its bright hues.
"I shall not make a bargain without _that_," said mamma, resolutely. The
peddler sighed, and laying it with the selected articles said:
"Tish ver great pargains for te lady."
Mamma smiled triumphantly, and the peddler, tying up his bundle and
slinging his stick, departed with an air of humility.
Papa's voice was soon heard, as usual, before he was seen.
"Rub down Beauty, Mark, and tell Diggory to call out the hounds."
There was a slight embarrassment in mamma's manner when he entered,
mingled with the same quantity of bravado. He nodded to her, tapped me
on the head with his riding-whip, gave Patsey a kiss as she stretched
out her arms to him, tossed her in the air, and, returning her to her
nurse, was passing on.
"Do stop, Colonel," said mamma, "and admire my bargains. See this cut
glass and plate that we have been wishing for, to save our best set."
"What, this trash?" said he, pausing a moment at the table--"blown glass
and washed brass! Who has been fooling you?"
"Colonel," said mamma, coloring highly, "how can you--"
"I can not stop a minute, now, wife," said he, "Jones and Ferguson are
for a hunt to-day! They are waiting at Drake's corner. It looks like
falling weather and my old drab will come in well to-day."
Mamma looked frightened, and he passed on up-stairs. He was one of those
gentlemen who keep a house alive, as the phrase is, whether in merriment
or the contrary, and we were always prepared to search for his hat, or
whip, or slippers, which he was confident he put in their places, but
which, by some miracle, were often in opposite directions. Our greatest
trial, however, was with mamma's and his spectacles, for they had four
pairs between them--far-sighted and near-sighted. There were, indeed,
_optical_ delusions practiced with them; for when papa wanted his, they
were hidden behind some pickle-jar; and when mamma had carefully placed
hers in her key-basket, they were generally found in one of papa's
various pockets; when a distant object was to be seen, he was sure to
mount the near-sighted, and cry "Pshaw!" and if a splinter was to be
taken out, nothing could be found but the far-sighted ones, and he said
something worse: sometimes all four pairs were missing, and such a
scampering ensued!
We now heard a great outcry up-stairs. "Wife! Chloe! Cornelia! come and
find my drab coat!" We looked at each other in dismay, but papa was not
a man for delay, and we obeyed his summons.
"Wife," said he, beating aside the externals of man that hung about his
dressing-room, "where is my old drab coat?"
Mamma swallowed as if a dry artichoke was in her throat, as she said,
slowly, "Why, colonel, you know you had not worn that coat for months,
and as you have another one, and a _roquelaure_, and the coat was full
of moth-holes, I exchanged it with the peddler for cut glass and plate."
"Cut devils!" said papa, who liked to soften an oath by combinations;
"it was worth twenty dollars--yes, more, because I felt at home in it. I
hate new coats as I do--"
"But, colonel," interrupted mamma, "you did not see the scarlet tray,
and the--"
"Scarlet nonsense," shouted papa; "I believe, if they could, women would
sell their husbands to those rascally peddlers!"
Beauty and the hounds were now pronounced ready. I followed papa to the
piazza, and heard his wrath rolling off as he cantered away.
_HERE'S A MERRY BOOK BY A MERRY MAN_
THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET
By MARSHALL P. WILDER
_Author of "Smiling 'Round the World"._
"His book--like American conversation--is made up of anecdotes. He talks
intimately of Richard Croker, President McKinley, President Harrison,
Joseph Jefferson, Senator Depew, Henry Watterson, Gen. Horace Porter,
Augustin Daly, Henry Irving, Buffalo Bill, King Edward VII., Mrs.
Langtry, and a host of other personages, large and small, and
medium-sized. He tells many good stories. We can recommend his book as
cheerful reading."--_New York Times._
"It is replete with anecdotes and observations relating to the
humorous side of life, intimate bits of interesting personalia, and
bright and witty chat concerning things in general."--_Pittsburg
Leader._
"Reading the book is like listening to a humorous lecture by
Marshall P. Wilder, full of wit and brightness, and it will cheer
and comfort the most morose man or woman just to read
it."--_Baltimore American._
_12mo, Cloth. Humorous Pen-and-Ink Sketches by Bart Haley.
Frontispiece Portrait of Mr. Wilder. Price, $1.20._
FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, Publishers
NEW YORK AND LONDON
_ANOTHER ROARING FUN BOOK!_
SMILING 'ROUND THE WORLD
By MARSHALL P. WILDER
_Author of "The Sunny Side of the Street"_
"_Laugh and the world laughs with you_" can be truly said of Marshall P.
Wilder, the captivating entertainer of Presidents, Kings, Princes, and
the great public. As the Hon. Chauncey M. Depew says, "His mirth is
contagious," and as the Right Hon. Henry Labouchere remarked, "He makes
melancholy fly apace." You'll find laughs bubbling all through this new
book.
_SOME OPINIONS FROM THE NEWSPAPERS_
"There are many cheerful, amusing incidents of travel. It is a very
readable and entertaining book."--_Democrat and Chronicle_,
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latest book. He merrily prattles of a thousand different things and
of as many different people."--_Record_, Philadelphia, Pa.
"In addition to the keen enjoyment which the reader will elicit
from the undercurrent of humor running through the volume, the book
gives a vivid picture of life as it is lived in distant
lands."--_Journal_, Boston, Mass.
_Decorated Cloth Cover. 12mo. Profusely Illustrated._
_Price, $1.50_
FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY, Publishers
NEW YORK AND LONDON
[Transcriber's Note: The Table of Contents in the print edition lists
John Boyle O'Reilly's work entitled "A Disappointment" as being on
page 191. It is indeed on this page, but in Volume I, so has been
removed Volume II's Table of Contents here.]