In an Irish court-house an old man was called into the witness box,
and being confused and somewhat near-sighted he went up the stairs
that led to the bench instead of those that led to the box. The Judge
good-humoredly said:
“Is it a Judge you want to be, my good man?”
“Ah, sure, yer worship,” was the reply. “I’m an old man now, and mebbe
it’s all I’m fit for.”
* * * * *
Not long since Norah was about to industriously swing the broom around
the parlor furniture, when she was summoned by her mistress.
“Before you sweep the parlor, Norah,” said the mistress as the servant
girl entered the room, “I want to give you some advice about your broom.”
“Yes, mum,” was the wondering rejoinder of Norah; “phat’s the matter wid
the broom?”
* * * * *
“Begorra, Moike, we can’t go down thot road.”
“An’ whoy not, Pat?”
“Sure, me bye, it says ‘For Pedestrians Only,’ an’ we both be Oirishmen.”
* * * * *
McGinty was walking along Broadway when it began to rain. In front he
thought he saw his friend Dugan, with an umbrella.
He slapped him on the back and said, jokingly: “Halloa! Give me that
umbrella!”
When the man turned and McGinty saw his face he realized that he was an
utter stranger. Naturally, he was embarrassed. But the other man appeared
even more surprised, and immediately handed over the umbrella.
“I beg your pardon,” he apologized. “I didn’t know it belonged to you.”
* * * * *
Cassidy, a green brakeman on the Colorado Mudline was making his first
trip to Ute Pass. They were going up a very steep grade, and with unusual
difficulty the engineer succeeded in reaching the top. At the Cascade
station, looking out of his cab, the engineer saw the new brakeman and
said with a sigh of relief:
“I tell you what, my lad, we had a job to get up there, didn’t we?”
“Shure and we did,” said Cassidy, “and if I hadn’t put on the brakes,
we’d have slipped back.”
* * * * *