_Monday, July 18._--Pretty incident in Lords to-night. Debate on Third
Reading of Coercion Bill. In middle of proceedings DENMAN remembered
four other lines for quotation from late Lord HOUGHTON'S poems. Last
time he recited from this source the reporters, as he complained, had
not reproduced the quotation. Evidently in strong force in Gallery
to-night; working away at high pressure. Now the time, or never. So
DENMAN rose and began--
"My name is NORVAL----"
[Illustration: DR. SPEAKER BIRCH AND HIS YOUNG PARLIAMENTARY FRIENDS.
GIVING IT THEM ALL ROUND.]
Unfortunately GRANVILLE rose at same moment. Didn't seem at all
interested in further biographical details, and recurred to Coercion
Bill. DENMAN not to be turned aside.
"----On the Grampian hills,"
he continued; whereupon the Markiss rose and moved formal Resolution
that GRANVILLE be heard.
Evidently some misunderstanding; but DENMAN too polite to insist on
pushing himself forward; resumed his seat, and patiently awaited
conclusion of GRANVILLE'S speech. Thereupon promptly rose again, and
approached the table. So did the Markiss, and the two Statesmen stood
and glared at each other across the table.
"My name----" DENMAN began.
"My Lords," said the Markiss.
"Order! order!" shouted the Peers. Then GRANVILLE remembered what the
Markiss had done for him in similar circumstances, and, interposing,
moved that the Markiss be heard. House agreed, and _Norval_, retiring
from the Grampian hills, withdrew to the Lowlands by the Bar.
In Commons GRANDOLPH turned up in his favourite character as Economist.
Crammed to the moustache. Figures which he rattled out show that First
Lord and Board of Admiralty are spendthrifts. Quite a marvellous store
of learning, which hampered HAMILTON, baffled BERESFORD, riled REED and
flurried FORWOOD.
This, the serious business of the sitting, prefaced by a privilege case
which of course attracted much more attention. LONG complained that on
addressing TANNER in Lobby after debate of Friday, Member for Mid-Cork
had turned upon him and abused him in coarsest language. Old Morality
moved that TANNER be suspended for a month. Many Members of opinion that
O. M. need not have been so precise. As they _were_ hanging him up, a
month or two more or less would make no difference. Others laid the
blame on LONG, who opened the conversation.
"If a man touches pitch he must expect to be defiled," said Lady PARKER,
gyrating coquettishly in the Lobby. SEXTON moved adjournment of debate
till Thursday. In course of speech fell upon GENT-DAVIS standing at Bar,
"smiling," as SEXTON bitterly said, "in such a superior manner." Finding
a head there, SEXTON brought down shillelagh on it. Suddenness of
assault took away G.-D.'s breath. Very indignant when he recovered.
"What business had he to attack me?" he asked. "I'll interpolate the
SPEAKER, and see if this, too, isn't a Breach of Privilege."
_Business done._--Supply.
_Tuesday._--Seems TANNER not the only Member who has been "saying
things" in the Lobby. Alderman FOWLER accused of having sinned in a
similar way against HOWELL. Irish Members gleefully taken up case.
SEXTON gave notice that on Thursday, when Motion for suspension of
TANNER comes on, he will move that FOWLER be also suspended for a month.
"They can go away together for a month in the country," TIM HEALY says;
"or might take a trip to Norway. Anyhow, they'll be able to pair for the
remainder of the Session."
FOWLER makes light of the threat, but not at all a pleasant thing.
Parliamentary life, as a whole, getting rather a weariness to the flesh.
Only the other day he was sat upon in connection with the manufacture of
bogus petitions, now is to be brought up for using bad language in the
Lobby. Wishes he'd been made a Jubilee Peer.
[Illustration: "If a man touches pitch," &c.]
After questions, gallant little Wales came up, piping its eye.
Thirty-one men been arrested in connection with Tithe Riots near Ruthin.
Government, having got into swing in Ireland, proposed to change the
_venue_, and try prisoners by Special Jury. ELLIS moved Adjournment in
order to protest. Backed up by OSBORNE MORGAN, HARCOURT, DILLWYN, and
others. On other side, ATTORNEY-GENERAL justified course taken, and
SOLICITOR-GENERAL declared OSBORNE MORGAN'S speech "a scandal to the
House of Commons." Idea of OSBORNE MORGAN creating a scandal shocked the
House; CLARKE obliged to withdraw remark, and apologise.
Gem of the evening was SWETENHAM'S speech. Delightful the ease and
fluency with which he pronounced such words as Llanymrech and
Llansaintfraid, and others guiltless of a vowel. Delicious the way in
which he ogled OSBORNE MORGAN, slily insinuating his intimate knowledge
of the criminal classes. What with his remarks, and the accusation of
the SOLICITOR-GENERAL, House began to think there was more in OSBORNE
MORGAN than met the eye, and that it had, unawares, been nursing a viper
in its bosom.
_Business done._--Supply.
[Illustration: "Scandalous!"]
_Thursday._--Dr. TANNER and Alderman FOWLER both in their places at
Question Time. First business on paper was Adjourned Debate on Old
Morality's Motion to suspend TANNER for a month. SEXTON gave notice to
haul up the Alderman on charge similar to that which hung over meek head
of TANNER. TANNER in apologetic mood, but the Alderman defiant. In
course of debate HOWELL, alleged victim of Alderman's minatory
observations, attempted to introduce the subject. TANNER debate been on
for hour and half; began to flag a little. Time seemed opportune for
serving up the Alderman. But SPEAKER peremptorily interposed, and would
have none of it. Sufficient for the day was the TANNER thereof, and so
the Alderman, a pillar of the Church, a mainstay of the State, must go
down to posterity under charge of having used naughty words in the
Lobby.
TANNER episode proved lively enough. TANNER apologised for language used
to WALTER LONG, and duly expressed his regret. All eyes turned upon Old
Morality. Expected, as Leader of House, to interpose, and bring
unsavoury proceedings to swift close--and so, let us go to business. But
O. M. let LONG slip in with correction of TANNER'S version of what had
passed. Squabbled for half-an-hour as to what had really been said.
House got its back up. Opportunity for controlling it passed. Storm grew
higher as moments slipped by. HARCOURT in his element, thumping the
table and shouting at top of his voice in effort, sometimes vain, to
make himself heard amid clamour on opposite benches. Finally, WHITBREAD
appealed to SPEAKER to give his opinion. This awkward for SPEAKER, who
must needs offend one or other of angry parties. Acquitted himself
admirably. With infinite tact expressed his opinion that, as contended
from Opposition Benches, TANNER'S apology "formal, distinct, and
unreserved." Rather a snub this for Old Morality and HARTINGTON, who had
backed him up. But decision unanimously accepted, and the smile which
BIGWOOD reported he had "seen on the countenance of Dr. TANNER" when
first addressed in Lobby by LONG, returned.
[Illustration: "We've lost two hours' precious time."]
"We've lost two hours' precious time," said KENNAWAY, walking out, "and
the only person that's made anything out of it is TANNER. A week ago was
in low water, snubbed by his own friends, for whom his conduct was too
bad. Now elevated to position of persecuted hero, made the subject of
elaborate debate, dragged Government into fresh muddle, and brought upon
them rebuke from highest authority in the House."
_Business done._--Got into Committee on Land Bill.
_Friday._--House assembled this afternoon at Waterloo Station, bound for
Portsmouth and Southampton, to see the Review.
_Business done._--Took return-tickets.
* * * * *
"DEAR me!" said Mrs. RAM, "I always thought that Margarine was a foreign
title. Wasn't there a Margarine of Hesse?"
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