At a political meeting an Irishman watched closely the trombone player
in the band. Presently the man laid down his instrument and went out for
a beer. Paddy investigated, and promptly pulled the horn to pieces. The
player returned. “Who’s meddled mit my drombone?” he roared. “Oi did,”
said Paddy. “Here ye’ve been for two hours tryin’ to pull it apart, an’
Oi did it in wan minute!”
* * * * *
Mike—“What a red nose that Sweeney has.”
“Whist, man; he spint a barrel of money to get it to the pink of
perfection.”
* * * * *
It was in the wilds of Tipperary, and the local and long-suffering
landlord had been ill-advised enough to ask for a bit of rent on
account—the same being some few years overdue. Roused to fury at this
unlooked-for and, in their eyes, outrageous demand, Mike and Pat decided
to “wait for” the base and greedy tyrant. And they did—behind a hedge
with a shot-gun. An hour passed. Their feet and their fingers were numbed
with the cold, and, worse than that, the dhrop or half-bottle of the
crathur was gone.
Said Pat to Mike, in a hoarse whisper: “Shure, an’ I hope nothing can
have happened to the onfortunate gintleman!”
* * * * *
Not long ago a young Irishman was seeking work in western Illinois, and
among those to whom he applied was a farmer near Cairo.
The farmer was attracted by the Celt’s frank, cheery manner, and, while
he was not in need of help, he asked, after a pause:
“Can you cradle?”
“Cradle!” repeated the Irishman. “Sure, I can! But, sir,” he added
persuasively, “couldn’t ye give me a job out of dures?”
* * * * *
Mrs. Murphy—“Oi hear yer brother-in-law, Pat Keegan, is pretty bad off.”
Mrs. Casey—“Shure, he’s good for a year yit.”
Mrs. Murphy—“As long as that?”
Mrs. Casey—“Yes; he’s had four different doctors, and each one uv thim
gave him three months to live.”
* * * * *
A Dundee shopkeeper asked an Irishman who was standing at a street corner
if he wanted a job.
“Yes, sor,” replied the Irishman.
“Well, now, what would you take to clear the snow away from my premises?”
“A shovel, sor!” was the sharp reply of the Irishman.
He got the job.
* * * * *