One evening a red-headed Connaught swell, of no small aristocratic
pretensions in his own eyes, sent his servant, whom he had just imported
from the long-horned kingdom, in all the rough majesty of a creature fresh
from the "wilds," to purchase a hundred of oysters on the City-quay. Paddy
staid so long away, that Squire Trigger got quite impatient and unhappy
lest his "body man" might have slipt into the Liffey; however, to his
infinite relief, Paddy soon made his appearance, puffing and blowing like
a disabled bellows, but carrying his load seemingly in great triumph.
"Well, Pat," cried the master, "what the devil kept you so long?" "Long! a
thin, may be it's what you'd have me to come home with half my _arrant?_"
says Pat. "Half the oysters?" says the master. "No; but too much of the
_fish_." says Pat. "What fish?" says he. "The oysters, to be sure," says
Pat. "What do you mean, blockhead?" says he. "I mean," says Pat, "that
there was no use with loading myself with more nor was useful."
"Will you explain yourself?" says he. "I will," says Pat laying down his
load. "Well then, you see, plaise your Honour, as I was coming home along
the quay, mighty peaceable, who should I meet but Shammus Maginnis; 'Good
morrow, Shamien,' sis I; 'Good morrow kindly, Paudeen,' sis he; 'What is
it you have in the sack?' sis he; 'A _Cwt_. of oysters,' sis I; 'Let us
look at them,' says he; 'I will, and welcome,' sis I; 'Orah! thunder and
pratees!' sis he, openin the sack an examinin them; 'who _sowld_ you
these?' 'One Tom Kinahan that keeps a small ship there below,' sis I;
'Musha then, bad luck to that same Tom that _sowld_ the likes to you,' sis
he; 'Arrah, why, avic?' sis I; 'To make a _Bolshour_ ov you an give thim
to you without gutting thim,' sis he; 'An arn't they gutted, Jim, aroon,'
sis I; 'Oh! bad luck to the one o' thim,' sis he; 'Musha then,' sis I,
'what the dhoul will I do at all at all, fur the master will be mad;' 'Do!'
sis he, 'why I'd rather do the thing for you mysel nor you should lose
your place,' sis he; so wid that he begins to gut them wid his knife,
_nate_ and _clain_, an afeereed ov dirtying the flags, begor, he
swallowed the guts himself from beginnin to ind, tal he had thim as dacent
as you see thim here"--dashing down at his master's feet his bag of oyster
shells, to the no small amazement of the Connaught worthy, as you may
suppose.--_Dublin Comet_.
[1] The agent for the MIRROR, in Paris.--ED. M.
* * * * *