ARE YOU A GOOD MIXER?
Charm of personality is a divine gift that sways the strongest
characters, and sometimes even controls the destinies of
nations.
The art of the salesman is akin to that of the orator. Both
seek the mastery of the mind, the sympathy of the soul, the
compulsion of the heart.
Personal magnetism in a man corresponds to charm in a woman.
An attractive, pleasing personality makes a striking first
impression.
“Getting what you want from kings or statesmen,” De Blowitz said, “is
all a matter of dining with the right people.” Through the power of
his charming presence, his gracious manner, this famous journalist
accomplished greater things at the dinner table, in the drawing-room or
ball-room than any other newspaper man in Europe accomplished through
letters of introduction, influence and special “pulls.” His popularity,
his power to interest and please others, was his strongest asset.
The ability of Charles M. Schwab to make friends, his strong social
qualities, his faculty for entertaining, for making himself agreeable,
played a powerful part in his rapid advancement from a dollar-a-day job
to the position of millionaire steel manufacturer. It was his social
qualities which first drew Mr. Carnegie so strongly to him.
During the Homestead troubles, according to reports, young Schwab used
to cheer Mr. Carnegie with humorous stories and the singing of Scottish
ballads, and the iron master was always in better spirits after a visit
from the young man.
There is no other one thing in such universal demand everywhere, in
social life and in business, as the power to attract and please. A
magnetic personality often commands a much bigger salary than great
ability with a disagreeable personality.
I have in mind a young business man, with such a captivating manner, with
such power to interest and please, that there are many firms in this
country which would pay him a fabulous salary for his services.
We all like to do business, with people who attract us. If we could
analyze cracker-jack salesmen in this country, we should find that they
are men who have a fine magnetic personality. They are great “mixers,”
they understand human nature. They are usually men of broad sympathies,
are large-hearted, and of magnanimous natures.
“Diamond Jim” Brady—James Buchanan, he was christened,—is a shining
example of the ultimate salesman. Mr. Brady has advanced himself to
the position of selling rolling stock and supplies to railroads, and
occasionally he sells entire railroads, making enormous fees as broker.
He is perhaps the personification of “personality” and as a “mixer” he
has no peer. His name is synonymous with “good fellow,” and his list of
acquaintances is said to be as large as that of any other one man in New
York.
There is something about one’s personality which eludes the photographer,
which the painter cannot reproduce, which the sculptor cannot chisel.
This subtle something which every one feels, but which no one can
describe, which no biographer ever put down in a book, has a great deal
to do with one’s success in life.
It is this indescribable quality, which some persons have in a remarkable
degree, which sets an audience wild at the mention of the name of a
Lincoln or a Blaine,—which makes people applaud beyond the bounds of
enthusiasm. It was this peculiar atmosphere which made Clay the idol of
his constituents. Although, perhaps, Calhoun was a greater man, he never
aroused any such enthusiasm as “the mill-boy of the slashes.” Webster and
Sumner were great men, but they did not arouse a tithe of the spontaneous
enthusiasm evoked by men like Blaine and Clay.
A historian says that in measuring Kossuth’s influence over the masses,
“we must first reckon with the orator’s physical bulk, and then carry
the measuring line above his atmosphere.” If we had discernment fine
enough and tests delicate enough, we could not only measure the personal
atmosphere of individuals, but could make more accurate estimates
concerning the future possibilities of schoolmates and young friends.
We are often misled as to the position they are going to occupy from
the fact that we are apt to take account merely of their ability, and
do not reckon this personal atmosphere or magnetic power as a part of
their success capital. Yet this individual atmosphere has quite as much
to do with one’s advancement as brain-power or education. Indeed, we
constantly see men of mediocre ability, but with fine personal presence,
being rapidly advanced over the heads of those who are infinitely their
superiors in mental endowments.
Walt Whitman used to say that a man is not all included between his hat
and his boots. This is but another way of putting the fact, proved by
science, that our personality extends beyond our bodies. It is not who
we are, how we are dressed, or how we look, whether we are homely or
handsome, educated or uneducated, so much as what we are that creates
that subtle mysterious atmosphere of personality which either draws
people to us or drives them from us.
If you are exclusive; if you always want to keep by yourself and read,
even though it be for self-improvement; if you love to get in a seat by
yourself when you travel; if you shrink from mixing or getting acquainted
with others on the road or in hotel lobbies; if people bore or irritate
instead of interest you, you will never make a great salesman. You must
be a good mixer, a “good fellow” in the highest sense of the word (not a
dissipater); you must be popular because of your lovable human qualities,
or you will not have that peculiar drawing power which invites confidence
and attracts business. No matter what other excellent qualities he may
possess, the exclusive man is rarely, if ever, magnetic; he doesn’t draw
people to him; on the contrary, he keeps them at a distance.
I know of an exclusive salesman of this sort who for lack of this
drawing quality is making a very poor showing in his business. Although
a splendid fellow in many respects, a man of high ideals and sterling
honesty, he is not popular, because he has never learned to be a mixer,
never learned to be a good fellow, to approach people with a smile and a
cheery greeting, to hold out the glad hand of fellowship.
When he registers in a hotel, even if he has been there many times, he
just bows to the clerk, secures his room, and retires to it at once.
He loves books, is quite a student, but he does not care to be with
people any more than he can help. The other traveling salesmen do not
like him. His distant, dignified personality repels them. In a word,
his exclusiveness and his lack of magnetism have largely strangled his
effectiveness as a salesman.
It takes warm human qualities to make a good salesman. You cannot sell
things by the use of mere cold technique, however perfect. You must
establish sympathetic, wireless connection with the prospect’s mind by
making him feel that you are not only very much of a man to start with,
but that you have a lot of human sympathy, and are really anxious to
serve him, to put a good thing in his way.
Some salesmen have no more real sympathy for their prospect than they
would have for a Hindoo image. Their voices carry no more sympathy, no
more real human feeling than a talking machine. The house that employs
them might as well send out phonographs to repeat their mechanical
salesman story. They may hold customers who know that the firm they
represent has an excellent reputation, but they have no power to attract
new ones.
There is no other factor which enters so largely into success in
business, in social, and in professional life, as does personality. There
is nothing else which has such an influence in our dealings with others.
It is one of the salesman’s greatest assets. It will make all the
difference in the world to him whether he is sociable, magnetic, with an
attractive, agreeable, cheerful temperament, or whether he is grouchy,
cranky, disagreeable and arouses antagonism in those with whom he deals.
It is not always the man of the greatest ability, the greatest mental
power, by any means, who makes the great salesman. A man may be a mental
giant; he may have a Websterian brain and yet be a pigmy of a salesman. A
pleasing, attractive personality is a tremendous drawing power.
It has the same advantage a sweet, beautiful girl has when you first
meet her. The girl doesn’t have to try to make a good impression; her
personality, her charm, her grace do this without any effort on her part.
I have heard merchants say they looked forward with keen pleasure to the
coming of a certain salesman because he was such a good fellow; he was so
sociable, cheery and agreeable.
It is a very difficult thing to resist that magnetic charm of personality
which has swayed judges and juries from justice, and has even changed
the destinies of nations. We have not the heart to deny or refuse, to
say “No” to the man or woman who grips us with the impalpable force of a
magnetic personality.
When logic and argument fail, when genius says “impossible,” when pluck
and persistency give up, when influence has done its best and quits, when
all the mental qualities have tried in vain, the subtle something which
we call personal magnetism steps in and without apparent effort wins.
It makes a tremendous difference whether you bring a personality to
your prospect which makes a striking, pleasing first impression, or
whether you bring a cold, clammy, unenthusiastic, unresponsive nature,
which makes an indifferent or an unfavorable impression, one that you
must endeavor to overcome with a lot of long, tedious arguments. It is
the personal element which makes the chief difference between the great
salesman with a big salary and the little fellow with a little salary.
The little fellow may try just as hard as the big fellow, indeed he may
try much harder; he may have had a better training in the technique of
salesmanship, but because he lacks the warm, sympathetic, human, sociable
qualities, his industry and hard work are largely neutralized.
I know a man who through the force of his personality is a colossal power
in attracting business. Men follow him, are attracted to him, just as
needles are attracted to a magnet. They can’t very well help dealing with
him, he gets such a magnetic grip upon them. He does not need to make a
very strong appeal; his personality speaks for him.
Phillips Brooks had such a personality. Strangers who passed him on the
street felt his power to such a degree that they would turn and look
after him. In his presence none could resist the pull of his magnetism,
of his most wonderful personality. I was once a member of his Sunday
School class in Trinity Church, Boston, and every one in the class
instinctively felt from the first that he was in the presence of a great,
a superb specimen of humanity. He had such tremendous magnetic power
that when he wanted money for any charitable or philanthropic purpose,
he did not have to beg for it, he merely suggested the need of it, and
the closest pocketbooks would fly open. Everybody believed in Phillips
Brooks because of the power of his superb character, the magnetism of his
remarkable personality.
Emerson says, “What you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you
say.” We cannot conceal what we are, how we feel, because we radiate our
atmosphere, our personality; and this is cold or warm, attractive or
repellent, according to our dominant traits and qualities.
A person who is selfish, always thinking of himself and looking out for
his own advantage, who is cold, unsympathetic, greedy, cannot radiate a
warm, mellow atmosphere because one’s atmosphere is a composite and takes
on the flavor of all of one’s qualities. If selfishness, indifference,
avarice and greed are dominant in one’s nature, this is the kind of an
atmosphere he will radiate and it will repel because these qualities we
instinctively detest.
The qualities that attract are out-flowing, buoyant; the qualities
that repel are in-flowing; that is, people who have no magnetism are
self-centered, they think too much about themselves; they do not give
out enough; they are always after something, absorbing, receiving some
benefit, trying to get some advantage for themselves. They lack sympathy,
lack cordiality, good fellowship; they are bad mixers.
Some people are naturally magnetic, but when you analyze their character
you will find they possess certain qualities which we all instinctively
admire, the qualities which attract every human being, such as
generosity, magnanimity, cordiality, broad sympathies, large views of
life, helpfulness, optimism.
There is not one of these qualities that the salesman can not cultivate
and strengthen a great deal. If he does so he will get a hearing where
others have thrown back at them the fatal words, “No time to see you
to-day—very busy.”
Many upright, honorable young men with political aspirations have been
thwarted in their election campaign because they did not know how to make
themselves popular. Splendid young men, striving for political honors,
are constantly being beaten by men much their inferior in many respects.
And this not because of graft or pull on their opponents’ side, but
because the latter are good mixers. They know how to meet people, how to
be good fellows, how to mix with others; in short they know how to make
themselves popular.
We all know what a great demand there is in every line of business
for traveling salesmen who are good mixers, men who have a genius for
interesting, attracting and holding customers.
Whatever your business, your reputation and your success will depend in
a great degree upon the quality of the impression you make upon others.
It means everything, therefore, to young men, and to young women also, to
develop a magnetic, forceful personality.
This is not a very difficult thing to do. Every one can cultivate the
ability to please and the strength of character that will make him felt
as a real force in the world. Knowing the qualities and characteristics
that distinguish the magnetic and the unmagnetic, it is comparatively
easy for us to cultivate the one and to eliminate the other. That is,
we can cultivate the generous, magnanimous, cheerful, helpful mental
qualities and crush their opposites; and in proportion as we do this
we shall find ourselves becoming more interested in others, and they in
turn becoming more interested in us. We shall find ourselves more welcome
wherever we go, more sought after; we shall attract people to us more and
more, as we make ourselves personal magnets by fashioning our aura of the
kindly thoughts and words and deeds that day by day go to the making of a
rich, magnetic personality.
In other words, if you cultivate the qualities which you admire so
much in others, the very qualities which attract you, you will become
attractive to others. Just in proportion as you become imbued with
these qualities so that they shall characterize you, will you acquire a
magnetic, attractive personality.
A good education is a great advantage to a man or a woman, but most of
us put too great emphasis upon education, upon mental equipment and
training. We seem to think that this is everything, but our personal
atmosphere may have more to do with our success in life, more to do with
determining our place in the world, our social or business advancement,
our standing in our community, than our mere mental equipment.
The first step toward making yourself magnetic is to build up your
health. Vigorous health, coupled with a right mental attitude, an
optimistic, hopeful, cheerful, happy mind, will increase your magnetism
wonderfully.
A person having robust health radiates an atmosphere of strength, a
suggestion of vigor and courage, while one who lacks vitality drains from
others instead of giving to them. Physical force and abounding joyousness
of health help to create a magnetic, forceful personality. The man with
buoyant, alert mind, with a sparkle in his eye and elasticity in his
step, the man who is bubbling over with abundant physical vitality,
has a tremendous advantage over those who are devitalized and are weak
physically.
To be magnetic you must face life in the right way. Pessimism,
selfishness, a sour disposition, lack of sympathy and enthusiasm—all of
these tend to destroy personal magnetism. It is a hopeful, optimistic,
sunny, sane, large-hearted person who radiates the kind of personal
magnetism we all admire, the kind that commands attention, that attracts
and holds all sorts of people.
Above all if you want to have a magnetic, attractive personality,
cultivate the heart qualities. Intellect, brain power, has little, if
anything to do with personal magnetism. It is the lovable, not the
intellectual, qualities that draw and hold people. You must make people
feel your sympathy, feel that they have met a real man or a real woman.
Don’t greet people with a stiff, conventional, “How do you do?” or “Glad
to meet you,” without any feeling, any sentiment in it. Be a good mixer
and adapt yourself to different dispositions. Look every person you meet
squarely in the eye and make him feel your personality. Give him a glad
hand, with a smile and a kind word which will make him remember that he
has come in contact with a real force, which will make him glad to meet
you again.
If you would be popular, you must cultivate cordiality. You must fling
the door of your heart wide open, and not, as many do, just leave it
ajar a little, as much as to say to people you meet, “You may peep in a
bit, but you cannot come in until I know whether you will be a desirable
acquaintance.” A great many people are stingy of their cordiality. They
seem to reserve it for some special occasion or for intimate friends.
They think it is too precious to give out to everybody.
Do not be afraid to open your heart; fling the door of it wide open. Get
rid of all reserve; do not meet a person as though you were afraid of
making a mistake and doing what you would be glad to recall.
You will be surprised to see what this warm, glad handshake and cordial
greeting will do in creating a bond of good-will between you and
the person you meet. He will say to himself, “Well, there is really
an interesting personality. I want to know more about this lady or
gentleman. This is an unusual greeting. This person sees something in me,
evidently, which most people do not see.”
Some people give you a shudder, and you feel cold chills creep over you
when they take hold of your hand. There is no warmth in their grasp,
no generosity, no friendliness, no real interest in you. It is all a
cold-blooded proceeding, and you can imagine you hear one of these
chilling individuals say to himself, “Well, what is there in this person
for me? Can he send me clients, patients or customers? If he does not
possess money, has he influence or a pull with influential people? Can he
help or interest me in any way? If not, I can not afford to bother with
him.”
Cultivate the habit of being cordial, of meeting people with a warm,
sincere greeting, with an open heart; it will do wonders for you. You
will find that the stiffness, diffidence and indifference, the cold lack
of interest in everybody which now so troubles you will disappear. People
will see that you really take an interest in them, that you really want
to know, please and interest them. _The practice of cordiality will
revolutionize your social power._ You will develop attractive qualities
which you never before dreamed you possessed.
If you cultivate a magnetic personality you will increase your sales and
lessen your work, besides getting a lot more enjoyment out of life than
you otherwise would.
Remember, customers are drawn, not pushed. Trade to-day is largely a
question of attraction, and the salesman who is the most magnetic, who
has the most affable manners, who is a good mixer, will attract the
largest amount of orders.