TO THE MEMORY OF
THE EGYPTIAN CONVENTION.
IT WAS AN ILL-STARRED INSTRUMENT,
CONCEIVED IN DOUBT, MATURED IN PERPLEXITY,
AND
COMPLETED IN CONSTERNATION,
IT WAS ULTIMATELY DRAFTED WITH THE IMMEDIATE BUT
AMUSING EFFECT OF
SENDING THE DUC DE MONTEBELLO INTO HYSTERICS,
CAUSING AN ICY INDIFFERENCE ON THE PART OF M. NELIDOFF,
AND
INDUCING THE SULTAN TO SING
ONCE AND FOR ALL STRAIGHT OFF
AN ENTIRE ENCORE VERSE OF
"OH! WHAT A SURPRISE!"
THUS
HAPPILY AT ONE AND THE SAME TIME
HAVING FULFILLED THE TRIPLE PURPOSE
OF
RAISING THE PASSING SMILE OF DIPLOMATIC EUROPE,
THROWING SIR H. DRUMMOND WOLFF INTO A CONDITION OF
"ANIMATED EXPECTANCY,"
AND
COSTING THE BRITISH TAX-PAYER L28,000 STERLING,
TO THE PERMANENT ASTONISHMENT OF ITS AUTHOR,
THE SMOTHERED SATISFACTION OF THE SUBLIME PORTE,
AND THE GENERAL REJOICING OF THE EGYPTIAN BOND-HOLDER,
IT RETURNED AT LENGTH TO THIS COUNTRY,
UNCRUMPLED, BUT UNSIGNED,
TO BE RELEGATED COMICALLY, BUT EFFECTUALLY,
TO A WASTE-PAPER BASKET AT THE FOREIGN OFFICE,
FROM WHICH IT IS THE DEVOUT HOPE OF THOUGHTFUL POLITICIANS,
THE SETTLED VERDICT OF PUBLIC OPINION,
AND
THE DETERMINED RESOLUTION OF LORD SALISBURY,
THAT ITS SHATTERED FRAGMENTS
SHALL NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES,
AGAIN EMERGE.
* * * * *
Foul is Fair.
(_A Parliamentary Song of Sixpence._)
THE Irish M.P.'s, who are born to the manner,
Can't see any harm in the language of TANNER.
In war for ould Ireland they boldly declare
That the course they pursue is quite (Donnybrook) fair;
And with joy each impulsive Milesian howler
Cries, "If 'TANNER' be foul, there's 'BOB' that is FOWLER."
But Stooping to Conquer is always their plight;
Sir ROBERT'S, at worst, the Mistakes of a Knight.
* * * * *