"I towld you how the Docthor's War speech sent iv'ry man from
Ballymurky to the war," said old Martin Cassidy to me. "But did I not
tell you how the Widdy O'Grady persuaded Terence Connelly to join
them?
"I did not? Well, well. It all came out the very day the boys were
leaving Ballymurky. Seventeen of them there were no less, and the
Docthor there reviewing them this way and that way till he had you
bewildered with the inthricacies of them.
"''Tis an uneven number you are,' sez he, 'however I look at you,' sez
he.
"'Maybe you'll join us, Mrs. Murphy?' sez he; ''twill not be the first
time you've worn the trousies, good luck to you,' sez he. 'Och have
done wid your banther, Docthor dear,' sez she; 'there's plenty of them
that wears them regler,' sez she, 'in other parts,' sez she. 'You'll
not be looking for men in petticoats in Ballymurky,' sez she.
"Sure 'tis a good thing wars come only once in a while," said old
Martin; "and me there comfortin' Mrs. Doolan. 'He'll come back to you
when the war is over, Mrs. Doolan,' sez I; 'niver fear,' sez I.
"'I know he will,' sez she, wipin' her eyes wid her apron. 'He's not
aisy lost, trust him for that. 'Tis no luck I have at all, at all,'
sez she.
"They went by the express thrain, so they did," continued old Martin,
and went on to explain that very few express trains passed through
Ballymurky without stopping. "Sure isn't it a terminus?" said he. "Och
but 'twas the fine band they had to play them to the station. Be the
way Doolan bate the big dhrum you'd think 'twas the KAISER'S head he
was at.
"'Go aisy with her, Doolan,' said the Docthor; 'you're drowning
Patsy's runs on the thrombone,' said he.
"'Twas the beautiful music Patsy was discoursin' on that same
thrombone. He had the way of it--none betther. 'Twas a gift wid him.
"The band--Patsy and Doolan--headed the procession playing
'Erin-go-bragh'--at laste Patsy was. And didn't he shtop playing in
the middle of the third verse?
"'What the divvle d'you think you're playing, Doolan?' sez he.
"'Arrah, gwan out o' that,' sez Doolan, bating the big dhrum. ''Tis
all one to me what I play this day,' sez he. 'Gwan you wid your
thrombone,' sez he, 'and lave me extemporise on the big dhrum. 'Tis a
free counthry annyway,' sez he.
"'Twas at Micky's shebeen that they had the first encounther wid the
inimy," said old Martin. "Sure the whole company began to trimble.
"''Tis dying with the thirst on me I am,' sez Shemus; 'you could
shtrike a match on me tongue,' sez he.
"'Arrah, go aisy, Docthor dear,' sez Larry; ''tis the cowld has
settled on me stomach,' sez he, 'like a shtone,' sez he.
"But the Docthor was inixorable; he wouldn't lave a man break the
ranks.
"'Double!' sez he--just that. You should have heard the blasht Patsy
let out of his thrombone. If iver the Docthor gets mintioned in the
despatches you'll find Patsy at his elbow, so you will.
"'Twas ten o'clock the thrain was to shtart, and the Docthor had them
at the station be half-past, punctual to the minyit. Isn't Terence the
guard and hadn't he been blowing his whistle this half-hour wid the
express there stamping her feet to be away? 'Is it tomorrow you're
going, Docthor?' sez he; 'for if 'tis so you'll have to go be a later
thrain,' sez he. ''Tis all I can do to hould her in,' sez he.
"'Sure 'tis a hurry you are in, Terence,' sez the Docthor; 'and you
wid the nice bright day before you. Seventeen of the best I've brought
you, Terence; I can't make an even number of them count them as I
will. 'Tis hard to see Conlan there forming twos be himself, so it
is.'
"'You're looking younger iv'ry day, Terence me boy,' sez the Docthor,
aisy like. 'What age would you be now?'
"''Tis forty I am, Docthor darlin',' said Terence--'in me boots,' sez
he.
"''Tis the thick boots you're wearin'; won't you take them off,
Terence?' sez the Docthor. 'What's your chist measurement?' sez he.
"'Thirty-eight, no less,' sez Terence, expanding of himself to his
full height like a pouther pigeon.
"'I once heard tell of a man that gave his chist measurement be
mistake for his age, Terence. Did you never make a mistake in your
life now, Terence?' sez the Docthor.
"'Did I not, Docthor, and only last night,' said Terence; 'mebbe
you'll hear of it yet,' sez he. 'Gwan out o' that, Docthor, now.'"
"I thought you said that Terence joined them," I remarked.
"Wait now till I tell you," said Martin. "Was I not saying that the
Widdy O'Grady was there? Next to the engine she was, looking out of
the carriage window at the boys. 'Twas goin' part of the way wid them
she was; and why not?
"'You'll be late startin',' said the station-master to Terence, ''tis
near eleven o'clock,' sez he; 'or after,' sez he. ''Tis me flag I'm
lookin' for,' sez Terence. 'Sure the signal's against us, anyway,' sez
he.
"''Tis not this thrain the signal refers to,' said the station-master,
''tis the next thrain. Wave your flag and let her go, Terence,' sez
he.
"But 'twas flusthered Terence was wid losin' his flag," said old
Martin. 'The divvle take the flag,' sez he. 'Sure I'll shtart her wid
me handkerchief,' sez he. A red handkerchief at that," said Martin
Cassidy.
"You'd not expect an engine-dhriver to shtart the thrain be wavin' a
red handkerchief at him--not an express thrain. Sure he'd know the
by-laws betther than that. But 'twas Bridget O'Grady's eye caught the
red handkerchief, so it did.
"''Tis wavin' his handkerchief at me, he is,' sez she to the
engine-dhriver. 'Good luck to you, mam,' sez he. 'Och the darlint,'
sez she, waving back at Terence, 'he worships the ground I thread on,'
sez she. 'Sure his feelings have overcome him, mam,' sez the
engine-dhriver. 'Och me little Bo-peep,' sez she, blowing kisses to
Terence be the dozen at a time.
"'Is it wantin' me to come to you, so it is,' said Bridget, opening
the carriage door, 'me little love-burrd?' sez she. 'I'm coming to
you, Terence dear,' sez she.
"'She's got you this time, Terence me boy,' said the Docthor,
laughing. ''Tis here your flag is,' sez he. 'Well, wave it you,' said
Terence. ''Tis no flag of mine now,' sez he. 'Boys,' sez he, ''tis
Bridget has let the cat out of the bag this time before 'twas quite
hatched,' sez he. ''Tis this is me flag,' sez he, takin' hould of a
Union Jack from the dicorations, 'and 'tis the flag of ivery thrue
Irishman,' sez he. 'Come along here wid you now, Bridget me jewel,'
sez Terence, 'and see me take the King's shilling from the Docthor,'
sez he.
"'Wasn't it you that was wantin' me to join last night? And didn't I
promise you I'd join at Dublin just as a pleasant surprise for the
Docthor? Sure 'tis you that has the laugh on the lot of them, so it
is, and you breakin' your heart. Will you wave your flag now you have
your eighteen, Docthor asthore? You and your mistakes,' sez he. 'The
mistake I made was in thinkin' that a dacent woman would marry an
Irishman who didn't know his flag,' sez he. 'For the love of Hivin let
her go now, Docthor darlint,' sez he, 'or we'll be late for the
IMPEROR,' sez he."
And that's how Ballymurky made an even number of it.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _N.C.O._ (_passing squadron that has been halted, men
resting_). "STOP THAT BAD LANGUAGE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY IT?"
_Voice from darkness._ "YOU'D GIVE TONGUE IF YOU'D AN 'ORSE'S 'OOF ON
YER FACE AN' STILL 'ALTED!"]
* * * * *