Jane was beginning to make Jeff Campbell see much clearer. Jane Harden

did not know what it was that she was really doing with all this

talking. Jane did not know what Jeff was feeling. Jane was always

honest when she was talking, and now it just happened she had started

talking about her old times with Melanctha Herbert. Jeff understood

very well that it was all true what Jane was saying. Jeff Campbell was

beginning now to see very clearly. He was beginning to feel very sick

inside him. He knew now many things Melanctha had not yet taught

him. He felt very sick and his heart was very heavy, and Melanctha

certainly did seem very ugly to him. Jeff was at last beginning to

know what it was to have deep feeling. He took care a little longer of

Jane Harden, and then he went to his other patients, and then he went

home to his room, and he sat down and at last he had stopped thinking.

He was very sick and his heart was very heavy in him. He was very

tired and all the world was very dreary to him, and he knew very well

now at last, he was really feeling. He knew it now from the way it

hurt him. He knew very well that now at last he was beginning to

really have understanding. The next day he had arranged to spend, long

and happy, all alone in the spring fields with Melanctha, wandering.

He wrote her a note and said he could not go, he had a sick patient

and would have to stay home with him. For three days after, he made no

sign to Melanctha. He was very sick all these days, and his heart

was very heavy in him, and he knew very well that now at last he had

learned what it was to have deep feeling.

At last one day he got a letter from Melanctha. "I certainly don't

rightly understand what you are doing now to me Jeff Campbell," wrote

Melanctha Herbert. "I certainly don't rightly understand Jeff Campbell

why you ain't all these days been near me, but I certainly do suppose

it's just another one of the queer kind of ways you have to be good,

and repenting of yourself all of a sudden. I certainly don't say to

you Jeff Campbell I admire very much the way you take to be good Jeff

Campbell. I am sorry Dr. Campbell, but I certainly am afraid I

can't stand it no more from you the way you have been just acting. I

certainly can't stand it any more the way you act when you have been

as if you thought I was always good enough for anybody to have with

them, and then you act as if I was a bad one and you always just

despise me. I certainly am afraid Dr. Campbell I can't stand it any

more like that. I certainly can't stand it any more the way you are

always changing. I certainly am afraid Dr. Campbell you ain't man

enough to deserve to have anybody care so much to be always with you.

I certainly am awful afraid Dr. Campbell I don't ever any more want

to really see you. Good-by Dr. Campbell I wish you always to be real

happy."

Jeff Campbell sat in his room, very quiet, a long time, after he got

through reading this letter. He sat very still and first he was very

angry. As if he, too, did not know very badly what it was to suffer

keenly. As if he had not been very strong to stay with Melanctha when

he never knew what it was that she really wanted. He knew he was very

right to be angry, he knew he really had not been a coward. He knew

Melanctha had done many things it was very hard for him to forgive

her. He knew very well he had done his best to be kind, and to

trust her, and to be loyal to her, and now;--and then Jeff suddenly

remembered how one night Melanctha had been so strong to suffer, and

he felt come back to him the sweetness in her, and then Jeff knew that

really, he always forgave her, and that really, it all was that he was

so sorry he had hurt her, and he wanted to go straight away and be a

comfort to her. Jeff knew very well, that what Jane Harden had told

him about Melanctha and her bad ways, had been a true story, and yet

he wanted very badly to be with Melanctha. Perhaps she could teach

him to really understand it better. Perhaps she could teach him how it

could be all true, and yet how he could be right to believe in her and

to trust her.

Jeff sat down and began his answer to her. "Dear Melanctha," Jeff

wrote to her. "I certainly don't think you got it all just right in

the letter, I just been reading, that you just wrote me. I certainly

don't think you are just fair or very understanding to all I have

to suffer to keep straight on to really always to believe in you and

trust you. I certainly don't think you always are fair to remember

right how hard it is for a man, who thinks like I was always thinking,

not to think you do things very bad very often. I certainly don't

think, Melanctha, I ain't right when I was so angry when I got your

letter to me. I know very well, Melanctha, that with you, I never have

been a coward. I find it very hard, and I never said it any different,

it is hard to me to be understanding, and to know really what it is

you wanted, and what it is you are meaning by what you are always

saying to me. I don't say ever, it ain't very hard for you to be

standing that I ain't very quick to be following whichever way that

you are always leading. You know very well, Melanctha, it hurts me

very bad and way inside me when I have to hurt you, but I always got

to be real honest with you. There ain't no other way for me to be,

with you, and I know very well it hurts me too, a whole lot, when

I can't follow so quick as you would have me. I don't like to be a

coward to you, Melanctha, and I don't like to say what I ain't meaning

to you. And if you don't want me to do things honest, Melanctha, why

I can't ever talk to you, and you are right when you say, you never

again want to see me, but if you got any real sense of what I always

been feeling with you, and if you got any right sense, Melanctha, of

how hard I been trying to think and to feel right for you, I will be

very glad to come and see you, and to begin again with you. I don't

say anything now, Melanctha, about how bad I been this week, since

I saw you, Melanctha. It don't ever do any good to talk such things

over. All I know is I do my best, Melanctha, to you, and I don't say,

no, never, I can do any different than just to be honest and come as

fast as I think it's right for me to be going in the ways you teach

me to be really understanding. So don't talk any more foolishness,

Melanctha, about my always changing. I don't change, never, and I got

to do what I think is right and honest to me, and I never told you

any different, and you always knew it very well that I always would do

just so. If you like me to come and see you to-morrow, and go out with

you, I will be very glad to, Melanctha. Let me know right away, what

it is you want me to be doing for you, Melanctha.

Very truly yours,

Jefferson Campbell

"Please come to me, Jeff." Melanctha wrote back for her answer. Jeff

went very slowly to Melanctha, glad as he was, still to be going to

her. Melanctha came, very quick, to meet him, when she saw him

from where she had been watching for him. They went into the house

together. They were very glad to be together. They were very good to

one another.

"I certainly did think, Melanctha, this time almost really, you never

did want me to come to you at all any more to see you," said Jeff

Campbell to her, when they had begun again with their talking to each

other. "You certainly did make me think, perhaps really this time,

Melanctha, it was all over, my being with you ever, and I was very

mad, and very sorry, too, Melanctha."

"Well you certainly was very bad to me, Jeff Campbell," said

Melanctha, fondly.

"I certainly never do say any more you ain't always right, Melanctha,"

Jeff answered and he was very ready now with cheerful laughing, "I

certainly never do say that any more, Melanctha, if I know it, but

still, really, Melanctha, honest, I think perhaps I wasn't real bad to

you any more than you just needed from me."

Jeff held Melanctha in his arms and kissed her. He sighed then and was

very silent with her. "Well, Melanctha," he said at last, with some

more laughing, "well, Melanctha, any way you can't say ever it ain't,

if we are ever friends good and really, you can't say, no, never, but

that we certainly have worked right hard to get both of us together

for it, so we shall sure deserve it then, if we can ever really get

it." "We certainly have worked real hard, Jeff, I can't say that ain't

all right the way you say it," said Melanctha. "I certainly never

can deny it, Jeff, when I feel so worn with all the trouble you been

making for me, you bad boy, Jeff," and then Melanctha smiled and then

she sighed, and then she was very silent with him.

At last Jeff was to go away. They stood there on the steps for a long

time trying to say good-by to each other. At last Jeff made himself

really say it. At last he made himself, that he went down the steps

and went away.

On the next Sunday they arranged, they were to have the long happy day

of wandering that they had lost last time by Jane Harden's talking.

Not that Melanctha Herbert had heard yet of Jane Harden's talking.

Jeff saw Melanctha every day now. Jeff was a little uncertain all this

time inside him, for he had never yet told to Melanctha what it was

that had so nearly made him really want to leave her. Jeff knew that

for him, it was not right he should not tell her. He knew they could

only have real peace between them when he had been honest, and had

really told her. On this long Sunday Jeff was certain that he would

really tell her.

They were very happy all that day in their wandering. They had taken

things along to eat together. They sat in the bright fields and they

were happy, they wandered in the woods and they were happy. Jeff

always loved in this way to wander. Jeff always loved to watch

everything as it was growing, and he loved all the colors in the trees

and on the ground, and the little, new, bright colored bugs he found

in the moist ground and in the grass he loved to lie on and in which

he was always so busy searching. Jeff loved everything that moved and

that was still, and that had color, and beauty, and real being.

Jeff loved very much this day while they were wandering. He almost

forgot that he had any trouble with him still inside him. Jeff loved

to be there with Melanctha Herbert. She was always so sympathetic to

him for the way she listened to everything he found and told her, the

way she felt his joy in all this being, the way she never said she

wanted anything different from the way they had it. It was certainly a

busy and a happy day, this their first long day of really wandering.

Later they were tired, and Melanctha sat down on the ground, and Jeff

threw himself his full length beside her. Jeff lay there, very quiet,

and then he pressed her hand and kissed it and murmured to her, "You

certainly are very good to me, Melanctha." Melanctha felt it very deep

and did not answer. Jeff lay there a long time, looking up above

him. He was counting all the little leaves he saw above him. He was

following all the little clouds with his eyes as they sailed past him.

He watched all the birds that flew high beyond him, and all the time

Jeff knew he must tell to Melanctha what it was he knew now, that

which Jane Harden, just a week ago, had told him. He knew very well

that for him it was certain that he had to say it. It was hard, but

for Jeff Campbell the only way to lose it was to say it, the only way

to know Melanctha really, was to tell her all the struggle he had

made to know her, to tell her so she could help him to understand his

trouble better, to help him so that never again he could have any way

to doubt her.

Jeff lay there a long time, very quiet, always looking up above him,

and yet feeling very close now to Melanctha. At last he turned a

little toward her, took her hands closer in his to make him feel it

stronger, and then very slowly, for the words came very hard for him,

slowly he began his talk to her.

"Melanctha," began Jeff, very slowly, "Melanctha, it ain't right I

shouldn't tell you why I went away last week and almost never got the

chance again to see you. Jane Harden was sick, and I went in to take

care of her. She began to tell everything she ever knew about you. She

didn't know how well now I know you. I didn't tell her not to go

on talking. I listened while she told me everything about you. I

certainly found it very hard with what she told me. I know she was

talking truth in everything she said about you. I knew you had been

free in your ways, Melanctha, I knew you liked to get excitement the

way I always hate to see the colored people take it. I didn't

know, till I heard Jane Harden say it, you had done things so bad,

Melanctha. When Jane Harden told me, I got very sick, Melanctha. I

couldn't bear hardly, to think, perhaps I was just another like them

to you, Melanctha. I was wrong not to trust you perhaps, Melanctha,

but it did make things very ugly to me. I try to be honest to you,

Melanctha, the way you say you really want it from me."

Melanctha drew her hands from Jeff Campbell. She sat there, and there

was deep scorn in her anger.

"If you wasn't all through just selfish and nothing else, Jeff

Campbell, you would take care you wouldn't have to tell me things like

this, Jeff Campbell."

Jeff was silent a little, and he waited before he gave his answer. It

was not the power of Melanctha's words that held him, for, for them,

he had his answer, it was the power of the mood that filled Melanctha,

and for that he had no answer. At last he broke through this awe, with

his slow fighting resolution, and he began to give his answer.

"I don't say ever, Melanctha," he began, "it wouldn't have been more

right for me to stop Jane Harden in her talking and to come to you to

have you tell me what you were when I never knew you. I don't say it,

no never to you, that that would not have been the right way for me

to do, Melanctha. But I certainly am without any kind of doubting, I

certainly do know for sure, I had a good right to know about what you

were and your ways and your trying to use your understanding, every

kind of way you could to get your learning. I certainly did have a

right to know things like that about you, Melanctha. I don't say it

ever, Melanctha, and I say it very often, I don't say ever I shouldn't

have stopped Jane Harden in her talking and come to you and asked you

yourself to tell me all about it, but I guess I wanted to keep myself

from how much it would hurt me more, to have you yourself say it to

me. Perhaps it was I wanted to keep you from having it hurt you so

much more, having you to have to tell it to me. I don't know, I don't

say it was to help you from being hurt most, or to help me. Perhaps I

was a coward to let Jane Harden tell me 'stead of coming straight

to you, to have you tell me, but I certainly am sure, Melanctha, I

certainly had a right to know such things about you. I don't say it

ever, ever, Melanctha, I hadn't the just right to know those things

about you." Melanctha laughed her harsh laugh. "You needn't have been

under no kind of worry, Jeff Campbell, about whether you should have

asked me. You could have asked, it wouldn't have hurt nothing. I

certainly never would have told you nothing." "I am not so sure of

that, Melanctha," said Jeff Campbell. "I certainly do think you would

have told me. I certainly do think I could make you feel it right to

tell me. I certainly do think all I did wrong was to let Jane Harden

tell me. I certainly do know I never did wrong, to learn what she told

me. I certainly know very well, Melanctha, if I had come here to you,

you would have told it all to me, Melanctha."

He was silent, and this struggle lay there, strong, between them.

It was a struggle, sure to be going on always between them. It was a

struggle that was as sure always to be going on between them, as their

minds and hearts always were to have different ways of working.

At last Melanctha took his hand, leaned over him and kissed him. "I

sure am very fond of you, Jeff Campbell," Melanctha whispered to him.

Now for a little time there was not any kind of trouble between Jeff

Campbell and Melanctha Herbert. They were always together now for long

times, and very often. They got much joy now, both of them, from being

all the time together.

It was summer now, and they had warm sunshine to wander. It was summer

now, and Jeff Campbell had more time to wander, for colored people

never get sick so much in the summer. It was summer now, and there was

a lovely silence everywhere, and all the noises, too, that they heard

around them were lovely ones, and added to the joy, in these warm

days, they loved so much to be together.

They talked some to each other in these days, did Jeff Campbell and

Melanctha Herbert, but always in these days their talking more and

more was like it always is with real lovers. Jeff did not talk so

much now about what he before always had been thinking. Sometimes Jeff

would be, as if he was just waking from himself to be with Melanctha,

and then he would find he had been really all the long time with her,

and he had really never needed to be doing any thinking.

It was sometimes pure joy Jeff would be talking to Melanctha, in these

warm days he loved so much to wander with her. Sometimes Jeff would

lose all himself in a strong feeling. Very often now, and always with

more joy in his feeling, he would find himself, he did not know how or

what it was he had been thinking. And Melanctha always loved very well

to make him feel it. She always now laughed a little at him, and went

back a little in him to his before, always thinking, and she teased

him with his always now being so good with her in his feeling, and

then she would so well and freely, and with her pure, strong ways of

reaching, she would give him all the love she knew now very well, how

much he always wanted to be sure he really had it.

And Jeff took it straight now, and he loved it, and he felt, strong,

the joy of all this being, and it swelled out full inside him, and he

poured it all out back to her in freedom, in tender kindness, and in

joy, and in gentle brother fondling. And Melanctha loved him for it

always, her Jeff Campbell now, who never did things ugly, for her,

like all the men she always knew before always had been doing to

her. And they loved it always, more and more, together, with this new

feeling they had now, in these long summer days so warm; they, always

together now, just these two so dear, more and more to each other

always, and the summer evenings when they wandered, and the noises in

the full streets, and the music of the organs, and the dancing, and

the warm smell of the people, and of dogs and of the horses, and

all the joy of the strong, sweet pungent, dirty, moist, warm negro

southern summer.

Every day now, Jeff seemed to be coming nearer, to be really loving.

Every day now, Melanctha poured it all out to him, with more freedom.

Every day now, they seemed to be having more and more, both together,

of this strong, right feeling. More and more every day now they seemed

to know more really, what it was each other one was always feeling.

More and more now every day Jeff found in himself, he felt more

trusting. More and more every day now, he did not think anything in

words about what he was always doing. Every day now more and more

Melanctha would let out to Jeff her real, strong feeling.

One day there had been much joy between them, more than they ever yet

had had with their new feeling. All the day they had lost themselves

in warm wandering. Now they were lying there and resting, with a

green, bright, light-flecked world around them.

What was it that now really happened to them? What was it that

Melanctha did, that made everything get all ugly for them? What was it

that Melanctha felt then, that made Jeff remember all the feeling he

had had in him when Jane Harden told him how Melanctha had learned

to be so very understanding? Jeff did not know how it was that it had

happened to him. It was all green, and warm, and very lovely to him,

and now Melanctha somehow had made it all so ugly for him. What was it

Melanctha was now doing with him? What was it he used to be thinking

was the right way for him and all the colored people to be always

trying to make it right, the way they should be always living? Why was

Melanctha Herbert now all so ugly for him?

Melanctha Herbert somehow had made him feel deeply just then, what

very more it was that she wanted from him. Jeff Campbell now felt

in him what everybody always had needed to make them really

understanding, to him. Jeff felt a strong disgust inside him; not for

Melanctha herself, to him, not for himself really, in him, not for

what it was that everybody wanted, in them; he only had disgust

because he never could know really in him, what it was he wanted, to

be really right in understanding, for him, he only had disgust because

he never could know really what it was really right to him to be

always doing, in the things he had before believed in, the things he

before had believed in for himself and for all the colored people, the

living regular, and the never wanting to be always having new things,

just to keep on, always being in excitements. All the old thinking now

came up very strong inside him. He sort of turned away then, and threw

Melanctha from him.

Jeff never, even now, knew what it was that moved him. He never, even

now, was ever sure, he really knew what Melanctha was, when she was

real herself, and honest. He thought he knew, and then there came to

him some moment, just like this one, when she really woke him up to

be strong in him. Then he really knew he could know nothing. He knew

then, he never could know what it was she really wanted with him. He

knew then he never could know really what it was he felt inside him.

It was all so mixed up inside him. All he knew was he wanted very

badly Melanctha should be there beside him, and he wanted very badly,

too, always to throw her from him. What was it really that Melanctha

wanted with him? What was it really, he, Jeff Campbell, wanted she

should give him? "I certainly did think now," Jeff Campbell groaned

inside him, "I certainly did think now I really was knowing all right,

what I wanted. I certainly did really think now I was knowing how to

be trusting with Melanctha. I certainly did think it was like that now

with me sure, after all I've been through all this time with her. And

now I certainly do know I don't know anything that's very real about

her. Oh the good Lord help and keep me!" and Jeff groaned hard inside

him, and he buried his face deep in the green grass underneath him,

and Melanctha Herbert was very silent there beside him.

Then Jeff turned to look and see her. She was lying very still there

by him, and the bitter water on her face was biting. Jeff was so

very sorry then, all over and inside him, the way he always was when

Melanctha had been deep hurt by him. "I didn't mean to be so bad

again to you, Melanctha, dear one," and he was very tender to her.

"I certainly didn't never mean to go to be so bad to you, Melanctha,

darling. I certainly don't know, Melanctha, darling, what it is makes

me act so to you sometimes, when I certainly ain't meaning anything

like I want to hurt you. I certainly don't mean to be so bad,

Melanctha, only it comes so quick on me before I know what I am

acting to you. I certainly am all sorry, hard, to be so bad to you,

Melanctha, darling." "I suppose, Jeff," said Melanctha, very low and

bitter, "I suppose you are always thinking, Jeff, somebody had ought

to be ashamed with us two together, and you certainly do think you

don't see any way to it, Jeff, for me to be feeling that way ever, so

you certainly don't see any way to it, only to do it just so often

for me. That certainly is the way always with you, Jeff Campbell, if

I understand you right the way you are always acting to me. That

certainly is right the way I am saying it to you now, Jeff Campbell.

You certainly didn't anyway trust me now no more, did you, when you

just acted so bad to me. I certainly am right the way I say it Jeff

now to you. I certainly am right when I ask you for it now, to tell me

what I ask you, about not trusting me more then again, Jeff, just like

you never really knew me. You certainly never did trust me just then,

Jeff, you hear me?" "Yes, Melanctha," Jeff answered slowly. Melanctha

paused. "I guess I certainly never can forgive you this time, Jeff

Campbell," she said firmly. Jeff paused too, and thought a little. "I

certainly am afraid you never can no more now again, Melanctha," he

said sadly.

They lay there very quiet now a long time, each one thinking very hard

on their own trouble. At last Jeff began again to tell Melanctha

what it was he was always thinking with her. "I certainly do know,

Melanctha, you certainly now don't want any more to be hearing me

just talking, but you see, Melanctha, really, it's just like this way

always with me. You see, Melanctha, its like this way now all the time

with me. You remember, Melanctha, what I was once telling to you, when

I didn't know you very long together, about how I certainly never did

know more than just two kinds of ways of living, one way the way it is

good to be in families and the other kind of way, like animals are all

the time just with each other, and how I didn't ever like that last

kind of way much for any of the colored people. You see Melanctha,

it's like this way with me. I got a new feeling now, you been teaching

to me, just like I told you once, just like a new religion to me,

and I see perhaps what really loving is like, like really having

everything together, new things, little pieces all different, like

I always before been thinking was bad to be having, all go together

like, to make one good big feeling. You see, Melanctha, it's certainly

like that you make me been seeing, like I never know before any way

there was of all kinds of loving to come together to make one way

really truly lovely. I see that now, sometimes, the way you certainly

been teaching me, Melanctha, really, and then I love you those times,

Melanctha, like a real religion, and then it comes over me all sudden,

I don't know anything real about you Melanctha, dear one, and then it

comes over me sudden, perhaps I certainly am wrong now, thinking all

this way so lovely, and not thinking now any more the old way I always

before was always thinking, about what was the right way for me, to

live regular and all the colored people, and then I think, perhaps,

Melanctha you are really just a bad one, and I think, perhaps I

certainly am doing it so because I just am too anxious to be just

having all the time excitements, like I don't ever like really to be

doing when I know it, and then I always get so bad to you, Melanctha,

and I can't help it with myself then, never, for I want to be always

right really in the ways, I have to do them. I certainly do very badly

want to be right, Melanctha, the only way I know is right Melanctha

really, and I don't know any way, Melanctha, to find out really,

whether my old way, the way I always used to be thinking, or the new

way, you make so like a real religion to me sometimes, Melanctha,

which way certainly is the real right way for me to be always

thinking, and then I certainly am awful good and sorry, Melanctha, I

always give you so much trouble, hurting you with the bad ways I am

acting. Can't you help me to any way, to make it all straight for me,

Melanctha, so I know right and real what it is I should be acting. You

see, Melanctha, I don't want always to be a coward with you, if I

only could know certain what was the right way for me to be acting.

I certainly am real sure, Melanctha, that would be the way I would be

acting, if I only knew it sure for certain now, Melanctha. Can't you

help me any way to find out real and true, Melanctha, dear one. I

certainly do badly want to know always, the way I should be acting."

"No, Jeff, dear, I certainly can't help you much in that kind of

trouble you are always having. All I can do now, Jeff, is to just keep

certainly with my believing you are good always, Jeff, and though you

certainly do hurt me bad, I always got strong faith in you, Jeff, more

in you certainly, than you seem to be having in your acting to me,

always so bad, Jeff."

"You certainly are very good to me, Melanctha, dear one," Jeff said,

after a long, tender silence. "You certainly are very good to me,

Melanctha, darling, and me so bad to you always, in my acting. Do you

love me good, and right, Melanctha, always?" "Always and always,

you be sure of that now you have me. Oh you Jeff, you always be so

stupid." "I certainly never can say now you ain't right, when you say

that to me so, Melanctha," Jeff answered. "Oh, Jeff dear, I love you

always, you know that now, all right, for certain. If you don't

know it right now, Jeff, really, I prove it to you now, for good and

always." And they lay there a long time in their loving, and then Jeff

began again with his happy free enjoying.

"I sure am a good boy to be learning all the time the right way you

are teaching me, Melanctha, darling," began Jeff Campbell, laughing,

"You can't say no, never, I ain't a good scholar for you to be

teaching now, Melanctha, and I am always so ready to come to you

every day, and never playing hooky ever from you. You can't say ever,

Melanctha, now can you, I ain't a real good boy to be always studying

to be learning to be real bright, just like my teacher. You can't say

ever to me, I ain't a good boy to you now, Melanctha." "Not near so

good, Jeff Campbell, as such a good, patient kind of teacher, like

me, who never teaches any ways it ain't good her scholars should be

knowing, ought to be really having, Jeff, you hear me? I certainly

don't think I am right for you, to be forgiving always, when you are

so bad, and I so patient, with all this hard teaching always." "But

you do forgive me always, sure, Melanctha, always?" "Always and

always, you be sure Jeff, and I certainly am afraid I never can stop

with my forgiving, you always are going to be so bad to me, and I

always going to have to be so good with my forgiving." "Oh! Oh!" cried

Jeff Campbell, laughing, "I ain't going to be so bad for always, sure

I ain't, Melanctha, my own darling. And sure you do forgive me really,

and sure you love me true and really, sure, Melanctha?" "Sure, sure,

Jeff, boy, sure now and always, sure now you believe me, sure you

do, Jeff, always." "I sure hope I does, with all my heart, Melanctha,

darling." "I sure do that same, Jeff, dear boy, now you really know

what it is to be loving, and I prove it to you now so, Jeff, you never

can be forgetting. You see now, Jeff, good and certain, what I always

before been saying to you, Jeff, now." "Yes, Melanctha, darling,"

murmured Jeff, and he was very happy in it, and so the two of them now

in the warm air of the sultry, southern, negro sunshine, lay there for

a long time just resting.

And now for a real long time there was no open trouble any more

between Jeff Campbell and Melanctha Herbert. Then it came that Jeff

knew he could not say out any more, what it was he wanted, he could

not say out any more, what it was, he wanted to know about, what

Melanctha wanted.

Melanctha sometimes now, when she was tired with being all the time so

much excited, when Jeff would talk a long time to her about what was

right for them both to be always doing, would be, as if she gave way

in her head, and lost herself in a bad feeling. Sometimes when they

had been strong in their loving, and Jeff would have rise inside him

some strange feeling, and Melanctha felt it in him as it would soon be

coming, she would lose herself then in this bad feeling that made her

head act as if she never knew what it was they were doing. And slowly

now, Jeff soon always came to be feeling that his Melanctha would be

hurt very much in her head in the ways he never liked to think of, if

she would ever now again have to listen to his trouble, when he was

telling about what it was he still was wanting to make things for

himself really understanding.

Now Jeff began to have always a strong feeling that Melanctha could no

longer stand it, with all her bad suffering, to let him fight out with

himself what was right for him to be doing. Now he felt he must not,

when she was there with him, keep on, with this kind of fighting that

was always going on inside him. Jeff Campbell never knew yet, what he

thought was the right way, for himself and for all the colored people

to be living. Jeff was coming always each time closer to be really

understanding, but now Melanctha was so bad in her suffering with him,

that he knew she could not any longer have him with her while he was

always showing that he never really yet was sure what it was, the

right way, for them to be really loving.

Jeff saw now he had to go so fast, so that Melanctha never would have

to wait any to get from him always all that she ever wanted. He never

could be honest now, he never could be now, any more, trying to be

really understanding, for always every moment now he felt it to be

a strong thing in him, how very much it was Melanctha Herbert always

suffered.

Jeff did not know very well these days, what it was, was really

happening to him. All he knew every now and then, when they were

getting strong to get excited, the way they used to when he gave his

feeling out so that he could be always honest, that Melanctha somehow

never seemed to hear him, she just looked at him and looked as if

her head hurt with him, and then Jeff had to keep himself from being

honest, and he had to go so fast, and to do everything Melanctha ever

wanted from him.

Jeff did not like it very well these days, in his true feeling. He

knew now very well Melanctha was not strong enough inside her to stand

any more of his slow way of doing. And yet now he knew he was not

honest in his feeling. Now he always had to show more to Melanctha

than he was ever feeling. Now she made him go so fast, and he knew it

was not real with his feeling, and yet he could not make her suffer so

any more because he always was so slow with his feeling.

It was very hard for Jeff Campbell to make all this way of doing,

right, inside him. If Jeff Campbell could not be straight out, and

real honest, he never could be very strong inside him. Now Melanctha,

with her making him feel, always, how good she was and how very much

she suffered in him, made him always go so fast then, he could not be

strong then, to feel things out straight then inside him. Always now

when he was with her, he was being more, than he could already yet,

be feeling for her. Always now, with her, he had something inside him

always holding in him, always now, with her, he was far ahead of his

own feeling.

Jeff Campbell never knew very well these days what it was that was

going on inside him. All he knew was, he was uneasy now always to be

with Melanctha. All he knew was, that he was always uneasy when he

was with Melanctha, not the way he used to be from just not being very

understanding, but now, because he never could be honest with her,

because he was now always feeling her strong suffering, in her,

because he knew now he was having a straight, good feeling with her,

but she went so fast, and he was so slow to her; Jeff knew his right

feeling never got a chance to show itself as strong, to her.

All this was always getting harder for Jeff Campbell. He was very

proud to hold himself to be strong, was Jeff Campbell. He was very

tender not to hurt Melanctha, when he knew she would be sure to feel

it badly in her head a long time after, he hated that he could not now

be honest with her, he wanted to stay away to work it out all alone,

without her, he was afraid she would feel it to suffer, if he kept

away now from her. He was uneasy always, with her, he was uneasy when

he thought about her, he knew now he had a good, straight, strong

feeling of right loving for her, and yet now he never could use it to

be good and honest with her.

Jeff Campbell did not know, these days, anything he could do to

make it better for her. He did not know anything he could do, to set

himself really right in his acting and his thinking toward her. She

pulled him so fast with her, and he did not dare to hurt her, and he

could not come right, so fast, the way she always needed he should be

doing it now, for her.

These days were not very joyful ones now any more, to Jeff Campbell,

with Melanctha. He did not think it out to himself now, in words,

about her. He did not know enough, what was his real trouble, with

her.

Sometimes now and again with them, and with all this trouble for a

little while well forgotten by him, Jeff, and Melanctha with him,

would be very happy in a strong, sweet loving. Sometimes then,

Jeff would find himself to be soaring very high in his true loving.

Sometimes Jeff would find them, in his loving, his soul swelling out

full inside him. Always Jeff felt now in himself, deep feeling.

Always now Jeff had to go so much faster than was real with his

feeling. Yet always Jeff knew how he had a right, strong feeling.

Always now when Jeff was wondering, it was Melanctha he was doubting,

in the loving. Now he would often ask her, was she real now to him, in

her loving. He would ask her often, feeling something queer about it

all inside him, though yet he was never really strong in his doubting,

and always Melanctha would answer to him, "Yes Jeff, sure, you know

it, always," and always Jeff felt a doubt now, in her loving.

Always now Jeff felt in himself, deep loving. Always now he did not

know really, if Melanctha was true in her loving.

All these days Jeff was uncertain in him, and he was uneasy about

which way he should act so as not to be wrong and put them both into

bad trouble. Always now he was, as if he must feel deep into Melanctha

to see if it was real loving he would find she now had in her, and

always he would stop himself, with her, for always he was afraid now

that he might badly hurt her.

Always now he liked it better when he was detained when he had to go

and see her. Always now he never liked to go to be with her, although

he never wanted really, not to be always with her. Always now he

never felt really at ease with her, even when they were good friends

together. Always now he felt, with her, he could not be really honest

to her. And Jeff never could be happy with her when he could not feel

strong to tell all his feeling to her. Always now every day he found

it harder to make the time pass, with her, and not let his feeling

come so that he would quarrel with her.

And so one evening, late, he was to go to her. He waited a little

long, before he went to her. He was afraid, in himself, to-night, he

would surely hurt her. He never wanted to go when he might quarrel

with her.

Melanctha sat there looking very angry, when he came in to her. Jeff

took off his hat and coat and then sat down by the fire with her.

"If you come in much later to me just now, Jeff Campbell, I certainly

never would have seen you no more never to speak to you, 'thout your

apologising real humble to me." "Apologising Melanctha," and Jeff

laughed and was scornful to her, "Apologising, Melanctha, I ain't

proud that kind of way, Melanctha, I don't mind apologising to you,

Melanctha, all I mind, Melanctha is to be doing of things wrong, to

you." "That's easy, to say things that way, Jeff to me. But you never

was very proud Jeff, to be courageous to me." "I don't know about that

Melanctha. I got courage to say some things hard, when I mean them, to

you." "Oh, yes, Jeff, I know all about that, Jeff, to me. But I mean

real courage, to run around and not care nothing about what happens,

and always to be game in any kind of trouble. That's what I mean

by real courage, to me, Jeff, if you want to know it." "Oh, yes,

Melanctha, I know all that kind of courage. I see plenty of it all

the time with some kinds of colored men and with some girls like you

Melanctha, and Jane Harden. I know all about how you are always making

a fuss to be proud because you don't holler so much when you run in to

where you ain't got any business to be, and so you get hurt, the way

you ought to. And then, you kind of people are very brave then, sure,

with all your kinds of suffering, but the way I see it, going round

with all my patients, that kind of courage makes all kind of trouble,

for them who ain't so noble with their courage, and then they got it,

always to be bearing it, when the end comes, to be hurt the hardest.

It's like running around and being game to spend all your money

always, and then a man's wife and children are the ones do all the

starving and they don't ever get a name for being brave, and they

don't ever want to be doing all that suffering, and they got to stand

it and say nothing. That's the way I see it a good deal now with all

that kind of braveness in some of the colored people. They always make

a lot of noise to show they are so brave not to holler, when they got

so much suffering they always bring all on themselves, just by

doing things they got no business to be doing. I don't say, never,

Melanctha, they ain't got good courage not to holler, but I never did

see much in looking for that kind of trouble just to show you ain't

going to holler. No its all right being brave every day, just living

regular and not having new ways all the time just to get excitements,

the way I hate to see it in all the colored people. No I don't see

much, Melanctha, in being brave just to get it good, where you've

got no business. I ain't ashamed Melanctha, right here to tell you, I

ain't ashamed ever to say I ain't got no longing to be brave, just

to go around and look for trouble." "Yes that's just like you always,

Jeff, you never understand things right, the way you are always

feeling in you. You ain't got no way to understand right, how it

depends what way somebody goes to look for new things, the way it

makes it right for them to get excited."

"No Melanctha, I certainly never do say I understand much anybody's

got a right to think they won't have real bad trouble, if they go and

look hard where they are certain sure to find it. No Melanctha, it

certainly does sound very pretty all this talking about danger and

being game and never hollering, and all that way of talking, but when

two men are just fighting, the strong man mostly gets on top with

doing good hard pounding, and the man that's getting all that

pounding, he mostly never likes it so far as I have been able yet to

see it, and I don't see much difference what kind of noble way they

are made of when they ain't got any kind of business to get together

there to be fighting. That certainly is the only way I ever see it

happen right, Melanctha, whenever I happen to be anywhere I can be

looking."

"That's because you never can see anything that ain't just so simple,

Jeff, with everybody, the way you always think it. It do make all

the difference the kind of way anybody is made to do things game Jeff

Campbell."

"Maybe Melanctha, I certainly never say no you ain't right, Melanctha.

I just been telling it to you all straight, Melanctha, the way I

always see it. Perhaps if you run around where you ain't got any

business, and you stand up very straight and say, I am so brave,

nothing can ever ever hurt me, maybe nothing will ever hurt you then

Melanctha. I never have seen it do so. I never can say truly any

differently to you Melanctha, but I always am ready to be learning

from you, Melanctha. And perhaps when somebody cuts into you real

hard, with a brick he is throwing, perhaps you never will do any

hollering then, Melanctha. I certainly don't ever say no, Melanctha,

to you, I only say that ain't the way yet I ever see it happen when I

had a chance to be there looking."

They sat there together, quiet by the fire, and they did not seem to

feel very loving.

"I certainly do wonder," Melanctha said dreamily, at last breaking

into their long unloving silence. "I certainly do wonder why always it

happens to me I care for anybody who ain't no ways good enough for me

ever to be thinking to respect him."

Jeff looked at Melanctha. Jeff got up then and walked a little up and

down the room, and then he came back, and his face was set and dark

and he was very quiet to her.

"Oh dear, Jeff, sure, why you look so solemn now to me. Sure Jeff I

never am meaning anything real by what I just been saying. What was I

just been saying Jeff to you. I only certainly was just thinking how

everything always was just happening to me."

Jeff Campbell sat very still and dark, and made no answer.

"Seems to me, Jeff you might be good to me a little to-night when my

head hurts so, and I am so tired with all the hard work I have been

doing, thinking, and I always got so many things to be a trouble to

me, living like I do with nobody ever who can help me. Seems to me

you might be good to me Jeff to-night, and not get angry, every little

thing I am ever saying to you."

"I certainly would not get angry ever with you, Melanctha, just

because you say things to me. But now I certainly been thinking you

really mean what you have been just then saying to me." "But you say

all the time to me Jeff, you ain't no ways good enough in your loving

to me, you certainly say to me all the time you ain't no ways good

or understanding to me." "That certainly is what I say to you always,

just the way I feel it to you Melanctha always, and I got it right in

me to say it, and I have got a right in me to be very strong and feel

it, and to be always sure to believe it, but it ain't right for you

Melanctha to feel it. When you feel it so Melanctha, it does certainly

make everything all wrong with our loving. It makes it so I certainly

never can bear to have it."

They sat there then a long time by the fire, very silent, and not

loving, and never looking to each other for it. Melanctha was moving

and twitching herself and very nervous with it. Jeff was heavy and

sullen and dark and very serious in it.

"Oh why can't you forget I said it to you Jeff now, and I certainly am

so tired, and my head and all now with it."

Jeff stirred, "All right Melanctha, don't you go make yourself sick

now in your head, feeling so bad with it," and Jeff made himself do

it, and he was a patient doctor again now with Melanctha when he felt

her really having her head hurt with it. "It's all right now Melanctha

darling, sure it is now I tell you. You just lie down now a little,

dear one, and I sit here by the fire and just read awhile and just

watch with you so I will be here ready, if you need me to give you

something to help you resting." And then Jeff was a good doctor to

her, and very sweet and tender with her, and Melanctha loved him to be

there to help her, and then Melanctha fell asleep a little, and Jeff

waited there beside her until he saw she was really sleeping, and then

he went back and sat down by the fire.

And Jeff tried to begin again with his thinking, and he could not

make it come clear to himself, with all his thinking, and he felt

everything all thick and heavy and bad, now inside him, everything

that he could not understand right, with all the hard work he made,

with his thinking. And then he moved himself a little, and took a book

to forget his thinking, and then as always, he loved it when he was

reading, and then very soon he was deep in his reading, and so he

forgot now for a little while that he never could seem to be very

understanding.

And so Jeff forgot himself for awhile in his reading, and Melanctha

was sleeping. And then Melanctha woke up and she was screaming. "Oh,

Jeff, I thought you gone away for always from me. Oh, Jeff, never now

go away no more from me. Oh, Jeff, sure, sure, always be just so good

to me"

There was a weight in Jeff Campbell from now on, always with him, that

he could never lift out from him, to feel easy. He always was trying

not to have it in him and he always was trying not to let Melanctha

feel it, with him, but it was always there inside him. Now Jeff

Campbell always was serious, and dark, and heavy, and sullen, and he

would often sit a long time with Melanctha without moving.

"You certainly never have forgiven to me, what I said to you that

night, Jeff, now have you?" Melanctha asked him after a long silence,

late one evening with him. "It ain't ever with me a question like

forgiving, Melanctha, I got in me. It's just only what you are feeling

for me, makes any difference to me. I ain't ever seen anything since

in you, makes me think you didn't mean it right, what you said about

not thinking now any more I was good, to make it right for you to be

really caring so very much to love me."

"I certainly never did see no man like you, Jeff. You always wanting

to have it all clear out in words always, what everybody is always

feeling. I certainly don't see a reason, why I should always be

explaining to you what I mean by what I am just saying. And you ain't

got no feeling ever for me, to ask me what I meant, by what I was

saying when I was so tired, that night. I never know anything right I

was saying." "But you don't ever tell me now, Melanctha, so I really

hear you say it, you don't mean it the same way, the way you said it

to me." "Oh Jeff, you so stupid always to me and always just bothering

with your always asking to me. And I don't never any way remember ever

anything I been saying to you, and I am always my head, so it hurts

me it half kills me, and my heart jumps so, sometimes I think I die

so when it hurts me, and I am so blue always, I think sometimes I take

something to just kill me, and I got so much to bother thinking always

and doing, and I got so much to worry, and all that, and then you come

and ask me what I mean by what I was just saying to you. I certainly

don't know, Jeff, when you ask me. Seems to me, Jeff, sometimes you

might have some kind of a right feeling to be careful to me." "You

ain't got no right Melanctha Herbert," flashed out Jeff through his

dark, frowning anger, "you certainly ain't got no right always to be

using your being hurt and being sick, and having pain, like a weapon,

so as to make me do things it ain't never right for me to be doing for

you. You certainly ain't got no right to be always holding your pain

out to show me." "What do you mean by them words, Jeff Campbell." "I

certainly do mean them just like I am saying them, Melanctha. You

act always, like I been responsible all myself for all our loving one

another. And if its anything anyway that ever hurts you, you act like

as if it was me made you just begin it all with me. I ain't no coward,

you hear me, Melanctha? I never put my trouble back on anybody,

thinking that they made me. I certainly am right ready always,

Melanctha, you certainly had ought to know me, to stand all my own

trouble for me, but I tell you straight now, the way I think it

Melanctha, I ain't going to be as if I was the reason why you wanted

to be loving, and to be suffering so now with me." "But ain't you

certainly ought to be feeling it so, to be right, Jeff Campbell. Did I

ever do anything but just let you do everything you wanted to me. Did

I ever try to make you be loving to me. Did I ever do nothing except

just sit there ready to endure your loving with me. But I certainly

never, Jeff Campbell, did make any kind of way as if I wanted really

to be having you for me."

Jeff stared at Melanctha. "So that's the way you say it when you are

thinking right about it all, Melanctha. Well I certainly ain't got

a word to say ever to you any more, Melanctha, if that's the way its

straight out to you now, Melanctha." And Jeff almost laughed out to

her, and he turned to take his hat and coat, and go away now forever

from her.

Melanctha dropped her head on her arms, and she trembled all over and

inside her. Jeff stopped a little and looked very sadly at her. Jeff

could not so quickly make it right for himself, to leave her.

"Oh, I certainly shall go crazy now, I certainly know that," Melanctha

moaned as she sat there, all fallen and miserable and weak together.

Jeff came and took her in his arms, and held her. Jeff was very good

then to her, but they neither of them felt inside all right, as they

once did, to be together.

From now on, Jeff had real torment in him.

Was it true what Melanctha had said that night to him? Was it true

that he was the one had made all this trouble for them? Was it true,

he was the only one, who always had had wrong ways in him? Waking or

sleeping Jeff now always had this torment going on inside him.

Jeff did not know now any more, what to feel within him. He did not

know how to begin thinking out this trouble that must always now be

bad inside him. He just felt a confused struggle and resentment always

in him, a knowing, no, Melanctha was not right in what she had said

that night to him, and then a feeling, perhaps he always had been

wrong in the way he never could be understanding. And then would come

strong to him, a sense of the deep sweetness in Melanctha's loving and

a hating the cold slow way he always had to feel things in him.

Always Jeff knew, sure, Melanctha was wrong in what she had said that

night to him, but always Melanctha had had deep feeling with him,

always he was poor and slow in the only way he knew how to have any

feeling. Jeff knew Melanctha was wrong, and yet he always had a deep

doubt in him. What could he know, who had such slow feeling in him?

What could he ever know, who always had to find his way with just

thinking. What could he know, who had to be taught such a long time to

learn about what was really loving? Jeff now always had this torment

in him.

Melanctha was now always making him feel her way, strong whenever she

was with him. Did she go on to do it just to show him, did she do it

so now because she was no longer loving, did she do it so because that

was her way to make him be really loving. Jeff never did know how it

was that it all happened so to him.

Melanctha acted now the way she had said it always had been with them.

Now it was always Jeff who had to do the asking. Now it was always

Jeff who had to ask when would be the next time he should come to see

her. Now always she was good and patient to him, and now always she

was kind and loving with him, and always Jeff felt it was, that she

was good to give him anything he ever asked or wanted, but never now

any more for her own sake to make her happy in him. Now she did these

things, as if it was just to please her Jeff Campbell who needed she

should now have kindness for him. Always now he was the beggar, with

them. Always now Melanctha gave it, not of her need, but from her

bounty to him. Always now Jeff found it getting harder for him.

Sometimes Jeff wanted to tear things away from before him, always

now he wanted to fight things and be angry with them, and always now

Melanctha was so patient to him.

Now, deep inside him, there was always a doubt with Jeff, of

Melanctha's loving. It was not a doubt yet to make him really

doubting, for with that, Jeff never could be really loving, but always

now he knew that something, and that not in him, something was wrong

with their loving. Jeff Campbell could not know any right way to think

out what was inside Melanctha with her loving, he could not use any

way now to reach inside her to find if she was true in her loving, but

now something had gone wrong between them, and now he never felt sure

in him, the way once she had made him, that now at last he really had

got to be understanding.

Melanctha was too many for him. He was helpless to find out the way

she really felt now for him. Often Jeff would ask her, did she really

love him. Always she said, "Yes Jeff, sure, you know that," and now

instead of a full sweet strong love with it, Jeff only felt a patient,

kind endurance in it.

Jeff did not know. If he was right in such a feeling, he certainly

never any more did want to have Melanctha Herbert with him. Jeff

Campbell hated badly to think Melanctha never would give him love,

just for his sake, and not because she needed it herself, to be with

him. Such a way of loving would be very hard for Jeff to be enduring.

"Jeff what makes you act so funny to me. Jeff you certainly now are

jealous to me. Sure Jeff, now I don't see ever why you be so foolish

to look so to me." "Don't you ever think I can be jealous of anybody

ever Melanctha, you hear me. It's just, you certainly don't ever

understand me. It's just this way with me always now Melanctha. You

love me, and I don't care anything what you do or what you ever been

to anybody. You don't love me, then I don't care any more about what

you ever do or what you ever be to anybody. But I never want you to be

being good Melanctha to me, when it ain't your loving makes you need

it. I certainly don't ever want to be having any of your kind of

kindness to me. If you don't love me, I can stand it. All I never want

to have is your being good to me from kindness. If you don't love

me, then you and I certainly do quit right here Melanctha, all strong

feeling, to be always living to each other. It certainly never

is anybody I ever am thinking about when I am thinking with you

Melanctha, darling. That's the true way I am telling you Melanctha,

always. It's only your loving me ever gives me anything to bother me

Melanctha, so all you got to do, if you don't really love me, is just

certainly to say so to me. I won't bother you more then than I can

help to keep from it Melanctha. You certainly need never to be in

any worry, never, about me Melanctha. You just tell me straight out

Melanctha, real, the way you feel it. I certainly can stand it all

right, I tell you true Melanctha. And I never will care to know why or

nothing Melanctha. Loving is just living Melanctha to me, and if you

don't really feel it now Melanctha to me, there ain't ever nothing

between us then Melanctha, is there? That's straight and honest just

the way I always feel it to you now Melanctha. Oh Melanctha, darling,

do you love me? Oh Melanctha, please, please, tell me honest, tell me,

do you really love me?"

"Oh you so stupid Jeff boy, of course I always love you. Always and

always Jeff and I always just so good to you. Oh you so stupid Jeff

and don't know when you got it good with me. Oh dear, Jeff I certainly

am so tired Jeff to-night, don't you go be a bother to me. Yes I love

you Jeff, how often you want me to tell you. Oh you so stupid Jeff,

but yes I love you. Now I won't say it no more now tonight Jeff, you

hear me. You just be good Jeff now to me or else I certainly get awful

angry with you. Yes I love you, sure, Jeff, though you don't any way

deserve it from me. Yes, yes I love you. Yes Jeff I say it till I

certainly am very sleepy. Yes I love you now Jeff, and you certainly

must stop asking me to tell you. Oh you great silly boy Jeff Campbell,

sure I love you, oh you silly stupid, my own boy Jeff Campbell. Yes

I love you and I certainly never won't say it one more time to-night

Jeff, now you hear me."

Yes Jeff Campbell heard her, and he tried hard to believe her. He did

not really doubt her but somehow it was wrong now, the way Melanctha

said it. Jeff always now felt baffled with Melanctha. Something, he

knew, was not right now in her. Something in her always now was making

stronger the torment that was tearing every minute at the joy he once

always had had with her.

Always now Jeff wondered did Melanctha love him. Always now he was

wondering, was Melanctha right when she said, it was he had made all

their beginning. Was Melanctha right when she said, it was he had the

real responsibility for all the trouble they had and still were having

now between them. If she was right, what a brute he always had been in

his acting. If she was right, how good she had been to endure the

pain he had made so bad so often for her. But no, surely she had made

herself to bear it, for her own sake, not for his to make him happy.

Surely he was not so twisted in all his long thinking. Surely he

could remember right what it was had happened every day in their long

loving. Surely he was not so poor a coward as Melanctha always seemed

to be thinking. Surely, surely, and then the torment would get worse

every minute in him.

One night Jeff Campbell was lying in his bed with his thinking, and

night after night now he could not do any sleeping for his thinking.

Tonight suddenly he sat up in his bed, and it all came clear to him,

and he pounded his pillow with his fist, and he almost shouted out

alone there to him, "I ain't a brute the way Melanctha has been

saying. Its all wrong the way I been worried thinking. We did begin

fair, each not for the other but for ourselves, what we were wanting.

Melanctha Herbert did it just like I did it, because she liked it bad

enough to want to stand it. It's all wrong in me to think it any way

except the way we really did it. I certainly don't know now whether

she is now real and true in her loving. I ain't got any way ever to

find out if she is real and true now always to me. All I know is I

didn't ever make her to begin to be with me. Melanctha has got

to stand for her own trouble, just like I got to stand for my own

trouble. Each man has got to do it for himself when he is in real

trouble. Melanctha, she certainly don't remember right when she says

I made her begin and then I made her trouble. No by God, I ain't

no coward nor a brute either ever to her. I been the way I felt

it honest, and that certainly is all about it now between us, and

everybody always has just got to stand for their own trouble. I

certainly am right this time the way I see it." And Jeff lay down

now, at last in comfort, and he slept, and he was free from his long

doubting torment.

"You know Melanctha," Jeff Campbell began, the next time he was alone

to talk a long time to Melanctha. "You know Melanctha, sometimes I

think a whole lot about what you like to say so much about being game

and never doing any hollering. Seems to me Melanctha, I certainly

don't understand right what you mean by not hollering. Seems to me

it certainly ain't only what comes right away when one is hit, that

counts to be brave to be bearing, but all that comes later from your

getting sick from the shock of being hurt once in a fight, and

all that, and all the being taken care of for years after, and the

suffering of your family, and all that, you certainly must stand and

not holler, to be certainly really brave the way I understand it."

"What you mean Jeff by your talking." "I mean, seems to me really not

to holler, is to be strong not to show you ever have been hurt. Seems

to me, to get your head hurt from your trouble and to show it, ain't

certainly no braver than to say, oh, oh, how bad you hurt me, please

don't hurt me mister. It just certainly seems to me, like many people

think themselves so game just to stand what we all of us always just

got to be standing, and everybody stands it, and we don't certainly

none of us like it, and yet we don't ever most of us think we are so

much being game, just because we got to stand it."

"I know what you mean now by what you are saying to me now Jeff

Campbell. You make a fuss now to me, because I certainly just have

stopped standing everything you like to be always doing so cruel to

me. But that's just the way always with you Jeff Campbell, if you want

to know it. You ain't got no kind of right feeling for all I always

been forgiving to you." "I said it once for fun, Melanctha, but now I

certainly do mean it, you think you got a right to go where you got

no business, and you say, I am so brave nothing can hurt me, and then

something, like always, it happens to hurt you, and you show your hurt

always so everybody can see it, and you say, I am so brave nothing did

hurt me except he certainly didn't have any right to, and see how

bad I suffer, but you never hear me make a holler, though certainly

anybody got any feeling, to see me suffer, would certainly never touch

me except to take good care of me. Sometimes I certainly don't rightly

see Melanctha, how much more game that is than just the ordinary kind

of holler." "No, Jeff Campbell, and made the way you is you certainly

ain't likely ever to be much more understanding." "No, Melanctha, nor

you neither. You think always, you are the only one who ever can do

any way to really suffer." "Well, and ain't I certainly always been

the only person knows how to bear it. No, Jeff Campbell, I certainly

be glad to love anybody really worthy, but I made so, I never seem

to be able in this world to find him." "No, and your kind of way of

thinking, you certainly Melanctha never going to any way be able ever

to be finding of him. Can't you understand Melanctha, ever, how no man

certainly ever really can hold your love for long times together.

You certainly Melanctha, you ain't got down deep loyal feeling, true

inside you, and when you ain't just that moment quick with feeling,

then you certainly ain't ever got anything more there to keep you.

You see Melanctha, it certainly is this way with you, it is, that

you ain't ever got any way to remember right what you been doing, or

anybody else that has been feeling with you. You certainly Melanctha,

never can remember right, when it comes what you have done and what

you think happens to you." "It certainly is all easy for you Jeff

Campbell to be talking. You remember right, because you don't remember

nothing till you get home with your thinking everything all over, but

I certainly don't think much ever of that kind of way of remembering

right, Jeff Campbell. I certainly do call it remembering right Jeff

Campbell, to remember right just when it happens to you, so you have a

right kind of feeling not to act the way you always been doing to me,

and then you go home Jeff Campbell, and you begin with your thinking,

and then it certainly is very easy for you to be good and forgiving

with it. No, that ain't to me, the way of remembering Jeff Campbell,

not as I can see it not to make people always suffer, waiting for you

certainly to get to do it. Seems to me like Jeff Campbell, I never

could feel so like a man was low and to be scorning of him, like that

day in the summer, when you threw me off just because you got one of

those fits of your remembering. No, Jeff Campbell, its real feeling

every moment when its needed, that certainly does seem to me like real

remembering. And that way, certainly, you don't never know nothing

like what should be right Jeff Campbell. No Jeff, it's me that always

certainly has had to bear it with you. It's always me that certainly

has had to suffer, while you go home to remember. No you certainly

ain't got no sense yet Jeff, what you need to make you really feeling.

No, it certainly is me Jeff Campbell, that always has got to be

remembering for us both, always. That's what's the true way with us

Jeff Campbell, if you want to know what it is I am always thinking."

"You is certainly real modest Melanctha, when you do this kind of

talking, you sure is Melanctha," said Jeff Campbell laughing. "I

think sometimes Melanctha I am certainly awful conceited, when I think

sometimes I am all out doors, and I think I certainly am so bright,

and better than most everybody I ever got anything now to do with, but

when I hear you talk this way Melanctha, I certainly do think I am a

real modest kind of fellow." "Modest!" said Melanctha, angry, "Modest,

that certainly is a queer thing for you Jeff to be calling yourself

even when you are laughing." "Well it certainly does depend a whole

lot what you are thinking with," said Jeff Campbell. "I never did use

to think I was so much on being real modest Melanctha, but now I know

really I am, when I hear you talking. I see all the time there are

many people living just as good as I am, though they are a little

different to me. Now with you Melanctha if I understand you right what

you are talking, you don't think that way of no other one that you are

ever knowing." "I certainly could be real modest too, Jeff Campbell,"

said Melanctha, "If I could meet somebody once I could keep right

on respecting when I got so I was really knowing with them. But I

certainly never met anybody like that yet, Jeff Campbell, if you want

to know it." "No, Melanctha, and with the way you got of thinking,

it certainly don't look like as if you ever will Melanctha, with your

never remembering anything only what you just then are feeling in you,

and you not understanding what any one else is ever feeling, if they

don't holler just the way you are doing. No Melanctha, I certainly

don't see any ways you are likely ever to meet one, so good as you are

always thinking you be." "No, Jeff Campbell, it certainly ain't

that way with me at all the way you say it. It's because I am always

knowing what it is I am wanting, when I get it. I certainly don't

never have to wait till I have it, and then throw away what I got in

me, and then come back and say, that's a mistake I just been making,

it ain't that never at all like I understood it, I want to have, bad,

what I didn't think it was I wanted. It's that way of knowing right

what I am wanting, makes me feel nobody can come right with me, when I

am feeling things, Jeff Campbell. I certainly do say Jeff Campbell, I

certainly don't think much of the way you always do it, always never

knowing what it is you are ever really wanting and everybody always

got to suffer. No Jeff, I don't certainly think there is much doubting

which is better and the stronger with us two, Jeff Campbell."

"As you will, Melanctha Herbert," cried Jeff Campbell, and he rose up,

and he thundered out a black oath, and he was fierce to leave her now

forever, and then with the same movement, he took her in his arms and

held her.

"What a silly goose boy you are, Jeff Campbell," Melanctha whispered

to him fondly.

"Oh yes," said Jeff, very dreary. "I never could keep really mad with

anybody, not when I was a little boy and playing. I used most to cry

sometimes, I couldn't get real mad and keep on a long time with

it, the way everybody always did it. It's certainly no use to me

Melanctha, I certainly can't ever keep mad with you Melanctha, my dear

one. But don't you ever be thinking it's because I think you right

in what you been just saying to me. I don't Melanctha really think it

that way, honest, though I certainly can't get mad the way I ought to.

No Melanctha, little girl, really truly, you ain't right the way you

think it. I certainly do know that Melanctha, honest. You certainly

don't do me right Melanctha, the way you say you are thinking.

Good-bye Melanctha, though you certainly is my own little girl for

always." And then they were very good a little to each other, and then

Jeff went away for that evening, from her.

Melanctha had begun now once more to wander. Melanctha did not yet

always wander, but a little now she needed to begin to look for

others. Now Melanctha Herbert began again to be with some of the

better kind of black girls, and with them she sometimes wandered.

Melanctha had not yet come again to need to be alone, when she

wandered.

Jeff Campbell did not know that Melanctha had begun again to wander.

All Jeff knew, was that now he could not be so often with her.

Jeff never knew how it had come to happen to him, but now he never

thought to go to see Melanctha Herbert, until he had before, asked

her if she could be going to have time then to have him with her. Then

Melanctha would think a little, and then she would say to him, "Let me

see Jeff, to-morrow, you was just saying to me. I certainly am awful

busy you know Jeff just now. It certainly does seem to me this week

Jeff, I can't anyways fix it. Sure I want to see you soon Jeff. I

certainly Jeff got to do a little more now, I been giving so much

time, when I had no business, just to be with you when you asked me.

Now I guess Jeff, I certainly can't see you no more this week Jeff,

the way I got to do things." "All right Melanctha," Jeff would answer

and he would be very angry. "I want to come only just certainly as

you want me now Melanctha." "Now Jeff you know I certainly can't be

neglecting always to be with everybody just to see you. You come see

me next week Tuesday Jeff, you hear me. I don't think Jeff I certainly

be so busy, Tuesday." Jeff Campbell would then go away and leave her,

and he would be hurt and very angry, for it was hard for a man with a

great pride in himself, like Jeff Campbell, to feel himself no better

than a beggar. And yet he always came as she said he should, on the

day she had fixed for him, and always Jeff Campbell was not sure

yet that he really understood what it was Melanctha wanted. Always

Melanctha said to him, yes she loved him, sure he knew that. Always

Melanctha said to him, she certainly did love him just the same as

always, only sure he knew now she certainly did seem to be right busy

with all she certainly now had to be doing.

Jeff never knew what Melanctha had to do now, that made her always

be so busy, but Jeff Campbell never cared to ask Melanctha such a

question. Besides Jeff knew Melanctha Herbert would never, in such a

matter, give him any kind of a real answer. Jeff did not know whether

it was that Melanctha did not know how to give a simple answer. And

then how could he, Jeff, know what was important to her. Jeff Campbell

always felt strongly in him, he had no right to interfere with

Melanctha in any practical kind of a matter. There they had always,

never asked each other any kind of question. There they had felt

always in each other, not any right to take care of one another. And

Jeff Campbell now felt less than he had ever, any right to claim to

know what Melanctha thought it right that she should do in any of her

ways of living. All Jeff felt a right in himself to question, was her

loving.

Jeff learned every day now, more and more, how much it was that he

could really suffer. Sometimes it hurt so in him, when he was alone,

it would force some slow tears from him. But every day, now that Jeff

Campbell, knew more how it could hurt him, he lost his feeling of deep

awe that he once always had had for Melanctha's feeling. Suffering was

not so much after all, thought Jeff Campbell, if even he could feel it

so it hurt him. It hurt him bad, just the way he knew he once had hurt

Melanctha, and yet he too could have it and not make any kind of a

loud holler with it.

In tender hearted natures, those that mostly never feel strong

passion, suffering often comes to make them harder. When these do not

know in themselves what it is to suffer, suffering is then very awful

to them and they badly want to help everyone who ever has to suffer,

and they have a deep reverence for anybody who knows really how to

always surfer. But when it comes to them to really suffer, they soon

begin to lose their fear and tenderness and wonder. Why it isn't so

very much to suffer, when even I can bear to do it. It isn't very

pleasant to be having all the time, to stand it, but they are not so

much wiser after all, all the others just because they know too how to

bear it.

Passionate natures who have always made themselves, to suffer, that is

all the kind of people who have emotions that come to them as sharp as

a sensation, they always get more tender-hearted when they suffer, and

it always does them good to suffer. Tender-hearted, unpassionate, and

comfortable natures always get much harder when they suffer, for

so they lose the fear and reverence and wonder they once had for

everybody who ever has to suffer, for now they know themselves what it

is to suffer and it is not so awful any longer to them when they know

too, just as well as all the others, how to have it.

And so it came in these days to Jeff Campbell. Jeff knew now always,

way inside him, what it is to really suffer, and now every day with

it, he knew how to understand Melanctha better. Jeff Campbell still

loved Melanctha Herbert and he still had a real trust in her and

he still had a little hope that some day they would once more get

together, but slowly, every day, this hope in him would keep growing

always weaker. They still were a good deal of time together, but now

they never any more were really trusting with each other. In the days

when they used to be together, Jeff had felt he did not know much what

was inside Melanctha, but he knew very well, how very deep always was

his trust in her; now he knew Melanctha Herbert better, but now he

never felt a deep trust in her. Now Jeff never could be really honest

with her. He never doubted yet, that she was steady only to him, but

somehow he could not believe much really in Melanctha's loving.

Melanctha Herbert was a little angry now when Jeff asked her, "I never

give nobody before Jeff, ever more than one chance with me, and I

certainly been giving you most a hundred Jeff, you hear me." "And why

shouldn't you Melanctha, give me a million, if you really love me!"

Jeff flashed out very angry. "I certainly don't know as you deserve

that anyways from me, Jeff Campbell." "It ain't deserving, I am ever

talking about to you Melanctha. Its loving, and if you are really

loving to me you won't certainly never any ways call them chances."

"Deed Jeff, you certainly are getting awful wise Jeff now, ain't you,

to me." "No I ain't Melanctha, and I ain't jealous either to you. I

just am doubting from the way you are always acting to me." "Oh yes

Jeff, that's what they all say, the same way, when they certainly got

jealousy all through them. You ain't got no cause to be jealous with

me Jeff, and I am awful tired of all this talking now, you hear me."

Jeff Campbell never asked Melanctha any more if she loved him. Now

things were always getting worse between them. Now Jeff was always

very silent with Melanctha. Now Jeff never wanted to be honest to her,

and now Jeff never had much to say to her.

Now when they were together, it was Melanctha always did most of the

talking. Now she often had other girls there with her. Melanctha was

always kind to Jeff Campbell but she never seemed to need to be alone

now with him. She always treated Jeff, like her best friend, and she

always spoke so to him and yet she never seemed now to very often want

to see him.

Every day it was getting harder for Jeff Campbell. It was as if now,

when he had learned to really love Melanctha, she did not need any

more to have him. Jeff began to know this very well inside him.

Jeff Campbell did not know yet that Melanctha had begun again to

wander. Jeff was not very quick to suspect Melanctha. All Jeff knew

was, that he did not trust her to be now really loving to him.

Jeff was no longer now in any doubt inside him. He knew very well now

he really loved Melanctha. He knew now very well she was not any more

a real religion to him. Jeff Campbell knew very well too now inside

him, he did not really want Melanctha, now if he could no longer

trust her, though he loved her hard and really knew now what it was to

suffer.

Every day Melanctha Herbert was less and less near to him. She always

was very pleasant in her talk and to be with him, but somehow now it

never was any comfort to him.

Melanctha Herbert now always had a lot of friends around her. Jeff

Campbell never wanted to be with them. Now Melanctha began to find

it, she said it often to him, always harder to arrange to be alone now

with him. Sometimes she would be late for him. Then Jeff always would

try to be patient in his waiting, for Jeff Campbell knew very well how

to remember, and he knew it was only right that he should now endure

this from her.

Then Melanctha began to manage often not to see him, and once she went

away when she had promised to be there to meet him.

Then Jeff Campbell was really filled up with his anger. Now he knew

he could never really want her. Now he knew he never any more could

really trust her.

Jeff Campbell never knew why Melanctha had not come to meet him.

Jeff had heard a little talking now, about how Melanctha Herbert had

commenced once more to wander. Jeff Campbell still sometimes saw Jane

Harden, who always needed a doctor to be often there to help her. Jane

Harden always knew very well what happened to Melanctha. Jeff Campbell

never would talk to Jane Harden anything about Melanctha. Jeff was

always loyal to Melanctha. Jeff never let Jane Harden say much to him

about Melanctha, though he never let her know that now he loved her.

But somehow Jeff did know now about Melanctha, and he knew about some

men that Melanctha met with Rose Johnson very often.

Jeff Campbell would not let himself really doubt Melanctha, but Jeff

began to know now very well, he did not want her. Melanctha Herbert

did not love him ever, Jeff knew it now, the way he once had thought

that she could feel it. Once she had been greater for him than he had

thought he could ever know how to feel it. Now Jeff had come to where

he could understand Melanctha Herbert. Jeff was not bitter to her

because she could not really love him, he was bitter only that he had

let himself have a real illusion in him. He was a little bitter too,

that he had lost now, what he had always felt real in the world, that

had made it for him always full of beauty, and now he had not got this

new religion really, and he had lost what he before had to know what

was good and had real beauty.

Jeff Campbell was so angry now in him, because he had begged Melanctha

always to be honest to him. Jeff could stand it in her not to love

him, he could not stand it in her not to be honest to him.

Jeff Campbell went home from where Melanctha had not met him, and he

was sore and full of anger in him.

Jeff Campbell could not be sure what to do, to make it right inside

him. Surely he must be strong now and cast this loving from him,

and yet, was he sure he now had real wisdom in him. Was he sure that

Melanctha Herbert never had had a real deep loving for him. Was he

sure Melanctha Herbert never had deserved a reverence from him. Always

now Jeff had this torment in him, but always now he felt more that

Melanctha never had real greatness for him.

Jeff waited to see if Melanctha would send any word to him. Melanctha

Herbert never sent a line to him.

At last Jeff wrote his letter to Melanctha. "Dear Melanctha, I

certainly do know you ain't been any way sick this last week when you

never met me right the way you promised, and never sent me any word to

say why you acted a way you certainly never could think was the right

way you should do it to me. Jane Harden said she saw you that day and

you went out walking with some people you like now to be with. Don't

be misunderstanding me now any more Melanctha. I love you now because

that's my slow way to learn what you been teaching, but I know now

you certainly never had what seems to me real kind of feeling. I don't

love you Melanctha any more now like a real religion, because now I

know you are just made like all us others. I know now no man can

ever really hold you because no man can ever be real to trust in you,

because you mean right Melanctha, but you never can remember, and

so you certainly never have got any way to be honest. So please you

understand me right now Melanctha, it never is I don't know how to

love you. I do know now how to love you, Melanctha, really. You sure

do know that, Melanctha, in me. You certainly always can trust me. And

so now Melanctha, I can say to you certainly real honest with you, I

am better than you are in my right kind of feeling. And so Melanctha,

I don't never any more want to be a trouble to you. You certainly make

me see things Melanctha, I never any other way could be knowing. You

been very good and patient to me, when I was certainly below you in my

right feeling. I certainly never have been near so good and patient

to you every any way Melanctha, I certainly know that Melanctha. But

Melanctha, with me, it certainly is, always to be good together, two

people certainly must be thinking each one as good as the other, to be

really loving right Melanctha. And it certainly must never be any kind

of feeling, of one only taking, and one only just giving, Melanctha,

to me. I know you certainly don't really ever understand me now

Melanctha, but that's no matter. I certainly do know what I am feeling

now with you real Melanctha. And so good-bye now for good Melanctha. I

say I can never ever really trust you real Melanctha, that's only just

certainly from your way of not being ever equal in your feeling to

anybody real, Melanctha, and your way never to know right how to

remember. Many ways I really trust you deep Melanctha, and I certainly

do feel deep all the good sweetness you certainly got real in you

Melanctha. Its only just in your loving me Melanctha. You never can be

equal to me and that way I certainly never can bear any more to have

it. And so now Melanctha, I always be your friend, if you need me, and

now we never see each other any more to talk to."

And then Jeff Campbell thought and thought, and he could never make

any way for him now, to see it different, and so at last he sent this

letter to Melanctha.

And now surely it was all over in Jeff Campbell. Surely now he never

any more could know Melanctha. And yet, perhaps Melanctha really loved

him. And then she would know how much it hurt him never any more, any

way, to see her, and perhaps she would write a line to tell him.

But that was a foolish way for Jeff ever to be thinking. Of course

Melanctha never would write a word to him. It was all over now for

always, everything between them, and Jeff felt it a real relief to

him.

For many days now Jeff Campbell only felt it as a relief in him. Jeff

was all locked up and quiet now inside him. It was all settling down

heavy in him, and these days when it was sinking so deep in him, it

was only the rest and quiet of not fighting that he could really feel

inside him. Jeff Campbell could not think now, or feel anything else

in him. He had no beauty nor any goodness to see around him. It was a

dull, pleasant kind of quiet he now had inside him. Jeff almost began

to love this dull quiet in him, for it was more nearly being free for

him than anything he had known in him since Melanctha Herbert first

had moved him. He did not find it a real rest yet for him, he had

not really conquered what had been working so long in him, he had not

learned to see beauty and real goodness yet in what had happened to

him, but it was rest even if he was sodden now all through him. Jeff

Campbell liked it very well, not to have fighting always going on

inside him.

And so Jeff went on every day, and he was quiet, and he began again to

watch himself in his working; and he did not see any beauty now around

him, and it was dull and heavy always now inside him, and yet he was

content to have gone so far in keeping steady to what he knew was the

right way for him to come back to, to be regular, and see beauty in

every kind of quiet way of living, the way he had always wanted it for

himself and for all the colored people. He knew he had lost the sense

he once had of joy all through him, but he could work, and perhaps he

would bring some real belief back into him about the beauty that he

could not now any more see around him.

And so Jeff Campbell went on with his working, and he staid home every

evening, and he began again with his reading, and he did not do much

talking, and he did not seem to himself to have any kind of feeling.

And one day Jeff thought perhaps he really was forgetting, one day he

thought he could soon come back and be happy in his old way of regular

and quiet living.

Jeff Campbell had never talked to any one of what had been going on

inside him. Jeff Campbell liked to talk and he was honest, but it

never came out from him, anything he was ever really feeling, it

only came out from him, what it was that he was always thinking. Jeff

Campbell always was very proud to hide what he was really feeling.

Always he blushed hot to think things he had been feeling. Only to

Melanctha Herbert, had it ever come to him, to tell what it was that

he was feeling.

And so Jeff Campbell went on with this dull and sodden, heavy, quiet

always in him, and he never seemed to be able to have any feeling.

Only sometimes he shivered hot with shame when he remembered some

things he once had been feeling. And then one day it all woke up, and

was sharp in him.

Dr. Campbell was just then staying long times with a sick man who

might soon be dying. One day the sick man was resting. Dr. Campbell

went to the window to look out a little, while he was waiting. It

was very early now in the southern springtime. The trees were just

beginning to get the little zigzag crinkles in them, which the young

buds always give them. The air was soft and moist and pleasant to

them. The earth was wet and rich and smelling for them. The birds were

making sharp fresh noises all around them. The wind was very gentle

and yet urgent to them. And the buds and the long earthworms, and the

negroes, and all the kinds of children, were coming out every minute

farther into the new spring, watery, southern sunshine.

Jeff Campbell too began to feel a little his old joy inside him. The

sodden quiet began to break up in him. He leaned far out of the window

to mix it all up with him. His heart went sharp and then it almost

stopped inside him. Was it Melanctha Herbert he had just seen passing

by him? Was it Melanctha, or was it just some other girl, who made him

feel so bad inside him? Well, it was no matter, Melanctha was there

in the world around him, he did certainly always know that in him.

Melanctha Herbert was always in the same town with him, and he could

never any more feel her near him. What a fool he was to throw her from

him. Did he know she did not really love him. Suppose Melanctha was

now suffering through him. Suppose she really would be glad to see

him. And did anything else he did, really mean anything now to him?

What a fool he was to cast her from him. And yet did Melanctha Herbert

want him, was she honest to him, had Melanctha ever loved him, and

did Melanctha now suffer by him? Oh! Oh! Oh! and the bitter water once

more rose up in him.

All that long day, with the warm moist young spring stirring in him,

Jeff Campbell worked, and thought, and beat his breast, and wandered,

and spoke aloud, and was silent, and was certain, and then in doubt

and then keen to surely feel, and then all sodden in him; and he

walked, and he sometimes ran fast to lose himself in his rushing, and

he bit his nails to pain and bleeding, and he tore his hair so that he

could be sure he was really feeling, and he never could know what it

was right, he now should be doing. And then late that night he wrote

it all out to Melanctha Herbert, and he made himself quickly send it

without giving himself any time to change it.

"It has come to me strong to-day Melanctha, perhaps I am wrong the

way I now am thinking. Perhaps you do want me badly to be with you.

Perhaps I have hurt you once again the way I used to. I certainly

Melanctha, if I ever think that really, I certainly do want bad not

to be wrong now ever any more to you. If you do feel the way to-day it

came to me strong maybe you are feeling, then say so Melanctha to me,

and I come again to see you. If not, don't say anything any more ever

to me. I don't want ever to be bad to you Melanctha, really. I never

want ever to be a bother to you. I never can stand it to think I am

wrong; really, thinking you don't want me to come to you. Tell me

Melanctha, tell me honest to me, shall I come now any more to see

you." "Yes" came the answer from Melanctha, "I be home Jeff to-night

to see you."

Jeff Campbell went that evening late to see Melanctha Herbert. As Jeff

came nearer to her, he doubted that he wanted really to be with her,

he felt that he did not know what it was he now wanted from her. Jeff

Campbell knew very well now, way inside him, that they could never

talk their trouble out between them. What was it Jeff wanted now to

tell Melanctha Herbert? What was it that Jeff Campbell now could tell

her? Surely he never now could learn to trust her. Surely Jeff knew

very well all that Melanctha always had inside her. And yet it was

awful, never any more to see her.

Jeff Campbell went in to Melanctha, and he kissed her, and he held

her, and then he went away from her and he stood still and looked at

her. "Well Jeff!" "Yes Melanctha!" "Jeff what was it made you act so

to me?" "You know very well Melanctha, it's always I am thinking you

don't love me, and you are acting to me good out of kindness, and then

Melanctha you certainly never did say anything to me why you never

came to meet me, as you certainly did promise to me you would that day

I never saw you!" "Jeff don't you really know for certain, I always

love you?" "No Melanctha, deed I don't know it in me. Deed and certain

sure Melanctha, if I only know that in me, I certainly never would

give you any bother." "Jeff, I certainly do love you more seems to

me always, you certainly had ought to feel that in you." "Sure

Melanctha?" "Sure Jeff boy, you know that." "But then Melanctha why

did you act so to me?" "Oh Jeff you certainly been such a bother to

me. I just had to go away that day Jeff, and I certainly didn't

mean not to tell you, and then that letter you wrote came to me and

something happened to me. I don't know right what it was Jeff, I just

kind of fainted, and what could I do Jeff, you said you certainly

never any more wanted to come and see me!" "And no matter Melanctha,

even if you knew, it was just killing me to act so to you, you never

would have said nothing to me?" "No of course, how could I Jeff when

you wrote that way to me. I know how you was feeling Jeff to me, but

I certainly couldn't say nothing to you." "Well Melanctha, I certainly

know I am right proud too in me, but I certainly never could act so to

you Melanctha, if I ever knew any way at all you ever really loved me.

No Melanctha darling, you and me certainly don't feel much the same

way ever. Any way Melanctha, I certainly do love you true Melanctha."

"And I love you too Jeff, even though you don't never certainly seem

to believe me." "No I certainly don't any way believe you Melanctha,

even when you say it to me. I don't know Melanctha how, but sure I

certainly do trust you, only I don't believe now ever in your really

being loving to me. I certainly do know you trust me always Melanctha,

only somehow it ain't ever all right to me. I certainly don't know any

way otherwise Melanctha, how I can say it to you." "Well I certainly

can't help you no ways any more Jeff Campbell, though you certainly

say it right when you say I trust you Jeff now always. You certainly

is the best man Jeff Campbell, I ever can know, to me. I never been

anyways thinking it can be ever different to me." "Well you trust me

then Melanctha, and I certainly love you Melanctha, and seems like

to me Melanctha, you and me had ought to be a little better than we

certainly ever are doing now to be together. You certainly do think

that way, too, Melanctha to me. But may be you do really love me. Tell

me, please, real honest now Melanctha darling, tell me so I really

always know it in me, do you really truly love me?" "Oh you stupid,

stupid boy, Jeff Campbell. Love you, what do you think makes me

always to forgive you. If I certainly didn't always love you Jeff,

I certainly never would let you be always being all the time such a

bother to me the way you certainly Jeff always are to me. Now don't

you dass ever any more say words like that ever to me. You hear me now

Jeff, or I do something real bad sometime, so I really hurt you. Now

Jeff you just be good to me. You know Jeff how bad I need it, now you

should always be good to me!"

Jeff Campbell could not make an answer to Melanctha. What was it he

should now say to her? What words could help him to make their feeling

any better? Jeff Campbell knew that he had learned to love deeply,

that, he always knew very well now in him, Melanctha had learned to

be strong to be always trusting, that he knew too now inside him, but

Melanctha did not really love him, that he felt always too strong for

him. That fact always was there in him, and it always thrust itself

firm, between them. And so this talk did not make things really better

for them.

Jeff Campbell was never any more a torment to Melanctha, he was only

silent to her. Jeff often saw Melanctha and he was very friendly with

her and he never any more was a bother to her. Jeff never any more now

had much chance to be loving with her. Melanctha never was alone now

when he saw her.

Melanctha Herbert had just been getting thick in her trouble with Jeff

Campbell, when she went to that church where she first met Rose, who

later was married regularly to Sam Johnson. Rose was a good-looking,

better kind of black girl, and had been brought up quite like their

own child by white folks. Rose was living now with colored people.

Rose was staying just then with a colored woman, who had known 'Mis'

Herbert and her black husband and this girl Melanctha.

Rose soon got to like Melanctha Herbert and Melanctha now always

wanted to be with Rose, whenever she could do it. Melanctha Herbert

always was doing everything for Rose that she could think of that Rose

ever wanted. Rose always liked to be with nice people who would do

things for her. Rose had strong common sense and she was lazy. Rose

liked Melanctha Herbert, she had such kind of fine ways in her. Then,

too, Rose had it in her to be sorry for the subtle, sweet-natured,

docile, intelligent Melanctha Herbert who always was so blue

sometimes, and always had had so much trouble. Then, too, Rose could

scold Melanctha, for Melanctha Herbert never could know how to keep

herself from trouble, and Rose was always strong to keep straight,

with her simple selfish wisdom.

But why did the subtle, intelligent, attractive, half white girl

Melanctha Herbert, with her sweetness and her power and her wisdom,

demean herself to do for and to flatter and to be scolded, by this

lazy, stupid, ordinary, selfish black girl. This was a queer thing in

Melanctha Herbert.

And so now in these new spring days, it was with Rose that Melanctha

began again to wander. Rose always knew very well in herself what was

the right way to do when you wandered. Rose knew very well, she was

not just any common kind of black girl, for she had been raised by

white folks, and Rose always saw to it that she was engaged to him

when she had any one man with whom she ever always wandered. Rose

always had strong in her the sense for proper conduct. Rose always was

telling the complex and less sure Melanctha, what was the right way

she should do when she wandered.

Rose never knew much about Jeff Campbell with Melanctha Herbert. Rose

had not known about Melanctha Herbert when she had been almost all her

time with Dr. Campbell.

Jeff Campbell did not like Rose when he saw her with Melanctha. Jeff

would never, when he could help it, meet her. Rose did not think much

about Dr. Campbell. Melanctha never talked much about him to her. He

was not important now to be with her.

Rose did not like Melanctha's old friend Jane Harden when she saw her.

Jane despised Rose for an ordinary, stupid, sullen black girl. Jane

could not see what Melanctha could find in that black girl, to endure

her. It made Jane sick to see her. But then Melanctha had a good mind,

but she certainly never did care much to really use it. Jane Harden

now really never cared any more to see Melanctha, though Melanctha

still always tried to be good to her. And Rose, she hated that stuck

up, mean speaking, nasty, drunk thing, Jane Harden. Rose did not see

how Melanctha could bear to ever see her, but Melanctha always was so

good to everybody, she never would know how to act to people the way

they deserved that she should do it.

Rose did not know much about Melanctha, and Jeff Campbell and Jane

Harden. All Rose knew about Melanctha was her old life with her mother

and her father. Rose was always glad to be good to poor Melanctha, who

had had such an awful time with her mother and her father, and now she

was alone and had nobody who could help her. "He was a awful black man

to you Melanctha, I like to get my hands on him so he certainly could

feel it. I just would Melanctha, now you hear me."

Perhaps it was this simple faith and simple anger and simple moral way

of doing in Rose, that Melanctha now found such a comfort to her. Rose

was selfish and was stupid and was lazy, but she was decent and knew

always what was the right way she should do, and what she wanted, and

she certainly did admire how bright was her friend Melanctha Herbert,

and she certainly did feel how very much it was she always suffered

and she scolded her to keep her from more trouble, and she never was

angry when she found some of the different ways Melanctha Herbert

sometimes had to do it.

And so always Rose and Melanctha were more and more together, and Jeff

Campbell could now hardly ever any more be alone with Melanctha.

Once Jeff had to go away to another town to see a sick man. "When I

come back Monday Melanctha, I come Monday evening to see you. You be

home alone once Melanctha to see me." "Sure Jeff, I be glad to see

you!"

When Jeff Campbell came to his house on Monday there was a note

there from Melanctha. Could Jeff come day after to-morrow, Wednesday?

Melanctha was so sorry she had to go out that evening. She was awful

sorry and she hoped Jeff would not be angry.

Jeff was angry and he swore a little, and then he laughed, and then he

sighed. "Poor Melanctha, she don't know any way to be real honest, but

no matter, I sure do love her and I be good if only she will let me."

Jeff Campbell went Wednesday night to see Melanctha. Jeff Campbell

took her in his arms and kissed her. "I certainly am awful sorry not

to see you Jeff Monday, the way I promised, but I just couldn't Jeff,

no way I could fix it." Jeff looked at her and then he laughed a

little at her. "You want me to believe that really now Melanctha. All

right I believe it if you want me to Melanctha. I certainly be good to

you to-night the way you like it. I believe you certainly did want

to see me Melanctha, and there was no way you could fix it." "Oh Jeff

dear," said Melanctha, "I sure was wrong to act so to you. It's awful

hard for me ever to say it to you, I have been wrong in my acting to

you, but I certainly was bad this time Jeff to you. It do certainly

come hard to me to say it Jeff, but I certainly was wrong to go away

from you the way I did it. Only you always certainly been so bad Jeff,

and such a bother to me, and making everything always so hard for me,

and I certainly got some way to do it to make it come back sometimes

to you. You bad boy Jeff, now you hear me, and this certainly is the

first time Jeff I ever yet said it to anybody, I ever been wrong,

Jeff, you hear me!" "All right Melanctha, I sure do forgive you,

cause it's certainly the first time I ever heard you say you ever did

anything wrong the way you shouldn't," and Jeff Campbell laughed and

kissed her, and Melanctha laughed and loved him, and they really were

happy now for a little time together.

And now they were very happy in each other and then they were silent

and then they became a little sadder and then they were very quiet

once more with each other.

"Yes I certainly do love you Jeff!" Melanctha said and she was very

dreamy. "Sure, Melanctha." "Yes Jeff sure, but not the way you are now

ever thinking. I love you more and more seems to me Jeff always, and

I certainly do trust you more and more always to me when I know you. I

do love you Jeff, sure yes, but not the kind of way of loving you

are ever thinking it now Jeff with me. I ain't got certainly no hot

passion any more now in me. You certainly have killed all that kind of

feeling now Jeff in me. You certainly do know that Jeff, now the way I

am always, when I am loving with you. You certainly do know that Jeff,

and that's the way you certainly do like it now in me. You certainly

don't mind now Jeff, to hear me say this to you."

Jeff Campbell was hurt so that it almost killed him. Yes he certainly

did know now what it was to have real hot love in him, and yet

Melanctha certainly was right, he did not deserve she should ever give

it to him. "All right Melanctha I ain't ever kicking. I always will

give you certainly always everything you want that I got in me. I take

anything you want now to give me. I don't say never Melanctha it don't

hurt me, but I certainly don't say ever Melanctha it ought ever to be

any different to me." And the bitter tears rose up in Jeff Campbell,

and they came and choked his voice to be silent, and he held himself

hard to keep from breaking.

"Good-night Melanctha," and Jeff was very humble to her. "Goodnight

Jeff, I certainly never did mean any way to hurt you. I do love you,

sure Jeff every day more and more, all the time I know you." "I

know Melanctha, I know, it's never nothing to me. You can't help it,

anybody ever the way they are feeling. It's all right now Melanctha,

you believe me, good-night now Melanctha, I got now to leave you,

good-by Melanctha, sure don't look so worried to me, sure Melanctha

I come again soon to see you." And then Jeff stumbled down the steps,

and he went away fast to leave her.

And now the pain came hard and harder in Jeff Campbell, and he

groaned, and it hurt him so, he could not bear it. And the tears came,

and his heart beat, and he was hot and worn and bitter in him.

Now Jeff knew very well what it was to love Melanctha. Now Jeff

Campbell knew he was really understanding. Now Jeff knew what it was

to be good to Melanctha. Now Jeff was good to her always.

Slowly Jeff felt it a comfort in him to have it hurt so, and to be

good to Melanctha always. Now there was no way Melanctha ever had had

to bear things from him, worse than he now had it in him. Now Jeff was

strong inside him. Now with all the pain there was peace in him. Now

he knew he was understanding, now he knew he had a hot love in him,

and he was good always to Melanctha Herbert who was the one had made

him have it. Now he knew he could be good, and not cry out for help

to her to teach him how to bear it. Every day Jeff felt himself more a

strong man, the way he once had thought was his real self, the way he

knew it. Now Jeff Campbell had real wisdom in him, and it did not make

him bitter when it hurt him, for Jeff knew now all through him that he

was really strong to bear it.

And so now Jeff Campbell could see Melanctha often, and he was

patient, and always very friendly to her, and every day Jeff Campbell

understood Melanctha Herbert better. And always Jeff saw Melanctha

could not love him the way he needed she should do it. Melanctha

Herbert had no way she ever really could remember.

And now Jeff knew there was a man Melanctha met very often, and

perhaps she wanted to try to have this man to be good, for her. Jeff

Campbell never saw the man Melanctha Herbert perhaps now wanted. Jeff

Campbell only knew very well that there was one. Then there was Rose

that Melanctha now always had with her when she wandered.

Jeff Campbell was very quiet to Melanctha. He said to her, now he

thought he did not want to come any more especially to see her. When

they met, he always would be glad to see her, but now he never would

go anywhere any more to meet her. Sure he knew she always would have

a deep love in him for her. Sure she knew that. "Yes Jeff, I always

trust you Jeff, I certainly do know that all right." Jeff Campbell

said, all right he never could say anything to reproach her. She knew

always that he really had learned all through him how to love her.

"Yes, Jeff, I certainly do know that." She knew now she could always

trust him. Jeff always would be loyal to her though now she never was

any more to him like a religion, but he never could forget the real

sweetness in her. That Jeff must remember always, though now he never

can trust her to be really loving to any man for always, she never did

have any way she ever could remember. If she ever needed anybody to be

good to her, Jeff Campbell always would do anything he could to help

her. He never can forget the things she taught him so he could be

really understanding, but he never any more wants to see her. He be

like a brother to her always, when she needs it, and he always will be

a good friend to her. Jeff Campbell certainly was sorry never any

more to see her, but it was good that they now knew each other really.

"Good-bye Jeff you always been very good always to me." "Good-bye

Melanctha you know you always can trust yourself to me." "Yes, I know,

I know Jeff, really." "I certainly got to go now Melanctha, from you.

I go this time, Melanctha really," and Jeff Campbell went away and

this time he never looked back to her. This time Jeff Campbell just

broke away and left her.

Jeff Campbell loved to think now he was strong again to be quiet, and

to live regular, and to do everything the way he wanted it to be right

for himself and all the colored people. Jeff went away for a little

while to another town to work there, and he worked hard, and he was

very sad inside him, and sometimes the tears would rise up in him, and

then he would work hard, and then he would begin once more to see

some beauty in the world around him. Jeff had behaved right and he had

learned to have a real love in him. That was very good to have inside

him.

Jeff Campbell never could forget the sweetness in Melanctha Herbert,

and he was always very friendly to her, but they never any more came

close to one another. More and more Jeff Campbell and Melanctha fell

away from all knowing of each other, but Jeff never could forget

Melanctha. Jeff never could forget the real sweetness she had in her,

but Jeff never any more had the sense of a real religion for her. Jeff

always had strong in him the meaning of all the new kind of beauty

Melanctha Herbert once had shown him, and always more and more it

helped him with his working for himself and for all the colored

people.

Melanctha Herbert, now that she was all through with Jeff Campbell,

was free to be with Rose and the new men she met now.

Rose was always now with Melanctha Herbert. Rose never found any way

to get excited. Rose always was telling Melanctha Herbert the right

way she should do, so that she would not always be in trouble. But

Melanctha Herbert could not help it, always she would find new ways to

get excited.

Melanctha was all ready now to find new ways to be in trouble. And

yet Melanctha Herbert never wanted not to do right. Always Melanctha

Herbert wanted peace and quiet, and always she could only find new

ways to get excited.

"Melanctha," Rose would say to her, "Melanctha, I certainly have got

to tell you, you ain't right to act so with that kind of feller. You

better just had stick to black men now, Melanctha, you hear me what I

tell you, just the way you always see me do it. They're real bad men,

now I tell you Melanctha true, and you better had hear to me. I been

raised by real nice kind of white folks, Melanctha, and I certainly

knows awful well, soon as ever I can see 'em acting, what is a white

man will act decent to you and the kind it ain't never no good to a

colored girl to ever go with. Now you know real Melanctha how I always

mean right good to you, and you ain't got no way like me Melanctha,

what was raised by white folks, to know right what is the way you

should be acting with men. I don't never want to see you have bad

trouble come hard to you now Melanctha, and so you just hear to me

now Melanctha, what I tell you, for I knows it. I don't say never

certainly to you Melanctha, you never had ought to have nothing to

do ever with no white men, though it ain't never to me Melanctha, the

best kind of a way a colored girl can have to be acting, no I never

do say to you Melanctha, you hadn't never ought to be with white men,

though it ain't never the way I feel it ever real, right for a decent

colored girl to be always doing, but not never Melanctha, now you hear

me, no not never no kind of white men like you been with always now

Melanctha when I see you. You just hear to me Melanctha, you certainly

had ought to hear to me Melanctha, I say it just like I knows it awful

well, Melanctha, and I knows you don't know no better, Melanctha, how

to act so, the ways I seen it with them kind of white fellers, them as

never can know what to do right by a decent girl they have ever got to

be with them. Now you hear to me Melanctha, what I tell you."

And so it was Melanctha Herbert found new ways to be in trouble.

But it was not very bad this trouble, for these white men Rose never

wanted she should be with, never meant very much to Melanctha. It was

only that she liked it to be with them, and they knew all about fine

horses, and it was just good to Melanctha, now a little, to feel real

reckless with them. But mostly it was Rose and other better kind of

colored girls and colored men with whom Melanctha Herbert now always

wandered.

It was summer now and the colored people came out into the sunshine,

full blown with the flowers. And they shone in the streets and in the

fields with their warm joy, and they glistened in their black heat,

and they flung themselves free in their wide abandonment of shouting

laughter.

It was very pleasant in some ways, the life Melanctha Herbert now led

with Rose and all the others. It was not always that Rose had to scold

her.

There was not anybody of all these colored people, excepting only

Rose, who ever meant much to Melanctha Herbert. But they all liked

Melanctha, and the men all liked to see her do things, she was so game

always to do anything anybody ever could do, and then she was good and

sweet to do anything anybody ever wanted from her.

These were pleasant days then, in the hot southern negro sunshine,

with many simple jokes and always wide abandonment of laughter. "Just

look at that Melanctha there a running. Don't she just go like a bird

when she is flying. Hey Melanctha there, I come and catch you, hey

Melanctha, I put salt on your tail to catch you," and then the man

would try to catch her, and he would fall full on the earth and roll

in an agony of wide-mouthed shouting laughter. And this was the kind

of way Rose always liked to have Melanctha do it, to be engaged to

him, and to have a good warm nigger time with colored men, not to go

about with that kind of white man, never could know how to act right,

to any decent kind of girl they could ever get to be with them.

Rose, always more and more, liked Melanctha Herbert better. Rose often

had to scold Melanctha Herbert, but that only made her like Melanctha

better. And then Melanctha always listened to her, and always acted

every way she could to please her. And then Rose was so sorry for

Melanctha, when she was so blue sometimes, and wanted somebody should

come and kill her.

And Melanctha Herbert clung to Rose in the hope that Rose could

save her. Melanctha felt the power of Rose's selfish, decent kind of

nature. It was so solid, simple, certain to her. Melanctha clung to

Rose, she loved to have her scold her, she always wanted to be with

her. She always felt a solid safety in her; Rose always was, in her

way, very good to let Melanctha be loving to her. Melanctha never had

any way she could really be a trouble to her. Melanctha never had any

way that she could ever get real power, to come close inside to her.

Melanctha was always very humble to her. Melanctha was always ready to

do anything Rose wanted from her. Melanctha needed badly to have

Rose always willing to let Melanctha cling to her. Rose was a simple,

sullen, selfish, black girl, but she had a solid power in her. Rose

had strong the sense of decent conduct, she had strong the sense of

decent comfort. Rose always knew very well what it was she wanted, and

she knew very well what was the right way to do to get everything she

wanted, and she never had any kind of trouble to perplex her. And so

the subtle intelligent attractive half white girl Melanctha Herbert

loved and did for, and demeaned herself in service to this coarse,

decent, sullen, ordinary, black, childish Rose and now this unmoral

promiscuous shiftless Rose was to be married to a good man of the

negroes, while Melanctha Herbert with her white blood and attraction

and her desire for a right position was perhaps never to be really

regularly married. Sometimes the thought of how all her world was

made filled the complex, desiring Melanctha with despair. She wondered

often how she could go on living when she was so blue. Sometimes

Melanctha thought she would just kill herself, for sometimes she

thought this would be really the best thing for her to do.

Rose was now to be married to a decent good man of the negroes. His

name was Sam Johnson, and he worked as a deck-hand on a coasting

steamer, and he was very steady, and he got good wages.

Rose first met Sam Johnson at church, the same place where she had met

Melanctha Herbert. Rose liked Sam when she saw him, she knew he was a

good man and worked hard and got good wages, and Rose thought it

would be very nice and very good now in her position to get really,

regularly married.