A TALK TO FATHERS
=The importance of fatherhood.=--In the past we have written, talked and
sung of the duties, responsibilities, faithfulness, sacrifice and love
of motherhood. Is there any reason why the father should have less of
these sacred parental qualities than the mother? Did not God in his
early revelations to his chosen people honor fatherhood as much as
motherhood in his relation to the training of children? In no other way
has God bestowed larger capacity, power, honor and responsibility upon
man than when he made him capable of fatherhood. Fatherhood--the giving
of life to another--makes man a co-worker with God in the creation of
human beings. This creative relation to children gives dignity,
sacredness and immeasurable responsibility to fatherhood.
=The father is the son’s natural teacher.=--If a man at the head of a home
is to measure up to the full meaning of fatherhood, he must assume the
responsibility of teaching purity and sex truths to his boy, instead of
leaving him to get his primary sex culture from the playground; his
preparatory sex enlightenment from the street; and his complete course
of sex education from the saloon, the gambling house and the brothel,
where the moral atmosphere is saturated with all that is vicious and
polluting; where the vilest pictures are to be seen, vilest conversation
is to be heard and the vilest associations are to be formed.
=The wise father looks after less important phases of his son’s
education.=--If his son decides to be a farmer, he tells him all he knows
about farming and sends him to an agricultural college. If he decides to
practice medicine, he tells him all he knows about medicine and sends
him to a medical college. His interest in his son would lead him to
follow this plan should he choose some other calling or profession.
Compared to the education, training and development of a boy in relation
to the teaching of purity and sex truths, all other training pales into
insignificance. The boy can just as easily become a successful farmer
without a knowledge of agriculture, horticulture and stock-raising; he
can as easily become a successful physician without a knowledge of
medicine; he can as easily become a successful lawyer without a
knowledge of laws, as he can develop into a pure, virile manhood without
a correct knowledge of his sex nature. Since half truths are often more
injurious than ignorance, and since the enfolding sex life of a boy
demands information, and since he will get this information true or
false, it logically follows that correct sex education is the only safe
method to be followed in the complete education of the boy.
=The father who holds to unethical ideals.=--The father who holds to or
practices the double standard of morals is not qualified to teach these
truths to his son. If he believes that it is a smaller sin for his son
to be immoral than for his daughter; if he believes in the “sex
necessity lie” for his son and absolute virginity for his daughter; if
he uses vulgar words or indulges in lascivious stories, he is
disqualified for this sacred duty of a father. Recently I lectured in a
town of several thousand inhabitants where the mayor boasted of taking
his seventeen-year-old son to St. Louis and introducing him to an
immoral life. Such a father’s influence on his own son is a withering,
paralyzing, blighting curse. The sons of such beastly sires are to be
pitied.
=The model father.=--I assume that I am now addressing a model father, one
who, at least, desires to be a worthy example and a wise teacher and
trainer of his son. The model father should not only be pure in outward
life, but he should regard the organs of sex and their functions as pure
and sacred, he should possess a fair knowledge of sex and be able to use
only pure language in his confidential talks with his son. I am fully
aware that very few fathers have had an opportunity to hear a series of
lectures or to read a good book on these lines that would help them
perform this duty. The mission of this book is to aid and inspire every
sincere father in his duty of supplying his son with these truths.
=How to proceed.=--This is not a difficult problem to the young father who
is fairly well informed and who has strong convictions of his duty. He
can start with his son, as soon as he asks about his origin, and tell
him the stories of life, six months or a year apart, and continue to
give him such information as his developing boyhood and manhood demand.
But to the uninformed father, out in middle life, aroused for the first
time to the great need of this teaching and to his personal
responsibility to his boys ranging from five to twenty years old, this
is not an easy problem. In this case I would suggest that, if possible,
he should avail himself of hearing a good course of lectures, and buy
for himself a practical and complete book on sex for himself and smaller
books adapted to the age and sex of his children. If he has a boy from
five to eight years old, begin by telling him the story of how plants
are brought into the world. If he has a boy ten to fifteen, I would
advise that he put in his hands a book containing stories of life from
plants to man and encourage him to read it. If there is real
companionship between the father and son, a better plan would be for
them to read the book together and talk with each other. When this is
done and a few days have passed the father should give him a book
containing such information as a boy from ten to fourteen should know.
And if proper companionship exists, they should read this book and talk
over its revelations together. When this is done the boy should be
encouraged to talk over any personal problem he may have. It would be
well for the father to inquire of his son, if he has any irritation or
soreness in his sexual organs, if the prepuce is capable of passing back
and if the frenulum is too short. The boy should understand that he will
be welcomed at any time to return with his problems and to ask for
information.
If he has a boy over fifteen he should be presented with a book that
covers the problems of a young man. If there is a companionable relation
between the father and his son, it would be well for them to read and
talk over the revelations of this book. The son should be encouraged to
ask questions and to talk about his personal problems.
=When should a boy be informed of the secret sin?=--In no case should this
be postponed until a boy is twelve. Out of one thousand of the young men
who have read “Perfect Manhood” and in that way were lead to write me
about their troubles not one in twenty-five learned the habit after he
was twelve, many commenced when they were eight and ten, a few when five
and six, one stating that so far as he knew he was born practicing the
vice.
Lecturing to nearly one hundred thousand young men a year and having
several thousand a year to interview me, in this way the conclusion from
my correspondence is confirmed. When a boy is fourteen he should be
given a more complete talk on the nature and effects of the secret sin.
If he is found to be guilty he should be induced to break off. If his
sexual desire is due to a tight prepuce, this should be treated by the
family physician. If due to a tight frenulum, this requires the
attention of a doctor. As a rule his sexual excitement grows out of a
mind that has been filled with lascivious thoughts from some schoolmate
or servant. This can be corrected by satisfying the boy’s morbid
curiosity with the truth and a faithful warning of the dangers of this
vice.
=Fathers should not be suspicious but watchful.=--A wise father will have
a frank, positive understanding with every servant in the home and
employee on the farm, or in his business, that he is not to encourage
vice by vulgar conversation, vicious practice, or by presenting the
child with a vile book or showing him a lude picture. Keep an eye on the
little visitors--and the big ones too. There are in circulation some
most inconceivable immoral books that teach children every phase of sex
perversion. I recently secured such a book and it was estimated by the
school board that two hundred or more boys from twelve to sixteen had
read it. Only a few months ago the president of a female college living
in the girls’ dormitory told me of how one of the college girls had
introduced his three-year-old boy to the vice. About the same time and
in the same State, an editor said to me, “Professor, you don’t realize
the temptations to which the small Southern boy is exposed in his
relation to the colored help about the home.” A wise father will be on
the guard from the time his boy has quit the cradle until he has passed
safely through the stormy period of adolescence.