This is how the Guardians of the Midleton Union (County Cork) transact
business:--
"_Mr. Morrison_ (_to the Chairman_). You promised to write
to the Local Government Board, and do it now. (_Noise and
interruptions._)
"_Mr. Murphy_ (_warmly_). I say the whole thing is all humbug,
and based upon humbug.
"(_At this stage there was great noise and confusion, several
gentlemen speaking at the same time._)
"_Chairman_ (_very warmly, and hitting the table_). I say I am
not a humbug, and I was never a humbug, and I hope I'll never
have to be displaced from any public position because I was a
humbug or a proved humbug."
Why did not the table turn upon the chair, and hit it back? This
would have been a real case of table-turning. To parody EDWARD LEAR'S
delightful _Nonsense Songs_,
Said the Table to the Chair,
"You can hardly be aware
How it feels when you come down
With your fist upon my crown."
* * * * *
"MENUS PLAISIRS."--One of the best _menus_ of the season provided by
the Lyceum House of Entertainment included, or rather did include,
during last week past, such choice dishes, so much to the taste of
everyone, as _The Ris d'Ellen Terry à la Nance Oldfield_ and _Tête
de Mathias à la Henri premier_. Appropriately, of course, did the
orchestra, which plays before each performance, give the old familiar
airs of "_I would I were with Nancy!_" and "_The Bells are ringing
for_"--_Mathias_--not for "_Sara_."
* * * * *
[Illustration: A STRAIGHT REPLY.
_Daughter of a Hundred Earls_ (_who is about to marry for love_). "NOW
I AM GOING TO HAVE A HOUSE OF MY OWN, MRS. RUSTLE, I SHALL GET YOU TO
GIVE ME A HINT OR TWO."
_The Maternal Housekeeper._ "WELL, LADY CLARA, I'M AFRAID I CAN'T HELP
YOU MUCH. I KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT THE CONTRIVANCES OF PEOPLE WITH
SMALL MEANS."]
* * * * *