"At every point," we read, "the Allies have made sensible progress."
So different from the stupid progress made very occasionally by the
enemy!
* * *
We have been asked to recommend suitable Fiction for reading during
the War. We have no hesitation in calling attention to the claims of
the war news from Amsterdam and Rome.
* * *
The Prussian Government has ordered that there shall be no public
festivities on the occasion of the birthday of the KAISER. This
confirms the rumour that HIS MAJESTY now wishes that he had not been
born.
* * *
By the way, to show how far-reaching is the influence of a Prussian
command even to-day, no public festivities will take place on the
occasion referred to either in Belgium, France, Russia, Japan, Serbia,
Montenegro, or Great Britain.
* * *
Dr. DERNBURG--and the expression is really not a bit too strong for
him--has been telling an American audience that his countrymen really
"love the French and the Belgians." At the risk of appearing
ungrateful, however, our allies are saying that the Germans have such
a subtle way of showing their love that they would rather be hated,
please.
* * *
"Germany," says the _Cologne Gazette_ in an article on the food
question, "has still at hand a very large supply of pigs." Even after
the enormous number they have exported to Belgium.
* * *
Meanwhile we are constantly assured that the food question causes no
anxiety whatever in Germany. It certainly does seem, judging by the
lies with which the Germans are fed, that these wonderful people will
be able to swallow anything.
* * *
Lord ROSEBERY'S appointment as Captain-General of the Royal Company of
Scottish Archers has not escaped the notice of the alert German Press,
and it is being pointed out in Berlin that we are so hard up in the
matter of equipment for our army that bows and arrows are now being
served out.
* * *
The new corps which has just been formed with the title of the
"Ju-Jitsu Corps" has, we are informed, no connection with the artistes
who went to the Front to give entertainments for the troops.
* * *
Both officers and men in certain towns are beginning to complain of
the irksomeness of the constant salutes that have to be given when
they walk abroad. Surely it should be possible to invent some simple
little contrivance whereby a button is pressed and a mechanical hand
does the rest?
* * *
Suggested name for a regiment of Bantams--The Miniature Rifles.
* * *
A peculiarly touching instance of patriotism has been brought to our
notice. A London barber whose measurements are too puny to allow of
his being accepted as a recruit has written to the War Office offering
to barb some wire for them in his spare time.
* * *
"Mr. KEIR HARDIE," says a bulletin, "was yesterday reported to be
gradually improving." But we are afraid that this only refers to his
health.
* * *
An Englishman had suddenly to exercise all his tact the other day. He
was in Kensington Gardens with a Belgian refugee. "What's that?" he
asked, pointing to the Albert Memorial. The Englishman explained.
"What, already a monument to our brave King!" cried the Belgian as he
embraced his friend. The Englishman, with admirable reticence, said
nothing.
* * *
"A Turkish advance guard," says a telegram, "has occupied Tabriz."
Very plucky of him, and his name ought to be published. Can it be dear
old Turkish Reggie?
* * *
The _Vorwärts_ computes that the War is costing nine millions a day.
Small wonder if, in these hard times, one or two countries look upon
war as a luxury which they ought to try to get on without.
* * *
"As there is every probability," we read, "that the child population
of Kensington will decline in the future owing to the migration of
families to the outer suburbs, the L.C.C. proposes to meet the present
demand for a new school by building a 'short-life school,' one that
will last but twenty years." The difficulty, of course, will be so to
construct it that it will collapse gently on the last day of its
twentieth year, and the problem threatens to tax to the utmost the
ingenuity of our jerry-builders.
* * * * *
During a "stormy scene" in Stirling School Board, Councillor BARKER,
according to _The Glasgow Evening Times_, "refused to withdraw,
alleging that Mr. Reid taunted him on the streets as being an Alpine
Purist." "Alpine purist" is a term of abuse with which _Mr. Punch_ has
never sullied his lips, though once he nearly referred to a very
tedious bishop as a cis-Carpathian pedagogue.
* * * * *