"Sale now on," was stuck upon the door-posts of a good-sized house that
I was passing the other day--a house that an agent would call "a genteel
family mansion;" for the agent, taught by his trade, knows that it is
not always expedient to call a spade a spade, so he tickles the taste of
his customers by talking of "villas, cottages ornees, snug boxes,
delightful residences," etcetera; in short, anything but what a plain,
matter-of-fact person would bring forth to dub the home wherein he
passed his hours of rest. "Sale now on," in black letters six inches
high. There were bills in the windows bearing the name of a well-known
auctioneer, which was in itself sufficient to guarantee that it was a
genuine sale; a large hearthrug was swung, banner fashion, out of the
first-floor window, bearing also a bill, enumerating the valuable
household furniture, and about the door were several snuffy-looking men
in carpet caps, some with very Israelitish aspects, but all looking very
fleecy and fluffy, and wearing the appearance of buying a secondhand
suit of clothes once in a year, putting it on, and keeping it on until
it dropped off of its own accord.
Being something of a saunterer, auction sales very frequently come under
my notice, and possess something of an attraction for me; not that I go
as a bargain hunter, for it is only on very, very rare occasions that I
make a purchase; but I like to see how my fellow-man and woman buy their
bargains, and also to moralise, in my own small way, upon the changes
that may have taken place in the house before the "whole of the valuable
and modern household furniture" was placed in the hands of the "going,
going, gone" man, to dispose of without reserve. I have been in some
strange places in my travels, and seen some strange auctions, especially
those in the electro-plate line at a shop in a leading thoroughfare; but
the touter at the door never asks me in now, and the gentleman in the
rostrum never seeks to catch my eye for another bid. My impression is
that they do not want me, but look upon me as a rogue towards them; and
verily I believe that I am, if they occupy the standard position of
honest men. I could fill some pages with the reflections I have made
upon different auctions at which I have been present--of the struggling,
failing tradesman, turned out of house and home, watching with
bitterness his household gods sacrificed upon the altar of Mammon--of
the recklessly furnished house of the bankrupt speculator--of the little
four-roomed house in the suburbs--all have their own especial history;
but upon this occasion I am writing of the buyers more especially, and
of the especial house spoken of at the head of this paper.
"Sale now on; fuss floor, sir," said one of the grubby individuals
before referred to; and as I ascended the stairs, which showed plainly
where the rich velvet pile carpet, lot 94 in the catalogue, had lain, I
was attacked on both flanks by a couple of gentlemen of very seedy, but
decidedly not ripened appearance, who were very desirous of executing
any little commissions for me. "Was there anything I had marked in the
catalogue?" One of these gents soon gave me up, but the other seemed
determined that if he failed in hooking a gudgeon, it should not be for
want of perseverance; so he followed me up most pertinaciously, and on
reaching the sale room--the three drawing-rooms thrown into one--began
to expatiate upon everything which seemed to have attracted my eye. The
pianoforte was the very one that would suit me, and he could tell me the
figure to a T that I ought to give for it, which was not the strict
letter of the truth.
It was of no avail that I tried to get rid of him, so I sat down in a
corner near the auctioneer, and watched the progress of the sale and the
countenances of the buyers.
"_Going_ at three ten; going at three ten; _going_ at three _ten_--"
"Tap" went the hammer, and a Mr Cohen became the owner of a rosewood
loo table.
Several more lots were disposed of, when a large feather-bed was placed
by the porters upon the table. It might have been stuffed with feathers
of gold from the way in which it was immediately attacked and punched.
I was almost knocked over in the rush; and for a moment it appeared as
though the twelve tribes of Israel had resolved, to a man, upon
thrusting their arms right up to the elbow in the soft and yielding bed.
"Bargain at a fi-pun note, sir; let me bid for you. Be a sin to let
such a chance go. Better let me bid, or them Jews 'll run it up."
In spite of myself I could not refrain from turning round and gazing
upon my tormentor's profile, which was as thoroughly Israelitish as ever
spoke of race or told of Eastern origin. But for a very peremptory
negative I should undoubtedly have become the possessor of the capital
feather-bed; which, however, became the property of a Mr Moss.
In fact, the richly historical names that were given in after almost
every purchase showed how very little there was of the Christian element
in the sale: Lazarus, Abrahams, Marks, Levy, Solomon, and the refined
Sloman--Moss, a capital name for a money grubber, and far preferable, no
doubt, to the more familiar Moses--such names as these seemed of the
most familiar, while Brown, Jones, Robinson, or Smith only occurred at
long intervals.
I stayed some two hours, and watched the greed and avarice displayed by
the bidders; and came away with the full determination not to buy at
sales, for I could see one thing very plainly, and that was, that there
was no fear of an article being sold for less than its value, as there
were plenty of experienced men waiting to close at once upon a bargain;
and therefore these brokers would, amongst them, run every lot up to
nearly its full worth; the consequence being, that if you did not give
the real value for an article that you were almost buying in the dark as
to its quality, you would give for it perhaps considerably more than it
was worth--buying blindly--every lot being knocked down to the buyer
with all its defects and failings.
I am not going to say that bargains are not to be picked up at sales,
for no doubt many are to be come at in this way; but it seems to me to
be absolutely necessary that the purchaser should possess a shrewd
business perception and keen business capabilities, or the chances are
that he will be greatly disappointed when he pays his money and has his
goods delivered to him. And this is what I thought as I watched the
different little "dodges" employed by the initiated to give the
auctioneer notice when they bid. One man scratched his head; another
winked his right eye; another winked his left; one thrust his tongue
into his cheek; another raised his eyebrows; others rubbed their noses,
tapped their teeth, coughed, pulled their whiskers; while the most
expert seemed to do it with a look.
"Said I then to myself, here's a lesson for me," though I do not know
with what favour Dr Watts would have looked upon such a
misappropriation of his ode, and I then rose to leave the room, closely
followed by my broker friend, who was strongly of opinion, when we
reached the staircase, that he ought to drink my health. However, I did
not agree with him, being so unimaginative as to consider that my health
would not be in the slightest degree improved by being drunk, while that
of my companion would decidedly suffer by potations such as are supplied
in our London public-houses.