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_Newgate, September 29, 17--_.--Got up with the assistance of my
valet, and held my customary _levée_. The Governor of the place asked
my permission to enter my luxuriously furnished apartments, to show me
an amusing set of irons that had been discovered in one of the cells
used during the last two hundred years for the storage of fire-wood.
The droll things were called the "Little Ease," and seemingly, were
intended to create merriment. One of the officers was complacent
enough to assume them, and caused great diversion by his eccentric
gestures. My _levée_ was not quite so successful, as is generally the
case, as that tedious old gossip, GUIDO FAUX, obtained admission. As
usual he had a grievance. It appears that a report has got abroad that
he was executed in the days of our late lamented Monarch, JAMES THE
FIRST of Great Britain, and SIXTH of Scotland. Says GUIDO, "If this be
believed by the multitude there will be a demand for my expulsion, and
what shall I do if I be turned out?" Condoled with him, and escaped
his importunities by joining with Master JOHN SHEPPARD, and Squire
TURPIN in a game of "Lorne Ten Hys," a recreation recently introduced
by my good neighbour Monsieur CLAUDE DU VAL. Failed in making a goal,
and put out thereat. However, regained my usual flow of spirits on
receiving a polite request from the Governor to join him and his
good Dame in a visit to the Tower of London, to call upon Lady JANE
GREY--once Queen--and now a guest in that admirable institution. Was
graciously received by Her Ladyship, who is now of advanced age. Her
Ladyship was vastly amused at the news that had reached her that some
chroniclers do insist that she has lost her head. "I have in good
sooth lost my teeth," laughed the venerable gentlewoman "but my head
is as firmly set upon my shoulders as ever. I do verily believe that
it must be some mad piece of waggery of that Prince of good fellows,
Sir WALTER RALEIGH. The aged Knight is always up to some of his
nonsense!" After playing a game of quoits with Lord BALMARINO and the
Tower Headsman (whose office is a well-paid sinecure), I returned
to Newgate, greatly pleased with my morning's promenade. In the
afternoon, entertained the Governor at dinner, who declared that he
could never get so good a meal in his own quarters. "Strap me, no!"
I exclaimed: "and, were it not that our food was excellent, who
would stay at Newgate?" For I confess that, although there are
pleasure-gardens, and every sort of amusement and comfort, Newgate, at
times, is decidedly damp. Then I raised a glass of punch to my lips,
and wished him the same luck that I myself enjoyed. "And that I had!"
quoth he. "Would I were prisoner instead of Governor. But it would
not be meet. I am not a man of sufficient quality!" And now I must
bring this entry to a conclusion, for there is to be a theatrical
performance in the dining-hall. Little DAVID GARRICK is to play
the principal male character, while Mistress NELLIE GWYNE, Mistress
SIDDONS, and Mistress PEG WOFFINGTON, are also in the cast. The title
of the piece is _Hamlet_, and I am told it is written by a young man
new to Town. The name of the author is either SHAKSPEARE or SMITH. I
am not sure which, but think SMITH.
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P.S.--Open my Diary once again. _Hamlet_ a poor piece. It is now
said that it was written by BACON or BUCHANAN. Of the former I know
nothing, and posterity must discover the identity of the latter.
For the rest, if again I am pressed to go to the Play--strap me!
but, comfortable as I am, I will pack up my traps, and be off from
Newgate--for ever!
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