OF SAM'S PRIVATE AFFAIRS AND OF THE FIRM OF BROUGH AND HOFF
We took a genteel house in Bernard Street, Russell Square, and my aunt
sent for all her furniture from the country; which would have filled two
such houses, but which came pretty cheap to us young housekeepers, as we
had only to pay the carriage of the goods from Bristol.
When I brought Mrs. H. her third half-year's dividend, having not for
four months touched a shilling of her money, I must say she gave me
50_l_. of the 80_l_., and told me that was ample pay for the board and
lodging of a poor old woman like her, who did not eat more than a
sparrow.
I have myself, in the country, seen her eat nine sparrows in a pudding;
but she was rich and I could not complain. If she saved 600_l_. a year,
at the least, by living with us, why, all the savings would one day come
to me; and so Mary and I consoled ourselves, and tried to manage matters
as well as we might. It was no easy task to keep a mansion in Bernard
Street and save money out of 470_l_. a year, which was my income. But
what a lucky fellow I was to have such an income!
As Mrs. Hoggarty left the Rookery in Smithers's carriage, Mr. Brough,
with his four greys, was entering the lodge-gate; and I should like to
have seen the looks of these two gentlemen, as the one was carrying the
other's prey off, out of his own very den, under his very nose.
He came to see her the next day, and protested that he would not leave
the house until she left it with him: that he had heard of his daughter's
infamous conduct, and had seen her in tears--"in tears, madam, and on her
knees, imploring Heaven to pardon her!" But Mr. B. was obliged to leave
the house without my aunt, who had a _causa major_ for staying, and
hardly allowed poor Mary out of her sight,--opening every one of the
letters that came into the house directed to my wife, and suspecting hers
to everybody. Mary never told me of all this pain for many many years
afterwards; but had always a smiling face for her husband when he came
home from his work. As for poor Gus, my aunt had so frightened him, that
he never once showed his nose in the place all the time we lived there;
but used to be content with news of Mary, of whom he was as fond as he
was of me.
Mr. Brough, when my aunt left him, was in a furious ill-humour with me.
He found fault with me ten times a day, and openly, before the gents of
the office; but I let him one day know pretty smartly that I was not only
a servant, but a considerable shareholder in the company; that I defied
him to find fault with my work or my regularity; and that I was not
minded to receive any insolent language from him or any man. He said it
was always so: that he had never cherished a young man in his bosom, but
the ingrate had turned on him; that he was accustomed to wrong and
undutifulness from his children, and that he would pray that the sin
might be forgiven me. A moment before he had been cursing and swearing
at me, and speaking to me as if I had been his shoeblack. But, look you,
I was not going to put up with any more of Madam Brough's airs, or of
his. With me they might act as they thought fit; but I did not choose
that my wife should be passed over by them, as she had been in the matter
of the visit to Fulham.
Brough ended by warning me of Hodge and Smithers. "Beware of these men,"
said he; "but for my honesty, your aunt's landed property would have been
sacrificed by these cormorants: and when, for her benefit--which you,
obstinate young man, will not perceive--I wished to dispose of her land,
her attorneys actually had the audacity--the unchristian avarice I may
say--to ask ten per cent. commission on the sale."
There might be some truth in this, I thought: at any rate, when rogues
fall out, honest men come by their own: and now I began to suspect, I am
sorry to say, that both the attorney and the Director had a little of the
rogue in their composition. It was especially about my wife's fortune
that Mr. B. showed _his_ cloven foot: for proposing, as usual, that I
should purchase shares with it in our Company, I told him that my wife
was a minor, and as such her little fortune was vested out of my control
altogether. He flung away in a rage at this; and I soon saw that he did
not care for me any more, by Abednego's manner to me. No more holidays,
no more advances of money, had I: on the contrary, the private clerkship
at 150_l_. was abolished, and I found myself on my 250_l_. a year again.
Well, what then? it was always a good income, and I did my duty, and
laughed at the Director.
About this time, in the beginning of 1824, the Jamaica Ginger Beer
Company shut up shop--exploded, as Gus said, with a bang! The Patent
Pump shares were down to 15_l_. upon a paid-up capital of 65_l_. Still
ours were at a high premium; and the Independent West Diddlesex held its
head up as proudly as any office in London. Roundhand's abuse had had
some influence against the Director, certainly; for he hinted at
malversation of shares: but the Company still stood as united as the Hand-
in-Hand, and as firm as the Rock.
To return to the state of affairs in Bernard Street, Russell Square: my
aunt's old furniture crammed our little rooms; and my aunt's enormous old
jingling grand piano, with crooked legs and half the strings broken,
occupied three-fourths of the little drawing-room. Here used Mrs. H. to
sit, and play us, for hours, sonatas that were in fashion in Lord
Charleville's time; and sung with a cracked voice, till it was all that
we could do to refrain from laughing.
And it was queer to remark the change that had taken place in Mrs.
Hoggarty's character now: for whereas she was in the country among the
topping persons of the village, and quite content with a tea-party at six
and a game of twopenny whist afterwards,--in London she would never dine
till seven; would have a fly from the mews to drive in the Park twice a
week; cut and uncut, and ripped up and twisted over and over, all her old
gowns, flounces, caps, and fallals, and kept my poor Mary from morning
till night altering them to the present mode. Mrs. Hoggarty, moreover,
appeared in a new wig; and, I am sorry to say, turned out with such a
pair of red cheeks as Nature never gave her, and as made all the people
in Bernard Street stare, where they are not as yet used to such fashions.
Moreover, she insisted upon our establishing a servant in livery,--a boy,
that is, of about sixteen,--who was dressed in one of the old liveries
that she had brought with her from Somersetshire, decorated with new
cuffs and collars, and new buttons: on the latter were represented the
united crests of the Titmarshes and Hoggartys, viz., a tomtit rampant and
a hog in armour. I thought this livery and crest-button rather absurd, I
must confess; though my family is very ancient. And heavens! what a roar
of laughter was raised in the office one day, when the little servant in
the big livery, with the immense cane, walked in and brought me a message
from Mrs. Hoggarty of Castle Hoggarty! Furthermore, all letters were
delivered on a silver tray. If we had had a baby, I believe Aunt would
have had it down on the tray: but there was as yet no foundation for Mr.
Smithers's insinuation upon that score, any more than for his other
cowardly fabrication before narrated. Aunt and Mary used to walk gravely
up and down the New Road, with the boy following with his great
gold-headed stick; but though there was all this ceremony and parade, and
Aunt still talked of her acquaintances, we did not see a single person
from week's end to week's end, and a more dismal house than ours could
hardly be found in London town.
On Sundays, Mrs. Hoggarty used to go to St. Pancras Church, then just
built, and as handsome as Covent Garden Theatre; and of evenings, to a
meeting-house of the Anabaptists: and that day, at least, Mary and I had
to ourselves,--for we chose to have seats at the Foundling, and heard the
charming music there, and my wife used to look wistfully in the pretty
children's faces,--and so, for the matter of that, did I. It was not,
however, till a year after our marriage that she spoke in a way which
shall be here passed over, but which filled both her and me with
inexpressible joy.
I remember she had the news to give me on the very day when the Muff and
Tippet Company shut up, after swallowing a capital of 300,000_l_. as some
said, and nothing to show for it except a treaty with some Indians, who
had afterwards tomahawked the agent of the Company. Some people said
there were no Indians, and no agent to be tomahawked at all; but that the
whole had been invented in a house in Crutched Friars. Well, I pitied
poor Tidd, whose 20,000_l_. were thus gone in a year, and whom I met in
the City that day with a most ghastly face. He had 1,000_l_. of debts,
he said, and talked of shooting himself; but he was only arrested, and
passed a long time in the Fleet. Mary's delightful news, however, soon
put Tidd and the Muff and Tippet Company out of my head; as you may
fancy.
Other circumstances now occurred in the City of London which seemed to
show that our Director was--what is not to be found in Johnson's
Dictionary--rather shaky. Three of his companies had broken; four more
were in a notoriously insolvent state; and even at the meetings of the
directors of the West Diddlesex, some stormy words passed, which ended in
the retirement of several of the board. Friends of Mr. B.'s filled up
their places: Mr. Puppet, Mr. Straw, Mr. Query, and other respectable
gents, coming forward and joining the concern. Brough and Hoff dissolved
partnership; and Mr. B. said he had quite enough to do to manage the I.
W. D., and intended gradually to retire from the other affairs. Indeed,
such an Association as ours was enough work for any man, let alone the
parliamentary duties which Brough was called on to perform, and the
seventy-two lawsuits which burst upon him as principal director of the
late companies.
Perhaps I should here describe the desperate attempts made by Mrs.
Hoggarty to introduce herself into genteel life. Strange to say,
although we had my Lord Tiptoff's word to the contrary, she insisted upon
it that she and Lady Drum were intimately related; and no sooner did she
read in the _Morning Post_ of the arrival of her Ladyship and her
granddaughters in London, than she ordered the fly before mentioned, and
left cards at their respective houses: her card, that is--"MRS. HOGGARTY
of CASTLE HOGGARTY," magnificently engraved in Gothic letters and
flourishes; and ours, viz., "Mr. and Mrs. S. Titmarsh," which she had
printed for the purpose.
She would have stormed Lady Jane Preston's door and forced her way
upstairs, in spite of Mary's entreaties to the contrary, had the footman
who received her card given her the least encouragement; but that
functionary, no doubt struck by the oddity of her appearance, placed
himself in the front of the door, and declared that he had positive
orders not to admit any strangers to his lady. On which Mrs. Hoggarty
clenched her fist out of the coach-window, and promised that she would
have him turned away.
Yellowplush only burst out laughing at this; and though Aunt wrote a most
indignant letter to Mr. Edmund Preston, complaining of the insolence of
the servants of that right honourable gent, Mr. Preston did not take any
notice of her letter, further than to return it, with a desire that he
might not be troubled with such impertinent visits for the future. A
pretty day we had of it when this letter arrived, owing to my aunt's
disappointment and rage in reading the contents; for when Solomon brought
up the note on the silver tea-tray as usual, my aunt, seeing Mr.
Preston's seal and name at the corner of the letter (which is the common
way of writing adopted by those official gents)--my aunt, I say, seeing
his name and seal, cried, "_Now_, Mary, who is right?" and betted my wife
a sixpence that the envelope contained an invitation to dinner. She
never paid the sixpence, though she lost, but contented herself by
abusing Mary all day, and said I was a poor-spirited sneak for not
instantly horsewhipping Mr. P. A pretty joke, indeed! They would have
hanged me in those days, as they did the man who shot Mr. Perceval.
And now I should be glad to enlarge upon that experience in genteel life
which I obtained through the perseverance of Mrs. Hoggarty; but it must
be owned that my opportunities were but few, lasting only for the brief
period of six months: and also, genteel society has been fully described
already by various authors of novels, whose names need not here be set
down, but who, being themselves connected with the aristocracy, viz., as
members of noble families, or as footmen or hangers-on thereof, naturally
understand their subject a great deal better than a poor young fellow
from a fire-office can.
There was our celebrated adventure in the Opera House, whither Mrs. H.
would insist upon conducting us; and where, in a room of the
establishment called the crush-room, where the ladies and gents after the
music and dancing await the arrival of their carriages (a pretty figure
did our little Solomon cut, by the way, with his big cane, among the
gentlemen of the shoulder-knot assembled in the lobby!)--where, I say, in
the crush-room, Mrs. H. rushed up to old Lady Drum, whom I pointed out to
her, and insisted upon claiming relationship with her Ladyship. But my
Lady Drum had only a memory when she chose, as I may say, and had
entirely on this occasion thought fit to forget her connection with the
Titmarshes and Hoggarties. Far from recognising us, indeed, she called
Mrs. Hoggarty an "ojus 'oman," and screamed out as loud as possible for a
police-officer.
This and other rebuffs made my aunt perceive the vanities of this wicked
world, as she said, and threw her more and more into really serious
society. She formed several very valuable acquaintances, she said, at
the Independent Chapel; and among others, lighted upon her friend of the
Rookery, Mr. Grimes Wapshot. We did not know then the interview which he
had had with Mr. Smithers, nor did Grimes think proper to acquaint us
with the particulars of it; but though I did acquaint Mrs. H. with the
fact that her favourite preacher had been tried for forgery, _she_
replied that she considered the story an atrocious calumny; and _he_
answered by saying that Mary and I were in lamentable darkness, and that
we should infallibly find the way to a certain bottomless pit, of which
he seemed to know a great deal. Under the reverend gentleman's guidance
and advice, she, after a time, separated from St. Pancras
altogether--"_sat under him_," as the phrase is, regularly thrice a
week--began to labour in the conversion of the poor of Bloomsbury and St.
Giles's, and made a deal of baby-linen for distribution among those
benighted people. She did not make any, however, for Mrs. Sam Titmarsh,
who now showed signs that such would be speedily necessary, but let Mary
(and my mother and sisters in Somersetshire) provide what was requisite
for the coming event. I am not, indeed, sure that she did not say it was
wrong on our parts to make any such provision, and that we ought to let
the morrow provide for itself. At any rate, the Reverend Grimes Wapshot
drank a deal of brandy-and-water at our house, and dined there even
oftener than poor Gus used to do.
But I had little leisure to attend to him and his doings; for I must
confess at this time I was growing very embarrassed in my circumstances,
and was much harassed both as a private and public character.
As regards the former, Mrs. Hoggarty had given me 50_l_.; but out of that
50_l_. I had to pay a journey post from Somersetshire, all the carriage
of her goods from the country, the painting, papering, and carpeting of
my house, the brandy and strong liquors drunk by the Reverend Grimes and
his friends (for the reverend gent said that Rosolio did not agree with
him); and finally, a thousand small bills and expenses incident to all
housekeepers in the town of London.
Add to this, I received just at the time when I was most in want of cash,
Madame Mantalini's bill, Messrs. Howell and James's ditto, the account
of Baron Von Stiltz, and the bill of Mr. Polonius for the setting of the
diamond pin. All these bills arrived in a week, as they have a knack of
doing; and fancy my astonishment in presenting them to Mrs. Hoggarty,
when she said, "Well, my dear, you are in the receipt of a very fine
income. If you choose to order dresses and jewels from first-rate shops,
you must pay for them; and don't expect that _I_ am to abet your
extravagance, or give you a shilling more than the munificent sum I pay
you for board and lodging!"
How could I tell Mary of this behaviour of Mrs. Hoggarty, and Mary in
such a delicate condition? And bad as matters were at home, I am sorry
to say at the office they began to look still worse.
Not only did Roundhand leave, but Highmore went away. Abednego became
head clerk: and one day old Abednego came to the place and was shown into
the directors' private room; when he left it, he came trembling,
chattering, and cursing downstairs; and had begun, "Shentlemen--" a
speech to the very clerks in the office, when Mr. Brough, with an
imploring look, and crying out, "Stop till Saturday!" at length got him
into the street.
On Saturday Abednego junior left the office for ever, and I became head
clerk with 400_l_. a year salary. It was a fatal week for the office,
too. On Monday, when I arrived and took my seat at the head desk, and my
first read of the newspaper, as was my right, the first thing I read was,
"Frightful fire in Houndsditch! Total destruction of Mr. Meshach's
sealing-wax manufactory and of Mr. Shadrach's clothing depot, adjoining.
In the former was 20,000_l_. worth of the finest Dutch wax, which the
voracious element attacked and devoured in a twinkling. The latter
estimable gentleman had just completed forty thousand suits of clothes
for the cavalry of H.H. the Cacique of Poyais."
Both of these Jewish gents, who were connections of Mr. Abednego, were
insured in our office to the full amount of their loss. The calamity was
attributed to the drunkenness of a scoundrelly Irish watchman, who was
employed on the premises, and who upset a bottle of whisky in the
warehouse of Messrs. Shadrach, and incautiously looked for the liquor
with a lighted candle. The man was brought to our office by his
employers; and certainly, as we all could testify, was _even then_ in a
state of frightful intoxication.
As if this were not sufficient, in the obituary was announced the demise
of Alderman Pash--Alderman Cally-Pash we used to call him in our lighter
hours, knowing his propensity to green fat: but such a moment as this was
no time for joking! He was insured by our house for 5,000_l_. And now I
saw very well the truth of a remark of Gus's--viz., that life-assurance
companies go on excellently for a year or two after their establishment,
but that it is much more difficult to make them profitable when the
assured parties begin to die.
The Jewish fires were the heaviest blows we had had; for though the
Waddingley Cotton-mills had been burnt in 1822, at a loss to the Company
of 80,000_l_., and though the Patent Erostratus Match Manufactory had
exploded in the same year at a charge of 14,000_l_., there were those who
said that the loss had not been near so heavy as was supposed--nay, that
the Company had burnt the above-named establishments as advertisements
for themselves. Of these facts I can't be positive, having never seen
the early accounts of the concern.
Contrary to the expectation of all us gents, who were ourselves as dismal
as mutes, Mr. Brough came to the office in his coach-and-four, laughing
and joking with a friend as he stepped out at the door.
"Gentlemen!" said he, "you have read the papers; they announce an event
which I most deeply deplore. I mean the demise of the excellent Alderman
Pash, one of our constituents. But if anything can console me for the
loss of that worthy man, it is to think that his children and widow will
receive, at eleven o'clock next Saturday, 5,000_l_. from my friend Mr.
Titmarsh, who is now head clerk here. As for the accident which has
happened to Messrs. Shadrach and Meshach,--in _that_, at least, there is
nothing that can occasion any person sorrow. On Saturday next, or as
soon as the particulars of their loss can be satisfactorily ascertained,
my friend Mr. Titmarsh will pay to them across the counter a sum of
forty, fifty, eighty, one hundred thousand pounds--according to the
amount of their loss. _They_, at least, will be remunerated; and though
to our proprietors the outlay will no doubt be considerable, yet we can
afford it, gentlemen. John Brough can afford it himself, for the matter
of that, and not be very much embarrassed; and we must learn to bear ill-
fortune as we have hitherto borne good, and show ourselves to be men
always!"
Mr. B. concluded with some allusions, which I confess I don't like to
give here; for to speak of Heaven in connection with common worldly
matters, has always appeared to me irreverent; and to bring it to bear
witness to the lie in his mouth, as a religious hypocrite does, is such a
frightful crime, that one should be careful even in alluding to it.
Mr. Brough's speech somehow found its way into the newspapers of that
very evening; nor can I think who gave a report of it, for none of our
gents left the office that day until the evening papers had appeared. But
there was the speech--ay, and at the week's end, although Roundhand was
heard on 'Change that day declaring he would bet five to one that
Alderman Pash's money would never be paid,--at the week's end the money
was paid by me to Mrs. Pash's solicitor across the counter, and no doubt
Roundhand lost his money.
Shall I tell how the money was procured? There can be no harm in
mentioning the matter now after twenty years' lapse of time; and
moreover, it is greatly to the credit of two individuals now dead.
As I was head clerk, I had occasion to be frequently in Brough's room,
and he now seemed once more disposed to take me into his confidence.
"Titmarsh my boy," said he one day to me, after looking me hard in the
face, "did you ever hear of the fate of the great Mr. Silberschmidt of
London?" Of course I had. Mr. Silberschmidt, the Rothschild of his day
(indeed I have heard the latter famous gent was originally a clerk in
Silberschmidt's house)--Silberschmidt, fancying he could not meet his
engagements, committed suicide; and had he lived till four o'clock that
day, would have known that he was worth 400,000_l_. "To tell you frankly
the truth," says Mr. B., "I am in Silberschmidt's case. My late partner,
Hoff, has given bills in the name of the firm to an enormous amount, and
I have been obliged to meet them. I have been cast in fourteen actions,
brought by creditors of that infernal Ginger Beer Company; and all the
debts are put upon my shoulders, on account of my known wealth. Now,
unless I have time, I cannot pay; and the long and short of the matter is
that if I cannot procure 5,000_l_. before Saturday, _our concern is
ruined_!"
"What! the West Diddlesex ruined?" says I, thinking of my poor mother's
annuity. "Impossible! our business is splendid!"
"We must have 5,000_l_. on Saturday, and we are saved; and if you will,
as you can, get it for me, I will give you 10,000_l_. for the money!"
B. then showed me to a fraction the accounts of the concern, and his own
private account; proving beyond the possibility of a doubt, that with the
5,000_l_. our office must be set a-going; and without it, that the
concern must stop. No matter how he proved the thing; but there is, you
know, a dictum of a statesman that, give him but leave to use figures,
and he will prove anything.
I promised to ask Mrs. Hoggarty once more for the money, and she seemed
not to be disinclined. I told him so; and that day he called upon her,
his wife called upon her, his daughter called upon her, and once more the
Brough carriage-and-four was seen at our house.
But Mrs. Brough was a bad manager; and, instead of carrying matters with
a high hand, fairly burst into tears before Mrs. Hoggarty, and went down
on her knees and besought her to save dear John. This at once aroused my
aunt's suspicions; and instead of lending the money, she wrote off to Mr.
Smithers instantly to come up to her, desired me to give her up the
3,000_l_. scrip shares that I possessed, called me an atrocious cheat and
heartless swindler, and vowed I had been the cause of her ruin.
How was Mr. Brough to get the money? I will tell you. Being in his room
one day, old Gates the Fulham porter came and brought him from Mr. Balls,
the pawnbroker, a sum of 1,200_l_. Missus told him, he said, to carry
the plate to Mr. Balls; and having paid the money, old Gates fumbled a
great deal in his pockets, and at last pulled out a 5_l_. note, which he
said his daughter Jane had just sent him from service, and begged Mr. B.
would let him have another share in the Company. "He was mortal sure it
would go right yet. And when he heard master crying and cursing as he
and missus were walking in the shrubbery, and saying that for the want of
a few pounds--a few shillings--the finest fortune in Europe was to be
overthrown, why Gates and his woman thought that they should come
for'ard, to be sure, with all they could, to help the kindest master and
missus ever was."
This was the substance of Gates's speech; and Mr. Brough shook his hand
and--took the 5_l_. "Gates," said he, "that 5_l_. note shall be the best
outlay you ever made in your life!" and I have no doubt it was,--but it
was in heaven that poor old Gates was to get the interest of his little
mite.
Nor was this the only instance. Mrs. Brough's sister, Miss Dough, who
had been on bad terms with the Director almost ever since he had risen to
be a great man, came to the office with a power of attorney, and said,
"John, Isabella has been with me this morning, and says you want money,
and I have brought you my 4,000_l_.; it is all I have, John, and pray God
it may do you good--you and my dear sister, who was the best sister in
the world to me--till--till a little time ago."
And she laid down the paper: I was called up to witness it, and Brough,
with tears in his eyes, told me her words; for he could trust me, he
said. And thus it was that I came to be present at Gates's interview
with his master, which took place only an hour afterwards. Brave Mrs.
Brough! how she was working for her husband! Good woman, and kind! but
_you_ had a true heart, and merited a better fate! Though wherefore say
so? The woman, to this day, thinks her husband an angel, and loves him a
thousand times better for his misfortunes.
On Saturday, Alderman Pash's solicitor was paid by me across the counter,
as I said. "Never mind your aunt's money, Titmarsh my boy," said Brough:
"never mind her having resumed her shares. You are a true honest fellow;
you have never abused me like that pack of curs downstairs, and I'll make
your fortune yet!"
* * * * *
The next week, as I was sitting with my wife, with Mr. Smithers, and with
Mrs. Hoggarty, taking our tea comfortably, a knock was heard at the door,
and a gentleman desired to speak to me in the parlour. It was Mr.
Aminadab of Chancery Lane, who arrested me as a shareholder of the
Independent West Diddlesex Association, at the suit of Von Stiltz of
Clifford Street, tailor and draper.
I called down Smithers, and told him for Heaven's sake not to tell Mary.
"Where is Brough?" says Mr. Smithers.
"Why," says Mr. Aminadab, "he's once more of the firm of Brough and Off,
sir--he breakfasted at Calais this morning!"