_House of Commons, Monday, August 21._--Some excellent speaking
to-night. SQUIRE OF MALWOOD in fine form. Opportunity made to his
hand. With JOSEPH, friend and ally of Conservative Ministry that
had invented and applied Guillotine Closure, indignantly protesting
against the "gag," there was room for obvious remark. Then there was
J. C.'s article in monthly magazine of so recent date as 1890, in
which, in his forcible manner, he had, with circumstance, demanded
application of gag not only to successive stages in important
measures, but to Supply.
"Oh that mine enemy would write an article in the _Nineteenth
Century_!" exclaimed GEORGE CURZON. "Anyone could make a speech with
such opportunity as the SQUIRE has."
"Exactly," said the Member for SARK; "but perhaps they mightn't do it
so well."
Another good speech from unexpected quarter was WHITBREAD'S. WHITBREAD
is the Serious Person of the Liberal Party. Whenever Mr. G. gets into
difficulties on constitutional questions or points of Parliamentary
practice, WHITBREAD solemnly marches to front, and says nothing
particular with imposing air that carries conviction. To-day came out
quite in new style; almost epigrammatic, certainly pointed. Quite a
model of Parliamentary speech of the old stately, yet flexible style
now little known.
[Illustration: THE TOURIST SEASON. HOTEL BRIGANDAGE.]
[Illustration: Prince Arthur the Jester]
Best of all, PRINCE ARTHUR. Never heard him to greater advantage. As a
former Leader once said, the House of Commons, above all things, likes
to be shown sport. PRINCE ARTHUR showed the way to-night, crowded
House merrily following. It was ticklish ground, for he was chaffing
Mr. G. Not a good subject upon which to expend wit or satire. The
PRINCE did it so daintily, with such light, graceful touch, such
shining absence of acerbity, such brimming over with contagious good
humour, that the cloud vanished from the brow of Jove. Beginning to
listen with a frown, Mr. G. presently beamed into a laugh. As for his
colleagues on either hand, their merriment was as unrestrained as it
was on remoter benches. Only MUNDELLA managed to keep a Ministerial
countenance. The play was good, but the theme too sacred to be lightly
handled. To him, seated on the left, Mr. G. gratefully turned in
earlier stages of the speech and whispered his scathing comment.
MUNDELLA behaved nobly. The SOLICITOR-GENERAL, who had his share
in the genial roasting, might roar with Homeric laughter. MUNDELLA
gravely shook his head in response to Mr. G.'s whispered remarks.
Fancy, however, he was grateful when Mr. G. began to laugh and the
President of the Board of Trade was free to smile. Speech as useful
as it was delightful. Showed to whom it may concern that venerable
age may be criticised without discourtesy, and high position attacked
without insolence.
_Business done._--Settled that Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill shall
close on Friday.
_Wednesday._--"Mr. SPEAKER, Sir. One or two ideas occur to me." It
was the voice of MACGREGOR uplifted from back bench, where a retiring
disposition (he retired from medical practice some years ago) leads
him to take his seat. Moment critical; debate long proceeding on
Amendment moved by NAPOLEON BOLTONPARTY, which had called down on
Imperial head a fearsome whack from hand of Mr. G.; House growing
impatient for Division; SPEAKER risen to put question, when THE
MACGREGOR interposed. Evidently in for long clinical lecture. Hand
partly extended, palm downwards; eyes half closed; head thrown back,
and the voice impressively intoned.
"Mr. SPEAKER, Sir, a few ideas have occurred to me."
THE MACGREGOR got no further; a shout of hilarious laughter broke
in upon his reverie. Opened his eyes, and looked hastily round. He,
DONALD MACGREGOR, First Prizeman in Chemistry and Surgery; Second
Prizeman in Physiology and Midwifery; Licentiate of both the Royal
Colleges of Physicians and of Surgeons, Edinburgh; practised at
Penrith, Cumberland, and in London; formerly Medical Officer and
Public Vaccinator for Penrith and district; Resident Physician at the
Peebles Hydropathic Institute; Medical Superintendent of the Barnhill
Hospital and Asylum, Glasgow--yes, all this, and House of Commons was
laughing at him!
"What--what," he gasped, making motion as if he would feel the
SPEAKER'S pulse. "I don't understand. I very rarely speak; have said
nothing before on this Bill. Now, when something occurs to me hon.
members laugh."
House touched by this appeal; generously cheered. Doctor, resuming his
oratorical attitude, proceeded.
"I think," he remarked, with hand again outstretched, eyes half
closed, and head thrown back as before, "it was SYDNEY SMITH who said,
When doctors differ who shall decide."
The Doctor was awakened out of his oratorical trance by another shout
of laughter. What on earth was the matter now? Perhaps if he kept
his eyes open he would see better where the joke came in. Took the
precaution, but had not proceeded more than two minutes before SPEAKER
down on him; after which he thought it best to resume his seat.
"I give it up, TOBY," he said; "as ASQUITH yesterday gave up that
conundrum I put to him as to why, if repeated breaches of the
vaccination law justify the remission of penalties, the same practice
should not apply in case of breaches of the land laws. The House of
Commons for pleasure, I suppose; but for "ordinary" sanity give me
Peebles and its Hydropathic Institute."
_Business done._--Report Stage of Home-Rule Bill.
[Illustration: "All's well that ends well."]
_Thursday._--"Been up to see Fulham," said Member for SARK, hurrying
in just in time to miss Division. "The place fascinates me. No lions
there, and no necessity for getting up a lamp-post; so would not
interest GRANDOLPH. But HAYES FISHER is Member for Fulham, and he, you
know, is the man who discovered, after (as he said) he had taken LOGAN
by the scruff of the neck and 'so begun the scrimmage,' that Mr. G.
was more criminally responsible for what followed 'even than LOGAN.'
That is delightful. Fulham not to be outdone by its Member. Last night
indignation meeting held in Town Hall to protest against conduct of
HAYES FISHER and 'proceedings in House of Commons on Thursday, July
27.' Hall crowded; indignation seething; gentlemen of Fulham could
hardly contain themselves in contemplation of iniquity of a man
who, differing from another on matter of opinion, took him by the
coat-collar and shook him. Meeting summoned at instance of Fulham
Liberal and Radical Association. Seemed at first that all in room were
good Radicals. As evening advanced, presence of one or two gentlemen
of another way of thinking manifested. One called out. 'Three cheers
for Fisher!' and what, my TOBY, did these men of Fulham do--these
gentlemen met in solemn conclave with avowed object of denouncing
physical outrage and clearing fair name of Fulham from slur brought
upon it by athletic proceedings of HAYES FISHER? Why, they up and
at the Fisherites, with the result, as I read in the papers, 'that a
struggle ensued, one man being seized and violently hustled from the
Hall.' After this the meeting settled down, and unanimously passed
a resolution expressing its condemnation of 'the disorderly and
disgraceful scene in the House of Commons on Thursday, July 27.' Don't
know how it strikes you. But to me that is most delightful incident in
the day's news. Felt constrained to make pilgrimage to Fulham, to see
a place where Member and Constituency are so rarely matched. Don't
suppose I've missed much here?"
No, nothing; just filling up time; waiting for to-morrow night, and
Closure to come.
_Business done._--None.
_Friday midnight._--Report Stage Home-Rule Bill just agreed to; a
dull evening till the last quarter of an hour, when TIM HEALY took
the floor and thoroughly enjoyed himself. Everyone concerned, more
especially those concerned in prolonging debate, glad it's over.
DONALD CRAWFORD so excited at prospect of approaching holidays that
on first Division he got into wrong Lobby; voted against one of JOHN
MORLEY'S new Clauses, reducing Ministerial majority to 36. On two
subsequent Divisions was carefully watched into right Lobby, and
majority maintained at 38.
_Business done._--Report Stage Home-Rule Bill passed.
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GREAT FALL IN GOVERNMENT SECURITIES.--The dropping of the Guillotine.
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