Dick Smithson was busy, a few mornings later, working with his hands as
well as his brain. The latter could not succeed in its task; for, the
more he thought, the more desperate grew the confusion in his mind; and,
by way of relief, he tried hard to dismiss the whole business, but only
to find that it would not go.
His hands were more successful; for he had polished his sword,
pipe-clayed his belt, gloves, and the little leather pouch which held
his music-cards, and now, with a brush ready, he was performing a task
which looked like a puzzle, for he was passing the gilt buttons of his
uniform through a hole in a flat stick, and then running them one after
another along a slit.
He had heard someone enter the room; but he was too intent upon his work
to look up, and he had just picked up the brush to begin polishing the
buttons, now in a neat row, when a couple of hands were passed round
him--one taking his jacket and button-stick, the other the brush, which
was briskly applied, accompanied by a loud, hissing noise, such as an
ostler makes, to blow away the dust, when grooming a horse.
"Jerry!" exclaimed Dick, wonderingly.
"Me it is, S'Rich--Dick Smithson," cried the man, cheerily.
"For goodness' sake, mind what you are saying."
"I will, sir--I will, Dick--but it is so hard to break off your old
habits."
"And give me that brush. You must not go on like this."
"Why not?" cried Jerry; "I often do jobs for my mates. There's no rules
again' that. Why, I could clean up, polish, and pipe-clay twice as fast
as some of 'em."
"But what brings you here, Jerry?"
"Ah! that's it, S'Dick Smithson!" cried the man, with a smile of
triumph. "It's all right; I'm taken in exchange."
"What!"
"They've swopped me, somehow. I don't know; but I don't belong to the
Three-tenth no longer. I'm a Two-fifth, and, what's more, I'm
Lieutenant Lacey's servant. I've been with him two days."
"And are you satisfied? Can you get on?"
"Satisfied ain't the word for it. I was never meant to go shouldering
arms and making two legs of a long centipede, and crawling about. It's
like getting back into real happiness. Waited table last night for the
fust time. Didn't you see me?"
"I? No."
"I see you tootling away there on your floot, 'eavenly, but I couldn't
catch your eye. 'Sides, I was strange there, and had to mind what I was
about, 'tending to my master. It was a real treat!"
"And so you think you'll get on with him?"
"Get on with him! Why, I can do anything I like with him already! My
word! they call red herrings sogers, and sogers red herrings, and he is
a soft-roed un, and no mistake."
"Lieutenant Lacey is a thorough gentleman, Jerry," cried Dick, warmly.
"Every inch of him, Dick Smithson--mind, I'm a calling you that, Dick,
but it's meant respectful--a thorough gent, every inch of him, and
there's a good lot on him, too; but he is a bit slack-baked, you know.
Why, if I liked, I could a'most gammon him into anything."
"I trust you will prove as good a servant to him as you were to--"
"Me," Dick was going to say, but he checked himself.
"You trust me for that, Dick Smithson, I will. But, really, it's
shameful the way he's been neglected. He come and ketched me last night
sitting on the floor cross-legged, fine-drawing a hole in his
dress-vest, and he burst out a-laughing, good-humoured like.
"`Why, Brigley,' he says, `I didn't know you were a tailor.'
"`More I am, sir,' I says; `but a man as pretends to valet a gent, and
can't draw up a tear, or put on a button, ain't worth calling a servant,
sir,' I says.
"`I'm afraid my things have been very much neglected,' he says, and then
he asked, `What boots are those in a row?'
"`Some as I found in the closet, sir, all over mould.'
"`But they're not fit to wear, are they?'
"`Why not, sir?' I says. `Look here, sir, that chap as you've had here
ought to be flogged; I never see a gent's fit-out and accoutrements in
such a state.'
"`They have been terribly neglected, my man,' he says, `and I hope
you'll put 'em right.'
"`You trust me, sir,' I says, `and they shall be done proper, but it'll
take me weeks yet. Your linen's shameful.'
"`Then I must get some new things.'
"`What for, sir?' I says. `They're right enough. Leastwise, they will
be. You leave 'em to me, sir.'
"`I will, my man,' he says.
"And then he sits down and sighs. Ever heard him sigh, sir?"
"Yes, often, Jerry."
"An' he can sigh! `Tired, sir?' I says.
"`Yes, and low-spirited,' he says.
"I didn't say no more, but puts away the vest as I'd finished, all but
pressing it. Then I takes out my cloth, gets his pair of ivory-back
brushes, just takes off his dress-jacket, and puts the cloth round his
neck, sets him up a bit, and then I brushed his head for about ten
minutes--you know my way, sir?"
"Yes, Jerry; I recollect."
"And there he sat, with the wrinkles going out of his forrid, and a sort
o' baby-like smile coming all over his face.
"`Find it fresh'ning, sir?' I says.
"`Heavenly,' he says.
"`You want a good shampoo, sir,' I says. `There's a deal o' dandruff in
your head.'
"`That's what the hairdresser said,' says he, an' he sighs again.
"`Oh, yes; I know,' says I; `they allus do, and wants you to buy bottles
o' their tintry-cum-fuldicus. You leave it to me, sir. Little white o'
egg and borax, and a finish off with some good scented soap; and then if
anyone sees some o' that stuff in your head, sir, just you tell me.'
"He's a very nice gent, sir--I mean Dick; but the way he's been
neglected and preyed on by barbers and sich is shameful. Why, he's got
stuff enough in his quarters to stock a shop."
"Then you think you'll get on with him, Jerry?"
"Think? Not me! You ask him if he'll let me go, and you'll see. I
sent him out this morning pretty tidy to parade, quite early--and don't
he like you to dress him--and when he come back, looking done-up, I was
ready for him with a pick-me-up. You see there's a lot of him, and he
want nootriment."
"`What's this?' he says.
"`Your lotion, sir,' I says, and he tasted it, and tasted it again,
sipping, then mouthfulling, and sets the glass down, with a sigh.
"`What is it, Brigley?' he says.
"`Noo-lade egg, sir, noo milk, lump o' sugar, and half a glass o'
sherry, well lathered up with a swizzle-stick.'
"`Hah!' he says, `is there any more?'
"`No, sir,' I says; `not this morning. Now then, sir,' I says; `if you
please?' And then I takes off his belts and his regimentals, gets him
on the couch, and I rubs him and cracks him."
"You did what?" cried Dick.
"Massages him, sir; and him a-staring at me all the time. After that I
shampoos and washes him, trims the pyntes off his hair, waxes his
starshers, gives him a cigarette, and then I rejoices his heart."
"How?" said Dick, laughing.
"By telling on him the truth, sir."
"What truth?"
"I stood back and looked at him, and I says to him: `There, sir; don't
you feel like a new man?'
"Ah, yes! he says, with one o' those big mellingcholly sighs of his'n,
which makes me think he's got something on his mind.
"`And now, sir,' I says, `you look puffect.'
"`Oh, nonsense, man!' he says, sharply.
"`Begging your pardon, sir!' I says, `you do!' and he says, sadly--
"`Well, Brigley, have it your own way; 'tis no fault of mine.'
"I see then as I oughtn't to say no more, for fear of his thinking I
flattered him. But, really, he is as handsome and big a chap as ever I
did see."
"Yes, he is good-looking, Jerry; but if you talk much like that you'll
disgust him."
"An' I shan't talk to him like that again, Dick Smithson; and I
shouldn't, then, only it was the honest truth. It's a pleasure to do up
a gent like that! Why, I could win a prize with him at a show! But he
is a soft one, really!--milk's nothing to him!"
"Never mind that, Jerry. You'll find him an excellent master."
"I know I shall, and thankful I am; for it's been a rough time with me
lately, and it's refreshing to have to do for such a gent. He really
is, though, the handsomest chap I ever see out of a picture, though he
do make me laugh to find him such a hinfant. Think he could fight?"
"I think he's brave as a lion, Jerry; and that it would be awkward for
anyone who roused him up."
"That's yer sort for me, sir. I call that real English."
"And he'd be clever enough, if put to the test. But he's well-off, and
takes life easily. You've got a good master, Jerry; and you know it."
"I do, Dick Smithson; and I want him to know he's got a good servant."
"Oh, he'll find that out, Jerry. Yes! you were going to say something?"
"I were, sir--I mean Dick Smithson. Did you know as he was friends with
your cousin?"
"No, surely not!"
"Fact, sir. He come to Mr Lacey's quarters this morning. I was sewing
on buttons in the next room, and couldn't help hearing something about
odds; and that set me up sharp, for I knows what odds mean--no one
better."
"But you shouldn't have listened."
"I didn't, Dick Smithson; but I heered enough to show as S'Mark--I--I
beg your pardon."
Dick started; but he said nothing, and Jerry went on.
"As your cousin's feeling his way with Mr Lacey--and, if he is, it
means betting and play, and bleeding of him orful. Couldn't you give
him a hint, as someone we knows ain't to be trusted?"