I. TALKING SERPENTS AND TALKING ASSES.--GEN. III., NUM. XXII.
The laws of nature appear to have possessed but little force,
permanency, or reliability in the days of Moses, as they were often
brought to a dead halt, and set aside on the most trivial occasions,
according to Bible history; and nothing could be learned of the
character, habits, or natural powers of animals by their form or
physical conformation, if they possessed, as represented, minds and
reasoning powers supposed to be peculiar to the human species. Hence the
study of natural history must have been useless. When naturalists at the
present day find animals without the organs of speech, they assume they
do not possess the ability to talk and reason. But the absence of
the vocal organs in the days of Moses appears to have furnished no
criterion, and interposed no obstacle to becoming a fluent speaker and
an able reasoner, as is illustrated in the case of a serpent and an
ass talking and arguing like a lawyer. Hence natural history could have
possessed no attraction, as nothing certain could have been learned by
studying it.
1. It is a singular reflection that the Christian plan of salvation
is based on a serpent, and with about as little show of sense as the
Hottentot tradition of the earth resting on the heads of four turtles.
2. The idea of God creating a serpent to thwart and defeat his plans and
designs, or permitting him to do it, is absolutely ridiculous.
3. If God knew, when he created the serpent, that his machinations would
bring "death and sin and all our woe" into the world, the act would
prove him to be an unprincipled being.
4. And, if he did not know it, he must have been ignorant and
short-sighted, and not fit to be a God.
5. It would imply that he made a wonderful mistake in creating a being
that "turned right round," and made war on his own kingdom, crippled it,
and defeated its success.
6. To assume that God could be outwitted by a serpent is to place him
lower in the scale of intelligence than a snake.
7. It would seem that the serpent was superior to Jehovah either in
knowledge or veracity; for his statement relative to the effect of
eating the fruit proved to be true, while that of Jehovah proved to be
false (Gen. iii. 3).
8. And, as we have shown in chapter liii, he was a greater friend and
benefactor to the human race than Jehovah, as a number of benefits
and blessings were conferred upon Adam and Eve and their posterity by
yielding to his advice instead of obeying the mandates of Jehovah.
9. It would doubtless be a source of gratification to naturalists of the
present age to learn what species of snake that was which possessed such
a remarkable intellect and reasoning faculties and powers of speech; and
also whether Hebrew was its vernacular.
10. Why is it that ladies of the present day possess none of the
nerveless intrepidity and moral courage of old mother Eve, who could
stand and listen to a serpent talking without any signs of fainting,
and with a perfect _nonchalance_, when our modern ladies would probably
scream or run if a snake they should meet should assume the liberty to
address them even in the most polite manner? Mother Eve must have been
familiar with oddities.
11. If serpents and asses could talk in the days of Moses, why not now?
Why have they lost the power of speech?
12. The species of serpents and asses which furnished such distinguished
reasoners and orators should have been preserved, both as natural
curiosities and on account of their practical benefits. It would be
a source of instruction as well as amusement for a traveler, while
journeying astride the back of an ass, to be able to enter into a
friendly chitchat and exchange views with him, especially if the ass
should be well posted on the topics of the day.
13. It seems singular that the heathen prophet Balaam should be able
to enlighten infinite wisdom when he called on him for information
concerning Balak, King of Moab, or that he should have been better
posted in the matter.
14. The circumstance of Jehovah advising Balaam to go at the call of
Balak to curse Israel, then becoming very angry at him because he did
go, and employing an ass to intercept his journey, evinces him to have
been a fickle-minded and changeable being. (Num. xxii. 20, 22.)
15. It appears that, with all of Balaam's superior intelligence, he was
inferior in spiritual discernment to that of his ass, as she could see
the spirit standing in the road when he could not.
16. It has been contemptuously suggested as a slur on spiritualism, that
perhaps the ass was a spiritual medium. But the fact that asses (of
the biped species) can now be found endowed with the power of speech,
renders the conclusion more rational that the ass talked without the aid
of a spirit.
Such are some of the ridiculous features of these ridiculous stories.
The expedient of disposing of these foolish stories as allegories, as
some have attempted, will not avail any thing: for such figures are too
low and groveling to be employed even as metaphors; and there is no
hint in the Bible that they are to be understood in an allegorical or
metaphorical sense.
II. THE STORY OF CAIN, ABSURDITIES OF.
1. Did not Eve dishonor God when, at the birth of Cain, she said, "I
have got a man from the Lord" (Gen. iv. 1), inasmuch as he turned out to
be a murderer?
2. Did not God know that Cain would become a murderer? If he did not, he
is not an omniscient God.
3. And, if he did know it, would it not make him accountable for the
murder?
4. Why did God set a mark on Cain that "whosoever should find him should
not slay him" (Gen. iv. 15), when there was no "whosoever" in existence
but his father and mother? And it can not be supposed they would have to
hunt to find him, or that they would kill him when found.
5. And how could "whosoever" know what the mark meant?
6. Where did or where could Cain have gone when he "fled from the
presence of the Lord" (Gen. iv. 16), as David says he is present
everywhere, even in hell?
7. How could Cain find a wife in the land of Nod (see Gen. iv. 17),
when he himself had killed the whole human race excepting his father and
mother? There were then no women to make wives of.
8. Why did Cain build a city (see Gen. iv. 17), when there was nobody to
inhabit it?
9. As there were "workers of iron and brass" in this city, does it not
furnish evidence that there was a race of people who had attained a high
state of civilization before Adam was made?
10. And as brass is not an ore, but a compound of copper and zinc, does
it not furnish evidence that the mining business and the mechanic arts
were carried on long before Adam's time?
11. If Cain did find a wife in the land of Nod, is it not evidence that
some ribs had been converted into women before Adam's time?
12. Where did Cain find carpenters and masons to build his city, if his
father and mother constituted the whole human race?
13. Did not Jehova know when he accepted Abel's offering and rejected
Cain's, that he was sowing the seeds of discord that would lead to
murder?
14. And did he not set a bad example by showing partiality, as there is
no reason assigned for preferring Abel's offering?
15. Had not Cain just ground for believing that his offering of herbs
would be accepted, inasmuch as Jehovah had ordered Adam to use herbs for
food?
16. Must we conclude that Jehovah had a carnivorous appetite, which
caused him to prefer animals to vegetables for sacrifices?
17. What sense was there in dooming Cain to be a vagabond among men,
when there was but one man in the world, and that his father?
III. THE ARK OF THE COVENANT, ABSURDITIES OF.--1 SAM. CHAP. VI.
We find no case in any history of superstition reaching a more exalted
climax than that illustrated in the history of the Jewish ark of the
covenant. It appears that up to the time of Solomon the Jews had no
temple for their God to dwell in, but for some time previous hauled him
about in box, about four feet long by thirty inches deep, known as the
"ark of the covenant". Let it not be supposed that we misrepresent
in saying that Jehovah was supposed to dwell in this box; for it is
explicitly stated that he dwelt between the cherubims, which constituted
a part of the accoutrements of the ark. (See 1 Sam. iv.)
One of the most singular and ridiculous features connected with this
story is, that Jehovah, in giving instructions for the construction of
the ark, told the people they must offer, among other curious things,
badger-skins, goat's hair, and red ram's skins (i.e., ram's skins dyed
red). What use God Almighty could have had for the hides and hair of
these dead animals is hard to conjecture. Could superstition descend
lower than this? As minute a description is given of the whole affair by
Jehovah and Moses as if there were some sense in it. The box was hauled
about by two cows; and it was enjoined that those selected by the
Philistines should be cows that had never been worked or harnessed, and
that their calves should be shut up and left at home. This is descending
to a "bill of particulars." The calves must have suffered, as their dams
were driven far away and then slaughtered. What became of the calves is
not stated; but we are told that the cows kept up a continual bellowing,
or "lowing." Perhaps this was designed as a kind of base or tenor for
the music which accompanied them; and this accounts for the calves being
left at home. It is curious to observe that the cows were not yoked to
the cart on which the ark was drawn, but tied to it,--probably by their
tails. The Jews did not seem to possess sufficient mechanical skill
or genius to invent an ox-yoke. Another singular part of this singular
story is, that the Philistines constructed six golden mice to accompany
the ark; and yet we are told that the Jews were not allowed to have
images of any thing (Ex. xx. 4). The most serious consideration
connected with this affair was the vast destruction of human life. In
the first place the Philistines, in a battle with the Lord's people,
slew thirty thousand of them, and captured this box, as we must presume,
with the Lord in it. It seems strange that, when Jehovah had fought so
many successful battles, he would allow himself to be captured. It was
some time, too, before he was recovered from the Philistines. When
this was effected, as the ark was being conveyed back under the
superintendence of David, with a company of thirty thousand people,
while passing over some rough ground, the cart jostled, and the ark came
near being thrown off, with the Lord Jehovah in it, who would probably
have been considerably bruised by the fall. But a very clever man by
the name of Uzzah clapped his hand upon the cart to prevent this awful
catastrophe; and, although probably actuated by the best and most pious
motives, he was immediately killed for it. This part of the story has
a bad moral. On another occasion, on the arrival of the ark at
Bethshemesh, because one or two persons attempted to gratify a very
natural curiosity by looking into the ark, Jehovah became so much
enraged that he killed fifty thousand of the people of Bethshemesh.
Here is another of the many cases in which thousands of innocent people
were punished for the sin of one man or a few persons. How can any good
grow out of the relation of such unjust, unprincipled, and superstitious
doings recorded in a book designed for the moral instruction and
salvation of the world? We are told that at every place to which this
box was carried, while in the hands of the Philistines, it caused death
and destruction, or some other serious calamity. At Ashdod it produced
disease and destruction among the people to an alarming extent; and
similar results followed while the ark was at Ekron. Assuming that there
is any truth in the story, the thought is here suggested that the box
might have been affected with some malarious disease. While at Jagon
it caused the God of that place to fall down in the night from his
resting-place; on the second night he lost both his hands. Who that is
acquainted with Jewish history can not sec that this circumstance is
related to show that the God of the Jews was superior to other Gods, as
he excelled them in working miracles, in Egypt and other places? That it
was a borrowed tradition is quite evident from the fact that the Hindoos
and Egyptians had practiced similar rites and customs anterior to that
period.
The Hindoo ark was carried on a pole by four priests; and, wherever it
touched ground, it wrought miracles in the shape of deaths and births,
or the outgushing of springs of water. The Egyptian ark was constructed
of gold, which probably made the box more valuable than the God within.
All such wooden or metal Gods were supposed to operate as talisman, or
protection against evil. When will the believers in divine revelation
and divine prodigies learn that all such superstitious customs and
inventions were the work of men, and not of God?
IV. KORAH, DATHAN, AND ABIRAM, ABSURDITIES.--NUM. CHAP. XVI.
These three leading men of Israel, growing tired of the tyrannical
usurpations of Moses, concocted a mutiny, in which they succeeded in
enlisting some two hundred and fifty persons. When Moses learned what
was on foot, this "meek man" became very angry, and reported the case to
Jehovah, and requested him not to accept their offering when they came
to make their usual oblations. The Lord took Moses' advice, and not only
refused their offering, but split the ground open where they stood, so
that they fell in, and were seen no more. And, when their two hundred
and fifty followers saw this, they fled, fearing they might share the
same fate. But that expedient did not save them: "a fire came out from
the Lord," and consumed the whole number. It must have been a fearful
fire to consume so many while they were running. The fire came from the
Lord; but where the Lord was at the time we are not informed,--whether
sitting on his throne in heaven, or standing beside the altar, as he
frequently did. Hence we can not tell whether the fire came from heaven,
as it did on some other occasions, or from below. It must have been a
very aggravated case of rebellion; for God and Moses both got angry at
once, which was something rather unusual. It was customary, when Jehovah
got angry and made severe threats of what he would do, for Moses to
interfere, and intercede for his people, and try to cool him down;
and, by the power of his logic and eloquence, he mostly succeeded in
convincing him that he was wrong, and got him to desist from carrying
his threats into execution. But, on this occasion, Moses, being angry
himself, let him take his own course. But the most unjust and unmerciful
act in the whole transaction was that of Jehovah sending a plague, and
destroying fourteen thousand more, merely because they mourned for their
destroyed friends, and ventured to complain of the course he and Moses
were pursuing. It was certainly cruel to destroy them for so slight an
offense. It appears that, by Aaron's standing "between the dead and
the living, the plague was stayed." But for this timely interference
of Jehovah's high priest, there is no knowing when or where the plague
would have stopped. Now, is it not something near akin to blasphemy to
charge such nonsense--ay, worse than nonsense, _cruelty, injustice, and
malignity_--to the just God of the universe?
V. THE STORY OF DANIEL AND NEBUCHADNEZZAR.
We shall not attempt to present an exposition of all the absurdities
which abound in the Book of Daniel, but will merely notice a few of its
most incredible statements. The most amusing chapter in the history of
Daniel is his interpretation of the dreams of King Nebuchednezzar. It
appears that on one occasion the king had forgotten his dream, which
made it ostensibly necessary for Daniel, before interpreting it, to
reproduce it. But who can not see it was not necessary for him to do
either to save his reputation and his life, both of which it appears
were at stake? If he were possessed of an active, fertile imagination,
he could invent both, and palm them off on to the king as the original,
who would be perfectly unable to detect the trick, as he knew nothing
about either. It is stated that one of the dreams consigned the king
to the fate of eating grass like an ox for three years. In all such
incredible stories which abound in the Christians' Bible, we find
glaring absurdities, which a little reflection would reveal to the
reader if he would allow himself to think. There is a palpable absurdity
in this story which shows that, the conversion of the king into an ox us
a punishment could not have achieved that end. If he were converted into
an ox, his reason was gone, and he was unconscious of his condition; and
hence it was no punishment at all. Or, if he still retained his reason,
he had nothing to do but to walk away, and find food more congenial to
his appetite than grass. And thus the story defeats itself. It is stated
his hair became like eagles' feathers, and his nails like the claws of
a bird (Dan. iv. 33),--a very singular-looking ox surely. It would have
been more appropriate to call such a being an eagle or a dragon. Such is
the careless and disjointed manner in which all Bible stories are told,
as if related by mere ignorant children. The most conclusive "knock-down
argument" to the truth of this story is found in the fact that
no allusion to this astounding miracle can be found by any of the
historians of that or any other nation. Had the king been transformed
into an ox, the history of his own nation (the Persians) would abound in
allusions to the marvelous fact. Its silence on it settles the question.
We will occupy sufficient space to allude to one incident in the story
of "the three holy children," which we find related in the Book of
Daniel. It is stated that a being who looked "like the Son of God"
was seen by the king walking in the furnace. To be sure! We are quite
curious to know how he found out how the Son of God looks. How long
had he lived in heaven with him so as to become familiar with his
countenance? What silly nonsense!
VI. SODOM AND GOMORRAH.
Story of Sodom and Gomorrah. We are seemingly required by this story to
believe that God keeps a manufactory of brimstone in heaven; for we are
told that "the Lord rained upon Sodom and Gomorrah brimstone and fire
from the Lord out of heaven" (Gen. xix.). If we credit this story, we
may infer that the Lord keeps a supply of the article on hand, perhaps
to be let down occasionally to replenish the bottomless pit.
The science of chemistry has demonstrated within the present century
that the air is composed of nitrogen and oxygen; and it has also
demonstrated that oxygen gas and sulphur or brimstone, when brought into
contact, are, with a moderate amount of heat, dissolved, united, and
converted into oil of vitriol. Hence, if fire and brimstone rained from
heaven in that climate, it is scientifically and chemically certain that
the people were pelted with a shower of the oil of vitriol.
One square mile of the earth's surface in that locality would be
supplied with about thirteen thousand million pounds of oxygen. The
requisite amount of brimstone to convert this into oil of vitriol would
be about ten thousand million pounds, making in the whole twenty-three
thousand millions of pounds.
This would have been sufficient to spoil all the Sunday garments of the
people, but could not have burned them up; for cold oil will not burn,
and the fire and brimstone would have been converted into oil long
before they reached the earth, and become too cool for the heat to
injure any thing.
We are told that several cities were destroyed by this divine judgment.
And pray how many cities could exist in a hot and arid desert, where
there was not a drop of water that a human being could drink?
VII. TOWER OF BABEL.
Of all the stories ever recorded in any book, disclosing on the part of
the writer a profound ignorance of the sciences,--embracing, at least,
astronomy, geography, and philosophy.--that of the Tower of Babel was
probably never excelled. A brief enumeration of some of its absurdities
will disclose this fact.
1. We are told (in chap. xi. of Genesis), that, after God had discovered
by some means that "the children of men" were building a city and a
tower to reach to heaven, he "came down to see the city and the tower"
(Gen. xi. 6). The statement that he "came down" implies that he was a
local being, and not the omnipotent and omnipresent God.
2. If he were not already present, and had to travel and descend in
order to be present, we should like to know what mode of travel he
adopted. It appears from the story that, if he came down, he must have
returned almost immediately, and descended a second time; for, after
this, he is represented as saying, "Go to, let us go down, and there
confound their language" (Gen. xi. 7).
3. Who was this "us?" The use of this plural pronoun "us" implies that
there were several Gods on hand.
4. And, if he came down, who did he leave in his place? Must we assume
there is a trinity of Gods? But it would be superlative nonsense to
assume that the three Gods could be one (as Christians claim) if one of
them could leave the kingdom.
5. How did the writer know that he or they talked in this manner, as he
could not have been present in person to hear it?
6. In this same chapter the "inspired writer" tells us, "The whole
earth was of one language and one speech" (Gen. xi. 1). In the preceding
chapter there is a long list of different tongues, or languages, and
nations; and it is declared they were "divided in their lands, everyone
after his tongue, families, and nations." How contradictory!
7. What a childish and ludicrous notion the writer entertained with
respect to heaven when he cherished the belief that a tower could be
erected to reach it!
8. According to St. Jerome the Tower of Babel was twenty thousand feet
high. A Jewish writer says it was eighty thousand. In the first case
it would be nearly four miles in height; in the other, over fifteen
miles,--nearly three times the height of the highest mountain on the
globe! No method has ever yet been discovered for elevating building
materials to such a height.
9. Taking St. Jerome as authority, the hod-carriers, in ascending and
descending, would have to perform a journey of more than seven miles
each trip.
10. As the air becomes rarefied in proportion to its distance from the
earth, the lungs of the workmen would have collapsed, and their blood
have congealed, before they climbed half-way to the top. They could not
have breathed at such a height.
11. As the earth is constantly revolving on its axis, the crazy
tower-builders would only be in the direction of the point at which
they aimed once in twenty-four hours, and then moving with a speed one
hundred and forty times greater than that of a cannon-ball. It would
require dexterous springing to leap into the door of heaven as they
passed it.
12. And as the earth, in its orbit, moves at the rate of sixty-eight
thousand miles an hour, it would soon carry them millions of miles
beyond any point they might be aiming to reach.
13. After all, we can not see any possible objection Jehovah or any
other God could have had to such an enterprise.
14. If the Babelites had succeeded in climbing into heaven, what of
it? Was Omnipotence afraid they would dispossess him of his throne,
and seize the reins of government? If not, what could have been the
objection?
15. And then it would not have taken the "heavenly host" fifteen minutes
to tumble them out, as they did Michael and the dragon.
16. The truth is, the imaginary God of the Jews was a. suspicious,
cowardly, and jealous being. He was constantly getting into hot water.
He appeared to live in perpetual fear day and night that some other God,
or some of his own creatures, would encroach upon his rights. In
this case he seemed to be alarmed for fear those ignorant, deluded
tower-builders and wild fanatics would succeed in reaching the heavenly
home, perhaps bind him, and cast him out of his own kingdom. What
superlative nonsense is the whole story! And yet millions believe it to
be divinely inspired, and many thousands of dollars have been spent in
printing it, and circulating it over the world.
VIII. STOPPING THE SUN AND MOON,--ABSURDITIES OF THE STORY.
Of all the stories that ever taxed the brain or credulity of a man of
science, that of Joshua stopping the sun and moon stands pre-eminent.
Think of bringing to a stand-still that magnificent and immense luminary
which constitutes the center of a solar system of one hundred and thirty
worlds, all of which move in harmony with it. Such a catastrophe would
have broken one hundred and thirty planets loose from their orbits, and
dashed them together in utter confusion, and would thus have broken up
our solar system. The shock produced upon this earth would have thrown
every thing on its surface off into boundless space.
For a pun, man, on a little planet like this, to command the mighty sun,
which is fourteen hundred thousand times as large as the earth, to stop
in its grand career, would be comparable to an ant saying to a mountain,
"Get out of my way."
And, when we look at the cruel and wicked purpose for which this
stupendous miracle is said to have been wrought, we are shocked at the
demoralizing effect such lessons must have upon the millions who look
upon it as the work of a just and righteous God.
It savors too much of blasphemy to assume that a God of infinite justice
would perform an act attended with such direful consequences, merely to
allow the little, bloody-minded Joshua more time to blow out the brains
and tear out the hearts of his enemies, guilty of no crime but that of
believing in a different religious creed. Farewell to reason, justice,
and morality, if we must subscribe to such moral lessons as this!
And why did he have the moon stopped at midday, when it could not be
seen, and was, perhaps, on the opposite side of the globe? Egypt, India,
Greece, and Mexico all have traditions of the sun stopping, but, in most
cases, have too much sense to stop the moon. Fohi of China had the sun
stopped eight hundred and fifty years before Joshua, the son of Nun,
ever saw the sun. Bacchus and other God-men of Egypt had it stopped four
times. While in Greece Phaethon was set after it to hurry it up, and
increase its speed. A "poor rule that will not work both ways!" The
Chinese annals state that the sun stopped ten days during the reign of
the Emperor Yom. Argoon of India stopped it several days for his own
accommodation.
But, unfortunately for the cause of religion, or rather religious
superstition, no man of science, in any of these countries, has as much
as noticed these world-astounding phenomena; and no writer, but one
religious fanatic in each case, has spoken of them,--a circumstance of
itself sufficient to render them utterly incredible.
IX. THE STORY OF SAMSON,--ITS ABSURDITIES.
Were the story of Samson found in any other book than the Christian
Bible, it would be looked upon by Bible believers as one of those wild
and incredible legends of heathen mythology with which all the holy
books of that age abound. But it is accepted as true because found in
the Bible; and the Bible is considered to be true, partly because it
tells such marvelous stories. It is assumed that they prove each other.
Perhaps it is upon the presumption that "it is a poor rule that will not
work both ways."
1. We are told (Judg. chap. xiii.) that an angel appeared to the wife of
Manoah, and promised her a son; and Manoah seemed to be as well pleased
about the matter as his wife, and seemed to care but little whether the
father was a man or an angel or a God, and we are left in the dark as to
which it was.
2. It is rather a notable circumstance that the Jewish God and his
angels seemed to have a great deal to do in trying to accommodate and
aid old women in becoming mothers, as in the case of Abraham's wife and
Manoah's wife, also Elizabeth and Mary in the New Testament, and other
cases.
3. The man or angel or God, whichever it was (for he is called by each
name), that appeared to Mrs. Manoah, advised her to abstain from strong
drink, and to eat no unclean thing. Very good advice to be observed at
any time; but it seems to imply that she was in the habit of using such
pernicious articles.
4. And, when her child was born, he was called Samson, and was
remarkable for his great strength, which is said to lie in his hair. The
mighty denizens of the forest interposed no obstacle to his march; and
houses were but playthings, to be tossed in the air like balls. He is
reported to have seized a lion and slain him when yet a boy, without a
weapon of any kind. It would have been well if this mighty hero had been
present when Jehovah had a battle with the Canaanites (Judg. i. 19),
as he would not probably have been defeated so easily because they had
chariots of iron. Those vehicles of iron would have been mere straws for
Samson. If their respective histories be true, he excelled Jehovah, both
with regard to strength and courage, in a severe contest.
5. It is stated that, a short time after this young bachelor-hero had
slain the king of the forest, as he was returning home from a visit to
his lady-love, he observed that a swarm of bees had taken possession of
the carcass, and filled it with honey.
Those bees must have been very much less fastidious in their tastes and
habits than the bees of modern times; for the latter shun a carcass as
instinctively as death.
6. Another remarkable circumstance connected with this case is, that the
long-haired bachelor thrust his hands through the bees, and tore out the
honey, regardless of their stinging mode of defending their rights.
His skin must have been as remarkable for toughness as his muscles for
strength.
7. One of the most cruel, ungodly, and fiendish acts of this young hero
was that of murdering thirty men to get their garments, as a recompense
to those thirty persons who solved his riddle; thus massacring
thirty innocent persons in order to strip them of their garments,--an
unprovoked and wanton murder. And yet it is declared, "the spirit of God
was with him." What shocking ideas of Deity!
8. Samson was evidently a "free-lover," as he had intercourse with a
number of women of doubtful character.
9. His next great feat consisted in chasing and catching three hundred
foxes, and tying their tails together, and making a firebrand of them.
It must have been a good time to raise poultry after so many foxes
had disappeared, but certainly not before that event, if foxes were so
numerous.
10. It seems strange that these "tail-bearers" of fire did not take to
the woods, instead of running through all the fields in the country, and
setting them on fire.
11. The next feat was the breaking of two strong cords, with which his
arms had been bound by three thousand men. (See Judg. xv. 4). It is
difficult to conceive how three thousand men could get to him to tie
them, as it is intimated they did. His mode of being revenged after he
had snapped the cords was to seize the jaw-bone of an ass, and slay a
thousand men; and, after he had killed these thousand men with the bone,
there was enough of it left to contain a considerable amount of water.
It is related that the Lord clave a hollow in it, and there came out of
it water to quench Samson's thirst.
12. Asses seem to figure quite conspicuously in Bible history. Sometimes
they talk and reason like a Cicero, as in the case of Balaam; and they
serve other important ends in the histories of Abram and Job (who had a
thousand) and Samson, and also that of Jesus Christ, who is represented
as riding two at once. In the hands of Samson the jaw-bone of an ass was
more destructive than a twenty-four pound cannon, besides furnishing him
with water sufficient to supply his thirst.
13. Another feat of this young Hercules was that of carrying away the
gate and gate-posts of the city of Gaza, in which the keepers had shut
him up while lodging with a harlot. Most of his female companions seem
to have been licentious characters; and yet "the Lord favored him"!
14. It is said "the spirit of the Lord moved Samson" (Judg. xiii.
25). It would seem that the spirit of the Devil did also; for he had
a terrible propensity for lying. He lied even to his own wife three or
four times. He once deceived her by telling her that his strength could
be overcome by tying him with green withes; and yet he snapped them like
cobwebs. He then virtually confessed to her that he had lied, but told
her that new ropes would accomplish the thing; and yet he was no sooner
bound with them, than he freed his limbs as easily as a lion would crawl
out of a fish-net. The next experiment in lying and tying appertained to
his hair. He told his sweet Delilah, that, if she would weave his seven
locks of hair into the web in the loom, he would be as weak as another
man; but he walked off with the web and the whole accouterments hanging
to his head, as easily as a wolf would with a steel trap dangling to his
foot. Why did not the hair pull out by the roots? he then told her the
truth, as was assumed, but which was evidently the biggest falsehood he
had uttered,--that his strength lay in his hair, and that his strength
would depart if his hair were to be shorn off. But if there were any
physical strength incorporated in the hair, so that it would flow into
the brain and down into the muscles when wanted to be used, men would
not frequent barber-shops, as they now do, but let it grow ten feet long
if necessary.
15. The last great act in this drama of physical prowess was that of
overthrowing a house with three thousand people on the roof. (Modern
architecture don't often produce a roof large enough or strong enough
to sustain three thousand people. This feat would require more strength
than to conquer the battalion armed with chariots of iron!)
16. And in all this unholy and wicked business of lying, cheating, and
murdering, "the Lord was with him." This is a slanderous imputation upon
Divine Perfection and Holiness.
17. No good that we can discover, but much evil, was accomplished by the
practical life of this extraordinary man. He was ostensibly raised up
to redeem Israel; and yet, immediately after his death, the Philistines
gained a complete victory over the Israelites, and took prisoner the
ark of the Lord, and reduced them to a worse condition than they were in
before.
18. We can not escape the conviction that such stories have a
demoralizing effect upon those who read them, and believe they have the
divine approval.
19. For seeming to treat the subject in a spirit of ridicule, I
will cite a Christian writer as authority, who says, "He who treats
absurdities with seriousness lowers his own dignity and manhood."
20. Such stories as the foregoing can certainly do nothing toward
improving the morals of the heathen by placing the book containing it in
their hands.
X. STORY OF JONAH,--ITS ABSURDITIES.
The history of Jonah is so much like numerous stories we find in heathen
mythology that we are disposed to class it with them. Its absurdities
are numerous, a few of which we will point out:--
1. It represents Jonah as claiming to be a Hebrew; but as it says
nothing about the Jews or Hebrews, and treats entirely of the heathen or
Gentiles, that is probably its source, and it was perhaps intended as a
fable.
2. The ship he boarded, when making his escape, was a heathen vessel,
which implies that he had some affinity for that class of people.
3. It seems very singular, that if Jonah did not believe Jehovah to be a
mere local personal deity, rather than the Infinite and Omnipresent God,
he should entertain the thought of running away from him or escaping
from his presence by flight.
4. The heathen who had charge of the vessel were evidently possessed of
more humanity and more mercy than either Jehovah or the leading men of
Israel, who seem to have made it a point to kill nearly all the heathen
they could lay their hands on; as did Abram, Moses, Joshua, &c. For it
is stated, that after they had cast lots to find who was the cause of
the storm which overtook the ship, and in this way discovered it was
Jonah, they strove with all their might to get the vessel to the
shore, rather than resort to the desperate expedient of throwing Jonah
overboard. This bespeaks for these heathen a feeling of mercy and
humanity.
5. We learn by the language these heathen used in their prayer to stop
the storm, "We beseech thee, O Lord," &c., that they believed in one
supreme God. Where, then, is the truth of the claim of the Jews that
they alone believed in one God, or the unity of the Godhead? In this way
their own Bible often proves this claim was false; that the nations they
had intercourse with believed in one supreme and overruling God.
6. It is stated, that after Jonah was thrown overboard, and was
swallowed by a fish, he prayed to the Lord. How was this discovered? Did
he pray loud enough to be heard through the sides of the whale? or did
the fish open its mouth for his accommodation?
7. As for the prayer, it appears to have been made up of scraps selected
from the Psalms of David without much connection, or relevancy to the
case.
8. It is stated that the Lord spake to the fish, and it vomited Jonah
upon the dry land. It must have been a very singular fish to understand
Hebrew or any human language.
9. In another respect the whale must have been a peculiar one, or of
peculiar construction. The throat of an ordinary whale is about the
diameter of a man's arm. It must therefore have been very much stretched
to swallow Jonah, or Jonah must have been very much compressed and
elongated.
10. The gourd that sheltered Jonah must also have been of a peculiar
species to have a vine that could grow several yards in one night,
and stand erect so as to hold the gourd in a position to shelter
the prophet; and the gourd would have to be as large as a cart or
locomotive, or it would soon cease to afford him shade.
11. Jonah seems to have been a very proud and selfish man, with but
little of the feeling of mercy, as he preferred that the whole nation of
Ninevites should be destroyed rather than that his prediction should not
be fulfilled, for he became very angry when he found the Lord was going
to spare them.
12. The reason the Lord assigns for sparing Nineveh is a very sensible
one,--because "there are more than threescore thousand persons that can
not discern between their right and their left hand." This is certainly
very good reasoning; but why did he not think of this when millions of
innocent persons perished in the act of drowning the whole human race,
excepting four men and four women, or when Sodom and Gomorrah were
swallowed up, or when seventy thousand were killed for a sin committed
by David, or in the numerous cases in which a war of extermination was
carried on against whole nations, with the order to slay men, women, and
children, and "leave nothing alive that breathes"? Why such partiality?
But this is one of the two thousand Bible inconsistencies.
13. This is a very poor story, with a very bad moral. It indicates
fickleness, short-sightedness, and partiality on the part of Jehovah;
and selfishness and bad temper on the part of his prophet.
14. There are other absurdities in this story which we will bring to
view by a few brief questions.
15. Why did Jehovah care any thing about the salvation or welfare of
Nineveh, a heathen city, when usually, instead of laboring to save the
heathen, he was plotting their destruction?
16. What put the thought into the heads of the mariners, that the storm
was caused by the misconduct of some person on board? Can we suppose
they ever knew of such a case? If the misconduct of human beings could
produce storms or a disturbance of the elements, the world would be
cursed by a perpetual hurricane.
17. We are told the sailors cast lots to ascertain who was the cause of
the storm. Rather a strange way of investigating the cause of natural
events.
18. Is it not strange that Jehovah would bring on a violent storm on
Jonah's account, and continue it for hours, and let him sleep during
the time; and still stranger that Jonah was so indifferent that he could
sleep in such a storm?
19. Jonah must have been the most considerate and merciful sinner
ever reported in history to propose himself that he should be thrown
overboard as a means of allaying the storm, and saving a set of gambling
heathen. What a wonderful freak of mercy and justice! But it seems to
have been all exhausted on the mariners, so that he had none left for
the poor Ninevites; for he became very angry when he found Jehovah was
not going to destroy them, the innocent and guilty and all together.
This was inconsistent, to say the least.
20. What must have been the astonishment of the crew of the hundreds
of ships sailing on the same sea to observe a sudden storm to arise and
stop without any natural cause! And when they afterwards learned that
the whole thing was brought about by the misconduct of one man in one of
the vessels, perhaps hundreds of miles distant, they must have abandoned
all idea of ever looking again for natural causes for storms after
that occurrence. How repressing such events would be to the growth and
cultivation of the intellect, and the study of the natural sciences!
21. How could Jonah remain three days in the whale's stomach without
being digested, as fish have astonishing digestive powers? And, if he
were not digested, both he and the fish must have been extremely hungry
at the end of the three days' fast.
22. As a fish large enough to swallow Jonah could not swim through the
shoal-water to reach the land, it becomes an interesting query to know
how it got Jonah on to "the dry land." It must have required the use of
a powerful emetic to inspire the fish with force sufficient to throw him
fifty or a hundred feet.
23. Is it not strange that Jonah's message to the Ninevites should have
had such a marvelous effect upon the whole city, when it was evidently
delivered in a language that none of them understood?
24. We are told the king issued orders for everybody, including men,
women and children, and beasts, to stop eating and drinking, and to be
covered with sackcloth. What sin can we suppose the beasts had committed
that they must be doomed to starve, and be covered with sackcloth as
an emblem of repentance? It must have required an enormous amount of
sackcloth to cover two millions of people, and probably as many domestic
animals. Where it all came from, the Lord Jehovah only knows. And it
seems singular that all of the animals should stand quietly while such
an uncouth covering was thrown upon them.
25. It is also difficult to comprehend why a nation of people, who
probably never heard of Jehovah before, should all repent in sackcloth
and ashes. It is the most effective missionary work we have ever read
of. In modern times it requires two hundred missionaries a whole century
to make half that many converts.
26. But the most conclusive argument against the truth of the story
is found in the fact that it is falsified by the testimony of history.
According to her history by Diodorus, Nineveh was destroyed by Arbaces
sixteen years before Jonah's time.
27. I have noticed this senseless story at some length, because
Christian writers have invested it with great importance, and because it
is indorsed by nearly all the New-Testament writers. Even Christ himself
indorses it, and compares Jonah's case to his. Their extreme ignorance
is evinced by the foregoing exposition.
28. Several similar stories are found in heathen mythology, a few of
which we will briefly sketch here. The Hindoo sacred book, the Purans,
states that Chrishna was swallowed by a crocodile, and, after remaining
three days in its stomach, was thrown upon dry land, much to his relief
and also to that of the crocodile. A Grecian demi-God (Hercules),
according to Gales, was swallowed by a dog, and remained in his stomach
three days. But the story entitled to the premium is one preserved
in the legends of some of the Eastern islanders. A man, for some
misdemeanor on a voyage across the Indus, was thrown over-board, and
swallowed by a shark; but, as the fish still followed the vessel, it was
finally caught, and search made for the man, when, to the surprise of
the whole crew, he was found sitting bolt upright, playing the tune of
"Old Hundred" on a fiddle he had in his possession when he went down the
throat of the sea-monster. This was rather a pleasant way of putting in
the time. Jonah, it appears, was not so fortunate as to have a fiddle
in his possession while in the stomach of the whale. The foregoing ten
stories, from that of the serpent to Jonah, have been for hundreds of
years printed by the thousand, struck off in almost every known human
language, and sent off by ship-loads to almost every nation on the
globe, to be placed in the hands of the heathen as being _productions of
Infinite Wisdom, the inspirations of an All-wise God_, and calculated to
_enlighten_ them and _improve their morals_. What sublime nonsense! what
egregious folly! And what a deplorable and sorrowful mistake has been
thus committed by the blinded disciples of the Christian faith!