SOAP AND SENTIMENT
TEN days after the dreadful fiasco of the Mosquito-Proof Socks, when a
corps of experts had succeeded in removing the stench from the upper
floors of the Kennedy; when certain garments had been taken out under a
vigilantes committee and had been publicly interred; when the three
offenders had again been permitted to resume their membership in
civilized society--Snorky Green began to be alarmed at certain
disquieting symptoms in the conduct of Skippy Bedelle.
"I don't like it," he said, standing before his roommate's washstand in
a dark reverie. "Danged if I like the looks of things. Somethin' is
certainly doing. It certainly is."
He picked up a large new nailbrush, showed it to Dennis de Brian de
Boru, who had been called in consultation, and shook his head.
"Spending his money on bric-a-brac like that--and that's not all!" he
said indignantly.
"Let me know the worst," said Dennis who, perched on the table tailor
fashion, had been ruminating, and when Dennis de Brian de Boru remained
silent, the mental wheels were grinding rapidly. "Fire away, if you want
to know anything--ask me."
Snorky proceeded to lift the broken cover of the soap dish, and brought
forth a cake which he tendered gingerly to Dennis for his olfactory
inspection.
"What a lovely pink stink!" he exclaimed, after one sniff. "Smells like
the cook on her Sunday off."
"Are you convinced?"
"I am. Skippy, the human scent-box is undoubtedly in love. Object
matrimony."
"He's got it bad this time," said Snorky, remembering that they had a
reputation as lady-killers to maintain.
"If you will associate with 'em, it's bound to happen," said Finnegan in
his rapid fire style. "I know the symptoms. My brother Pat went maudlin,
when he was just Skippy's age. Ten years of it, presents Christmas and
birthdays, flowers twice a month, postage stamps and letter paper,
weekly bulletins and all that sort of rot! Ten years, and then he
married a girl, best friend stuff, trust you together and all
that--married her a month after he met her. Think of the expense. Not
for me, old top--my money goes for race horses."
"You've nothing to worry over, you wild Irishman," said Snorky, who felt
a certain presumption in this lesson.
"Casting aspersions? Oh, I don't know! I may not be beautiful, but
women, proud women, have sighed as I passed."
"Run away," said Snorky impatiently.
"I was just going," said Dennis with dignity. At the door he paused for
a parting shot. "Hard luck, old gormandizer. There won't be so many
midnight spreads for you, now. Cut down the jiggers, shut up the pantry,
tighten the belt! Skippy'll need his money for _other_ things. Thank the
Lord the only thing he can get into of mine, is a necktie. Hard luck!"
Perhaps a little of the practical reactions had occurred to Snorky, for
he flung a shoe at the diminutive Finnegan and was still in a brown
study when Skippy came in.
"If he starts to wash he's in love. Bet that's why he's been so
friendly," he thought, waiting developments. "I thought it was queer he
didn't sulk more after the big smell!"
In fact Snorky had been considerably puzzled at his roommate's actions
after the fiasco of the Mosquito-Proof Socks.
"Any mail?" said Skippy nervously.
"I don't think so."
"Are you sure?"
"Come to think about it, there might be a letter over on the table."
The Byronic melancholy vanished from Skippy's face. He sprang to the
table and seized the envelope.
"Feeling better?" said Snorky, noting the beneficial results.
"Much."
"You look ten years younger."
"You go to blazes!" said Skippy, but without anger. He went to the bed
and flinging back the mattress uncovered three pairs of trousers slowly
hardening into that razor edge which is the _sine qua non_ of a man of
fashion. Apparently satisfied, he next proceeded to the mirror, where,
after a short inspection, he seized his brushes, dipped them into the
water pitcher and laboriously began to reconstruct the perfect part that
was beginning to replace the Skippy cowlick. Trousers may be brought to
order in a few minutes, but to subdue a cowlick is a matter of years.
Ten minutes' rigorous application of the brushes failing to produce
results, he ducked into the washbasin, drove a line with the comb,
slicked down the sides and applied a press, in the form of a derby,
which process will subdue the most recalcitrant of cowlicks for at least
two hours.
"Aha! Object matrimony?" said a squeaky voice.
Skippy looked up wrathfully to perceive the curious eyes of Dennis de
Brian de Boru gazing from the transom. Both brushes went flying across
the room, but Dennis knew when his presence was _de trop_. The episode
shook off the derby and deranged the part. Snorky watched the process of
reconstruction with a meditative glance.
"Skippy, old horse, you are _so_ spick and span. Has love really come to
you?"
"You go take a run and jump," said Skippy lightly and he began to
whistle a genial air.
Now if Bedelle had denied the direct accusation, Snorky would have been
certain of its truth, vice versa if the answer had been broadly
affirmative, Snorky would have at once dismissed the suspicion. Skippy's
light, _de haut en bas_ manner left him unconvinced. Circumstantial
evidence was all he had to go on, but the evidence was strong. Skippy
undeniably was a changed man.
"What day is it?" said Skippy, who had been reading over the letter.
"Wednesday, you chump."
"Three days to Saturday," said Skippy with a sigh. He went to the
washstand, poured out the water and began to scrub diligently at his
nails.
"Well, you ought to get them clean by that time," said Skippy
facetiously.
"What's that?"
"So you are in love?" said Snorky, shifting the conversation.
"What makes you think so?"
"Go ahead, open your heart, what's a roommate for?"
"You'd be a nice one to confide in! Why not shout it in a telephone?"
"Hold up, that's a raw deal," said Snorky rising wrathfully. "I may
have weakened under that awful stink, but I kept the secret, didn't I?
Didn't I stand up three hours against the whole blooming house and did
they ever get a word from me about Mosquito-Proof Socks, and in the
state of temper they were too? Oh, I say, come now, square deal you
know!"
Skippy considered him more favorably. Besides, he remembered that by
Saturday he would need to embellish his sartorial display with a few
treasures from his chum's wardrobe. He sat down and took his head in his
hands.
"Snorky, old fellow, you're right--I've got it bad."
"And you're going over to Princeton Saturday to meet her?" said Skippy,
who saw a trail.
"Her, what her?"
"Mimi Lafontaine, of course," said Snorky with a sudden intuition.
"Her name is Tina," said Snorky tragically. "Her first name. Perhaps
some day I can tell you her real name, not now."
"Rats, it is Mimi, and you're going over again to meet her at the game,"
said Snorky, who knew the Skippy imagination.
"So you think I'm going to Princeton," said Skippy looking at him
wisely. "I am--but from there I am making a cut for New York. Get the
point?"
"Oh, Tina's in New York?"
"She is." He hesitated a moment, and then weighing his words to give
full value to their dramatic significance, he added--"She is on the
stage."
"You're a thundering, whooping, common-a-garden liar," said Snorky, who
felt that his sympathies were being trifled with. "Where in blazes would
you know an actress anyhow?"
"And you asked my confidence!" said Skippy reproachfully. "Tina and I
grew up together. She ran away a year ago. It's a terrible story,
terrible! She's had the devil of a life, poor little girl. Gosh, if I
were only twenty-one!"
"Skippy, if you are faking it again this time," said Snorky, whose
confidence was shaken by the perfect seriousness of his chum's
melancholy. "If you are, dinged if I'll ever believe another word."
"See here--did I volunteer to tell you?" said Skippy, who rose with a
complete injured air. "That settles it. This is all you'll ever know."
And leaving Snorky in a ferment of curiosity he went to his desk, drew
out a sheet of paper and began to run his fingers through his hair.
Snorky, as a matter of fact, had hit the nail on the head, though of
course it would never do to have him suspect it. Skippy did not mind
confiding to him his state of mind, in fact it was absolutely necessary
if he were to go on without an internal explosion to seek some sympathy
and understanding. But to admit to Snorky that he had actually succumbed
to Mimi the Japanese brunette, particularly when the issue was still
clothed in doubt,--was unthinkable. So Skippy invented Tina.