facts. A lady called upon me last evening, and very kindly stayed the
night. But this morning when I wanted to turn her out she refused
to go. And further, she showed temper and made herself distinctly
objectionable. Therefore I lost patience with her, and being a man
of my hands I twisted her neck. But when I had managed to do that--by
Jove, it is into the bank! we shall soon be able to reckon the damage
by a cool million and it has only just begun!--but when I had managed
to twist her neck, the question arose how to get rid of her remains.
You see to have her unvirtuous person found in my room would not help
this career at the bar I am just about to begin. How could I get rid
of the body, that was the question? Now mark the really fertile mind
of genius. Why not burn down the whole place? And that, you see, is
exactly what I have done, although I will admit the idea is a plagiary
from that excellent old author, Charles Lamb. You remember his Chinaman
who burnt down the house of his parents every time he wanted to eat
roast pig?”
“Well, North, you have a pretty mind, I must say,” said his companion
to whom this recital, in the circumstances which attended it, had
afforded keen amusement. “But you were always a bit of a lunatic at
school. Now if you had tried to persuade me that you had insured your
furniture, and that you had fired your place to keep out an execution,
I might have tried to swallow it.”
“That is mediocrity all over, my son,” said Northcote, linking his
arm through that of his companion. “It is always craving for hard
facts. It cries aloud for hard facts; they are the staff of its life,
its daily bread, but you have only to present hard facts to it in a
somewhat unconventional form--my God, look at the bank!--in a somewhat
unconventional form, and it flings them back in your face and asks you
what you take it for.”
“My dear old lunatic, what _are_ you talking about?”
“Merely this. Your alternative of the insurance company and the
furniture is ingenious but lacking in comprehensiveness. The insurance
company would, after the fashion of insurance companies, have insisted
on an investigation into the cause of the disaster; they might even
have preferred a charge against me to save themselves a few wretched
shillings; litigation would almost certainly have ensued--there goes
the roof of the hotel!--and litigation which touches myself is the last
thing I should be willing to risk.”
“All this is very elaborate, North, but it is hardly convincing. Why
are you so unwilling to risk litigation when your whole life--and a
rather important one I expect--will be bound up in it?”
“The less my name is associated in the public mind with any shady
transaction the better for my career.”
“A point of honor, North. You always had the reputation at school of
being rather nice about it.”
“To be frank, it is a point of expedience, my son. Henceforward you
will find the notorious ‘Cad’ Northcote without fear and without stain.”
“Why?”
“Why! Because one of these days they will make him a judge.”
THE END.
TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES:
Italicized text is surrounded by underscores: _italics_.
Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.
Inconsistencies in hyphenation have been standardized.
Archaic or variant spelling has been retained.
New original cover art included with this eBook is granted to the
public domain.