(_A CONVERSATION--PURELY IMAGINARY._)
SCENE--_Pall Mall. Present, SECRETARY OF STATE and Military
Adviser._
_Mil. A._ I want to know your ideas about the Autumn Manoeuvres. Are
we to have any this year?
_Sec. of S._ (_with a melancholy smile_). That depends upon
circumstances not entirely under my control.
_Mil. A._ Oh, yes; I know. But Governments may come and Governments
may go, but the State flows on for ever. Whatever _you_ commence
_they_ will have to carry out.
_Sec. of S._ Can we have these Manoeuvres without expense?
_Mil. A._ Well, scarcely. For instance, there is the ammunition.
_Sec. of S._ Oh, we can get over that! Every soldier, when he is
supposed to fire, can say, "Bang!" or words to that effect. We might
add the direction to the new Provisional Drill-Book.
_Mil. A._ (_drily_). Yes, you might; and it would prove about as
useful as the other regulations in that remarkable volume! Well,
suppose the difficulty of ammunition surmounted, what next?
_Sec. of S._ Well, I suppose we shall have to spend some money on the
farmers for rights of way and the rest of it?
_Mil. A._ I suppose so, if you want the troops to move over an
unfamiliar country.
_Sec. of S._ But I am not sure I do. Why shouldn't they learn how to
defend Aldershot? Then it would cost nothing. What next?
_Mil. A._ Well, there will be the Commissariat expenses.
_Sec. of S._ Suppose food costs the same in most places. Besides,
isn't TOMMY ATKINS supposed to purchase his own victuals?
_Mil. A._ Yes, theoretically I suppose he is; but practically he--
_Sec. of S._ Oh, bother practice! Of course he must, somehow; he must
pay for the Commissariat out of his own pocket.
_Mil. A._ Well, then there is the question of transport. Of course,
many regiments have their own waggons and carts, but for a special
occasion I think it would be advisable if--
_Sec. of S._ (_interrupting_). What nonsense! Why, of course we will
make them all walk. It will do them a world of good!
_Mil. A._ Well, as we want to bring some from Scotland, it will
distinctly be a long walk--a very long walk indeed!
_Sec. of S._ (_heartily_). So much the better--so much the better!
_Mil. A._ (_sarcastically_). I fancy you will have to pay a large bill
in shoe-leather!
_Sec. of S._ (_aghast_). So we shall! Oh, bother the Manoeuvres just
now! The fact is, I have to think of other things!
[_Scene closes in upon Secretary thinking of other things._
* * * * *