A NEW VISION
It was not given to Arthur again to hear his mother's voice or to see
her alive. A few days after the first round of the protracted battle
over the great case had ended in his favour, just before the close of
the legal term, news reached him of her death. She had been suffering
from a chill and had taken to her bed, but no immediate danger was
anticipated. She had read with keen pleasure Arthur's letters, full now
of a new zest for his work and a new confidence. She breathed her gentle
_Nunc Dimittis_; her daughter's future was happily arranged, her son's
now opened before him. In simple and ardent faith her eyes turned to
another world. As though in answer to an appeal instinctively issuing
from her own soul, the end came very quickly. The tired heart could bear
no added strain. After making her comfortable for the night, Anna had
gone downstairs to eat her own supper; when she came up again, all was
over. There was no sign of movement, no look of shock or pain; her eyes
were closed. It seemed that sleeping she had fallen asleep, and her
peaceful spirit found in an instant the eternal peace of its faithful
aspiration.
Here was no place for the bitterness of grief. Death brought a quickened
sense of unity and love, and the lost mother joined her children's hands
in a renewal of childhood's affection and of sweet old memories. "Peace
I leave with you," Anna whispered to Arthur as they stood beside the
grave, and he felt that she divined truly the legacy which their mother
would have chosen, before all others, to bequeath to them.
It was arranged that Anna should go and stay with Ronald Slingsby's
people until the time came for her wedding; it was to take place in
about three months. The old familiar home was to be broken up. They
spent two or three busy days together, sorting out furniture, settling
what was to be sold and what either of them would like to keep;
regretfully deciding that this or that relic of old days was "rubbish"
and must be destroyed, redolent though it was with memories. Many a
sigh, many a laugh, the old things drew from them; forgotten pass-words
of childish intimacy came back to mind; ancient squabbles were recalled
with fond amusement. They lived the old days over again together. The
consciousness that the old days were finally over, that their paths in
life lay henceforth far apart, gave added tenderness to recollection,
making this good-bye to the old house and the old things a good-bye to
the old days also--even in some sense a good-bye to one another.
So it had to be, and so in truth it was best. They were not made to live
together. Differences now submerged beneath the waves of a common love
and a common emotion would rise to the surface again, a menace to their
love and peace. Both knew it--was there not the memory of Arthur's
former visit to remind them?--and acquiesced in the separation which
their lots in life imposed. Yet with sadness. When the actual moment
came for leaving the old house and one another, Anna threw herself into
her brother's arms, sobbing. "We mustn't quite forget one another,
Arthur!"
"Please God, never, my dear," he answered gravely. "We've shared too
much together for that."
"You'll come to the wedding?" Her voice fell to a whisper. "You'll be
friends with Ronald?"
"Yes, yes, indeed I will. Why not?"
"He's not narrow or uncharitable really. It's only that his standards
are so high," she pleaded.
"I know--and I hope mine'll get a little higher. Anyhow we shall be
jolly good friends, you'll see. Come, this isn't really good-bye, Anna!"
She kissed him tenderly, whispering, "I shall pray for you always,
Arthur," and so turned from him to Ronald, who was to escort her on her
journey to his mother's house at Worcester. Arthur left Malvern later in
the same day, to spend his Christmas at Hilsey.
He went from his old home to a new one; the manner of his welcome
assured him of that plainly. They were all--even Godfrey--at the station
to meet him. Their greetings, a little subdued in deference to his
sorrow, seemed full of gladness, even of pride, that they should be
there to soothe and soften it, that he should have Hilsey to turn to,
now that the links with his old life were broken. When they got him to
the house, they shewed him, with exulting satisfaction, a new feature, a
surprise which Judith had conceived and Godfrey gladly agreed in
carrying out--a room, next to his old bedroom, fitted up as a "den" for
his exclusive use, artfully supplied with all male appurtenances and
comforts, a place where he could be his own master, a visible sign that
he was no more a guest but a member of the household.
"Well, this is something like!" said Arthur, squeezing Margaret's little
hand in his and looking at Judith's eyes, which shone with pleasure over
the pretty surprise she had contrived for him.
"You needn't be bothered with any of us more than you want now," she
told him.
"We're never to come in unless you invite us," Margaret gravely assured
him.
"A man's lost without his own room," Godfrey remarked; and without doubt
he spoke his true feelings.
"I take possession--and I'm not sure I shall let any of you in!" Arthur
declared gaily.
"Oh, me, sometimes?" implored Margaret.
"Well, you, sometimes--and perhaps one guinea-pig occasionally!" he
promised.
Only a few days before--while Arthur was still at Malvern--Godfrey's
case had been heard and had, of course, gone through unopposed. He had
performed his part in it with that reserve of quiet dignity which was
his in face of things inevitable. Save for a formality--in this instance
it was no more--he and Bernadette were quit of one another. The new
state of things was definitely established, the family reconstituted on
a fresh basis. Little Margaret was now its centre, her happiness and
welfare its first preoccupation, the mainspring of its life. No longer
harassed by the sense of failure, or afraid of a criticism none the less
galling for being conveyed in merry glances, Godfrey dared to respond
openly to his little girl's appeal for love. When the child, tutored by
Judith's skilful encouragement, made bold to storm the defences of his
study and beg his company, she met with a welcome shy still but cordial,
with a quiet affection which suited her own youthful gravity. They would
wander off together, or busy themselves over Margaret's animals, neither
of them saying much--and what little they did say impersonal and
matter-of-fact--yet obviously content in their comradeship, liking to be
left to it, creating gradually, as the days went by, a little tranquil
world of their own, free from incursions and alarms, safe from
unexpected calls on them, from having to follow other people's changing
moods and adapt themselves to other people's fitful emotions. The little
maid grave beyond her years--the timid man shrinking back from the
exactions of life--they seemed curiously near of an age together,
strangely alike in mind. Day by day they grew more sufficient for one
another--not less fond of Judith and of Arthur, but more independent
even of their help and company.
"Does she often ask about her mother--about whether she's coming back,
and so on?" Arthur enquired of Judith.
"Very seldom, and she's quite content if you say 'Not yet.' But I think
it'll be best to tell her the truth soon; then she'll settle down to
it--to tell her that her mother isn't coming back, and isn't married to
her father any more. You know how easily children accept what they're
told; they don't know what's really involved, you see. By the time she's
old enough to understand, she'll quite have accepted the position."
"But Bernadette will want to see her, won't she?"
"I don't know. I really hope not--at present at all events. You see
what's happening now--Bernadette's just going out of her life. Seeing
her might stop that. And yet, if we look at it honestly, isn't it the
best thing that can happen?"
"In fact you want Bernadette completely--obliterated?" He frowned a
little. To make that their object seemed rather ruthless. "A bit strong,
isn't it?" he asked.
"Can she complain? Isn't it really the logic of the situation? With
Bernadette what she is too--and the child what she is!"
"You're always terribly good at facing facts, Judith." He smiled. "A
little weak in the idealising faculty!"
"In this family you've supplied that deficiency--amply."
"You musn't sneer at generous emotions. It's a bad habit you've got."
She smiled, yet seemed to consider what he said. "I believe it is a bad
habit that I used to have. The old state of affairs here rather
encouraged it. So many emotions all at cross-purposes! Rather a
ridiculous waste of them! It made them seem ridiculous themselves. But I
think I've got out of the habit."
"You've still a strong bias towards the mere matter-of-fact. You like
humdrum states of mind--I believe you positively prefer them."
"And you like to pass from thrill to thrill!" She laughed. "Is that very
unfair? Because I don't mean it to be. And I am changed a little, I
think. What has happened here has made a difference. Say you think me a
little--just a little--softer?"
"Say you think me a little--just a little--harder?" he retorted, mocking
her.
"No, but seriously?" she persisted, fixing her eyes on him almost
anxiously.
"Well then, yes. I think you're perceptibly more human," he
acknowledged, laughing still.
A more serious description of the change that Arthur found in Judith
might not have gone so near the mark. Though her judgment preserved the
sanity which he admired--without emulation--and her manner the cool
satiric touch which he generally relished and sometimes resented, stress
of circumstances had broken down her detachment and forced her out of
her pose of critical but scarcely concerned spectator. She had become,
willy-nilly, involved in the family fortunes; she could no longer merely
look on, and smile, or deride; she had been forced to think, to act, and
to feel--to take a part, to shoulder her share of the load. The latent
faculties of her nature, ripe to spring into full womanhood, had
answered to the call with instinctive readiness. So soon as there was
work for her courage, her love and sympathy, she had them to give, and
the more she gave the greater grew her store. Sustaining Godfrey,
mothering Margaret, she had experienced something of the stirring and
development of feeling which comes with marriage and motherhood. Through
disaster and consolation, in ruin and the need to re-build, she had been
forced to seek the rich things of her heart and had found abundance.
Thus she seemed 'perceptibly more human,' the change of heart revealing
itself not only in her dealings with others but as surely, though more
subtly, in herself. She opened out in a new spontaneity of feeling; she
was easier to approach in confidence, more ready to appreciate and to
share the joys of the spirit. Even in her bearing and looks there might
be discerned a new alacrity, a new brightness of the eyes. Her mirth was
heartier and more kindly; her mockery had lost its bitterness without
losing its flavour.
Some such new, or revised, impression of her had formed itself in
Arthur's mind and found voice now in his bantering speech. His gaze
rested on her in pleasure as he added, "But you needn't carry it too
far. Nobody wants you to become a gusher."
"Heaven forbid!" she murmured. "I really think I'm safe from that. I've
too much native malice about me--and it will out!"
"Perpetual founts of warm emotion--geysers! Terrible people!"
"Oh, even you're hardly as bad as that!"
"They debase the emotional currency," said Arthur, with a sudden and
violent change of metaphor.
On Christmas Day hard weather set in, with a keen frost. A few days of
it promised skating on the low-lying meadows, now under flood. Full of
hope and joyful anticipation, Arthur telegraphed for his skates.
"Can you skate? Have you got any skates? If you can't, I'll teach you,"
he said excitedly to Judith.
"I have skates, and I can skate--thank you all the same," she replied,
smiling demurely. "But you and I can teach Margaret between us. I don't
suppose Godfrey will care about doing it."
The frost held, their hopes were realised. Godfrey's attitude was what
had been expected; with pathetic objurgations on the weather he shut
himself up in his study. The other three sallied forth, though Margaret
seemed alarmed and reluctant.
"I haven't skated for years," said Arthur, "but I used rather to fancy
myself."
"Well, you start, while I give Margaret a lesson."
Arthur was an average skater--perhaps a little above the average of
those who have been content to depend on the scanty natural
opportunities offered by the English climate. He was master of the
outside edge, and could manage a "three," an "eight" and, in a rather
wobbly fashion, a few other simple figures. These he proceeded to
execute, rather "fancying himself" as he had confessed, while Judith
held Margaret in a firm grip and tried to direct her helplessly
slithering feet.
"I don't think I like skating," said Margaret, with her usual mild
firmness. "I can't stand up, and it makes my ankles ache."
"Oh, but you're only just beginning, dear."
"I don't think I like it, Cousin Judith."
Judith's brows went up in humorous despair. "Just like Godfrey!" she
reflected helplessly. "Oh well, have a rest now, while I put my skates
on and show you how nice it will be, when you've learnt how to do it."
"I don't think I shall ever like it, Cousin Judith. I think I shall go
back and see what papa's doing."
Judith yielded. "Do as you like, Margaret," she said. "Perhaps you'll
try again to-morrow?"
"Well, perhaps," Margaret conceded very doubtfully.
"The ice is splendid. Hurry up!" Arthur called.
But Judith did not hurry. After putting on her skates, she sat on a
hurdle for some minutes, watching Arthur's evolutions with a thoughtful
smile. He came to a stand opposite to her, after performing the most
difficult figure in his repertory, his eyes and cheeks glowing and his
breath coming fast. "How's that for high?" he asked proudly.
"Not bad for a beginner," she replied composedly. "Would you like really
to learn to skate? Because, if you would, I'll give you a lesson."
"Well, I'm hanged! Come on, and let's see what you can do yourself!"
She got up and peeled off her jacket; before she put it down on the
hurdle, she produced an orange from the pocket of it. Motioning Arthur
to follow her, she glided gently to the middle of the ice and dropped
the orange on to it. Having done this and given him a grave glance, she
proceeded to execute what was to him at least an inconceivably and
dazzlingly complicated figure. When it was at last achieved, it landed
her by his side, and she asked "How's that for high?"
"You humbug! How dare you say nothing about it? Letting me make a fool
of myself like that! How did you learn?"
"Oh, in Switzerland. I often went there in the winter--before Hilsey
claimed me. Come and try."
Arthur tried, but felt intolerably clumsy. His little skill was vanity,
his craft mere fumbling! Yet gradually something seemed to impart itself
from her to him--a dim inkling of the real art of it, not the power to
do as she did, but some idea of why she had the power and of what he
must do to gain it. She herself seemed to be far beyond skill or art.
She seemed part of the ice--an emanation from it, a spirit-form it gave
out.
"Why, you must be a champion, Judith!"
"I just missed it, last year I was out," she answered. "I think you show
quite a knack."
"I've had enough. Give me an exibition!"
"Really?" He nodded, and she smiled in pleasure. "I love it better than
anything in the world," she said, as she turned and darted away across
the ice.
He sat down on the hurdle, and smoked his pipe while he watched her. He
could see her glowing cheeks, her eyes gleaming with pleasure, her
confident enraptured smile--above all, the graceful daring turns and
twists of her slim figure, so full of life, of suppleness, of the beauty
of perfect balance and of motion faultlessly controlled--all sign of
effort hidden by consummate mastery. She was grace triumphant, and the
triumph irradiated her whole being--her whole self--with a rare fine
exhilaration; it infected the onlooker and set his blood tingling
through his veins in sympathetic exultation.
At last she came to a stop opposite to him--cheeks red, eyes shining,
chest heaving, still full of that wonderful motion waiting to be loosed
again at the bidding of her will.
"I never saw anything like it!" he cried. "You're beautiful, beautiful,
Judith!"
"You mean--it's beautiful," she laughed, her cheeks flushing to a more
vivid red.
"I meant what I said," he persisted almost indignantly. "Beautiful!"
She did not try to conceal her pleasure and pride. "I'm glad, Arthur."
"Look here, you've got to teach me how to do it--some of it, anyhow."
"I will, if the frost will only last. Let's pray to heaven!"
"And you've got to come to Switzerland with me next winter."
"I'll think about that!"
"In fact every winter--if you'll kindly think about that too!" He got up
with a merry ringing laugh. "God bless the frost! Let's have another
shot at waltzing? You've inspired me--I believe I shall do it better!"
He did it--a little better--and she ardently encouraged him; the slender
supple strength of her figure resting against his arm seemed a help more
than physical, almost, as he said, an inspiration. Yet presently he
stopped, and would have her skate by herself again.
"No, that's enough for this morning," she protested. Yet, when he
begged, she could not but do as he asked once more; his praises fell so
sweet on her ears. At the end she glided to him and held out her hands,
putting them in his. "No more, no more! I--I feel too excited!"
"So do I, somehow," he said, laughing, as he clasped her hands, and
their eyes met in exultant joyfulness. "You've given me a new vision of
you, Judith!"