Frequency of the Priests' Visits to the Nunnery--Their Freedom and
Crimes--Difficulty of learning their Names--Their Holy
Retreat--Objections in our minds--Means used to counteract
Conscience--Ingenious Arguments.
Some of the priests from the Seminary were in the nunnery every day and
night, and often several at a time. I have seen nearly all of them at
different times, though there are about one hundred and fifty in the
district of Montreal. There was a difference in their conduct; though I
believe every one of them was guilty of licentiousness; while not one
did I ever see who maintained a character any way becoming the
profession of a priest. Some were gross and degraded in a degree which
few of my readers can ever have imagined; and I should be unwilling to
offend the eye, and corrupt the heart of any one, by an account of
their words and actions. Few imaginations can conceive deeds so
abominable as they practised, and often required of some of the poor
women, under the fear of severe punishments, and even of death. I do
not hesitate to say with the strongest confidence, that although some
of the nuns became lost to every sentiment of virtue and honour,
especially one from the Congregational Nunnery whom I have before
mentioned, Saint Patrick, the greater part of them loathed the
practices to which they were compelled to submit by the Superior and
priests, who kept them under so dreadful a bondage.
Some of the priests whom I saw I never knew by name, and the names of
others I did not learn for a time, and at last only by accident.
They were always called "Mon père," my father; but sometimes, when they
had purchased something in the ornament-room, they would give their
real names, with directions where it should be sent. Many names, thus
learnt, and in other ways, were whispered about from nun to nun, and
became pretty generally known. Several of the priests, some of us had
seen before we entered the Convent.
Many things of which I speak, from the nature of the case, must
necessarily rest chiefly upon my own word, until further evidence can
be obtained: but there are some facts for which I can appeal to the
knowledge of others. It is commonly known in Montreal that some of the
priests occasionally withdraw from their customary employments, and are
not to be seen for some time, it being understood that they have
retired for religious study, meditation and devotion, for the
improvement of their hearts. Sometimes they are thus withdrawn from the
world for weeks: but there is no fixed period.
This was a fact I knew before I took the veil; for it is a frequent
subject of remark, that such or such a Father is on a "holy retreat."
This is a term which conveys the idea of a religious seclusion from the
world for sacred purposes. On the re-appearance of the priest after
such a period, in the church or the streets, it is natural to feel a
peculiar impression of his devout character--an impression very
different from that conveyed to the mind of one who knows matters as
they really are. Suspicions have been indulged by some in Canada on
this subject, and facts are known by at least a few. I am able to speak
from personal knowledge: for I have been a nun of Soeur Bourgeoise.
The priests are liable, by their dissolute habits, to occasional
attacks of disease, which render it necessary, or at least prudent, to
submit to medical treatment.
In the Black Nunnery they find private accommodations, for they are
free to enter one of the private hospitals whenever they please; which
is a room set apart on purpose for the accommodation of the priests,
and is called a retreat-room. But an excuse is necessary to blind the
public, and this they find is the pretence that they make of being in a
"Holy Retreat." Many such cases I have known; and I can mention the
names of priests who have been confined in this Holy Retreat. They are
very carefully attended by the Superior and old nuns, and their diet
mostly consists of vegetable soups, &c., with but little meat, and that
fresh. I have seen an instrument of surgery laying upon the table in
that holy room, which is used only for particular purposes.
Father Tabeau, a Roman priest, was on one of his holy retreats about
the time when I left the nunnery. There are sometimes a number confined
there at the same time. The victims of these priests frequently share
the same fate.
I have often reflected how grievously I had been deceived in my opinion
of a nun's condition! All the holiness of their lives, I now saw, was
merely pretended. The appearance of sanctity and heavenly mindedness
which they had shown among us novices, I found was only a disguise to
conceal such practices as would not be tolerated in any decent society
in the world; and as for peace and joy like that of heaven, which I had
expected to find among them, I learnt too well that they did not exist
there.
The only way in which such thoughts were counteracted, was by the
constant instructions given us by the Superior and priests, to regard
every doubt as a mortal sin. Other faults we might have, as we were
told over and over again, which, though worthy of penances, were far
less sinful than these. For a nun to doubt that she was doing her duty
in fulfilling her vows and oaths, was a heinous offence, and we were
exhorted always to suppress our doubts, to confess them without
reserve, and cheerfully to submit to severe penances on account of
them, as the only means of mortifying our evil dispositions, and
resisting the temptations of the devil. Thus we learnt in a good degree
to resist our minds and consciences, when we felt the first rising of a
question about the duty of doing any thing required of us.
To enforce this upon us, they employed various means. Some of the most
striking stories told us at catechism by the priests, were designed for
this end. One of these, I will repeat. One day, as a priest assured us
who was hearing us say the catechism on Saturday afternoon, as one
Monsieur ----, a well-known citizen of Montreal, was walking near the
cathedral, he saw Satan giving orders to numerous evil spirits who had
assembled around him. Being afraid of being seen, and yet wishing to
observe what was done, he hid himself where he could observe all that
passed. Satan despatched his devils to different parts of the city,
with directions to do their best for him; and they returned in a short
time, bringing in reports of their success in leading persons of
different classes to the commission of various sins, which they thought
would be agreeable to their master. Satan, however, expressed his
dissatisfaction, and ordered them out again; but just then a spirit
from the Black Nunnery came, who had not been seen before, and stated
that he had been trying for seven years to persuade one of the nuns to
doubt, and had just succeeded. Satan received the intelligence with the
highest pleasure; and turning to the spirits around him, said: "You
have not half done your work--he has done much more than all of you."
In spite, however, of our instructions and warnings, our fears and
penances, such doubts would intrude; and I have often indulged them for
a time, and at length, yielding to the belief that I was wrong in
giving place to them, would confess them, and undergo with cheerfulness
such new penances as I was loaded with. Others too would occasionally
entertain and privately express such doubts; though we all had been
most solemnly warned by the cruel murder of Saint Francis. Occasionally
some of the nuns would go further, and resist the restraints or
punishments imposed upon them; and it was not uncommon to hear screams,
sometimes of a most piercing and terrific kind, from nuns suffering
under discipline.
Some of my readers may feel disposed to exclaim against me, for
believing things, which will strike them as so monstrous and
abominable. To such, I would say, without pretending to justify
myself--You know little of the position in which I was placed: in the
first place, ignorant of any other religions doctrines; and in the
second, met at every moment by some ingenious argument, and the example
of a large community, who received all the instructions of the priests
as of undoubted truth, and practised upon them. Of the variety and
speciousness of the arguments used, you cannot have any correct idea.
They were often so ready with replies, examples, anecdotes and
authorities, to enforce their doctrines, that it seemed to me they
could never have learnt it all from books, but must have been taught by
wicked spirits. Indeed, when I reflect upon their conversations, I am
astonished at their art and address, and find it difficult to account
for their subtlety and success in influencing my mind, and persuading
me to anything they pleased. It seems to me, that hardly anybody would
be safe in their hands. If you were to go to confession twice, I
believe you would feel very differently from what you do now. They have
such a way of avoiding one thing, and speaking of another, of affirming
this, and doubting or disputing that, of quoting authorities, and
speaking of wonders and miracles recently performed, in confirmation of
what they teach, as familiarly known to persons whom they call by name,
and whom they pretend to offer as witnesses, though they never give you
an opportunity to speak with them--these, and many other means, they
use in such away, that they always blinded my mind, and I should think,
would blind the minds of others.