Since the night of Olga's return, Regina had taken her meals in the
sick-room, gladly availing herself of any pretext for avoiding the
dreadful _tête-à-tête_ breakfasts.
On the morning after the painful interview between Olga and Mr.
Palma, the former desired to remove into her own apartment, and the
easy chair in which she sat was wheeled carefully to the hearth in
her room.
"Come close to me, dear child."
Olga held her companion for some seconds in a tight embrace, then
kissed her cheek and forehead.
"Patient, true little friend; you saved me from destruction. How worn
and white you look, and I have robbed you so long of sleep! When I am
stronger, I want to talk to you; but to-day I must be alone, must
spend it among my dead hopes, sealing the sepulchres. Jean Ingelow
tells us of 'a Dead Year' 'cased in cedar, and shut in a sacred
gloom;' but I have seven to shroud and bury; and will the day ever
dawn when I can truly say:
Silent they rest, in solemn salvatory'?
Go out, dear, into the sunshine; you look so weary. Leave me alone in
the cold crypts of memory; you need not be afraid, I have no second
vial of poison."
She seemed so hopeless, and her voice was so indescribably mournful,
that Regina's eyes filled with tears, but Mrs. Palma just then called
her into the hall.
"Erle says you must put on your hat, wrap up closely, and come
downstairs. He is waiting to take you to ride."
She had not seen her guardian since he left Olga's sofa the previous
day, and answered without reflection.
"Ask him to excuse me. I am not very well, and prefer remaining in my
own room."
From the foot of the stairs, Mr. Palma's voice responded:
"Fresh air will benefit you. I insist upon your coming immediately."
She leaned over the railing, and saw him buttoning his overcoat.
"Please, Mr. Palma, excuse me to-day."
"Pardon me, I cannot. The carriage is waiting."
She was tempted to rebel outright, to absolutely refuse obedience to
his authority, which threatened her with the dreaded interview, but a
moment's reflection taught her that resistance to his stubborn will
was useless, and she went reluctantly downstairs, forgetting her
gloves in her trepidation. He handed her into the carriage, took a
seat beside her, and directed Farley to drive to Central Park.
The day though cold was very bright, and he partly lowered the silk
curtains to shut out the glare of the sun. For a half-hour they
rolled along the magnificent Avenue, and only casual observations
upon weather, passing equipages, and similar trivial topics, afforded
Regina time to compose her perturbed thoughts. With his overcoat
buttoned tight across his broad chest, and hat drawn a little low on
his brow, Mr. Palma sat, holding his gloved fingers interlaced; and
his brilliant eyes rested now and then very searching upon the face
at his side, which was almost as white as the snowy fur sack that
enveloped her.
"What is the matter with your cheek?" he said at length.
"Why do you ask?" She instantly shielded it with her hand.
"It has a slightly bluish, bruised appearance."
"It is of no consequence, and will soon disappear."
"Olga must indeed have struck you a heavy blow, to leave a mark that
lingers so long. She told me how desperately you wrestled to stay her
suicidal course, and as a family we owe you much for your firm brave
resistance."
"I am sorry she has betrayed what passed. I hoped you would never
suspect the distressing facts."
"When a girl deliberately defies parental wishes and counsel, and
scorns the advice and expostulation of those whom experience has
taught something of life and the world, her fate sooner or later is
sad as Olga's. A foolish caprice which young ladies invariably
denominate 'love,' but which is generally merely flattered vanity,
not unfrequently wrecks a woman's entire life; and though Olga will
rally after a time, she cannot forget this humiliating episode, which
has blighted the brightest epoch of her existence. Her rash, blind
obstinacy has cost her very dear. Here, let us go out; I want you to
walk awhile."
They had entered the Park, and, ordering the driver to await them at
a specified spot, Mr. Palma turned into the Ramble. For some moments
they walked in silence, and finally he pointed to a rustic seat
somewhat secluded, and beyond the observation of the few persons
strolling through the grounds. Regina sat with her muff in her lap,
and her bare hands nervously toying with her white silk tassel. Her
guardian noticed the tremulousness of her lip, and at that moment the
sun, smiting the ring on her finger, kindled the tiny diamonds into a
circle of fire. Mr. Palma drew off his gloves, put them in his
pocket, and just touched the opal, saying coldly:
"Is that a recent gift from your mother? I never saw you wear it
until the night you bathed poor Olga's forehead."
"No, sir."
Involuntarily she laid her palm over the jewels that was beginning to
grow odious in her own sight.
"May I inquire how long it has been in your possession?"
"Since before I left the parsonage. I had it when I came to New
York."
"Why then have you never worn it?"
"What interest can such a trifle possess for you, sir?"
"Sufficient at least to require an answer."
She sat silent.
"Regina."
"I hear you, Mr. Palma."
"Then show me the courtesy of looking at me when you speak.
Circumstances have debarred me until now from referring to a letter
from India, which I gave you before I went to Washington. I presume
you are aware that the writer in enclosing it to me acquainted me
with its tenor and import. Will you permit me to read it?"
"I sent it to my mother nearly a week ago."
She had raised her eyes, and looked at him almost defiantly, nerving
herself for the storm that already darkened his countenance.
"Mr. Lindsay very properly informed me that his letter contained an
offer of marriage, and though I requested you to defer your answer
until my return, I could not of course doubt that it would prove a
positive rejection, since you so earnestly assured me he could never
be more than a brother to you. At least, let me suggest that you
clothe the refusal in the kindest possible terms."
Her face whitened, and she compressed her lips, but her beautiful
eyes became touchingly mournful in their strained gaze. Mr Palma took
off his glasses, and for the first time in her life she saw the full,
fine bright black eyes, without the medium of lenses. How they looked
down into hers?
She caught her breath, and he smiled:
"My ward must be frank with her guardian."
"I have been frank with my mother, and since nothing has been
concealed from her, no one else has the right to catechise me. To her
it is incumbent upon me to confide even the sacred details to which
you allude, and she knows all; but you can have no real interest in
the matter."
"Pardon me, I have a very deep interest in all that concerns my ward;
especially when the disposal of her hand is involved. What answer
have you given 'Brother Douglass'?"
As he spoke, he laid his hand firmly on both of hers, but she
attempted to rise.
"Oh, Mr. Palma! Ask me no more, spare me this inquisition. You
transcend your authority."
"Sit still. Answer me frankly. You declined Mr. Lindsay's offer?"
"No, sir!"
She felt his hand suddenly clutch hers, and grow cold.
"Lily! Lily!"
The very tone was like a prayer. Presently, he said sternly:
"You must not dare to trifle with me. You cannot intend to accept
him?"
"Mother will determine for me."
Mr. Palma had become very pale, and his glittering teeth gnawed his
lower lip.
"Is your acceptance of that man contingent only on her consent and
approval?"
For a moment she looked away at the blue heavens bending above her,
and wondered if the sky would blacken when she had irretrievably
committed herself to this union. The thought was hourly growing
horrible, and she shivered.
He stooped close to her, and even then she noted how laboured was
his breathing, and that his mouth quivered:
"Answer me; do you mean to marry him?"
"I do, if mother gives me permission."
Bravely she met his eyes, but her words were a mere whisper, and she
felt that the worst was over; for her there could be no retraction.
It was the keenest blow, the most bitter disappointment of Erle
Palma's hitherto successful life, but his face hardened, and he bore
it, as was his habit, without any demonstration, save that
discoverable in his mortal paleness.
During the brief silence that ensued, he still held his hand firmly
on hers, and when he spoke his tone was cold and stern.
"My opinion of your probable course in this matter was founded
entirely upon belief in the truthfulness of your statement that Mr.
Lindsay had no claim on your heart. Only a short time since you
assured me of this fact, and my faith in your candour must plead
pardon for my present profound surprise. Certainly I was credulous
enough to consider you incapable of deceit."
The scorn in his eyes stung her like a lash, and clasping her fingers
spasmodically around his hand, she exclaimed:
"I never intended to deceive you. Oh, do not despise me!"
"I presume you understand the meaning of the words you employ; and
when I asked you if I would be justified in softening your rejection
of my cousin by assuring him that your affections were already
engaged you emphatically negatived that statement, saying it would be
untrue."
"Yes, and I thought so then; but did not know my own heart."
Her shadowy eyes looked appealingly into his, but he smiled
contemptuously.
"You did not know your affections had travelled to India, until the
gentleman formally asked for them? Do you expect me to believe that?"
"Believe anything except that I wilfully deceived you."
The anguish, the hopelessness written in her blanched face, and the
trembling of the childishly small hands that had unconsciously
tightened around his touched him.
He put his right hand under her chin and lifted the face.
"Lily, I want the truth. I intend to have it; and all of it. Now look
me in the eye and answer me solemnly, remembering that the God you
reverence hears your words. Do you really love Mr. Lindsay?"
"Yes; he is so good, how can I help feeling attached to him?"
"You love him next to your mother?"
"I think I do."
The words cost her a great effort, and her eyes wandered from his.
"Look straight at me. You love him so well you wish to be his wife?"
"I want to make him happy if I can."
"No evasions, if you please. Answer yes, or no. Is Mr. Lindsay dearer
to you than all else in the world?"
"Next to mother's his happiness is dearest to me."
"Yes--or no--this time; is there no one you love better?"
Earth and sky, trees and rocks, seemed whirling into chaos, and she
shut her eyes.
"You have no right to question me farther. I will answer no more."
Was the world really coming to an end? She heard her guardian laugh,
and the next moment he had caught her to his heart. What did it
mean? Was she too growing delirious with brain fever? His arm held
her pressed close to his bosom, and his cheek leaned on her head,
while strangely sweet and low were his words:
"Ah, Lily! Lily! Hush. Be still."
She wished that she could die then and there, for the thought of Mr.
Lindsay sickened her soul. But the memory of the ring appalled her,
and she struggled to free herself.
"Let me go! Do let us go home. I am sick."
His arm drew her closer still.
"Be quiet, and let me talk to you, and remember I am your guardian.
Lily, I am afraid you are tempted to stray into dangerous paths, and
your tender little heart is not a safe counsellor. You are sincerely
attached to your old friend, you trust and honour him, you are very
grateful to him for years of kindness during your childhood; and now
when his health has failed, and he appeals to you to repay the
affection he has long given you, gratitude seems to assume the form
of duty, and you are trying to persuade yourself that you ought to
grant his prayer. Lily, love is the only chrism that sanctifies
marriage, and though at present you might consent to become Mr.
Lindsay's wife, suppose that in after years you should chance to meet
some other man, perhaps not so holy, so purely Christian as this
noble young missionary, but a man who seized, possessed your
deep--deathless womanly love, and who you knew loved you in return?
What then?"
"I would still do my duty to my dear Douglass."
"No doubt you would try. But you would do wrong to marry your friend
feeling as you do; and you ought to wait and fully explain to him the
nature of your sentiments. You are almost a child, and scarcely know
you own heart yet, and I, as your guardian, cannot consent to see you
rashly forge fetters that may possibly gall you in future. The letter
to your mother has not yet been forwarded. Hattie, to whom you
entrusted it, did not give it to me until this morning, alleging in
apology, that she put it in her pocket and forgot it. I have reason
to believe that in a very short time you will see your mother: let
this matter rest until you can converse fully with her, and if she
sanctions your decision I, of course, shall have no right to
expostulate. Lily, I want to see you happy, and while I profoundly
respect Mr. Lindsay, who I daresay is a most estimable gentleman, I
should not very cordially give you away to him."
She rose and stood before him, clasping her hands tightly over each
other; tearless, tortured, striving to see the path of duty.
"Mr. Palma, if I can only make him happy! I owe him so much. When I
remember all that he did so tenderly for years, and especially on
that awful night of the storm, I feel that I ought not to refuse what
he asks of me."
"If he knew how you felt, I think I could safely promise for him that
he would not accept your hand. The heart of the woman he loves, is
the boon that a man holds most precious. Lily, you know your inmost
heart does not prompt you to marry Mr. Lindsay."
Did he suspect her secret folly? The blood that had seemed to curdle
around her aching heart surged into her cheeks, painting them a vivid
rose, and she said hastily:
"Indeed he is very dear to me. He is the noblest man I ever knew. How
could I fail to love him?"
He took her left hand and examined the ring.
"You wear this, as a pledge of betrothal? Is it not premature when
your mother is in ignorance of your purpose? Tell me, my ward, tell
me, do you not rather keep it here to stimulate your flagging sense
of duty? To strengthen you to adhere to your rash resolve?"
"He wrote that if I had faithfully kept my farewell promise to him he
wished me to wear it."
"May I know the nature of that promise?"
"That I would always love him next to my mother."
"But I think you admitted that possibly you might some day meet your
ideal who would be dearer even than mother and Douglass. I do not
wish to distress you needlessly, but while you are under my
protection I must unflinchingly do all that honour demands of a
faithful guardian. I can permit no engagement without your mother's
approval; and I honestly confess to you, that I am growing impatient
to place you in her care. Do you still desire your letter forwarded?"
"If you please."
"Sit down. I have sad news for you."
He unbuttoned his coat, took an envelope from his pocket, and she
recognized the telegram which had arrived the previous day. "Regina,
many guardians would doubtless withhold this, but fairness and
perfect candour have been my rule of life, and I prefer frankness to
diplomacy. This telegraphic despatch arrived yesterday, and is
intended for you, though addressed to me."
He put it in her hand, and filled with an undefined terror that
chilled her she read:
"SAN FRANCISCO.
"MR. ERLE PALMA,--Tell your ward that Douglass is too ill to
travel farther. If she wishes to see him alive she must come
immediately. Can't you bring her on at once?
"ELISE LINDSAY."
The despatch fluttered to the ground and the girl moaned and bowed
her face in her hands. He waited some minutes, and with a sob she
said:
"Oh, let me go to him! It might be a comfort to him, and if he should
die? Oh, do let me go!"
"Do you think your mother would consent to your taking so grave a
step?"
"I do not know, but she would not blame me when she learned the
circumstances. If I waited to consult her he might--oh! we are
wasting time! Mr. Palma, pity me! Send me to him--to the friend who
loves me so truly, so devotedly!"
She started up and wrung her hands, as imagination pictured the noble
friend ill, perhaps dying, and longing to see her.
"Regina, compose yourself. That telegram has been delayed by an
unprecedented fall of snow that interrupts the operation of the
wires, and it is dated three days ago. Last night I telegraphed to
learn Mr. Lindsay's condition, but up to the time of our leaving
home, the wires were not working through to San Francisco; and the
trains on the Union Pacific are completely snowbound. The agent told
me this morning that it was uncertain when the cars would run
through, as the track is blocked up. Until we ascertain something
definite let me advise you to withhold your letter, enclosing his;
for I ought to tell you that I am daily expecting a summons to send
you to Europe. Come, walk with me and try to be patient."
He offered her his arm, and they walked for some time in profound
silence. At last she exclaimed passionately:
"Please let me go home. I want to be alone."
They finally reached the carriage, and Mr. Palma gave the coachman
directions to drive to the telegraph office. During the ride Regina
leaned back, with her face pressed against the silken curtain on the
side, and her eyes closed. Her companion could see the regular
chiselled profile, so delicate and yet so firm, and as he studied the
curves of her beautiful mouth, he realized that she had fully
resolved to fulfil her promise; that at any cost of personal
suffering she would grant the prayer of the devoted young minister.
Scientists tell us that "there are in the mineral world certain
crystals, certain forms, for instance of fluor-spar, which have lain
darkly in the earth for ages, but which nevertheless have a potency
of light locked up within them. In their case the potential has never
become actual, the light is, in fact, held back by a molecular
detent. When these crystals are warmed, the detent is lifted, and an
outflow of light immediately begins." How often subtle analogies in
physical nature whisper interpretations of vexing psychological
enigmas?
Was Erle Palma an animated, human fluor-spar? Had the latent
capacity, the potentiality of tenderness in his character been
suddenly actualized, by the touch of that girl's gentle hands, the
violet splendour of her large soft eyes, which lifted for ever the
detent of his cold isolating selfishness?
The long-hidden light had flashed at last, making his heart radiant
with a supreme happiness which even the blaze of his towering and
successful ambition had never kindled; and to-day he found it
difficult indeed to stand aside, with folded arms and sealed lips,
while she reeled upon the brink of an abyss, which was so wide and
deep, that it threatened to bury all his hopes of that sacred home
life--which sooner or later sings its dangerous siren song in every
man's heart.
To his proud worldly nature this dream of pure, deep, unselfish love,
had stolen like the warm, rich spicy breath of June roses--swung
unexpectedly over a glacier, bringing the flush and perfume of early
summer to the glittering blue realms of winter; and he longed
inexpressibly to open all his heart to the sweet sunshine, to gather
it in, garnering it as his own for ever. How his stern soul clung to
that shy, shrinking girl, who seemed in contrast to the gay brilliant
self-asserting women he met in society as some white marble-lidded
Psyche, standing on her pedestal, amid a group of glowing Venetian
Venuses! He had seen riper complexions, and more rounded symmetry;
and had smiled and bowed at graceful polished persiflage, more witty
than aught that ever crossed her quiet, daintily carved lips; but
though he had admired many lovely women of genius and culture, that
pale girl, striving to hide her grieved countenance against his
carriage curtain, was the only one he had ever desired to call his
wife. That any other man dared hope to win or claim her seemed
sacrilegious; and he felt that he would rather see her lying in her
coffin, than know that she was profaned by any touch save his.
Neither spoke, and when the carriage stopped at the telegraph office,
Mr. Palma went in and remained some time. As he returned, she felt
that he held her destiny for all time in his hands, and in after
years he often recalled the despairing, terrified expression of the
face that leaned forward, with parted quivering lips, and eyes that
looked a prayer for pity.
"The wires are not yet working fully, but probably messages will go
through during the day. Regina, try to be patient, and believe that
you shall learn the nature of Mrs. Lindsay's answer as soon as I
receive it. Tell Mrs. Palma I shall not come home to dine, have
pressing business at court, and cannot tell how long I may be
detained at my office. Good-bye. The despatch shall be sent to you
without delay."
He lifted his hat, closed the carriage door, and motioned to Farley
to drive home.
Locked in her own apartment Olga denied admittance to even her
mother, who improved the opportunity to answer a number of neglected
letters, and Regina was left to the seclusion of her room. As the day
wore slowly away, her restlessness increased, and she paced the floor
until her limbs trembled from weariness. Deliberately she recalled
all the incidents of the long residence at the parsonage, and strove
to live again the happy season, during which the young minister had
contributed so largely to her perfect contentment. The white pets
they had tended and caressed together, the books she had read with
him, the favourite passages he had italicized, the songs he loved
best, the flowers he laid upon her breakfast plate, and now and then
twined in her hair; above all, his loving persuasive tone, quiet
gentle words of affectionate counsel, and tender pet name for her,
"my white dove."
How fervent had been his prayer that when he returned, he might find
her "unspotted from the world." Was she? Could she bear to deceive
the brave loyal heart that trusted her so completely?
Once at church she had witnessed a marriage, heard the awfully solemn
vows that the bride registered in the sight of God, and to-day the
words flamed like the sword of the avenging angel, like a menace, a
challenge. Would Douglass take her for his wife, if he knew that Mr.
Palma had become dearer to her than all the world beside? Could she
deny that his voice and the touch of his hand on hers magnetized,
thrilled her, as no one else had power to do? She could think without
pain of Mr. Lindsay selecting some other lady and learning to love
her as his wife, forgetting the child Regina; but when she forced
herself to reflect that her guardian would soon be Mrs. Carew's
husband, the torture seemed unendurable.
Unlocking a drawer, she spread before her all the little souvenirs
Mr. Lindsay had given her. The faded flowers that once glowed under
the fervid sun of India, the seal and pen, the blue and gold
Tennyson, and Whittier, and the pretty copy of Christina Rossetti's
poems, he had sent from Liverpool. One by one she read his letters
ending with the last which Mr. Palma had laid on her lap when he left
the carriage.
Despite her efforts, above the dear meek gentle image of the
consecrated and devout missionary towered the stately proud form of
the brilliant lawyer, with his chilling smile and haughty marble
brow; and she knew that he reigned supreme in her heart. He was not
so generous, so nobly self-sacrificing, so holy and pious as Mr.
Lindsay, nor did she reverence him so entirely; but above all else
she loved him. Conscience, pride, and womanly delicacy all clamoured
in behalf of the absent but faithful lover; and the true heart
answered, "Away with sophistry, and gratitude, pitying affection,
and sympathy! I am vassal to but one; give me Erle Palma, my king."
If she married Douglass and he afterward discovered the truth, could
he be happy, could he ever trust her again? She resolved to go to San
Francisco, to tell Mr. Lindsay without reservation all that she felt,
withholding only the name of the man whom she loved best; and if he
could be content with the little she could give in return for his
attachment, then with no deception flitting like a ghoul between
them, she would ask her mother's permission to dedicate the future to
Douglass Lindsay. She would never see her guardian again, and when he
was married it would be sinful even to think of him, and her duties
and new ties must help her to forget him.
Pleading weariness and indisposition, she had absented herself from
dinner, and when night came it was upon leaden wings that oppressed
her. Feverish and restless she raised the sash, and though the
temperature was freezing outside, she leaned heavily on the sill and
inhaled the air. A distant clock struck eleven, and she stood looking
at the moon that flooded the Avenue with splendour, and shone like a
sheet of silver on the glass of a window opposite.
Very soon a peculiarly measured step, slow and firm, rung on the
pavement beneath her, and ere the muffled figure paused at the door,
she recognized her guardian. He entered by means of a latch-key, and
closing the window Regina sat down and listened. Her heart beat like
a drum, drowning other sounds, and all else was so still that after a
little while she supposed no message had been received, and that Mr.
Palma had gone to sleep.
She dreaded to lie down, knowing that her pillow would prove one not
of roses, but thorns. She prayed long and fervently that God would
help her to do right under all circumstances, would enable her to
conquer and govern her wilful, riotous heart, subduing it to the
dictates of duty; and in conclusion she begged that the heavenly
Father would spare and strengthen His feeble, suffering, consecrated
minister, spare a life she would strive to brighten.
Rising from her knees she opened a little illustrated Testament Mr.
Lindsay had given her on her thirteenth birthday, and which she was
accustomed to read every night. The fourteenth chapter of St. John
happened to meet her eye.
"Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid; ye believe
in God, believe also in Me." Just then she heard a low, cautious tap
upon her door. Her heart stood still, she felt paralyzed, but found
voice to say hoarsely:
"Come in."
The door was partly opened but no one entered, and she went forward
to the threshold. Mr. Palma was standing outside, with his face
averted, and in his outstretched hand she saw the well-known
telegraphic envelope, which always arouses a thrill of dread, bearing
so frequently the bolt of destruction into tranquil households.
Shaking like aspens when the west wind blows, she took it.
"Tell me, is he better?"
Mr. Palma turned, gave one swift pitying glance at her agonized face,
and as if unable to endure the sight, walked quickly away. She shut
the door, stood a moment, spellbound by dread, then held the sheet to
the light.
"SAN FRANCISCO.
"MR. ERLE PALMA,--My Douglass died last night.
"ELISE LINDSAY."
"Though Duty's face is stern, her path is best;
They sweetly sleep who die upon her breast."