_N.B.--Having regard to the eccentricities of the Law of Libel it must be
distinctly understood that the following does not refer to the
distinguished officer, Lieut. Troup Horne, of the Inns of Court.
Anybody trying to cause mischief between a civilian of eight stone and a
soldier of seventeen by a statement to the contrary will hear from my
solicitors._
Aug. 29, 1916.--We returned from the sea to find our house still our
own, and the military still in undisputed possession of the remains of
the grass in the fields of Berkhamsted Place. As in previous years, it
was impossible to go in search of wild-flowers without stumbling over
sleeping members of the Inns of Court; but war is war, and we grumble as
little as possible.
Sept. 28.--Unpleasant rumours to the effect that several members of the
Inns of Court had attributed cases of curvature of the spine to sleeping
on ground that had been insufficiently rolled. Also that they had been
heard to smack their lips and speak darkly of featherbeds. Respected
neighbour of gloomy disposition said that if Pharaoh were still alive he
could suggest an eleventh plague to him beside which frogs and flies were
an afternoon's diversion.
Oct. 3.--Householders of Berkhamsted busy mending bedsteads broken by
last year's billets, and buying patent taps for their beer-barrels.
Oct. 15.--Informed that a representative of the Army wished to see me.
Instead of my old friend Q.M.S. Beddem, who generally returns to life at
this time of year, found that it was an officer of magnificent presence
and two pips. A fine figure of a man, with a great resemblance to the
late lamented Bismarck, minus the moustache and the three hairs on the
top of the head. Asked him to be seated. He selected a chair that was
all arms and legs and no hips to speak of and crushed himself into it.
After which he unfastened his belt and "swelled wisibly afore my werry
eyes." Said that his name was True Born and asked if it made any
difference to me whether I had one officer or half-a-dozen men billeted
on me. Said that he was the officer, and that as the rank-and-file were
not allowed to pollute the same atmosphere, thought I should score.
After a mental review of all I could remember of the Weights and Measures
Table, accepted him. He bade a lingering farewell to the chair, and
departed.
Oct. 16.--Saw Q.M.S. Beddem on the other side of the road and gave him
an absolutely new thrill by crossing to meet him. Asked diffidently--as
diffidently as he could, that is--how many men my house would hold.
Replied eight--or ten at a pinch. He gave me a surprised and beaming
smile and whipped out a huge note-book. Informed him with as much regret
as I could put into a voice not always under perfect control, that I had
already got an officer. Q.M.S., favouring me with a look very
appropriate to the Devil's Own, turned on his heel and set off in pursuit
of a lady-billetee, pulling up short on the threshold of the baby-linen
shop in which she took refuge. Left him on guard with a Casablanca-like
look on his face.
Nov. 1.--Lieut. True Born took up his quarters with us. Gave him my
dressing-room for bedchamber. Was awakened several times in the night by
what I took to be Zeppelins, flying low.
Nov. 2.--Lieut. True Born offered to bet me five pounds to twenty that
the war would be over by 1922.
Nov. 3.--Offered to teach me auction-bridge.