WORLDLY WISDOM OF SKIPPY BEDELLE
WHEN Skippy Bedelle (rage and disillusionment in his heart) had tramped
five weary miles back from the city which sheltered that angel of
perfidy, Miss Mimi Lafontaine, he said to himself on waking the next
morning:
"Well, by the Great Horned Spoon, that's one thing I won't bite at
again." And examining himself in the glass with a new respect--for after
all he had handled the situation with magnificent impertinence and if
the story was to be retailed in the home circles it would never be
introduced by Miss Clara Bedelle--examining himself, then, with a
certain pride and satisfaction he said vaingloriously, "Hurray, I'm
vaccinated!"
"How d'ye mean vaccinated?" said Snorky whose head emerged via the
morning jersey.
"Did I say vaccinated?" said Skippy surprised and cautious.
"You certainly did," said his chum, who observing the rapidity of his
contact with the washbasin, the reappearance of the dicky and the two
strokes of the brush which completed his toilette, added with a sigh of
relief, "I say, old horse, you look more natural."
Skippy immediately returned to the convenient Tina Tanner. He picked up
the statuesquely posed photograph, contemplated it and returned it to
its place with the air of a man on whom a great passion has burned
itself out.
"She was an awfully decent little sort," he said meditatively, "but it
would have been an awful mess if I'd done it."
"Done what?"
"Followed her on the stage."
"Say, whatever made you think you'd succeed on the stage, you chump?"
said Snorky, who always retained a lingering doubt when Skippy grew
confidential.
"Oh, I don't know."
"Well, the way you got off 'Horatius at the Bridge'--"
Skippy stretched his arms and yawned deliciously.
"Gee, but a fellow can make an awful fool of himself," he said, thinking
now not of the fictitious Tina but of the explanations which must have
taken place between his sister and Miss Lafontaine.
"A nice wreck you'd have made of your life, you big boob," said Snorky
taking up the photograph and smelling it curiously to see what perfume
an actress employed. "So her name's Tanner, eh?"
"Her stage name."
"You couldn't have married a woman like that."
"Not a word against her."
"Well, anyhow are you vaccinated?"
"Bitten, vaccinated and cured!"
* * * * *
Now when Skippy spoke thus from his heart it was in absolute faith,
without the slightest suspicion of the natural course which a habit
inevitably must take. A habit is after all but an acquired appetite, and
what appetite was ever begun with instant enjoyment! No inveterate
smoker ever appreciated his first cigar and the most persistent of
tipplers choked once over the first distasteful introduction to the
demon rum.
So be it recorded in this history of the sentimental progress of Skippy
Bedelle. The impulse which sends the boy back to a second trial of the
cigar that stretched him pale and nauseated on the ground, or leads him
to a new attempt at the alcoholic mixture which scorched his throat,
alone may explain how it came to pass that Skippy, after the first
disillusioning contact with the opposite sex in the person of Miss Mimi
Lafontaine, should in the first week of his summer vacation have fallen
under the despotism of Miss Dolly Travers.
There were, as will be seen, extenuating circumstances and perhaps
likewise much may be explained by the instinctive belief which is
implanted in mankind, that woman is twofold, and that the brunettes of
the species are less deadly than the blondes, or vice versa, according
to the first contact.
When Skippy Bedelle arrived for the long summer vacation at the family
home at Gates Harbor, he arrived with a fixed program which is here
detailed in the order of its importance.
1. To grow at least two inches and to acquire an added ten pounds in
weight.
2. To achieve this necessary progression towards his athletic ambitions,
to sleep at least fourteen hours of the day and to eat steadily and
consistently during the remaining ten.
3. To impress the governor with the necessity of increasing his
allowance.
4. To conceal from his mother the devastation of that portion of his
wardrobe which is not a matter of public display.
5. To reduce sisters No. 1 and No. 2 to an attitude of proper respect,
consistent with the approaching dignity of his sixteen years.
6. To thrash Puffy Ellis for the third consecutive summer.
7. To obtain permission for a two weeks' visit to the home of his chum,
Snorky Green.
In all of which, be it observed that the feminine portion of society
occupied not the slightest place.
* * * * *
On a radiant afternoon in mid-June, Skippy, having finished the last bar
of peanut brittle and made sure that no vestige remained of the box of
assorted chocolates which had preceded it down the Great Hungry Way,
assembled three comic weeklies and four magazines, gave the porter a
quarter for his ostentatious devotions and descended at the station,
with exactly seven cents in his pocket, having calculated his budget to
a nicety.
His patent leathers were in a decidedly shabby condition and cracked
over the instep, but his brown and green check suit, the yellow tie and
the new panama with the purple and white band were irreproachably _bon
ton_. He stood a moment supporting himself on a light bamboo cane,
contemplating his dress suit-case, which he acknowledged was not up to
form. Not only had the straps rotted away, but there were strange
depressions and bulges in it due to the Waladoo Bird's two hundred and
twenty pounds having fallen upon it. Furthermore, it was stained with
the marks of a root beer orgy and Snorky Green's mistaken efforts to
remove the same stains with a pumice stone.
Skippy after a moment's deliberation, decided not to insult the hackman
with an offer of seven cents and having consigned the unspeakable bag to
the truckman proceeded on foot twirling his cane and trying to appear
unaware of the admiration of the villagers who were particularly
impressed by his perfect pants.
The Bedelle homestead was a large ornamental, turreted and bastioned
mansion, consonant with Mr. Bedelle's increasing prosperity and Mrs.
Bedelle's social importance.
"Gee, the Governor certainly ought to stand for a raise," said Skippy to
himself, with a proper appreciation of the velvety lawns, the flower
gardens and the green and white stables. Then he remembered the none too
brilliant record of the scholastic year which was sure to come up for
discussion and fell into a sudden despondency.