There is something in Gastein very health-giving. To-day I noticed
that Aniela has gained quite a brown color from the mountain air, and
looks very well; which is all the more noteworthy, as she has had many
troubles and anxieties. One of her troubles was the difference arising
between her and her husband, the humiliation of his accepting a loan
from me, and my love, which distracts her mind and troubles her peace.
Notwithstanding all this, the delicate face is glowing with health.
There is more color in it than before we came here. I recall the
time when she seemed almost to fade away in my eyes. I remember how
horrified I was at the thought that her life might be in danger.
To-day that fear at least has ceased to haunt me. If I knew that in
the future there would be even less pity for me, that my feelings for
her would count for nothing, but that she would be happy and full
of health, I should say: "Let her be pitiless, let her slight my
feelings, provided she be well." In the composition of true feeling,
there is the desire for personal happiness, but there is also tender
thoughtfulness and affection.
Yesterday Aniela had donned one of her old dresses. I noticed it
at once, and the whole past stood before me. God only knows what a
turmoil there was within me.