"Don't put me off, Una; don't trifle with me. It's too serious for
that. You are cold to me to-night, and it has come to this, that I
cannot live when you are not kind. What has changed you since this
afternoon? Were you vexed with me for bringing you those roses?"
"Not in the least, so far as I am concerned; but your people seemed
astonished. It made me feel a little awkward."
He looked at once relieved and puzzled. "But they know!" he cried.
"They know quite well. They would not be astonished at my giving you
anything. Has Lorna never told you that she knows?"
"I really fail to understand what there is to know," I said, sitting up
very straight and stiff, looking as haughty and unapproachable as I
possibly could. It was coming very close. I knew it, though I never
had the experience before, and I would have given anything in the world
to escape. Oh, how can girls like to have proposals from men whom they
don't mean to accept? How can they bring themselves to boast of them as
if they were a triumph and a pride? I never felt so humiliated in my
life as I did when I sat there and listened to Wallace's wild words.
"What is there to know? Only that I love you with all my heart and
strength--that I have loved you ever since the moment I first saw your
sweet face. You did not seem like a stranger, for I had been waiting
for you all my life. Oh, Una, these few weeks have been like a dream of
happiness. I never knew what it was to live before. You are so--"
I haven't the heart to repeat all the praises the poor fellow lavished
upon me while I sat listening in an agony of shame, feeling more and
more miserable every moment, as I realised that, in spite of his
agitation, he was by no means despondent as to the result of his wooing.
He seemed more anxious to assure me of his devotion than to question me
about mine, as if he imagined that my coldness was caused by pique or
jealousy. I drew away my hands, and tried to stop him by vague murmurs
of dissent, but it was no use, he only became more eager and determined.
"We all love you, Una. My mother thinks you the most charming girl she
has ever met. She was speaking of you to me only last night; she feels
naturally a little sad, poor mother! to know that she is no longer the
first consideration to her boy, but she quite understands. And the
pater, too--he is in love with you himself. Who could help it,
darling?"
"Oh, stop, stop! I can't bear it. You must not talk like that," I
cried desperately. "You are taking everything for granted, and it is
impossible, quite impossible. I don't want to marry anyone. I'm too
young. I must wait for years before I can even think of such a thing."
He looked actually relieved, instead of disappointed, as my words
evidently removed one big difficulty from his path.
"I couldn't ask you to marry me yet, dearest. I have my way to make,
and could not provide a home that would be worthy of you for some years
to come; but as you say, we are both young, and can afford to wait; and
oh, Una, I could work like ten men with such a prospect to inspire me.
I will get on for your sake; it is in me, I know it is--I shall
succeed!"
"I hope you may, I'm sure," I said, nearly crying with agitation and
misery. "But you must not think of me. I have nothing to do with it.
I like you very much, but I couldn't marry you now or ever--I never
thought of such a thing--it's quite impossible. You must, please,
please, never speak of it again!"
Even then he wouldn't understand, but preferred to think that I was shy,
nervous, coy--anything rather than simply and absolutely truthful. He
began again in a humble, pleading voice, which tore my heart.
"I know it seems presumption to ask so much. I am an insignificant
nobody, and you might marry anyone you liked. In every sense of the
word but one I am a wretched match for you, but love counts for
something, and you will never find anyone to love you more. I'd give my
very life to serve you, and I will give it, if you will trust yourself
to me! My father was no older than I am when he became engaged, and he
told me only the other day that he looked back on that hour as the
beginning of his success. He would be glad to see me engaged also."
"Have you spoken about me to him, then, as well as to your mother?" I
demanded testily. I felt so guilty about my own conduct that it was a
relief to be able to find fault with someone else, and I worked myself
up into quite a show of indignation. "You must have made very sure of
my answer to be ready to discuss me in such a general fashion. It would
have been more courteous to wait until you had my permission. You have
placed us both in a most awkward position, for, as I said before, I
could never marry you. It is quite impossible. I like you very much,
but not in that way. Let us be friends, and forget everything else. We
were so happy as we were--it is such a pity to spoil it all like this."
"Spoil it!" he repeated blankly. He had grown quite white while I was
speaking, and his eyes had a dazed, startled expression. "Does it spoil
things for you, Una, to know that I love you? But you have known that
for a long time--everyone in the house found it out, and you could not
have helped seeing it, too. You say I have made too sure of you.
Forgive me, darling, but if I have done so it is only because I know you
are too sweet and good to encourage a man when there was no hope. I am
more sorry than I can say if I have annoyed you by speaking to my
parents, but the mater naturally spoke to me when she saw how things
were going, and I had to consult my father about ways and means. Una,
darling, you don't mean it. You can't mean to break my heart after
leading me on all these weeks?"
"I never led you on!" I cried vainly. "I was only nice to you as I
would have been to anyone else. I knew you liked me; but everyone who
is kind and attentive does not want to marry one as a matter of course.
It would be horrid to expect it. Lorna is my friend, and you are her
brother, so of course--"