Sanford's virtues were hard for Hugh to find, and they grew more
inconspicuous as the term advanced. For the time being nothing seemed
worth while: he was disgusted with himself, the undergraduates, and the
fraternity; he felt that the college had bilked him. Often he thought of
the talk he had had with his father before he left for college.
Sometimes that talk seemed funny, entirely idiotic, but sometimes it
infuriated him. What right had his father to send him off to college
with such fool ideas in his head? Nu Delta, the perfect brotherhood!
Bull! How did his father get that way, anyhow? Hugh had yet to learn
that nearly every chapter changes character at least once a decade and
that Nu Delta thirty years earlier had been an entirely different
organization from what it was at present. At times he felt that his
father had deliberately deceived him, but in quieter moments he knew
better; then he realized that his father was a dreamer and an innocent,
a delicately minded man who had never really known anything about
Sanford College or the world either. Hugh often felt older and wiser
than his father; and in many ways he was.
In March he angered his fraternity brothers again by refusing a part in
the annual musical comedy, which was staged by the Dramatic Society
during Prom week. Hugh's tenor singing voice and rather small features
made him an excellent possibility for a woman's part. But he was not a
good actor, and he knew it. His attempts at acting in a high-school play
had resulted in a flat failure, and he had no intention of publicly
making a fool of himself again. Besides, he did not like the idea of
appearing on the stage as a girl; the mere idea was offensive to him.
Therefore, when the Society offered him a part he declined it.
Bob Tucker took him severely to task. "What do you mean, Hugh," he
demanded, "by turning down the Dramat? Here you've got a chance for a
lead, and you turn up your nose at it as if you were God Almighty. It
seems to me that you are getting gosh-awful high-hat lately. You run
around with a bunch of thoroughly wet ones; you never come to fraternity
meetings if you can help it; you aren't half training down at the track;
and now you give the Dramat the air just as if an activity or two wasn't
anything in your young life."
"The Dramat isn't anything to me," Hugh replied, trying to keep his
temper. Tucker's arrogance always made him angry. "I can't act worth a
damn. Never could. I tried once in a play at home and made a poor fish
of myself, and you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm not going to
again."
"Bunk!" Tucker ejaculated contemptuously. "Hooey! Anybody can act good
enough for the Dramat. I tell you right now that you're turning the
fraternity down; you're playing us dirt. What have you done in college?
Not a goddamn thing except make the Glee Club. I don't care about track.
I suppose you did your best last year, though I know damn well that you
aren't doing it this year. What would become of the fraternity if all of
us parked ourselves on our tails and gave the activities the air the way
you do? You're throwing us down, and we don't like it."
"Well, I'm not going out for the Dramat," Hugh mumbled sullenly; "you
can just bet on that. I'll admit that I haven't trained the way I ought
to, but I have made the Glee Club, and I have promised to join the Banjo
Club, and I am still on the track squad, and that's more than half the
fellows in this fraternity can say. Most of 'em don't do anything but go
on parties and raise hell generally. How come you're picking on me? Why
don't you ride some of them for a while? I don't see where they're so
hot."
"Never mind the other fellows." Tucker's black eyes flashed angrily. He
was one of the "hell-raisers" himself, good looking; always beautifully
dressed, and proud of the fact that he was "rated the smoothest man on
the campus." His "smoothness" had made him prominent in activities--that
and his estimate of himself. He took it for granted that he would be
prominent, and the students accepted him at his own valuation; and
powerful Nu Delta had been behind him, always able to swing Votes when
votes were needed.
"Never mind the other fellows," he repeated. "They're none of your
party. You've got talents, and you're not making use of them. You could
be as popular as the devil if you wanted to, but you go chasing around
with kikes and micks."
Hugh was very angry and a little absurd in his youthful pomposity. "I
suppose you refer to Parker and Einstein--my one mick friend, although
he isn't Irish, and my, one Jewish friend. Well, I shall stick to them
and see just as much of them as I like. I've told you that before, and
you might as well get me straight right now: I'm going to run with
whoever I want. The fraternity cannot dictate to me about my friends.
You told me you didn't want Parker and Einstein around the house. I
don't bring them around. I don't see as how you've got a right to ask
anything more."
"I don't suppose you realize that everything you do reflects on the
fraternity," Tucker retorted, slightly pompous himself.
"I suppose it does, but I can't see that I have done anything that is
going to ruin the name of Nu Delta. I don't get potted regularly or
chase around with filthy bags or flunk my courses or crib my way
through; and I could mention some men in this house who do all those
things." Hugh was thoroughly angry and no longer in possession of his
best judgment. "If you don't like the way I act, you can have my pin any
time you say." He stood up, his blue eyes almost black with rage, his
cheeks flushed, his mouth a thin white line.
Tucker realized that he had gone too far. "Oh, don't get sore, Hugh," he
said soothingly. "I didn't mean it the way you are taking it. Of course,
we don't want you to turn in your pin. We all like you. We just want you
to come around more and be one of the fellows, more of a regular guy. We
feel that you can bring a lot of honor to the fraternity if you want to,
and we've been kinda sore because you've been giving activities the
go-by."
"How about my studies?" Hugh retorted. "I suppose you want me to give
them the air. Well, I did the first term, and I made a record that I was
ashamed of. I promised my folks that I'd do better; and I'm going to. I
give an hour or two a day to track and several hours a week to the Glee
Club, and now I'm going to have to give several more to the Banjo Club.
That's all I can give at present, and that's all I'm going to give. I
know perfectly well that some fellows can go out for a bunch of
activities and make Phi Bete, too; but they're sharks and I'm not. Don't
worry, either; I won't disgrace the fraternity by making Phi Bete," he
concluded sarcastically.
"Oh, calm down, Hugh, and forget what I said," Tucker pleaded,
thoroughly sorry that he had started the argument. "You go ahead and do
what you think right and we'll stand by you." He stood up and put his
hand on Hugh's shoulder. "No hard feelings, are there, old man?"
Kindness always melted Hugh; no matter how angry he was, he could not
resist it. "No," he said softly; "no hard feelings. I'm sorry I lost my
temper."
Tucker patted his shoulder. "Oh, that's all right. I guess I kinda lost
mine, too. You'll be around to the meeting to-morrow night, won't you?
Better come. Paying fines don't get you anywhere."
"Sure, I'll come."
He went but took no part in the discussion, nor did he frequent the
fraternity house any more than he had previously. More and more he
realized that he had "gone with the wrong crowd," and more and more he
thought of what Graham had said to him in his freshman year about how a
man was in hell if he joined the wrong fraternity. "I was the wise
bird," he told himself caustically; "I was the guy who knew all about
it. Graham saw what would happen, and I didn't have sense enough to
take his advice. Hell, I never even thought about what he told me. I
knew that I would be in heaven if Nu Delta gave me a bid. Heaven! Well,
I'm glad that they were too high-hat for Norry Parker and that he went
with the right bunch."
Norville Parker was Hugh's Catholic friend, and the more he saw of the
freshman the better he liked him. Parker had received several bids from
fraternities, and he followed the advice Hugh had given him. "If Delta
Sigma Delta bids you, go there," Hugh had said positively. "They're the
bunch you belong with. Apparently the Kappa Zetes are going to bid you,
too. You go Delta Sig if you get the chance." Hugh envied Parker the
really beautiful fraternity life he was leading. "Why in God's name," he
demanded of himself regularly, "didn't I have sense enough to take
Graham's advice?"
When spring came, the two boys took long walks into the country, both of
them loving the new beauty of the spring and happy in perfect
companionship. Hugh missed Carl badly, and he wanted to ask Parker to
room with him the remainder of the term. He felt, however, that the
fraternity would object, and he wanted no further trouble with Nu Delta.
As a matter of fact, the fraternity would have said nothing, but Hugh
had become hypersensitive and expected his "brothers" to find fault
with his every move. He had no intention of deserting Parker, but he
could not help feeling that rooming with him would be a gratuitous
insult to the fraternity.
Parker--every one called him Norry--was a slender, delicate lad with
dreamy gray eyes and silky brown hair that, unless he brushed it back
severely, fell in soft curls on his extraordinarily white forehead.
Except for a slightly aquiline nose and a firm jaw, he was almost
effeminate in appearance, his mouth was so sensitive, his hands so white
and slender, his manner so gentle. He had a slow, winning smile, a
quiet, low voice. He was a dreamer and a mystic, a youth who could see
fairies dancing in the shadows; and he told Hugh what he saw.
"I see things," he said to Hugh one moonlight night as they strolled
through the woods; "I see things, lovely little creatures flitting
around among the trees: I mean I see them when I'm alone. I like to lie
on my back in the meadows and look at the clouds and imagine myself
sitting on a big fellow and sailing and sailing away to heaven. It's
wonderful. I feel that way when I play my fiddle." He played the violin
beautifully and had promptly been made soloist for the Musical Clubs.
"I--I can't explain. Sometimes when I finish playing, I find my eyes
full of tears. I feel as if I had been to some wonderful place, and I
don't want to come back."
"I guess I'm not like other fellows. I cry over poetry, not because it
makes me sad. It's not that. It's just so beautiful. Why, when I first
read Shelley's 'Cloud' I was almost sick I was so happy. I could hardly
stand it. And when I hear beautiful music I cry, too. Why, when I listen
to Kreisler, I sometimes want to beg him to stop; it hurts and makes me
so happy that--that I just can't stand it," he finished lamely.
"I know," Hugh said. "I know how it is. I feel that way sometimes, too,
but not as much as you, I guess. I don't cry. I never really cry, but I
want to once in a while. I--I write poetry sometimes," he confessed
awkwardly, "but I guess it's not very good. Jimmie Henley says it isn't
so bad for a sophomore, but I'm afraid that he's just stringing me
along, trying to encourage me, you know. But there are times when I've
said a little bit right, just a little bit, but I've known that it was
right--and then I feel the way you do."
"I've written lots of poetry," Norry said simply, "but it's no good;
it's never any good." He paused between two big trees and pointed
upward. "Look, look up there. See those black branches and that patch of
sky between them and those stars. I want to picture that--and I can't;
and I want to picture the trees the way they look now so fluffy with
tiny new leaves, but I miss it a million miles.... But I can get it in
music," he added more brightly. "Grieg says it. Music is the most
wonderful thing in the world. I wish I could be a great violinist. I
can't, though. I'm not a genius, and I'm not strong enough. I can't
practice very long."
They continued walking in silence for a few minutes, and then Norry
said: "I'm awfully happy here at college, and I didn't expect to be,
either. I knew that I was kinda different from other fellows, not so
strong; and I don't like ugly things or smutty stories or anything like
that. I think women are lovely, and I hate to hear fellows tell dirty
stories about them. I'm no fool, Hugh; I know about the things that
happen, but I don't want to hear about them. Things that are dirty and
ugly make me feel sick."
"Well, I was afraid the fellows would razz me. But they don't. They
don't at all. The fellows over at the Delta Sig house are wonderful to
me. They don't think I'm wet. They don't razz me for not going on wild
parties, though I know that some of the fellows are pretty gay
themselves. They ask me to fiddle for them nearly every evening, and
they sit and listen very, very quietly just as long as I'll play. I'm
glad you told me to go Delta Sig."
Norry made Hugh feel very old and a little crude and hard. He realized
that there was something rare, almost exquisite, about the boy, and that
he lived largely in a beautiful world of his own imagination. It would
have surprised Norry if any one had told him that his fraternity
brothers stood in awe of him, that they thought he was a genius. Some of
them were built out of pretty common clay, but they felt the almost
unearthly purity of the boy they had made a brother; and the hardest of
them, the crudest, silently elected himself the guardian of that purity.