RELATES THE HAPPIEST DAY OF SAMUEL TITMARSH'S LIFE
I don't know how it was that in the course of the next six months Mr.
Roundhand, the actuary, who had been such a profound admirer of Mr.
Brough and the West Diddlesex Association, suddenly quarrelled with both,
and taking his money out of the concern, he disposed of his 5,000_l_.
worth of shares to a pretty good profit, and went away, speaking
everything that was evil both of the Company and the Director.
Mr. Highmore now became secretary and actuary, Mr. Abednego was first
clerk, and your humble servant was second in the office at a salary of
250_l_. a year. How unfounded were Mr. Roundhand's aspersions of the
West Diddlesex appeared quite clearly at our meeting in January, 1823,
when our Chief Director, in one of the most brilliant speeches ever
heard, declared that the half-yearly dividend was 4_l_. per cent., at the
rate of 8_l_. per cent. per annum; and I sent to my aunt 120_l_. sterling
as the amount of the interest of the stock in my name.
My excellent aunt, Mrs. Hoggarty, delighted beyond measure, sent me back
10_l_. for my own pocket, and asked me if she had not better sell
Slopperton and Squashtail, and invest all her money in this admirable
concern.
On this point I could not surely do better than ask the opinion of Mr.
Brough. Mr. B. told me that shares could not be had but at a premium;
but on my representing that I knew of 5,000_l_. worth in the market at
par, he said--"Well, if so, he would like a fair price for his, and would
not mind disposing of 5,000_l_. worth, as he had rather a glut of West
Diddlesex shares, and his other concerns wanted feeding with ready
money." At the end of our conversation, of which I promised to report
the purport to Mrs. Hoggarty, the Director was so kind as to say that he
had determined on creating a place of private secretary to the Managing
Director, and that I should hold that office with an additional salary of
150_l_.
I had 250_l_. a year, Miss Smith had 70_l_. per annum to her fortune.
What had I said should be my line of conduct whenever I could realise
300_l_. a year?
Gus of course, and all the gents in our office through him, knew of my
engagement with Mary Smith. Her father had been a commander in the navy
and a very distinguished officer; and though Mary, as I have said, only
brought me a fortune of 70_l_. a year, and I, as everybody said, in my
present position in the office and the City of London, might have
reasonably looked out for a lady with much more money, yet my friends
agreed that the connection was very respectable, and I was content: as
who would not have been with such a darling as Mary? I am sure, for my
part, I would not have taken the Lord Mayor's own daughter in place of
Mary, even with a plum to her fortune.
Mr. Brough of course was made aware of my approaching marriage, as of
everything else relating to every clerk in the office; and I do believe
Abednego told him what we had for dinner every day. Indeed, his
knowledge of our affairs was wonderful.
He asked me how Mary's money was invested. It was in the three per cent.
consols--2,333_l_. 6_s_. 8_d_.
"Remember," says he, "my lad, Mrs. Sam Titmarsh that is to be may have
seven per cent. for her money at the very least, and on better security
than the Bank of England; for is not a Company of which John Brough is
the head better than any other company in England?" and to be sure I
thought he was not far wrong, and promised to speak to Mary's guardians
on the subject before our marriage. Lieutenant Smith, her grandfather,
had been at the first very much averse to our union. (I must confess
that, one day finding me alone with her, and kissing, I believe, the tips
of her little fingers, he had taken me by the collar and turned me out of
doors.) But Sam Titmarsh, with a salary of 250_l_. a year, a promised
fortune of 150_l_. more, and the right-hand man of Mr. John Brough of
London, was a very different man from Sam the poor clerk, and the poor
clergyman's widow's son; and the old gentleman wrote me a kind letter
enough, and begged me to get him six pairs of lamb's-wool stockings and
four ditto waistcoats from Romanis', and accepted them too as a present
from me when I went down in June--in happy June of 1823--to fetch my dear
Mary away.
Mr. Brough was likewise kindly anxious about my aunt's Slopperton and
Squashtail property, which she had not as yet sold, as she talked of
doing; and, as Mr. B. represented, it was a sin and a shame that any
person in whom he took such interest, as he did in all the relatives of
his dear young friend, should only have three per cent. for her money,
when she could have eight elsewhere. He always called me Sam now,
praised me to the other young men (who brought the praises regularly to
me), said there was a cover always laid for me at Fulham, and repeatedly
took me thither. There was but little company when I went; and M'Whirter
used to say he only asked me on days when he had his vulgar
acquaintances. But I did not care for the great people, not being born
in their sphere; and indeed did not much care for going to the house at
all. Miss Belinda was not at all to my liking. After her engagement
with Captain Fizgig, and after Mr. Tidd had paid his 20,000_l_. and
Fizgig's great relations had joined in some of our Director's companies,
Mr. Brough declared he believed that Captain Fizgig's views were
mercenary, and put him to the proof at once, by saying that he must take
Miss Brough without a farthing, or not have her at all. Whereupon
Captain Fizgig got an appointment in the colonies, and Miss Brough became
more ill-humoured than ever. But I could not help thinking she was rid
of a bad bargain, and pitying poor Tidd, who came back to the charge
again more love-sick than ever, and was rebuffed pitilessly by Miss
Belinda. Her father plainly told Tidd, too, that his visits were
disagreeable to Belinda, and though he must always love and value him, he
begged him to discontinue his calls at the Rookery. Poor fellow! he had
paid his 20,000_l_. away for nothing! for what was six per cent. to him
compared to six per cent. and the hand of Miss Belinda Brough?
Well, Mr. Brough pitied the poor love-sick swain, as he called me, so
much, and felt such a warm sympathy in my well-being, that he insisted on
my going down to Somersetshire with a couple of months' leave; and away I
went, as happy as a lark, with a couple of brand-new suits from Von
Stiltz's in my trunk (I had them made, looking forward to a certain
event), and inside the trunk Lieutenant Smith's fleecy hosiery; wrapping
up a parcel of our prospectuses and two letters from John Brough, Esq.,
to my mother our worthy annuitant, and to Mrs. Hoggarty our excellent
shareholder. Mr. Brough said I was all that the fondest father could
wish, that he considered me as his own boy, and that he earnestly begged
Mrs. Hoggarty not to delay the sale of her little landed property, as
land was high now and _must fall_; whereas the West Diddlesex Association
shares were (comparatively) low, and must inevitably, in the course of a
year or two, double, treble, quadruple their present value.
In this way I was prepared, and in this way I took leave of my dear Gus.
As we parted in the yard of the "Bolt-in-Tun," Fleet Street, I felt that
I never should go back to Salisbury Square again, and had made my little
present to the landlady's family accordingly. She said I was the
respectablest gentleman she had ever had in her house: nor was that
saying much, for Bell Lane is in the Rules of the Fleet, and her lodgers
used commonly to be prisoners on Rule from that place. As for Gus, the
poor fellow cried and blubbered so that he could not eat a morsel of the
muffins and grilled ham with which I treated him for breakfast in the
"Bolt-in-Tun" coffee-house; and when I went away was waving his hat and
his handkerchief so in the archway of the coach-office that I do believe
the wheels of the "True Blue" went over his toes, for I heard him roaring
as we passed through the arch. Ah! how different were my feelings as I
sat proudly there on the box by the side of Jim Ward, the coachman, to
those I had the last time I mounted that coach, parting from my dear Mary
and coming to London with my DIAMOND PIN!
When arrived near home (at Grumpley, three miles from our village, where
the "True Blue" generally stops to take a glass of ale at the Poppleton
Arms) it was as if our Member, Mr. Poppleton himself, was come into the
country, so great was the concourse of people assembled round the inn.
And there was the landlord of the inn and all the people of the village.
Then there was Tom Wheeler, the post-boy, from Mrs. Rincer's
posting-hotel in our town; he was riding on the old bay posters, and
they, Heaven bless us! were drawing my aunt's yellow chariot, in which
she never went out but thrice in a year, and in which she now sat in her
splendid cashmere shawl and a new hat and feather. She waved a white
handkerchief out of the window, and Tom Wheeler shouted out "Huzza!" as
did a number of the little blackguard boys of Grumpley: who, to be sure,
would huzza for anything. What a change on Tom Wheeler's part, however!
I remembered only a few years before how he had whipped me from the box
of the chaise, as I was hanging on for a ride behind.
Next to my aunt's carriage came the four-wheeled chaise of Lieutenant
Smith, R.N., who was driving his old fat pony with his lady by his side.
I looked in the back seat of the chaise, and felt a little sad at seeing
that _Somebody_ was not there. But, O silly fellow! there was Somebody
in the yellow chariot with my aunt, blushing like a peony, I declare, and
looking so happy!--oh, so happy and pretty! She had a white dress, and a
light blue and yellow scarf, which my aunt said were the Hoggarty
colours; though what the Hoggartys had to do with light blue and yellow,
I don't know to this day.
Well, the "True Blue" guard made a great bellowing on his horn as his
four horses dashed away; the boys shouted again; I was placed bodkin
between Mrs. Hoggarty and Mary; Tom Wheeler cut into his bays; the
Lieutenant (who had shaken me cordially by the hand, and whose big dog
did not make the slightest attempt at biting me this time) beat his pony
till its fat sides lathered again; and thus in this, I may say,
unexampled procession, I arrived in triumph at our village.
My dear mother and the girls,--Heaven bless them!--nine of them in their
nankeen spencers (I had something pretty in my trunk for each of
them)--could not afford a carriage, but had posted themselves on the road
near the village; and there was such a waving of hands and handkerchiefs:
and though my aunt did not much notice them, except by a majestic toss of
the head, which is pardonable in a woman of her property, yet Mary Smith
did even more than I, and waved her hands as much as the whole nine. Ah!
how my dear mother cried and blessed me when we met, and called me her
soul's comfort and her darling boy, and looked at me as if I were a
paragon of virtue and genius: whereas I was only a very lucky young
fellow, that by the aid of kind friends had stepped rapidly into a very
pretty property.
I was not to stay with my mother,--that had been arranged beforehand; for
though she and Mrs. Hoggarty were not remarkably good friends, yet Mother
said it was for my benefit that I should stay with my aunt, and so give
up the pleasure of having me with her: and though hers was much the
humbler house of the two, I need not say I preferred it far to Mrs.
Hoggarty's more splendid one; let alone the horrible Rosolio, of which I
was obliged now to drink gallons.
It was to Mrs. H.'s then we were driven: she had prepared a great dinner
that evening, and hired an extra waiter, and on getting out of the
carriage, she gave a sixpence to Tom Wheeler, saying that was for
himself, and that she would settle with Mrs. Rincer for the horses
afterwards. At which Tom flung the sixpence upon the ground, swore most
violently, and was very justly called by my aunt an "impertinent fellow."
She had taken such a liking to me that she would hardly bear me out of
her sight. We used to sit for morning after morning over her accounts,
debating for hours together the propriety of selling the Slopperton
property; but no arrangement was come to yet about it, for Hodge and
Smithers could not get the price she wanted. And, moreover, she vowed
that at her decease she would leave every shilling to me.
Hodge and Smithers, too, gave a grand party, and treated me with marked
consideration; as did every single person of the village. Those who
could not afford to give dinners gave teas, and all drank the health of
the young couple; and many a time after dinner or supper was my Mary made
to blush by the allusions to the change in her condition.
The happy day for that ceremony was now fixed, and the 24th July, 1823,
saw me the happiest husband of the prettiest girl in Somersetshire. We
were married from my mother's house, who would insist upon that at any
rate, and the nine girls acted as bridesmaids; ay! and Gus Hoskins came
from town express to be my groomsman, and had my old room at my mother's,
and stayed with her for a week, and cast a sheep's-eye upon Miss Winny
Titmarsh too, my dear fourth sister, as I afterwards learned.
My aunt was very kind upon the marriage ceremony, indeed. She had
desired me some weeks previous to order three magnificent dresses for
Mary from the celebrated Madame Mantalini of London, and some elegant
trinkets and embroidered pocket-handkerchiefs from Howell and James's.
These were sent down to me, and were to be _my_ present to the bride; but
Mrs. Hoggarty gave me to understand that I need never trouble myself
about the payment of the bill, and I thought her conduct very generous.
Also she lent us her chariot for the wedding journey, and made with her
own hands a beautiful crimson satin reticule for Mrs. Samuel Titmarsh,
her dear niece. It contained a huswife completely furnished with
needles, &c., for she hoped Mrs. Titmarsh would never neglect her needle;
and a purse containing some silver pennies, and a very curious pocket-
piece. "As long as you keep these, my dear," said Mrs. Hoggarty, "you
will never want; and fervently--fervently do I pray that you will keep
them." In the carriage-pocket we found a paper of biscuits and a bottle
of Rosolio. We laughed at this, and made it over to Tom Wheeler--who,
however, did not seem to like it much better than we.
I need not say I was married in Mr. Von Stiltz's coat (the third and
fourth coats, Heaven help us! in a year), and that I wore sparkling in my
bosom the GREAT HOGGARTY DIAMOND.