Who would not be a Journalist-at-Arms?
Life for that paladin hath poignant charms.
Whether in pretty quarrel he shall run
Just half an inch of rapier--in pure fun--
In his opponent's biceps, or shall flick
His shoulders with a slender walking-stick.
The "stern joy" of the man indeed must rise
To raptures and heroic ecstacies.
Oh, glorious climax of a vulgar squabble,
To redden your foe's nose, or make him hobble
For half a week or so, as though, perchance,
He'd strained an ancle in a leap or dance!
Feeble sword-play or futile fisticuffs
Might be disdained by warriors--or roughs;
But to the squabbling scribe the farce has charms.
Who would not be a Journalist-at-Arms?
* * * * *
"WANTED!"
A thoroughly well appointed and handsomely furnished COUNTRY MANSION
(Elizabethan or Jacobæan period preferred) wanted immediately. It must
contain not less than 50 bedrooms, appropriate reception-rooms, and
a hall capable of being utilised for _fêtes_ and gala entertainments
on a large scale, and must stand in the midst of extensive timbered
grounds, surrounded by orangeries, hot-houses, and beautifully kept
pleasure grounds replete with the choicest pieces of statuary and
ornamental fountains arranged for electrical illumination, the perfect
installation of which on the premises, on the newest principles, is
regarded as a _sine quâ non_ by the Advertiser. The shooting over four
or five hundred acres, and the meeting of not less than three packs
of hounds in the immediate neighbourhood, with salmon and trout
fishing within easy distance of the mansion, are also considered
indispensable. Particulars as to the surrounding country gentry are
requested. Write also stating whether any recognised race-meeting is
held in the immediate vicinity. The distance of the property from
town must not be more than half an hour's railway journey, and the
inclusive rent must not exceed _five and twenty shillings a week_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE POPULAR GAME OF ARTHUR GOLFOUR. AS UNDERSTOOD BY
THE MASS OF THE PUBLIC.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE DEMON ALPS
(_Our Artist's Dream, after reading the numerous Accidents to
Mountain-Climbers._)]
* * * * *