THE PRINCIPAL GIRL
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
_MRS. FITZ_
_ARAMINTA_
_FORTUNE_
_WILLIAM JORDAN, JUNIOR_
_HENRY NORTHCOTE_
_BROKE OF COVENDEN_
_MISTRESS DOROTHY MARVIN_
_etc., etc._
THE
PRINCIPAL GIRL
BY
J. C. SNAITH
NEW YORK
MOFFAT, YARD AND COMPANY
1912
Copyright, 1912, by
MOFFAT, YARD AND COMPANY
NEW YORK
_All Rights Reserved_
CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGE
I A GREAT PROCONSUL; AND OTHER PHENOMENA 1
II TOUCHES UPON A MATTER OF GRAVE
PUBLIC IMPORTANCE 7
III IS DOMESTIC IN THE MAIN, BUT WE
HOPE NOT UNWORTHY OF A GREAT
CONSTITUTIONAL STATESMAN 12
IV IN WHICH THE GENTLE READER HAS
THE HONOR OF AN INTRODUCTION TO
THE SEVENTH UNMARRIED DAUGHTER
OF NOT QUITE A HUNDRED EARLS 18
V IN WHICH THE GENTLE READER IS
TAKEN TO THE PANTOMIME IN THE
COMPANY OF MARGE AND TIMOTHY
AND ALICE CLARA AND DICK AND THE
BABE AND HELEN AND LUCY NANNA,
AND WE HOPE YOU’LL ENJOY IT AS
MUCH AS THEY DID 27
VI IN WHICH WE DINE OUT IN GROSVENOR
SQUARE 47
VII IN WHICH WE DRINK TEA AGAIN AT THE
CARLTON 62
VIII IN WHICH WE MAKE THE ACQUAINTANCE
OF THE GODDAUGHTER OF EDWARD
BEAN 77
IX A LITTLE LUNCH AT DIEUDONNÉ’S 83
X AFFAIRS OF STATE 100
XI LICENTIOUS BEHAVIOR OF THE GREEN
CHARTREUSE 108
XII THE PROCONSULAR TOUCH 115
XIII JANE’S AFTERNOON OUT 121
XIV IN WHICH MARY QUALIFIES FOR THE
RÔLE OF THE BAD GIRL OF THE FAMILY 132
XV IN WHICH WE SIT AT THE FEET OF
GAMALIEL 152
XVI IN WHICH THE MOUNTAIN COMES TO
MAHOMET 157
XVII IN WHICH WE ARE TAKEN TO VIEW A
LITTLE FLAT IN KNIGHTSBRIDGE 166
XVIII IN WHICH THE CONSEQUENCES ARE
DAMNED WITH NO UNCERTAINTY 174
XIX A GREAT OCCASION 184
XX LOVE’S YOUNG DREAM 191
XXI ADVENTURES RARE AND STRANGE 199
XXII IN WHICH PHILIP RENEWS HIS YOUTH 210
XXIII IN WHICH GRANDMAMMA RENEWS HERS 226
XXIV IS OF A POLITICAL NATURE 239
XXV IS VICTORIAN IN THE BEST SENSE 259
XXVI A CONSTITUTIONAL CRISIS 268
XXVII ANOTHER TRIUMPH FOR FREE TRADE 290
XXVIII THE END OF THE TALE 300
THE PRINCIPAL GIRL
CHAPTER I
A GREAT PROCONSUL; AND OTHER PHENOMENA
THE great Proconsul stood on one of Messrs. Maple’s best hearthrugs
in Grosvenor Square. A typical payer of the super-tax, a pink and
prosperous gentleman in a morning coat and striped trousers, his
appearance had long commanded the admiration of his country.
He had not ruled the teeming millions of the Ganges, although the
strength of his digestion and his absence of imagination would at any
time have enabled him to do so. But for a period of nine weeks he had
been the Resident of Barataria North-West; and partly for that reason
and partly for a reason even more cogent, he had the distinction of
being the last peer created by Mr. Vandeleur’s last government.
The world is familiar with Sir William Richmond’s fine portrait of
Walter Augustus, first Baron Shelmerdine of Potterhanworth now, on loan
at the National Portrait Gallery. In this the national asset appears as
he encountered his Sovereign in knee breeches, silk stockings, shoe
buckles and other regalia.
Competent judges consider it an excellent likeness, and of course quite
unexceptionable as a work of art. It is the portrait of a happily
endowed Englishman in his manly prime, to which the nation at large is
able to refer between the hours of ten and four, Fridays excepted.
Eton, Balliol, diplomacy, private means, together with various places
of emolument under the Crown, had each a share in raising Shelmerdine
of Potterhanworth to his elevation. A first baron certainly, but not
a mushroom growth. The honors of a grateful nation had come to him
mainly because he had not been able to avoid them. From early youth he
had been ranged with those who always do the right thing at the right
time in the right way. He had always hit the bull’s-eye so exactly in
the centre that public regard had had to strive to keep pace with his
progress.
Up till the age of one-and-thirty, Shelmerdine--not then of
Potterhanworth--had like humbler mortals just a sporting chance of
getting off the target. But at the age of thirty-one he married. By
that judicious action he forfeited any little chance he may have had of
dying an obscure, private individual.
Sociologists differ as to what is the most portentous phenomenon of the
age in which we dwell, but there is a body of the well-informed which
awards the palm unhesitatingly to that amiable institution, the Suffolk
Colthurst.
The world is under great obligations to this interesting representative
of the higher mammalia. The upper reaches of Theology are whitened
with the bones of the Suffolk Colthurst. It makes an almost ideal
Under-Secretary, it is always so smooth-spoken and well-brushed; it
makes a most excellent Judge; there is no place of emolument it is not
fitted to grace; and in the unlikely event of a doubt invading your
mind as to whether the particular schoolmaster will be inducted to the
vacant see of Wincanton, you have only to look up which branch it was
of the Suffolk Colthursts into which he married, and at what period of
his life he married her.
What would be the Established Order without the Colthurst of Suffolk?
What would be the Navy and Army, Law and Medicine, Parliament itself,
Art--and yes, gentlemen!--Letters, without the Colthurst of Suffolk?
It is an error, however, to suppose that this pleasant phenomenon
confines itself to one little corner of the globe. The Colthurst is
indigenous to Suffolk, but for generations there has been quite a
colony settled in Kent. There is also the world-famous Scotch variety,
and of late traces of the Suffolk Colthurst have been found in America.
The Transatlantic mind, never slow at diagnosis, and with its trick of
masterful and telling speech, has already ventured to define its creed.
In America the creed of the Suffolk Colthurst has been defined as the
Art of Getting There with Both Feet.
Please do not assume that there is anything ignoble about the Colthurst
of Suffolk. Quite the contrary. It has been laid down as a general
principle that the Suffolk Colthurst never makes money but always
marries it. That is not to say, of course, that a Suffolk Colthurst
has never been known to make money, because such a statement, however
pleasant, would be in excess of the truth. But the Suffolk Colthurst,
_pur sang_, sets less store by the making of money than by the spending
of money in the way that shows it has always had money to spend.
As a matter of fact it always has had money to spend. As soon as
banking, brewing, land-jobbing, share-broking, and other polite arts
began to flourish in Suffolk, the Colthurst began to marry and to give
in marriage. And to this day if you enter a small private bank in a
quiet cathedral city, and you take the trouble to make inquiries,
you are quite likely to learn that the local Suffolk Colthurst has
the chief proprietary interest in the concern. The family has always
been partial to banking. It is such an eminently sensible practice to
lend money at double the rate at which you borrow it; and it has the
additional advantage that you can’t call it Trade.
Our immediate business, however, is with the blameless gentleman who
at the age of one-and-thirty was accepted in marriage by a charming
representative of the genus, and at the age of nine-and-fifty was made
a peer by Mr. Vandeleur’s government, immediately antecedent to its
total and permanent eclipse.
To return, then, to Shelmerdine of Potterhanworth. For nearly an hour
had he occupied the tasteful hearthrug provided by Messrs. Maple. A
frown chequered his serene front and several times he had recourse to
the Leading Morning Journal which lay open on his writing-table at page
four.
At the top of the third column was a communication dated from the
Helicon Club, S. W. It was signed by himself and had been crowned with
the glory of the largest type you could have without having to pay for
it. Immediately below, in type equally glorious, were communications
veiled in the discreet anonymity of “A Lover of Animals” and “Verax.”
Discreet anonymity is disagreeable as a rule. The fact was the great
Proconsul was in the act of rendering a signal service to the Public;
and in consequence the Public did not thank him for his interference.
To be sure, it was the first time in his life that he had been guilty
of such an indiscretion. This was his first single-handed attempt to
render a service to society at large; and, as was only to be expected,
society at large was not making itself very pleasant about it.
There could be no doubt that at this moment the great Proconsul was
the most unpopular man in London. Old ladies in ermine tippets scowled
at him as he passed along Park Lane; and a hostess of mark, famous for
her wealth and her humanity, had already crossed him out of her dinner
list.