TIME.--_The same day as Act II. A few hours later._
_SCENE.--Another side of the same room. The fireplace centre, the bay
window cornerwise L. of fireplace; the hallway R. U.; screen below
it; when open, covers a door down R.; couch and piano off; table is
L. C.; chairs, etc.; low chair at a small table against scene down
L.; fire in fireplace._
_HELEN discovered seated R. of fireplace; CARRIE seated L.; CORNEY,
back to fireplace, standing smoking._
HEL. (_R. C., seated_) There is nothing left us but departure. Mr.
Dunn's falsehoods, and the woman's shamelessness, render any further
stay impossible. We are decided to leave his roof.
CORN. Certainly! Leave him the entire house; you've raised it about his
ears, you can't do more.
CAR. _How_ he has deceived us!
HEL. What _lies_ he has told us.
CORN. Hasn't he? Beauties! What a political future for a man who could
lie like Peter!
CAR. I'm appalled to find he is so wicked.
CORN. And mad to think you never suspected him. You feel so mean at
having been fooled, don't you? Why, I positively looked up _to him_.
Ah! It's the same old story, scores of presumably, blameless, spotless
men, only waiting to be found out.
CAR. (_rises_) We cannot longer remain under the same roof with him.
_Down to table, packing trinkets in small bag on table. HELEN rises
and goes to cabinet up R._
CORN. Of course not, and the only question is, _who's_ to quit! We can,
but why shouldn't _he_? There's four of us, and only one of him.
HEL. And her, the woman. (_crossing to table with small vase_)
CORN. Yes! Well, it would be far less trouble to arrange for us to
remain, and let him go, and take _her along with him_.
HEL. AND CAR. (_CARRIE turning quickly from window_) Corney!!
HEL. How can you suggest such a breach of propriety? (_back to cabinet
for another small treasure_)
CORN. I can't see that it's worse than leaving them here. Beside it
would save the inconvenience of packing, and as far as I'm concerned,
I don't relish getting out of my comfortable quarters for a trifle.
(_sits in chair R. of fireplace, stretching himself_)
_HELEN crossing to table L. C. with vase--CARRIE packing with
tissue paper, and placing in bag on table._
HEL. A trifle?
CORN. Well, say a serious little thing!
CAR. She is not a serious little thing! (_CARRIE rings bell on table
L._)
CORN. It's foolish to hurry our departure in any case. Give them time,
and we may find they have _eloped_, and left us in possession. (_CORNEY
gets L. of fireplace on MARY'S entrance_)
CAR. How can you hint at anything so shocking? (_at table L.,
getting photo_) If Peter can clear himself, I will give him one more
opportunity.
HEL. (_taking photo out of CARRIE'S hand_) And one more chance for new
and greater falsehoods. (_crosses back to cabinet R. and puts down
photo. MARY enters from hallway R., front of them_)
CAR. Where is Mr. Dunn?
MARY. (R. C.) He's _gone_, Ma'am!
CORN. (_rises quickly_) _There!_ What did I say?
HEL. (_advancing R._) Gone! Gone where?
MARY. Gone out, Ma'am!
CAR. And Miss Mifton--is--she in the house?
MARY. Yes Ma'am, both of them. The one, the _first one_, was on the
point of going out, but Miss Mifton, the second, stopped her and says:
"No you don't, not in them clothes; take my frock off," she said, and
the high words they've been having you might have heard down here.
_HATTIE enters R. C._
HAT. (R. C.) A downright quarrel over the nursery table.
CORN. Well, if I'm a judge of character, number two could hold her own.
HAT. Oh, the other's no duffer.
HEL. Hattie! Such language. (_MARY exits R. to hallway_)
HAT. She has such dignity, she's withering. She curled the new one up,
I can tell you.
HEL. And where are they now?
HAT. Number one is on the roof.
_INNINGS enters R._
INN. (_entering_) I say, it's awful, you know, there's a crowd
collecting in front of the house; I think they imagine it's a
sleep-walking seance----
_Shouts of mob off L.; all run to window except INNINGS and HATTIE._
HEL. (_returning_) What do they want?
CORN. What's the matter? What is it?
INN. One of the Miftons, the Governess, is on the tiles.
_Shouts; same business as before._
HEL. What a disgrace!
CAR. What is she doing on the roof?
HAT. I don't know, the step ladder was there, and she ran up through
the skylight, she's calling out Phoebus! Phoebus! and waving her arms
about like this. (_HATTIE down R., and comes over again_)
HEL. Tell her to come down.
CORN. She must belong to some new sect that has taken up the old Pagan
idolatry.
INN. Yes! That's it! She's calling on the gods.
_Shouts; all to window again._
CAR. But why up there--why upon the roof?
HAT. Thinks she's getting _nearer_ to 'em, up there.
CORN. Tell her to try the upper story of a residential flat.
HAT. Or the top of the Eiffel Tower.
_HATTIE exits to hall R. U. E._
INN. (_following_) If she would like to go up in a balloon, I shall be
delighted----
_INNINGS exits R._
HEL. When will our humiliation cease? (_crosses R._)
_MISS MIFTON enters R. U. E._
MIFT. (_R. C.; speaking as she enters_) I will not put up with it--you
will pardon me troubling you; but if I cannot get my rights any other
way, I must send for the policeman.
CORN. I fancy the Cook's got a mortgage on him! (_comes down L._)
CAR. (L. C.) What is it you want, Miss Mifton?
MIFT. (_indignantly, C._) My wearing apparel, Mrs. Dunn! That imposter
is in possession of my trunk, and is still wearing some of my dresses.
HEL. What insufferable impudence!
CAR. Have you asked her to give them up?
MIFT. I did more than ask; I insisted; I commanded her to take my
property off her back; and she replied, by imploring Artemis, to strike
me dumb. (_puts her hands up a-la-NIOBE_)
HEL. Artemis, who?
CORN. Artemis Ward, of course. She meant it in some humorous way,
probably.
CAR. (L. C.) What a vindictive wretch she must be.
MIFT. (R. C.) The most annoying part of it is she won't lose her
temper; she simply waves me off, and says, "The audience hour is noon."
CORN. (L.) A new way of implying "At home, Thursdays, 12 to 2."
CAR. Miss Mifton, will you please be patient, and silent, too;
endeavour to spare us the pain of a great scandal.
MIFT. You may rely on my discretion, Mrs. Dunn.
HEL. Be prepared to leave with us, and have the children ready.
MIFT. I'll do my best, but she has set the dear pets against me. They
won't leave her side.
CAR. (_crosses R. to HELEN_) Oh, Helen, this is the bitterest blow of
all.
HEL. (_following CARRIE down R._) Don't despair Carrie. Miss Mifton is,
as yet, new to them; you at least will be able to lure the darlings
from the pernicious influence.
_Crosses to table and gets hand-bag._
CORN. (_aside_) If I can get a chance, I'll have my little business out
with Miss Mifton at once.
HEL. (_crossing back with hand-bag_) We will see to the children
ourselves, Miss Mifton. (_crosses R. of CARRIE_) Come Carrie, we
must first send to a Hotel and secure rooms! The very air here seems
loathsome.
_HELEN exits with CARRIE R. I. E._
CORN. Yes, there's an escape of gas somewhere.
MIFT. (_looks after CARRIE and HELEN--then speaks down R.--aside_) He's
here! Now is my opportunity to endeavour to obtain my sister's letters.
CORN. (_L.--aside_) The annoyance she's meeting with will make her
more spiteful to _me_. I must pacify her the first thing. (_aloud_) We
deeply regret the vile treatment you have received. I myself am pained
beyond measure at the ignominy you have suffered. (_DUNN enters R. U.
E., as if from street, with paper parcel, puts down hat on cabinet, up
R._) And if it were not for the ties of relationship, Mr. Dunn should
answer to me for his dastardly conduct.
DUNN. (_coming down C._) Should he? If you will only show your
authority for questioning, Mr. Dunn is prepared with unlimited replies.
CORN. I have merely the authority of equity and common justice.
DUNN. Justice for whom?
_During following scene CORNEY bullies DUNN very considerably._
CORN. (L. C.) Justice for all.
DUNN. (C.) That's rather a large order, isn't it? and you might find
your portion of it, a little more than you bargained for; as for the
little inconvenience Miss Mifton has experienced----
MIFT. (R. C.) It is no small matter, Mr. Dunn, to have your trunk
seized and your dresses appropriated.
CORN. Even her very name has been stolen.
DUNN. How do you know? I suppose there may be other Miftons? (_to
MIFTON_) You don't quite claim a monopoly for the name, do you Mifton?
MIFT. It's a remarkable coincidence, that I should find a person of _my
name_, occupying my situation.
DUNN. You were so long coming to _fill it_. You threw away your chances.
MIFT. I merely delayed to call upon some friends.
CORN. (_going to DUNN C._) The fact of Miss Mifton being delayed is no
excuse for the pretence.
DUNN. But it accounts for the _mistake_. We had engaged a Miss Mifton,
and a Miss Mifton came; it was a case of first come--first serve.
MIFT. But she appears here in my tea gown--she's wearing my clothes.
DUNN. That's your fault again for _sending them on_. If you had _come
in them_, it couldn't have happened. And there's no desire to keep your
clothes. The lady will get some made with all possible dispatch. I have
here samples of materials that I have obtained for her to select from.
(_showing parcel_)
_N. B.--This parcel contains a number of small sample cuttings of
dress goods, a printed measure form to fill up, tape measure and
pencil._
CORN. You take a remarkable interest in this woman.
DUNN. The interest one naturally feels for the unprotected. She is an
Orphan; of _long standing_; she is misjudged and suffering an injustice.
_CORNEY goes up to window L._
MIFT. (R. C.) You are strangely blind to _my_ grievances, Mr. Dunn. You
engaged me as Governess, and I came here to teach your children.
DUNN. (C.) No! No! Let us be correct. You came here to hunt down the
gay deceiver--(_indicating CORNEY, who comes quickly down to him C._)
who trifled with the young affections of a confiding Mifton.
CORN. (_aside to DUNN_) Don't be a fool Peter; she'll put up the
damages, a couple of thousand, on a remark like that. (_aloud_) What
reason have you to suppose--who could have told you such was the object
of the lady's visit?
DUNN. (C.) You told me yourself, and asked me to speak to Miss Mifton.
CORN. (L. C.) Not _that one_!
DUNN. But you _meant_ that one. Why, the other hasn't had a sister for
_years and years_. And it's the sister you had broken off with. (_goes
up and unties parcel at cabinet R._)
CORN. (R.) I never said she was broken off.
MIFT. (_comes down R. C._) I admit I took the engagement for the
purpose, if it proved the same, of speaking with Mr. Griffin of my
sister; and if he still loved her, to prepare him for the worst.
CORN. (_with mock grief_) What! Is she dead? My bonny Ethel, a thing of
the past! Oh!
_Falls into chair R. of table._
MIFT. (_crosses to CORNEY_) No! No! Not that, Mr. Griffin; my sister
still lives.
CORN. (_rises_) Oh, I see; you mean the worst if I refuse to
compromise. Of course, it is to be regretted that mercenary motives
should creep in, where once love reigned. And your case is not a strong
one, Mr. Dunn will tell you----
DUNN. (_at table, arranging his patterns under newspaper_) No, Mr. Dunn
won't. Don't drag me into your vile deceptions. I've enough to worry
with my own.
CORN. Why can't Ethel let by-gones be by-gones; she must know I was an
impressionable young jackass; that we never could be happy together,
at least I couldn't, and she is very wrong, very wrong, to insist on
marrying me.
MIFT. (C.) She does not. How could she when she is already married?
CORN. (_bus._) Married! Oh, Miss Mifton--oh--(_aside_) oh, this is
lovely! (_going to L. corner_)
DUNN. Oh, what luck some people have!
MIFT. (C.) I came to plead to your generosity; her husband believes she
was never engaged before! She dreads you might disclose her deception,
and expose her letters.
CORN. Ah! How she has misjudged me; I forgive her freely; she shall
have her letters----
MIFT. Thank you!
CORN. In exchange for mine, of course. It must be a sound reciprocal
arrangement.
MIFT. Yes! Yes! I have them in my trunk.
CORN. Good! When you are packing, I will take them.
DUNN. (_coming down_) And as you have now thoroughly accomplished the
object of your coming, Miss Mifton, there is nothing further to detain
you. I wish you good day. (_taking her hand_) I'm sorry you had so much
trouble, but compensation will of course----
MIFT. (_withdrawing her hand, indignantly, and going R._) You are
mistaken, Mr. Dunn. I could never consent to leave the ladies in their
distress.
CORN. (_crosses to MISS MIFTON_) That sentiment does you credit, Miss
Mifton! Don't be intimidated, I will stand by you.
MIFT. (_excitedly_) I will not! (_crosses C., DUNN running L._) I will
send for an officer. I will demand my clothes--I cannot pack my dress
while it is on the back of that person.
_Going hurriedly R. and exits R. U. E._
CORN. (_following her up_) No! have it off! have it off! Send for the
police.
DUNN. (L. C.) Do you know you're spreading insubordination, Cornelius
Griffin, and breeding contempt for me; the constituted authority of
this house?
CORN. (_returning C._) I can't help that, Peter, I must stand up for
the innocent and oppressed.
DUNN. (C.) Must you! How long has this wave of virtuous indignation
been raging along _your_ seaboard?
CORN. (R. C.) _For several minutes!_ Aroused by the vile treatment of
poor little Mifton; it was contemptible to seize her trunk and pick the
lock. (_goes R._)
DUNN. (_following CORNEY closely_) I did not. I only picked the key;
and it was only by the merest chance that it fitted.
CORN. (_backing DUNN to C._) But you have the nerve to utilize the
contents of the said trunk to _deck out_ your precious beauty!
_Crosses to L. H._
DUNN. (_follows CORNEY_) What d'ye mean by _deck out_? She's not a
shop window, and don't call her _my_ beauty, I have never made any
special claim to comeliness.
CORN. Oh, come Dunn! (_gets L. of table_)
DUNN. (_R. of table_) Don't, Oh come Dunn me!
CORN. (_turns on DUNN across table_) I had a _high_ opinion of you once.
DUNN. (_same business_) I never had a high opinion of _you_ at any time.
CORN. I was mistaken.
DUNN. I wasn't! You're no good--you're not solid; you've about as much
vertebral support to you as a rubber pipe; you haven't the pluck to
stand by your own tom-fooleries, but shift the blame on to others.
CORN. (_across table_) You never will understand how necessary it is
for me not to worry. The doctor says I _cannot_ both worry and _live_.
DUNN. (_across table_) Then worry and _die_! I've had enough of this
scapegoat business. You can allot me shares in a newer enterprise.
(_sits R. of table_)
CORN. (_crossing behind table to C._) And this is your gratitude to me
for letting you down easy?
DUNN. (_turning fiercely_) Letting _me_ down easy!
CORN. (C.) Why certainly! Being, so to say, sullied with my smaller
vices has served to break your fall, hasn't it? If you had possessed a
spotless reputation, the effect of your colossal villainy _now_ would
be paralyzing.
DUNN. (_aghast_) _My colossal villainy!_
CORN. It's bad enough as it is. Carrie has washed her hands of you;
they are preparing to depart.
DUNN. Preparing to depart! What for?
CORN. (R. C.) What for? You must see that I cannot allow my sisters to
remain longer under your roof. (_turns from DUNN_)
DUNN. Then take 'em away; you can take Helen away, and Hattie too, I
can even spare Hattie, but Carrie ceased to be your sister when she
became my wife; she is going to remain. (_goes to low chair L., is
about to sit_)
CORN. (C.) There! I said you'd be agreeable to that. My argument was,
that if _somebody_ must go, it would be better for you to get out.
DUNN. Better--for me to get out!
CORN. Yes! You have only one trunk to pack! The girls have two each,
and I have another, that's seven.
DUNN. Yes, it's seven to one against me; but I _decline_ to be the
_outsider_. (_sits L._)
CORN. Well, don't be too hasty in deciding--think it over. I shall not
pack my traps till I hear from you, and I rely on your good sense to
show you the value of my suggestions; Peter, you nearly worried me that
time.
_CORNEY exits R. I. D._
DUNN. Why! Why didn't I tell the truth at first, as Niobe suggested. It
might _not_ have been believed; it wouldn't have been, but I could have
stuck to it instead of floundering about, and getting up to my neck in
a quicksand of equivocation. (_rises, going C._) If I can only get a
dress made for her to go out in, I'll send her to my sister, Mabel--who
would believe whatever I might tell her. (_turns to table back to
audience_)
_Enter NIOBE R. U. E.--comes down R. C._
NIO. (_not seeing DUNN when first entering_) Ah me! I would I were a
stone again! Anything were better than to suffer such indignities as
now I meet. Petramos! you will remove my cares as Eos lifts the sable
pall of night.
DUNN. I don't know anything of Knight's pall. Don't talk undertaking
business. What is it?
NIO. That daughter of Athena claims these robes, the which you gave me
yester e'en.
DUNN. Oh well, for the sake of peace give them to her. Avoid war if you
can. There's no money in it. (_goes L._)
NIO. (_following him slightly C._) Why yield to her when we might
ostracise her?
DUNN. Because she'll call in the police--if she hasn't already done so.
NIO. Perlice? Is that some portion of the things we wear?
DUNN. No, no! Police--the Police--the gentlemen who guide and direct
us--of whom we enquire the time--the officers of justice. They keep the
peace--where nobody can find it.
NIO. Ah, the custodians of law and order? (_DUNN nods affirmatively_)
Why, we have but to fill their hands with _bribes_.
DUNN. What! They were the same in the old time! We've trouble enough
in the house without getting the police in. Of course, you couldn't
foresee the mischief you were doing, but you've ruined me. (_NIOBE
starts_) Yes, ruined me. My wife will leave me, and my family be
scattered to the fore and hind quarters of the globe.
_Crosses R. and rests head against side of screen._
NIO. (_sees and takes paper knife from table_) If I have wrecked your
pleasure, let me die. You gave new life to me; 'tis yours, take it away.
_Kneeling, offering paper knife with outstretched hands._
DUNN. With a paper knife! You can't remove existence in that off-handed
way. You're flesh and blood now and it would be murder. If you were
only electrified back to stone now, if you were only _stone dead_.
NIO. (_rises--throws knife up stage_) I'll rouse again the wrath of
High Olympus. (_crosses R._)
DUNN. (_annoyed_) I've told you the firm went to smash long ago. Do be
rational. You must go and give that woman her frock. Put on your own
dress--your stone dress, till we can get you one made to go out in.
(_gets back of table a-la-shopman_) I have here samples of materials
and a choice variety of colours for you to select from. (_takes
newspaper off patterns_)
NIO. Ah, Petramos! How good you are! (_takes up patterns and places
them on stage, kneeling, interested, and sorting them_)
DUNN. (_coming down L._) I was afraid to bring the dressmaker into the
house, but I have full instructions here for measuring you. (_coming
down L. with printed form, taking out pencil and tape measures, which
he hangs about his neck_)
NIO. (_on stage C., spreading out samples_) It will be hard to choose
from such a store of prettiness.
DUNN. (_placing form on table_) Yes, if you'd had about two, you might
have come to a decision. Don't scatter them about, you haven't time
to play patience now. I suppose it doesn't matter much where I begin
on her, so that I fill up the form! (_he measures length of back, 18,
crosses to table and writes it down_) 18.
NIO. This pink and grey would be the sweetest match. If this dress is
the fashion it becomes me well.
DUNN. (_returning to R. of NIOBE_) Stand up, please--(_placing her arm
to measure sleeve, NIOBE puts arm full up, DUNN goes up to door R.,
returns to NIOBE and places arm in position; measures, 6. 13. 24.,
crosses to table_) 6. 13. 24.
NIO. (C.) May I, too, have a full accordion skirt?
DUNN. (_coming back to R. of NIOBE_) Oh yes, with concertina sleeves;
and harmonican puffs if you like.
NIO. As you decide. Whom have I in the world but you! (_going to
embrace DUNN, as he places arm to measure bust; NIOBE attempts to
embrace him as he puts his hand around to measure her; DUNN gets the
measurement and bobbing under arm, goes to table_)
DUNN. Thirty-nine. (_writes thirty-nine_)
NIO. Why I am forty times as old as you. I think that grey would suit
me.
DUNN. (_returns to C. L. of NIOBE, bringing card form with him; he goes
to measure her waist--she embraces him ad lib. He falls on his knees
and takes measurement_) Waist 36. (_CARRIE enters R.; NIOBE gets over
on his L.; he measures skirt and sees CARRIE'S foot, she having entered
during business; DUNN falls flat on stage, muttering measurement and
gathering up loose patterns, pushing them into his vest._)
CAR. (_R. C., indignantly to NIOBE_) I had some business with my
husband, but I can wait.
NIO. (L. C.) Oh no! We would not have you wait. He's here and you may
speak.
CAR. (R.) You're too gracious. I came, Peter, unknown to Helen, to see
if you could not remove my doubts; and I find you, as usual, in open
unblushing companionship with this woman.
DUNN. Open! Yes open! There is no deception. None. (_rising_)
CAR. You loved me once, Peter.
NIO. (_crosses to CARRIE_) He loves you still. His heart is yours; you
cannot grudge me a little corner in it.
DUNN. (_at table, putting down patterns_) She wants a corner on it.
CAR. How can I bear this infamous creature's insolence.
DUNN. Carrie, you don't understand; she's _not_ infamous.
CAR. You defend her!
DUNN. I'd defend anyone who's unjustly accused.
CAR. (_crying R._) If you are bewitched, confess it; say you are under
the spell of this fair Siren.
NIO. (_crying C._) The Sirens lured Odysseus with melody and song. I
have not played or sung here to Petramos.
DUNN. Now they're both at it. Here's a chance for the gods! Carrie,
there's no spell in the business.
CAR. (R.) Ah! Why do I protest. I _might_ have expected it.
DUNN. (_crossing to CARRIE_) I _did_ expect it. The moment I saw her, I
knew you would object to her being here.
CAR. What self-respecting wife would not? (_cries at screen_)
DUNN. (_going to seat L. corner_) Now we're all at it. (_sits_) I knew
it was useless to say who she was, or how she came.
NIO. (C.) He feared the truth, tho' I advised it. Truth might have
worked more mischief.
DUNN. No! truth couldn't! But what's the use of a truth which seemed
like throwing down the gauntlet to Annanias.
CAR. (_crosses to PETER_) Oh Peter! Confess you were beguiled and I'll
forgive you. (_taking his face in her hands, turns his head towards
her_)
DUNN. I cannot criminate myself by owning up to what doesn't belong
to me. If you had been here when she arrived--if you had seen
_how_ she came, it would have been all right; you would understand
that--(_rises_) that she is no more to me--than a sister I have not
seen for years.
_Goes up C. to fireplace._
NIO. (R. C.) He was near when I first drew my breath! But him in the
wide world I have no one, he is my guardian, my _protector_.
CAR. (_crosses C._) Ah, how blind I've been. (_goes to DUNN and brings
him down L. of her_) Forgive me, Peter, for having doubted. Why did you
not say she was your sister?
DUNN. Why! I never thought of it.
CAR. (_to NIOBE_) You, too, must forgive me, and let me call you
Sister. (_DUNN smiling_)
NIO. Oh yes, that will be sweet. I have wanted so _much_ to love you,
but you would not let me.
CAR. (_arms around NIOBE_) I might have known you would wish to be near
Peter. Though he never said so; and what a resemblance! Come, Peter
dear, kiss your sister. And--Helen thought different.
DUNN. Helen would. (_back at table, putting away, hiding patterns_)
CAR. I was to blame for neglecting Peter's kindred. I knew of your
existence, that is all. What is your name, dear?
DUNN. (_at back, trying to stop her_) Mab----
NIO. (_not heeding DUNN_) My name is Niobe!
DUNN. (_goes down L._) She conceals nothing. She's altogether too
guileless for this nineteenth century.
_Enter HELEN and HATTIE from dining-room R. I. E._
CAR. Sister Niobe! (_embracing her and putting her over C._) Helen!
(_crosses to HELEN_) We have wronged Peter; _we_ are to blame. She is
his sister.
HEL. (_severely_) Sister!
HAT. Peter's Sister!
(_together_)
CAR. And if we had not kept her a stranger to our circle, her coming
would not have caused all this anxiety.
HEL. (_nastily spoken_) I always said, if she came there would be
trouble.
HAT. (_crosses to NIOBE, R. C._) Peter's sister. Well, you're not a bit
like him. You're altogether too scrumptious for anything.
NIO. (C.) Though I am ignorant of what "scrumptious" means, your manner
tells me it is something good.
HAT. (L. C.) You bet your boots it is.
HEL. (_R._) Hattie!
HAT. (_sharply_) Don't you interfere. We're going to run our new sister
on our own lines, aren't we Carrie?
NIO. You have my sympathy--(_pointing to HELEN_)--that _she_ claims
kinship with you.
_HELEN turns indignantly from NIOBE._
HAT. Oh, you are a funny old thing. And say, Ni', won't you tell me how
you dress your hair like that? (_round to L. of NIOBE_)
NIO. I cannot tell you that; my tiring women dressed it. It is as it
was left three thousand years ago.
_General surprise._
OMNES. Three thousand years!
DUNN. (_crossing in front to C._) Ha!--Er--that's a quotation; you know
the quotation "Rode the three thousand." (_goes up C.)_
_Enter MARY, R., from hallway, R. C._
MARY. (_to NIOBE_) Miss Mifton wants to know if she's ever goin' to get
her clothes?
DUNN. Yes, yes! Of course! (_to NIOBE_) Go! Go! and give her dress back
by all means. (_goes up_)
_MARY exits R._
HAT. Bother her shabby old clothes! You can have some of my dresses.
CAR. Or mine. You are about my figure.
NIO. I am pleased you are so shapely. Cleophas thought that I was well
nigh faultless.
CAR. Who's Cleophas?
HAT. (_quickly, R. C._) Is he your mash?
DUNN. (_going down, pushes HATTIE away_) Never mind him. He's a fellow
we met at the races. (_to NIOBE--aside_) Be quiet and do as I tell you
or you'll spoil all. (_goes over to window_)
NIO. (_gradually working up_) Ah no! Fear not! (_coming down C._) I
cannot take the robes you'd kindly loan me, but I am touched no less
with all your love and moved to the relief of melting tears.
_NIOBE exits crying, off R. C. up stairs; CARRIE up C., looks after
NIOBE; HATTIE goes up R. C., and exits after NIOBE._
DUNN. (_coming down L._) At it again. Kindness or cruelty, care or
neglect, all melt her alike.
_Door bell._
CAR. Poor, tender hearted darling.
HEL. (_down R._) Irrigating Crocodile! She's a huge sham--mark my
words, we shall live to regret her coming.
DUNN. (_goes a little towards HELEN_) There's no occasion for you
to _live here_ to regret it. If you feel you could _bear_ it better
somewhere else, don't let us keep you. (_goes L._)
_Enter BEATRICE R., from hallway, advances with HATTIE._
HAT. (R. C.) Bea! What do you think? Such a surprise; Miss Mifton, the
first Miss Mifton is----
DUNN. (L.) Hattie, my dear, be quiet. Miss Sillocks is not interested
in our family surprises.
BEA. (R. C.) Oh yes I am! Especially as I have one of my own.
CAR. For whom?
BEA. For all of you! Papa has always imagined, as Mr. Dunn's sister
never visited him, that there was some kind of estrangement.
HAT. Yes! And her papa was determined to get Peter's sister over on a
visit, and give them the chance to kiss and be friends.
BEA. That's it! And he has just received a telegram to say she will
come.
HEL. AND CAR. (_R. and R. C._) Who will come?
BEA. (C.) Mr. Dunn's sister, Mabel!
HEL. Mabel?
CAR. Niobe!
DUNN. Niobe--Niobe Mabel Dunn--she has several names. Those are the two
front ones--Miobe, Nabel, Dunn.
BEA. Mabel; tho' papa says they always called her Gypsy, she was so
dark.
CAR. Dark!!
HEL. (_rises_) Dark? She is fair!
_BEA. and HATTIE go up C. in front of fireplace; CARRIE up to
opening C._
DUNN. (C.) Yes, she is _fair now_. I _tried_ to keep her dark, but I
couldn't. (_going--drops in chair extreme L._)
_Enter CORNEY from dining-room._
HEL. (_advances C._) I knew it--another fraud unveiled.
CORN. (R.) What is it? What's the new discovery?
HEL. (C.) He, this _monster_ of marital iniquity, has been blinding us
with new and more daring falsehoods. He declared that this woman was
his sister.
DUNN. Never! Never! I never declared it.
HEL. (_crosses L. C. to table_) See how he cowers, for he stands
confessed. Fate, in the person of Beatrice Sillocks, has hunted him
down.
CORN. Bea, in a new role. The guardian angel of innocence. (_crosses L.
to DUNN_)
HAT. (_down C._) Perhaps he has two sisters! (_DUNN with a gleam of
hope rises_) Why not, there are two Miss Miftons! (_CORNEY meets DUNN'S
gaze_)
CORN. No!
DUNN. No?
CORN. No, no!
DUNN. No, no! (_drops in chair again_)
CORN. No! no! That's played out. Even Peter, with all his impudence,
wouldn't set up that defence. (_goes up to fire to BEATRICE_)
CAR. (_advances to R. C._) She is _not_ your sister?
DUNN. No! No!
HAT. (L. C.) Oh, Peter!
HEL. Hattie! Leave the room; these disclosures are unfit for your ears.
_HATTIE crosses front to R._
CORN. (_bringing BEATRICE down R. C._) And take Beatrice from the moral
poison of his presence.
HAT. We'll hear all about it afterwards, so it doesn't make any
difference. (_HATTIE exits with BEATRICE R. I. E._)
CORN. (_goes towards PETER in front of table L. C._) Now Peter Amos
Dunn! As my sister's brother, I am bound to bring it to your notice,
that one of us, either your party or our party, must leave this house.
And, I think your best course is to leave us in possession of the home
you are no longer fit to occupy.
DUNN. (_rises_) It's _my_ home, and I suit it to myself. (_desperately,
CORNEY backs a little C._)
HEL. Leave him to me, _Corney_! (_going to DUNN_)
DUNN. Yes, do! Her sex gives her a protection you haven't got.
CAR. (R. C.) Peter, why, oh why did you say she was your sister?
DUNN. (_crossing to CARRIE_) I didn't! It never occurred to me or I
might. You yourself said she was my sister, and I know you hate to be
contradicted.
CAR. (R. C.) But she gave her consent to the fraud. She let me call her
sister.
DUNN. (R. C.) Oh, what of that! I've called many a girl sister before I
married you.
CAR. This woman admitted that you were her guardian and protector.
DUNN. Well, in a sense I am. I'm responsible for her. She's purely a
matter of business. She was turned over to me to take care of, and when
he's ready for her he'll take her away.
HEL. What disgusting levity!
CAR. Who will take her away?
DUNN. Why Tompkins! She's his property, not mine.
CORN. (_advancing C._) Tompkins! Isn't this a branch of business which
ought not to be intruded on the home circle?
DUNN. (C.) Don't I know that? But Tompkins set such store by her, I had
to oblige him and bring her here. (_crosses to low seat L._)
HEL. (_rises_) Then weak as you are to shield another person's infamy
at the cost of insulting your family, you are a spotless infant
compared to Tompkins.
CAR. Mr. Tompkins must never set foot in this house again.
CORN. (C.) Say the word and I'll kick Tompkins out every time he comes.
_Enter MARY from hallway R. from L._
MARY. Mr. Tompkins! (_MARY exits_)
_CORNEY goes quickly to R. corner; enter TOMPKINS R. U. E._
DUNN. How d'ye do, Tompkins? If you'll come to my room----
HEL. (_putting DUNN back, he falls into chair_) Let Mr. Tompkins first
hear the opinion of the ladies, whose sense of delicacy he has outraged.
TOMP. (C.) What's the matter, Dunn?
DUNN. Nothing! Nothing! Don't take any notice.
HEL. He must take notice, and apologize to ladies of irreproachable
character--though it is scarcely to be expected from one so utterly
depraved.
TOMP. I haven't an idea what I'm supposed to have done, but few of us
have past _lives, wholly_ free from blame. Even you, Miss Griffin, may
have something to regret.
HEL. What dare _you_ insinuate? It is not true! Who could have told
you? I--I----
DUNN. It's right! It's right! Tompkins has found it all out--Helen's
down--and I can't triumph--I haven't a crow left in me. (_goes up L. to
fire C._)
HEL. Even for your sake Carrie, I cannot remain here to be insulted.
CAR. Is not Corney here to protect you? (_comes down R. C._)
CORN. To be sure, tricks of this kind won't help you, Tompkins, and we
must ask you to take her away, if you have not the decency to apologise
for her presence.
TOMP. (C.) Whose presence? Who's _she_?
CORN. (R.) The woman you brought here.
TOMP. I brought!
CORN. The Governess!
HEL. (L.) Dunn's sister!
CAR. (R. C.) Miss Mifton!
TOMP. (R. C.) There are three of them?
DUNN. They're all one!
CAR. (_advancing to TOMPKINS_) Mr. Dunn says she was brought here to
oblige you.
TOMP. Dunn says that--(_goes up to DUNN_)
DUNN. (_crouching on stool by fire_) Yes, I did, but it's a lie--a
whacking lie! I'm trying to break a record--I started in without
thinking and Heaven only knows where I shall end.
TOMP. Is this meant for a joke, Mr. Dunn?
DUNN. That's it! I never thought of it before, but it's a joke. Ha! Ha!
TOMP. I fail to appreciate it, Sir; but fortunately my business with
you will soon be over and our acquaintance can end with it. I have come
to take away my Statue. (_comes down C._)
_CARRIE crosses to L._
DUNN. His Statue! The last straw!
TOMP. I find my place is ready, and the men are here to move it.
DUNN. Move it! You can't move it!
CORN. (R.) Why not? It's only a question of having enough men.
TOMP. I have a score, and they will exercise every care in getting it
out.
DUNN. Care's of no use, and a hundred men couldn't get the Statue out!
It isn't here.
TOMP. Not here!
OMNES. Not here!
TOMP. What do you mean?
HEL. The figure has not been moved.
CORN. (R.) It's here in the screen right enough, it couldn't fly out of
the window. (_opening screen_) Gone!
OMNES. Gone!!!
TOMP. Nothing but the Pedestal!
DUNN. (_advancing R. C._) Didn't I tell you so? Do you think I am
incapable of _ever_ speaking the truth?
TOMP. But where is it? Where! What is your explanation?
DUNN. I haven't got one! (_falling into chair R._)
CORN. Absurd! Make a break at something. (_crossing up stage and down
and sits on table_)
TOMP. (C.) Stupendous misfortune! You can have no conception of the
awfulness of your avowal--you cannot realize my loss.
DUNN. I can realize the loss it is to our Company!
TOMP. What is filthy lucre? No money on earth can compensate me for its
destruction.
CAR. (L. C.) Be calm, Mr. Tompkins!
HEL. (_R. of table L. C._) It will be found no doubt.
TOMP. Calm! With such a treasure gone! Ah! You know nothing of the
halo of romance that surrounds that figure. It was no ordinary piece
of statuary. There is a legend that no mortal hand carved or chiselled
it. It is believed to be the actual petrifaction of the _identical once
living Niobe_, wife of Amphion, King of Thebes.
DUNN. (_jumping up_) What! Niobe herself! And you believe the story?
You do!
TOMP. Why should I doubt the possibility of human petrifaction?
DUNN. (_rushing at TOMPKINS, taking his hand_) Bless you, Tompkins!
Bless you! Now _I_ can be believed! (_crosses to others L. C._)
The truth seemed so preposterous before, I dared not tell it. But
now--oh--Tompkins! Tompkins! (_embracing TOMPKINS_)
TOMP. (_pushing him away_) Why this excitement?
DUNN. (_going back R._) Because she, Niobe herself, from the time
immediately after the Trojan war, who was there in the stone, has come
to life!
OMNES. Come to life!!!
DUNN. (_on pedestal_) The uncovered electric wires imparted some
vital current to the system, which roused the dormant principle of
respiration and circulation, unpetrified her limbs and she is alive;
alive, oh! (_goes L._)
_Music._
TOMP. (R. C.) Mirabile Dictu! (_goes to R. corner_)
DUNN. Call it what you like, Tompkins, you can't alter it. Ah! She is
here!
_NIOBE enters R. C. as Statue, coming down C.; white lime on NIOBE._
NIO. (C.) Petramos, I have obeyed you.
TOMP. (R.) The same sweet face!
CAR. (_up C._) The same features!
HEL. (L.) The same Costume!
NIO. (C.) You stare most strangely! What does your wonder mean?
DUNN. (R. C.) It means, they have heard the truth and believe it.
TOMP. Niobe! (_hands out_)
NIO. (_seeing TOMPKINS_) What man is this?
DUNN. Your owner. The man who paid great treasure to purchase you to
adorn his home.
NIO. Am I then his slave?
TOMP. Say rather I am yours.
_NIOBE advances C.; TOMPKINS to her as DUNN goes up to
CARRIE--reconciliation business._
TOMP. Oh filtatese gewnaikos omma kai dommas,
ekk s'aelptose, oupot opsesthai, dokone.
NIO. Ekkeis fthonosdy mee genoito tone theone.
_They turn back to audience, TOMPKINS half embracing her; enter
SILLOCKS, BEATRICE, HATTIE and INNINGS R., from hallway._
SILL. (_up R. C._) Hallo! What's this? A fancy dress ball?
CORN. (L.) Oh no! A new metamorphosis for a modern Ovid. This lady is
the real article, warranted three thousand years in bottle.
_SILLOCKS and BEATRICE cross to L., and NIOBE and TOMPKINS go up C._
HAT. (L.) Oh, Corney, what a stretch!
INN. (_down L._) Why, she's the exact counterpart of the Statue.
_TOMPKINS and NIOBE go up C. and face audience._
CAR. (R. C.) She is the Statue!
SILL. (_up L. C._) What does it mean?
DUNN. (_L. of CARRIE_) It means that Tompkins has no longer an Antique
excuse for living single.
TOMP. (_L. of NIOBE_) It means, he does _not_ want one.
DUNN. (R. C.) She'll make you an excellent wife, Tompkins, combining
all the charm of youth with a long worldly experience.
NIO. (C.) Farewell, Petramos!
DUNN. Good bye!
NIO. Good bye to all.
NIOBE TO AUDIENCE:
I know you may expect me, from the strain
Of such like plays, to turn to stone again,
But life is sweet, and faults if you'll forgive
Sans tears, all smiling Niobe will live.
MUSIC.
CURTAIN.
* * * * * *
Transcriber's note:
Every effort has been made to replicate this text as faithfully as
possible. Some minor corrections of spelling and puctuation have
been made.
oe-ligatures have been expanded to "oe."