A speaker of the suasive school,
Who more resembled knave than fool,
His prospects gauged once on a time,
And sought how he might upward climb.
The scheme Political had failed;
The star of Piety had paled;
The Convert Drunkard would not tell--
His friends the cheat had learnt to smell.
All things our changeful friend had tried--
Had spouted far and shouted wide.
When all at once--ah! happy thought:
The Temp'rance cause in tow was brought.
And with it, up and down the land,
Our hero roamed with lofty hand,
Consigning to a dreadful place,
Whose name this fable must not grace,
All men--the one who touched a drop,
With him who knew not when to stop.
Arriving in a town one day,
He on his string began to play;
And mounted on a brandy cask
With noisy speech went through his task.
The barrel on whose head he stood
At length gave vent in warmth of blood:
"Ungracious varlet--stay thy hand:
"What! run down those on whom you stand?"
Then, utterance-choked, he tumbled o'er,
Casting the speaker on the floor.
And as he rolled along the street--
"Let me consistent teachers meet!"
He said--"or give me none at all
To teach me how to stand or fall!"
Thus seekers after Truth declaim
'Gainst teachers--teachers but in name--
Who live by what they deprecate,
And love the thing they seem to hate--
Who like the speaker raised on high
On barrel-top, 'gainst barrels cry:
Who, though of others Temp'rance ask,
Are slaves themselves to th' brandy flask.