When this unfortunate state of affairs in our household first became
public property, I cannot tell. I saw the servants, some grow
dissatisfied and leave, some grow impertinent, while some kind of
mysterious knowledge was shared by all.
"Miss Laura," said my good nurse, Emma, to me one day, "I want to talk
to you very seriously. You are fifteen, and you are no longer a child. I
want to impress this much upon your mind--never say anything to your
mamma about Miss Reinhart, and if my lady asks any questions, try to say
as little as possible--do you understand?"
I looked at her. Of what use was concealment with this honest, loving
heart?
"Yes," I said; "I quite understand Emma. You mean that I must never tell
mamma anything about papa and--Miss Reinhart?"
"Heaven bless the child!" cried the startled woman; "you could not have
understood better or more had you been twenty years old."
"It is love for mamma that teaches me that and everything else," I
answered.
"Ah, well, Miss Laura, since you speak frankly to me, so will I to you.
I would not say one word against Sir Roland for all the world. Before
she came he was the kindest and most devoted of husbands; since she has
been here he has changed, there is no doubt of it--terribly changed. My
lady does not know all that we know. She thinks he is tired of always
seeing her ill. She only suspects about Miss Reinhart, she is not sure,
and it must be the work of our lives to keep her from knowing the
truth."
"Emma," I ventured to interrupt, "do you think it is the truth?"
"Yes, I fear so; and, Miss Laura, you must bear one thing in mind, if
ever my lady knows it to be the truth it will kill her. We must be most
careful and always wear the brightest faces before her, and never let
her know that anything is going wrong."
"I will do it always," I said, and then, looking up, I saw that my nurse
was sad and grave. "How will it end, Emma?" I asked.
"Only God knows, miss," she replied. "One thing, I hope, is this--that
my lady will never find it out."
Something was telling upon my dear mother every day; she grew thinner
and paler; the sweet smile, sweet always, grew fainter; her face flushed
at the least sound. Last year my father would have been devoured by
anxiety; now his visits were short and cold. If I said one word my
mother would interrupt me. "Hush! my Laura," she would say, gently;
"gentlemen are not at home in a sick-room. Dear papa is all that is
kind, but sitting long in one room is like imprisonment to him; I love
him far too much to wish him to do it."
Then I would take the opportunity of repeating some kind word that I had
heard my father say of her. But do as we would, the shadow fell deeper
and darker every day.
The sense of degradation fell upon me with intolerable weight. That our
household was a mark for slander--a subject of discussion, a blot on
the neighborhood, I understood quite well; that my father was blamed and
my mother pitied I knew also, and that Miss Reinhart was detested seemed
equally clear. She was very particular about going to church, and every
Sunday morning, whether Sir Roland went or not, she drove over to the
church and took me with her. When I went with my mother I had always
enjoyed this hour above all others. All the people we knew crowded
around us and greeted us so warmly--every one had such pleasant things
to say to us. Now, if a child came near where we stood, silent and
solitary, it was at once called back. If Miss Reinhart felt it, she gave
no indication of such feeling; only once--when three ladies, on their
way to their carriages, walked the whole round of the church-yard rather
than cross the path on which she stood--she laughed a cynical laugh that
did not harmonize with the beauty of her face.
"What foolish, narrow-minded people these country people are!" she said.
"How do you measure a mind?" I asked, and she answered, impatiently,
that children should not talk nonsense.
The worst seemed to have come now. Some of our best servants left. Three
people remained true to my mother as the needle to the pole--myself,
Emma and Patience; we were always bright and cheerful in her presence. I
have gone in to see her when my heart has been as heavy as death, and
when my whole soul has been in hot rebellion against the deceit
practiced upon her, when I have shuddered at every laugh I forced from
my lips.
She had completely changed during the last few months. All her pretty
invalid ways had gone. There was no light in her smiles--they were all
patience. She had quite ceased to ask about papa; where he was, what he
was doing, or anything about him. He went to her twice a day--once in
the morning and again at night. He would bend down carelessly and kiss
her forehead; and tell her any news he had heard, or anything he fancied
would interest her, and after a few minutes go away again. There was no
more lingering by her couch or loving dislike to leaving her--all that
was past and gone.
My mother never reproached him--unless her faithful love was a reproach.
One thing I shall always hope and believe; it is this, that she never
even dreamed in those days of the extent of the evil. The worst she
thought was that my father encouraged Miss Reinhart in exceeding the
duties of her position; that he had allowed her to take a place that did
not belong to her, and that he permitted her to act in an intimate
manner with him. She believed also that my father, although he still
loved her and wished her well, was tired of her long illness, and
consequently tired of her.
That was bad enough; but fortunately that was the worst just then--of
deeper evil she did not dream; only we three, who loved her faithfully
and well, knew that.
But matters were coming to a crisis. I was resting in the nursery one
afternoon--my head had been aching badly--and Emma said an hour's sleep
would take it away. She drew down the blinds and placed my head on the
pillow.
There was deeper wrong with my heart than with my head.
My eyes closed, and drowsy languor fell over me. The door opened, and I
saw Alice Young, a very nice, respectable parlor maid, who had not been
with us long, enter the room.
"Hush!" said my nurse, "Miss Laura is asleep."
I was not quite, but I did not feel able to contradict them. What did it
matter?
"I will not wake missie, but I want to speak to you," she said. "I am in
great trouble, Emma. I have had a letter from my mother this morning,
and she says I am to leave this place at once, that it is not
respectable, and that people are talking of it all over the county. What
am I to do?"
"Go, I suppose," said Emma.
The girl grew nearer to her.
"Do you think it is true?" she asked. "I saw him driving her out
yesterday, and three days ago I saw his arm around her waist; but,
still, do you really think it is true, Emma?"
"It does not matter to us," said Emma.
"Yes, it does matter," persisted the other. "If it is really true, this
is no place for us; and if it be untrue, some one ought to put an end to
it. I have nothing but my character, and if that goes, all goes. Now, I
ask you to tell me, Emma, ought I to go or stay?"
My nurse was silent for some few minutes, then she said:
"You had better go. While missie and my lady stop here, I shall stay,
and when they go, I go. My duty is to them."
Then I raised my white, miserable face from the pillow.
"Do not say any more," I cried. "I am not asleep, and I understand it
all."
"Law, bless the dear young lady!" cried Alice, aghast. "I would not have
spoken for the world if I had known"--
But I interrupted her.
"It does not matter, Alice," I said. "You meant no harm, and I am old in
misery, though young in years."
The girl went away, and Emma flung herself on her knees before me.
"I am so sorry, Miss Laura," she began, "but I had not patience to
listen--my heart was full of one thing."
"Emma," I said, "tell me, do you think mamma really knows or suspects
any of these things?"
"No," was the quiet reply, "I do not. I will tell you why, Miss Laura.
If my lady even thought so, she would not allow Miss Reinhart to remain
in the house another hour with you."
"I am going to papa now, and I shall ask him to send my governess away,"
I said. "She shall not stop here."