?"
The professor's pale face had changed to the color of a lobster's
back, and those who had been so painfully perplexed by the
discomfiture of the doctor were now carried to the other extreme by
beholding him tear the weapon from his own flesh and hurl it with such
effect against the attacking party. Again the excitement was becoming
too exquisite for enjoyment. Nothing could have been more graceful
than the turn that was given to the conversation by the Rev. Mr.
Malcolm in sliding it off into a description of the Athenian matrons
and maidens vying with each other in the markets in the sale of their
seventy-two different kinds of bread and the conventional phrases
which they were accustomed to use. As Mr. Malcolm repeated the calls
with graceful and descriptive action, and the professor, who had
recovered his equanimity, interpreted readily, the whole company could
see in their mind's eye the girls and the matrons in the market of
Athens who more than seventeen hundred years ago had called aloud
their "_melitutes_ sweetened with the delicious honey of Mount
Hymettus, and _tyrontes_ made of flour baked with cheese." If there
was any lack of dignity in the reverend gentleman in his vivacious
description, or in the change of his voice to distinguish the girl
from the woman, it was credited to his sagacity and readiness to turn
a bold corner in order to efface the fear and apprehension that had
preceded. It also gave our professor an opportunity to translate what
a few moments before he had been too much confused to do.
Then came a glowing description of the venders of bread in ancient
Rome and of the manners of the AEdiles in their daily round among the
bakers and bread-stands. Here again Mr. Malcolm was exceedingly happy
in his imitations both of the manners of the AEdiles and their remarks
as they passed along, giving a _tableau vivant_ that was quite unique
and very descriptive and enjoyable.
The Right Reverend who was present made a historical reference to King
Numa, and in the same connection declared that bread-making was as old
as the human race. Malcolm smiled, and looked about so queerly that
one of our literary friends offered him a penny. He was evidently
confused, and seemed in doubt when another offered to make it
twopence.
"I have always supposed," said Malcolm very modestly, "that the Romans
for five centuries were pultiphagists, and that Megalarte and
Megalomanze were the first bread-makers," and then, not a little to
the gratification of the professor, he quoted from an author whom the
professor had before then enjoyed alone, and whom some of the company
had thought to have been fictitious. He added that in Numa's time no
bread had been made, and he quoted again from some unheard-of
philosopher who declared that "invalids would become numerous in Rome
should they cease to be pultiphagists and become eaters of bread."
The countenance of the Right Reverend fell somewhat, and Malcolm and
the professor drew closer together, and for a while took the lead of
the conversation and in the entertainment of the company. The
professor seemed enraptured at finding so proficient a Latin and Greek
scholar, and one so familiar with the characters he had hitherto
monopolized. Archilus, Acestius, Stephanus and Phisistion were superb.
Mithaceus on Hotch-potch, Agis on Pickled Broom-buds, Hegesippus on
Black-pudding, Crito on Soused Mackerel, were joyously hit off in
turn, after which Malcolm began a description of the luxury of living
in Trajan's reign.
The greatest of all cooks, Apicius, was introduced as the author of
several of the dishes which had so graced the pending feast. Then
followed the brilliant kitcheners of Rome when foreign luxury was
introduced into the empire from Asia, and as the procession passed
along in grand review, some of the _bon mots_ of each were repeated,
followed by the hearty laugh of the guests. Of these Pantaleon,
Epiricus, Epenetus, Zophon, Chius, and Tyndaricus, whom Pliny styled
"the gulf of all youth," received the most attention.
Paulus AEmilius, whose three days' triumph in Rome was graced by the
captive monarch of Macedonia, came in for his share of honor for his
declaration that "there is equal skill in bringing an army into the
field and the setting forth of a feast, inasmuch as one is to annoy
your enemy and the other to please your friend."
Many instances of the great men of antiquity being engaged in
cooking were recited: the cook of Charlemagne was the leader of
his armies,--Patrocles, the geographer and governor of Syria under
Seleucus and Antiochus, peeled onions,--the heroic Ulysses roasted a
sirloin of beef,--the godlike Achilles washed cabbages,--Cincinnatus
boiled the turnips upon which he dined,--the great Conde fried
pancakes,--Curius Dentatus, who twice enjoyed the honors of a triumph,
was found cooking peas in an earthen pot.
Then followed a description of the luxury brought to Rome after the
conquest of Asia, with talk of the edicts of Archian, Faunian, Didian,
and others for its suppression,--the expense of a single meal being
limited by imperial mandate to _centenos asses_,--of the resistance
offered to these decrees by Durenius and others, and of bills of fare
(first introduced by Vitellius). Most of the company had heard enough
of this kind of conversation, and had turned their attention to the
professor, who seemed transported with delight, especially when
Malcolm quoted from Diocles on sweet-breads, Hicesius on potted
pigeons, and Dionysius on sugar sops.
From that day to the present time the professor has not ceased to
inquire with profound admiration for that accomplished gentleman and
ripe scholar and antiquarian, confidently expecting that he is yet to
honor some of the great universities of the Old World, or that he is
to be raised to some exalted position in the Church of England.
It would be very agreeable to the writer to be allowed to communicate
some of the hits and repartees which were tossed about the table, and
which are omitted because unnecessary to the question in hand. There
was, however, one other subject discussed which awakened a lively
interest and is appropriate to the sequence.
Mr. Malcolm started the inquiry whether it was consistent with the
highest virtue and religion for a lawyer to accept a retainer and to
act as counsel for a man accused of crime, when he knew or had
reasonable cause to believe his client guilty of the offence charged.
The lawyers, one and all, responded in the affirmative. Mr. Malcolm,
as if in doubt, contented himself with inquiries. The Right Reverend
and the Rabbin were decidedly opposed to the opinion of the bar. The
subject was well discussed, and the lawyers carried all before them.
All had given up the contest except the doctor, when Mr. Burchard
inquired of him if he believed in capital punishment, and, receiving
an affirmative nod, he proceeded: "You are aware that our laws require
of every practitioner before he becomes a member of the legal
profession that he shall take an oath that he will be faithful to his
client?"
"Yes."
"And that our statutes provide that the court shall assign counsel to
a criminal when he has not made that provision for himself?"
"Yes."
"And that the state at its own expense compels the attendance of the
witnesses for the accused; and you approve these laws?"
"Yes."
"And once more, would you prefer that the court should hang a man
accused of murder under a plea of guilty, or that the extreme penalty
of the law should be enforced after a full hearing, and proof to the
satisfaction of the jury beyond a reasonable doubt?"
After a moment's reflection the doctor replied that he should prefer
that the death penalty should be carried into effect _only_ after a
verdict of guilty and upon the fullest investigation, for, said he,
"it may be that the accused has a very imperfect knowledge as to what
constitutes the offence charged; or he may be mistaken as to his
duties and obligations; or, indeed, he may be laboring under a morbid
condition of mind, so as to desire that his life may be legally taken,
and I think I have known at least one such."
"Then," said Mr. Burchard, "have you not admitted so much as to make
untenable your position, namely, that you approve the law which
requires an attorney to be faithful to his client, the law which
assigns counsel to the accused, the law which compels the attendance
of the witnesses for the criminal at the expense of the state, and
provides that the accused shall be executed _only_ after the fullest
investigation? What is the object of these enactments? Undoubtedly the
interest of the state and not primarily of the criminal. The state in
its wisdom requires for its own safety, and lest it should commit the
crime and the blunder of hanging an innocent man, that the whole truth
should be known. How greatly would the government and jurisprudence
suffer if a guiltless man should be executed? When, therefore, a
lawyer assumes the defence of a known murderer he is complying with
the commands of the statutes and is serving the best interests of the
government when he compels the prosecuting officer to the proof of the
offence; and not only so, he is serving justice itself and not the
criminal only. Even the judges have no authority to punish, except
these provisions of law are complied with and the offence be proved.
Who has not heard of the indictment of the two Bournes in Vermont, and
of their having pleaded guilty to the crime of murder, for which they
were on the eve of being executed, when the supposed murdered man put
in his appearance? How much better would justice have appeared had
the defence been conducted by a tenacious, faithful, and conscientious
lawyer instead of being conducted in such a bungling manner that the
bones of a horse did duty for the bones of the supposed murdered man!
That case has done better duty as a bugbear for a century than any
other legal decision."
Mr. Burchard became quite warm, and made the assertion that he would
never take a retainer, and afterwards, no matter what knowledge he
should subsequently acquire, desert a client; and he doubted if a
conscientious lawyer had a moral right to refuse to defend a brother
mortal accused of crime. "For the refusal," said he, "proceeds upon
the ground taken by the doctor, which substantially is that no defence
ought to be made, but that sentence should be passed upon a real
criminal whether the crime can be proved or not. And I am at a loss to
discover how my friend the doctor can approve of the requirements of
the statutes which have been referred to, and yet assert that honest,
conscientious lawyers alone cannot comply with them."
Mr. Burchard, feeling that he had been somewhat more enthusiastic than
the occasion demanded, changed the subject in this wise:
"You all remember that a certain firm in Philadelphia made a special
deposit of eighteen thousand dollars in gold in the Trust Company, and
some expert thieves by means of a forged check obtained possession of
the money. The manner of accomplishing the feat was peculiar and was
most adroitly carried out. The thief drove so sharp a bargain for
funds current in New Orleans that the cashier's mind was diverted from
the genuineness of the check to the percentage of exchange to be
realized by the operation. Many propositions were made on both sides
which were not mutually satisfactory. At last the rogue told the
cashier that rather than submit to imposition he would take the gold,
and the eighteen thousand dollars were handed over to him in
twenty-dollar gold-pieces. The forgery was not discovered till
thirteen days after, when the depositor called for his special
deposit. Immediately detectives were employed. One of them you have
all seen. He is a personal friend of mine, and his ability in this
department surpasses Vidocq's as much as Vidocq's was superior to that
of an ordinary country constable. He judged, by an intuition that none
of us can comprehend, that these rogues had carried their plunder to
Baltimore, and thither he proceeded. For three months he prowled about
that city by night and by day, his mind intent upon the one object of
ascertaining some clew that should direct him to the discovery of the
robber. At the end of twelve weeks he had made no progress, and
returned to Philadelphia. There he continued some ten days, and became
discontented and vexed at being baffled. Asserting that he felt
certain that the thieves made Baltimore their head-quarters, he
proceeded thither again. After ten days' further search, one evening
as he was walking slowly past a newspaper-stand on the corner of a
street, he observed a boy who wore no hat purchase a New York _Herald_
and give in exchange a twenty-dollar gold-piece. He followed the lad
into a drinking-saloon in the rear of which was a gambling-room. He
soon ascertained the proprietor's name, and learned that his family
occupied the upper part of the house. He became acquainted with the
proprietor's wife, and found that she was sister to the wife of C. B.,
who was that year the president of the association of rogues, he
having been elected to that position at M. in the State of Indiana in
the month of August. He also learned that her father resided about
fifty miles from Baltimore. The detective was aware that this close
corporation of rascals had nine directors, and, knowing the position
of C. B. in the association and his connection with the proprietor of
the saloon, and understanding also the method of distribution, he
concluded that two thousand dollars fell in the division to C. B., and
a like amount to the proprietor of the saloon. He left the saloon at
midnight, and drove immediately to the residence of the father of the
proprietor's wife, and arrived there between nine and ten o'clock on
the following morning, meeting the old gentleman in his wagon between
his house and the main road, from which it was distant about half a
mile. The detective was also aware of a rule among these robbers, that
any considerable sum of money stolen, less ten per cent, should be
buried for two years; and, having ascertained only what has been above
related, he felt sure of the fact that the old gentleman was the
keeper of one ninth, at least, of the money stolen. He also felt
confident that he had gathered enough of the truth to make a powerful
impression upon the man he had gone so far to see, and that if he was
not altogether given over to the service of this band of bad men, he
could state facts enough, which the old gentleman knew were profound
secrets, to stagger his mind and arouse his conscience. After an
interview of less than an hour this detective, by an art of which we
cannot conceive, and by a magnetism and eloquence that no other man of
my acquaintance ever possessed a tithe of, actually induced the father
of these two women to dig up out of his garden two thousand dollars in
twenty-dollar gold-pieces and hand them over to--my friend Mr. Sidney,
_who sits at the other end of the table_. And not only so, but he
prevailed upon the old gentleman to go with him to Baltimore in
order to get possession of the other two thousand dollars held by
the proprietor of the aforesaid saloon, which he also actually
accomplished at a little inn about six miles from Baltimore, where the
saloon-keeper and his wife met her father and my friend.
"Yesterday in the Supreme Court I had occasion to avail myself of Mr.
Sidney's marvellous ability as an expert in handwriting. The case
turned entirely upon his testimony, although some twenty witnesses
testified on each side that they had seen the defendant write, and
that, in their opinion, the signature was or was not genuine. Mr.
Sidney did not arrive till the moment the case was about to be given
to the jury, and I had no opportunity of conversing with him, except
to ascertain that in his judgment the signature was not a forgery.
"After he took the witness-stand and had qualified himself as an
expert in handwriting, the note in suit was handed him, and he was
requested to state whether or not in his opinion the signature was
genuine. It was some minutes before he responded. During the latter
portion of the time of his silence his mind seemed intent upon
something else. The presiding judge inquired of him if he intended to
answer, when he replied:
"'I was considering the matter, not whether the signature was genuine,
but how I could convince the jury of the truth of what I have to say.
This signature is genuine. The man who wrote it is a moral and
religious man, and has therefore forgotten that he executed it. He is
aged forty-seven, stands five feet ten, is broad-shouldered,
full-favored, with muscular hands, thick, hard, and small; he is a
merchant and a bachelor, and finds it hard to give up when he has been
mistaken. I judge that the man who sits at the other end of the table
wrote his name to this note, and I think I can convince him of it, for
his honest face corresponds to the morality of the signature. The jury
will observe that the first letter of the name is written while the
quill pen was full of ink, which was almost exhausted on the second
letter and replenished on the third, and the operation is repeated
five times. I think, also, that the writer was in poor health, and his
muscles relaxed when he wrote his name. I am of the opinion,
therefore, that the signature was made while the writer was on his
back and the nib of the pen was higher than the tip.'
"At this point of the testimony the face of the defendant against
whose interest the witness was testifying became luminous, and he at
once rose and declared that the statement of the expert was the truth,
and that it had altogether passed from his mind till that moment.
"I hope now I shall have the pleasure of giving you such an
entertainment that you will remember it for your lifetime; and I know
whereof I affirm when I state that my friend here present will, one
hundred times in succession and without a mistake, from a single
specimen of the handwriting of an individual, give his age within two
years, his height within an inch, his weight within ten pounds, his
profession, whether married or single, his temperament and
peculiarities, his moral character, whether--"
Mr. Sidney was here observed to shake his head in a most determined
manner.
"Or if my friend," proceeded Mr. Burchard, "will give us the
characteristics of some of our neighbors who may be passing, this
company will be equally delighted and astonished, for I assert that
he will invariably hit off the peculiarity of a man from a single
glance better than any of us after ten years of intercourse and
acquaintance."
Again Mr. Sidney shook his head, and the subject was not again
referred to.
At a late hour the company separated, each asserting that he had never
passed a more enjoyable evening.
The reader will understand that only fragments of the conversation are
here given, and only such and so much as bear upon the question at the
head of the article. The sparkle of the remainder might be somewhat
dimmed by a repetition, but so agreeable was the flow of soul, so
entertaining the wit, so electric the repartees, and so graceful the
turns in the conversation when the joke began to be too practical,
that the whole company, without reference to the compliment of the
host, declared to each other, as they met for months and years after,
that in their lifetime they had never realized such elegant luxury and
such unmitigated pleasure in an entertainment.
Mr. Sidney again and again endeavored to speak a word confidentially
to Mr. Burchard, but circumstances, and especially his devotion to
Malcolm, prevented.
Both Malcolm and Sidney were to take the night train for New York, and
the time of its departure was near at hand. At last Mr. Sidney bade
the host good-night, saying he should see him again before many days,
but hoped he would soon recover from the infirmity in his eyes. Mr.
Malcolm was the last to leave.
* * * * *
Early on the following morning, while Mr. Burchard was at breakfast,
he received the following note: