My darling,
I am not even going into court. This morning I was given a
private showing of what Harge intended to bring against me. Yes,
they have a few conversations recorded—namely Waterloo, and it
would be useless to try to face a court with this. I should be
ashamed, not for myself oddly enough, but for my own child, to
say nothing of not wanting you to have to appear. Everything was
very simple this morning—I simply surrendered. The important
thing now is what I intend to do in the future, the lawyers said.
On this depends whether I would ever see my child again, because
Harge has with ease now complete custody of her. The question was
would I stop seeing you (and others like you, they said!). It was
not so clearly put. There were a dozen faces that opened their
mouths and spoke like the judges of doomsday—reminding me of my
duties, my position, and my future. (What future have they fixed
up for me? Are they going to look in on it in six months?)—I said
I would stop seeing you. I wonder if you will understand,
Therese, since you are so young and never even knew a mother who
cared desperately for you. For this promise, they present me with
their wonderful reward, the privilege of seeing my child a few
weeks of the year.