Mary sat quietly and watched the handsome man's legs blown off; watched
further as the great ship began to crumple and break into small pieces
in the middle of the blazing night. She fidgeted slightly as the men and
the parts of the men came floating dreamily through the wreckage out
into the awful silence. And when the meteorite shower came upon the men,
gouging holes through everything, tearing flesh and ripping bones, Mary
closed her eyes.
"Mother."
Mrs. Cuberle glanced up from her magazine.
"Hmm?"
"Do we have to wait much longer?"
"I don't think so. Why?"
Mary said nothing but looked at the moving wall.
"Oh, that." Mrs. Cuberle laughed and shook her head. "That tired old
thing. Read a magazine, Mary, like I'm doing. We've all seen _that_ a
million times."
"Does it have to be on, Mother?"
"Well, nobody seems to be watching. I don't think the doctor would mind
if I switched it off."
Mrs. Cuberle rose from the couch and walked to the wall. She depressed a
little button and the life went from the wall, flickering and glowing.
Mary opened her eyes.
"Honestly," Mrs. Cuberle said to a woman sitting beside her, "you'd
think they'd try to get something else. We might as well go to the
museum and watch the first landing on Mars. The Mayoraka
Disaster--really!"
The woman replied without distracting her eyes from the magazine page.
"It's the doctor's idea. Psychological."
Mrs. Cuberle opened her mouth and moved her head up and down knowingly.
"Ohhh. I should have known there was _some_ reason. Still, who watches
it?"
"The children do. Makes them think, makes them grateful or something."
"Ohhh."
"Psychological."
Mary picked up a magazine and leafed through the pages. All photographs,
of women and men. Women like Mother and like the others in the room;
slender, tanned, shapely, beautiful women; and men with large muscles
and shiny hair. Women and men, all looking alike, all perfect and
beautiful. She folded the magazine and wondered how to answer the
questions that would be asked.
"Mother--"
"Gracious, what is it now! Can't you sit still for a minute?"
"But we've been here three hours."
Mrs. Cuberle sniffed.
"Do--do I really have to?"
"Now don't be silly, Mary. After those terrible things you told me, of
_course_ you do."
An olive-skinned woman in a transparent white uniform came into the
reception room.
"Cuberle. Mrs. Zena Cuberle?"
"Yes."
"Doctor will see you now."
Mrs. Cuberle took Mary's hand and they walked behind the nurse down a
long corridor.
A man who seemed in his middle twenties looked up from a desk. He smiled
and gestured toward two adjoining chairs.
"Well--well."
"Doctor Hortel, I--"
The doctor snapped his fingers.
"Of course, I know. Your daughter. Ha ha, I certainly do know your
trouble. Get so many of them nowadays--takes up most of my time."
"You do?" asked Mrs. Cuberle. "Frankly, it had begun to upset me."
"Upset? Hmm. Not good. Not good at all. Ah, but then--if people did not
get upset, we psychiatrists would be out of a job, eh? Go the way of the
early M. D. But, I assure you, I need hear no more." He turned his
handsome face to Mary. "Little girl, how old are you?"
"Eighteen, sir."
"Oh, a real bit of impatience. It's just about time, of course. What
might your name be?"
"Mary."
"Charming! And so unusual. Well now, Mary, may I say that I understand
your problem--understand it thoroughly?"
Mrs. Cuberle smiled and smoothed the sequins on her blouse.
"Madam, you have no idea how many there are these days. Sometimes it
preys on their minds so that it affects them physically, even mentally.
Makes them act strange, say peculiar, unexpected things. One little girl
I recall was so distraught she did nothing but brood all day long. Can
you imagine!"
"That's what Mary does. When she finally told me, doctor, I thought she
had gone--_you_ know."
"That bad, eh? Afraid we'll have to start a re-education program, very
soon, or they'll all be like this. I believe I'll suggest it to the
senator day after tomorrow."
"I don't quite understand, doctor."
"Simply, Mrs. Cuberle, that the children have got to be thoroughly
instructed. Thoroughly. Too much is taken for granted and childish minds
somehow refuse to accept things without definite reason. Children have
become far too intellectual, which, as I trust I needn't remind you, is
a dangerous thing."
"Yes, but what has this to do with--"
"With Mary? Everything, of course. Mary, like half the sixteen,
seventeen and eighteen year olds today, has begun to feel acutely
self-conscious. She feels that her body has developed sufficiently for
the Transformation--which of course it has not, not quite yet--and she
cannot understand the complex reasons that compel her to wait until some
future date. Mary looks at you, at the women all about her, at the
pictures, and then she looks into a mirror. From pure perfection of
body, face, limbs, pigmentation, carriage, stance, from simon-pure
perfection, if I may be allowed the expression, she sees herself and is
horrified. Isn't that so, my dear child? Of course--of course. She asks
herself, why must I be hideous, unbalanced, oversize, undersize, full of
revolting skin eruptions, badly schemed organically? In short, Mary is
tired of being a monster and is overly anxious to achieve what almost
everyone else has already achieved."
"But--" said Mrs. Cuberle.
"This much you understand, doubtless. Now, Mary, what you object to is
that our society offers you, and the others like you, no convincing
logic on the side of waiting until age nineteen. It is all taken for
granted, and you want to know why! It is that simple. A non-technical
explanation will not suffice--mercy no! The modern child wants facts,
solid technical data, to satisfy her every question. And that, as you
can both see, will take a good deal of reorganizing."
"But--" said Mary.
"The child is upset, nervous, tense; she acts strange, peculiar, odd,
worries you and makes herself ill because it is beyond our meagre powers
to put it across. I tell you, what we need is a whole new basis for
learning. And, that will take doing. It will take _doing_, Mrs.
Cuberle. Now, don't you worry about Mary, and don't _you_ worry, child.
I'll prescribe some pills and--"
"No, no, doctor! You're all mixed up," cried Mrs. Cuberle.
"I beg your pardon, Madam?"
"What I mean is, you've got it wrong. Tell him, Mary, tell the doctor
what you told me."
Mary shifted uneasily in the chair.
"It's that--I don't want it."
The doctor's well-proportioned jaw dropped.
"Would you please repeat that?"
"I said, I don't want the Transformation."
"D--Don't want it?"
"You see? She told me. That's why I came to you."
The doctor looked at Mary suspiciously.
"But that's impossible! I have never heard of such a thing. Little girl,
you are playing a joke!"
Mary nodded negatively.
"See, doctor. What can it be?" Mrs. Cuberle rose and began to pace.
The doctor clucked his tongue and took from a small cupboard a black box
covered with buttons and dials and wire.
"Oh no, you don't think--I mean, could it?"
"We shall soon see." The doctor revolved a number of dials and studied
the single bulb in the center of the box. It did not flicker. He removed
handles from Mary's head.
"Dear me," the doctor said, "dear me. Your daughter is perfectly sane,
Mrs. Cuberle."
"Well, then what is it?"
"Perhaps she is lying. We haven't completely eliminated that factor as
yet; it slips into certain organisms."
More tests. More machines and more negative results.
Mary pushed her foot in a circle on the floor. When the doctor put his
hands to her shoulders, she looked up pleasantly.
"Little girl," said the handsome man, "do you actually mean to tell us
that you _prefer_ that body?"
"Yes sir."
"May I ask why."
"I like it. It's--hard to explain, but it's me and that's what I like.
Not the looks, maybe, but the _me_."
"You can look in the mirror and see yourself, then look at--well, at
your mother and be content?"
"Yes, sir." Mary thought of her reasons; fuzzy, vague, but very
definitely there. Maybe she had said the reason. No. Only a part of it.
"Mrs. Cuberle," the doctor said, "I suggest that your husband have a
long talk with Mary."
"My husband is dead. That affair near Ganymede, I believe. Something
like that."
"Oh, splendid. Rocket man, eh? Very interesting organisms. Something
always seems to happen to rocket men, in one way or another. But--I
suppose we should do something." The doctor scratched his jaw. "When did
she first start talking this way," he asked.
"Oh, for quite some time. I used to think it was because she was such a
baby. But lately, the time getting so close and all, I thought I'd
better see you."
"Of course, yes, very wise. Er--does she also do odd things?"
"Well, I found her on the second level one night. She was lying on the
floor and when I asked her what she was doing, she said she was trying
to sleep."
Mary flinched. She was sorry, in a way, that Mother had found that out.
"To--did you say 'sleep'?"
"That's right."
"Now where could she have picked that up?"
"No idea."
"Mary, don't you know that nobody sleeps anymore? That we have an
infinitely greater life-span than our poor ancestors now that the
wasteful state of unconsciousness has been conquered? Child, have you
actually _slept_? No one knows how anymore."
"No sir, but I almost did."
The doctor sighed. "But, it's unheard of! How could you begin to try to
do something people have forgotten entirely about?"
"The way it was described in the book, it sounded nice, that's all."
Mary was feeling very uncomfortable now. Home and no talking man in a
foolish white gown....
"Book, book? Are there _books_ at your Unit, Madam?"
"There could be--I haven't cleaned up in a while."
"That is certainly peculiar. I haven't seen a book for years. Not since
'17."
Mary began to fidget and stare nervously about.
"But with the tapes, why should you try and read books--where did you
get them?"
"Daddy did. He got them from his father and so did Grandpa. He said
they're better than the tapes and he was right."
Mrs. Cuberle flushed.
"My husband was a little strange, Doctor Hortel. He kept those things
despite everything I said.
"Dear me, I--excuse me."
The muscular, black-haired doctor walked to another cabinet and selected
from the shelf a bottle. From the bottle he took two large pills and
swallowed them.
"Sleep--books--doesn't want the Transformation--Mrs. Cuberle, my _dear_
good woman, this is grave. Doesn't want the Transformation. I would
appreciate it if you would change psychiatrists: I am very busy and, uh,
this is somewhat specialized. I suggest Centraldome. Many fine doctors
there. Goodbye."
The doctor turned and sat down in a large chair and folded his hands.
Mary watched him and wondered why the simple statements should have so
changed things. But the doctor did not move from the chair.
"Well!" said Mrs. Cuberle and walked quickly from the room.
The man's legs were being blown off again as they left the reception
room.
Mary considered the reflection in the mirrored wall. She sat on the
floor and looked at different angles of herself: profile, full-face,
full length, naked, clothed. Then she took up the magazine and studied
it. She sighed.
"Mirror, mirror on the wall--" The words came haltingly to her mind and
from her lips. She hadn't read them, she recalled. Daddy had said them,
quoted them as he put it. But they too were lines from a book--"who is
the fairest of--"
A picture of Mother sat upon the dresser and Mary considered this now.
Looked for a long time at the slender, feminine neck. The golden skin,
smooth and without blemish, without wrinkles and without age. The dark
brown eyes and the thin tapers of eyebrows, the long black lashes, set
evenly, so that each half of the face corresponded precisely. The
half-parted-mouth, a violet tint against the gold, the white, white
teeth, even, sparkling.
Mother. Beautiful, Transformed Mother. And back again to the mirror.
"--of them all...."
The image of a rather chubby girl, without lines of rhythm or grace,
without perfection. Splotchy skin full of little holes, puffs in the
cheeks, red eruptions on the forehead. Perspiration, shapeless hair
flowing onto shapeless shoulders down a shapeless body. Like all of
them, before the Transformation.
Did they _all_ look like this, before? Did Mother, even?
Mary thought hard, trying to remember exactly what Daddy and Grandpa had
said, why they said the Transformation was a bad thing, and why she
believed and agreed with them so strongly. It made little sense, but
they were right. They _were_ right! And one day, she would understand
completely.
Mrs. Cuberle slammed the door angrily and Mary jumped to her feet. She
hadn't forgotten about it. "The way you upset Dr. Hortel. He won't even
see me anymore, and these traumas are getting horrible. I'll have to get
that awful Dr. Wagoner."
"Sorry--"
Mrs. Cuberle sat on the couch and crossed her legs carefully.
"What in the world were you doing on the floor?"
"Trying to sleep."
"Now, I won't hear of it! You've got to stop it! You _know_ you're not
insane. Why should you want to do such a silly thing?"
"The books. And Daddy told me about it."
"And you mustn't read those terrible things."
"Why--is there a law against them?"
"Well, no, but people tired of books when the tapes came in. You know
that. The house is full of tapes; anything you want."
Mary stuck out her lower lip.
"They're no fun. All about the Wars and the colonizations."
"And I suppose books are fun?"
"Yes. They are."
"And that's where you got this idiotic notion that you don't want the
Transformation, isn't it? Of course it is. Well, we'll see to that!"
Mrs. Cuberle rose quickly and took the books from the corner and from
the closet and filled her arms with them. She looked everywhere in the
room and gathered the old rotten volumes.
These she carried from the room and threw into the elevator. A button
guided the doors shut.
"I thought you'd do that," Mary said. "That's why I hid most of the good
ones. Where you'll never find them."
Mrs. Cuberle put a satin handkerchief to her eyes and began to weep.
"Just look at you. Look. I don't know what I ever did to deserve this!"
"Deserve what, Mother? What am I doing that's so wrong?" Mary's mind
rippled in a confused stream.
"What!" Mrs. Cuberle screamed, _"What!_ Do you think I want people to
point to you and say I'm the mother of an idiot? That's what they'll
say, you'll see. Or," she looked up hopefully, "have you changed your
mind?"
"No." The vague reasons, longing to be put into words.
"It doesn't hurt. They just take off a little skin and put some on and
give you pills and electronic treatments and things like that. It
doesn't take more than a week."
"No." The reason.
"Don't you want to be beautiful, like other people--like me? Look at
your friend Shala, she's getting her Transformation next month. And
_she's_ almost pretty now."
"Mother, I don't care--"
"If it's the bones you're worried about, well, that doesn't hurt. They
give you a shot and when you wake up, everything's moulded right.
Everything, to suit the personality."
"I don't care, I don't care."
"But _why_?"
"I like me the way I am." Almost--almost exactly. But not quite. Part of
it, however. Part of what Daddy and Grandpa meant.
"But you're so ugly, dear! Like Dr. Hortel said. And Mr. Willmes, at the
factory. He told some people he thought you were the ugliest girl he'd
ever seen. Says he'll be thankful when you have your Transformation. And
what if he hears of all this, what'll happen then?"
"Daddy said I was beautiful."
"Well really, dear. You _do_ have eyes."
"Daddy said that real beauty is only skin deep. He said a lot of things
like that and when I read the books I felt the same way. I guess I don't
want to look like everybody else, that's all." No, that's not it. Not at
all it.
"That man had too much to do with you. You'll notice that he had _his_
Transformation, though!"
"But he was sorry. He told me that if he had it to do over again, he'd
never do it. He said for me to be stronger than he was."
"Well, I won't have it. You're not going to get away with this, young
lady. After all, I _am_ your mother."
A bulb flickered in the bathroom and Mrs. Cuberle walked uncertainly to
the cabinet. She took out a little cardboard box.
"Time for lunch."
Mary nodded. That was another thing the books talked about, which the
tapes did not. Lunch seemed to be something special long ago, or at
least different. The books talked of strange ways of putting a load of
things into the mouth and chewing these things. Enjoying them. Strange
and somehow wonderful.
"And you'd better get ready for work."
"Yes, Mother."
The office was quiet and without shadows. The walls gave off a steady
luminescence, distributed the light evenly upon all the desks and
tables. And it was neither hot nor cold.
Mary held the ruler firmly and allowed the pen to travel down the metal
edge effortlessly. The new black lines were small and accurate. She
tipped her head, compared the notes beside her to the plan she was
working on. She noticed the beautiful people looking at her more
furtively than before, and she wondered about this as she made her
lines.
A tall man rose from his desk in the rear of the office and walked down
the aisle to Mary's table. He surveyed her work, allowing his eyes to
travel cautiously from her face to the draft.
Mary looked around.
"Nice job," said the man.
"Thank you, Mr. Willmes."
"Dralich shouldn't have anything to complain about. That crane should
hold the whole damn city."
"It's very good alloy, sir."
"Yeah. Say, kid, you got a minute?"
"Yes sir."
"Let's go into Mullinson's office."
The big handsome man led the way into a small cubby-hole of a room. He
motioned to a chair and sat on the edge of one desk.
"Kid, I never was one to beat around the bush. Somebody called in little
while ago, gave me some crazy story about you not wanting the
Transformation."
Mary said "Oh." Daddy had said it would have to happen, some day. This
must be what he meant.
"I would've told them they were way off the beam, but I wanted to talk
to you first, get it straight."
"Well, sir, it's true. I don't. I want to stay this way."
The man looked at Mary and then coughed, embarrassedly.
"What the hell--excuse me, kid, but--I don't exactly get it. You, uh,
you saw the psychiatrist?"
"Yes sir. I'm not insane. Dr. Hortel can tell you."
"I didn't mean anything like that. Well--" the man laughed nervously. "I
don't know what to say. You're still a cub, but you do swell work. Lot
of good results, lots of comments from the stations. But, Mr. Poole
won't like it."
"I know. I know what you mean, Mr. Willmes. But nothing can change my
mind. I want to stay this way and that's all there is to it."
"But--you'll get old before you're half through life."
Yes, she would. Old, like the Elders, wrinkled and brittle, unable to
move right. Old. "It's hard to make you understand. But I don't see why
it should make any difference."
"Don't go getting me wrong, now. It's not me, but, you know, I don't own
Interplan. I just work here. Mr. Poole likes things running smooth and
it's my job to carry it out. And soon as everybody finds out, things
wouldn't run smooth. There'll be a big stink. The dames will start
asking questions and talk."
"Will you accept my resignation, then, Mr. Willmes?"
"Sure you won't change your mind?"
"No sir. I decided that a long time ago. And I'm sorry now that I told
Mother or anyone else. No sir, I won't change my mind."
"Well, I'm sorry, Mary. You been doing awful swell work. Couple of
years you could be centralled on one of the asteroids, the way you been
working. But if you should change your mind, there'll always be a job
for you here."
"Thank you, sir."
"No hard feelings?"
"No hard feelings."
"Okay then. You've got till March. And between you and me, I hope by
then you've decided the other way."
Mary walked back down the aisle, past the rows of desks. Past the men
and women. The handsome, model men and the beautiful, perfect women,
perfect, all perfect, all looking alike. Looking exactly alike.
She sat down again and took up her ruler and pen.
Mary stepped into the elevator and descended several hundred feet. At
the Second Level she pressed a button and the elevator stopped. The
doors opened with another button and the doors to her Unit with still
another.
Mrs. Cuberle sat on the floor by the T-V, disconsolate and red-eyed. Her
blond hair had come slightly askew and a few strands hung over her
forehead. "You don't need to tell me. No one will hire you."
Mary sat beside her mother. "If you only hadn't told Mr. Willmes in the
first place--"
"Well, I thought _he_ could beat a little sense into you."
The sounds from the T-V grew louder. Mrs. Cuberle changed channels and
finally turned it off.
"What did you do today, Mother?" Mary smiled.
"Do? What can I do, now? Nobody will even come over! I told you what
would happen."
"Mother!"
"They say you should be in the Circuses."
Mary went into another room. Mrs. Cuberle followed. "How are we going to
live? Where does the money come from now? Just because you're stubborn
on this crazy idea. Crazy crazy crazy! Can I support both of us? They'll
be firing _me_, next!"
"Why is this happening?"
"Because of you, that's why. Nobody else on this planet has ever refused
the Transformation. But you turn it down. You _want_ to be ugly!"
Mary put her arms about her mother's shoulders. "I wish I could explain,
I've tried so hard to. It isn't that I want to bother anyone, or that
Daddy wanted me to. I just don't want the Transformation."
Mrs. Cuberle reached into the pockets of her blouse and got a purple
pill. She swallowed the pill. When the letter dropped from the chute,
Mrs. Cuberle ran to snatch it up. She read it once, silently, then
smiled.
"Oh, I was afraid they wouldn't answer. But we'll see about this _now_!"
She gave the letter to Mary.
_Mrs. Zena Cuberle
Unit 451 D
Levels II & III
City
Dear Madam:_
_In re your letter of Dec 3 36. We have carefully examined your
complaint and consider that it requires stringent measures. Quite
frankly, the possibility of such a complaint has never occurred to
this Dept. and we therefore cannot make positive directives at the
moment._
_However, due to the unusual qualities of the matter, we have
arranged an audience at Centraldome, Eighth Level, Sixteenth Unit,
Jan 3 37, 23 sharp. Dr. Elph Hortel has been instructed to attend.
You will bring the subject in question._
_Yrs,
DEPT F_
Mary let the paper flutter to the floor. She walked quietly to the
elevator and set it for Level III. When the elevator stopped, she ran
from it, crying, into her room.
She thought and remembered and tried to sort out and put together. Daddy
had said it, Grandpa had, the books did. Yes, the books did.
She read until her eyes burned and her eyes burned until she could read
no more. Then Mary went to sleep, softly and without realizing it, for
the first time.
But the sleep was not peaceful.
"Ladies and gentlemen," said the young-looking, well groomed man, "this
problem does not resolve easily. Dr. Hortel here, testifies that Mary
Cuberle is definitely not insane. Drs. Monagh, Prinn and Fedders all
verify this judgment. Dr. Prinn asserts that the human organism is no
longer so constructed as to create and sustain such an attitude through
deliberate falsehood. Further, there is positively nothing in the
structure of Mary Cuberle which might suggest difficulties in
Transformation. There is evidence for all these statements. And yet we
are faced with this refusal. What, may I ask, is to be done?"
Mary looked at a metal table.
"We have been in session far too long, holding up far too many other
pressing contingencies. The trouble on Mercury, for example. We'll
_have_ to straighten that out, somehow."
Throughout the rows of beautiful people, the mumbling increased. Mrs.
Cuberle sat nervously, tapping her shoe and running a comb through her
hair.
"Mary Cuberle, you have been given innumerable chances to reconsider,
you know."