Description of the Room of the Three States, and the pictures in
it--Jane Ray ridiculing Priests--Their criminal Treatment of us at
Confession--Jane Ray's Tricks with the Nuns' Aprons, Handkerchiefs, and
Nightgowns--Apples.
The pictures in the room of the Three States were large, and painted by
some artist who understood how to make horrible ones. They appeared to
be stuck to the walls. The light is admitted from small and high
windows, which are curtained, and is rather faint, so as to make every
thing look gloomy. The story told us was, that they were painted by an
artist to whom God had given power to represent things exactly they are
in heaven, hell, and purgatory.
In heaven, the picture of which hangs on one side of the apartment,
multitudes of nuns and priests are put in the highest places, with the
Virgin Mary at the head, St. Peter and other saints far above the great
numbers of good Catholics of other classes, who were crowded in below.
In purgatory are multitudes of people; and in one part, called "_The
place of lambs_," are infants who died unbaptized. "_The place of
darkness_," is that part of purgatory in which adults are collected;
and there they are surrounded with flames, waiting to be delivered by
the prayers of the living.
In hell, the picture of which, and that of purgatory, were on the wall
opposite that of heaven, the human faces were the most horrible that
can be imagined. Persons of different descriptions were represented,
with the most distorted features, ghastly complexions, and every
variety of dreadful expression; some with wild beasts gnawing at their
heads, others furiously biting the iron bars which kept them in, with
looks which could not fail to make a spectator shudder.
I could hardly persuade myself that the figures were not living, and
the impression they made on my feelings was powerful. I was often shown
the place where nuns go who break their vows, as a warning. It is the
hottest place in hell, and worse, in every point of view, even than
that to which Protestants are assigned; because they are not so much to
be blamed, as we were sometimes assured, as their ministers and the
Bible, by which they are perverted.
Whenever I was shut in that room, as I was several times, I prayed for
"les âmes des fidèles trépassés:" the souls of those faithful ones who
have long been in purgatory, and have no relations living to pray for
them.
My feelings were often of the most painful description, while I
remained alone with those frightful pictures.
Jane Ray was once put in, and uttered the most dreadful shrieks. Some
of the old nuns proposed to the Superior to have her gagged: "No" she
replied; "go and let out that devil, she makes me sin more than all the
rest."
Jane could not endure the place; and she afterward gave names to many
of the worst figures in the pictures. On catechism-days she would take
a seat behind a cupboard-door, where the priest could not see her,
while she faced the nuns, and would make us laugh. "You are not so
attentive to your lesson as you used to be," he would begin to say,
while we were endeavouring to suppress our laughter.
Jane would then hold up the first letter of some priest's name, whom
she had before compared with one of the faces in "hell," and look so
that we could hardly preserve our gravity. I remember she named the
wretch who was biting at the bars of hell, with a serpent gnawing his
head, with chains and padlocks on, Father Dufresne; and she would
say--"Does not he look like him, when he comes in to Catechism with his
long solemn face, and begins his speeches with, 'My children, my hope
is, you have lived very devout lives?'"
The first time I went to confession after taking the veil, I found
abundant evidence that the priests did not treat even that ceremony,
which is called a solemn sacrament, with respect enough to lay aside
the detestable and shameless character they so often showed on other
occasions. The confessor sometimes sat in the room of examination of
conscience, and sometimes in the Superior's room, and always alone,
except the nun who was confessing. He had a common chair placed in the
middle of the floor, and instead of being placed behind a grate, or
lattice, as in the chapel, had nothing before or around him. There were
no spectators to observe him, and of course any such thing would have
been unnecessary.
A number of nuns usually confessed on the same day, but only one could
be admitted into the room at the time. They took their places just
without the door, on their knees, and went through the preparation
prescribed by the rules of confession; repeating certain prayers, which
always occupy a considerable time. When one was ready, she rose from
her knees, entered, and closed the door behind her; and no other one
even dared touch the latch until she came out.
I shall not tell what was transacted at such times, under the pretence
of confessing, and receiving absolution from sin: far more guilt was
often incurred than pardoned; and crimes of a deep die were committed,
while trifling irregularities, in childish ceremonies, were treated as
serious offences. I cannot persuade myself to speak plainly on such a
subject, as I must offend the virtuous ear. I can only say, that
suspicion cannot do any injustice to the priests, because their sins
cannot be exaggerated.
Some idea may be formed of the manner in which even such women as many
of my sister nuns were regarded the confessors, when I state, that
there was often a contest among us, to avoid entering the apartment as
long as we could, endeavouring to make each other go first, as that was
what most of us dreaded.
During the long and tedious days, which filled up the time between the
occurrences I have mentioned, nothing, or little took place to keep up
our spirits. We were fatigued in body with labour, or with sitting,
debilitated by the long continuance of our religious exercises, and
depressed in feelings by our miserable and hopeless condition. Nothing
but the humors of mad Jane Ray, could rouse us for a moment from our
languor and melancholy.
To mention all her devices, would require more room than is here
allowed, and a memory of almost all her words and actions for years. I
had early become a favourite with her, and had opportunity to learn
more of her character than most of the other nuns. As this may be best
learnt from hearing what she did, I will here recount a few of her
tricks, just as they happen to present themselves to my memory, without
regard to the order of time.
She one day, in an unaccountable humour, sprinkled the floor
plentifully with holy water, which brought upon her a severe lecture
from the Superior, as might have been expected. The Superior said it
was a heinous offence; she had wasted holy water enough to save many
souls from purgatory; and what would they not give for it! She then
ordered Jane to sit in the middle of the floor, and when the priest
came, he was informed of her offence. Instead, however, of imposing one
of those penances to which she had often been subjected, but with so
little effect, he said to her, "Go to your place, Jane; we forgive you
for this time."
I was once set to iron aprons with Jane; aprons and
pocket-handkerchiefs are the only articles of dress which are ever
ironed in the Convent. As soon as we were alone, she remarked, "Well,
we are free from the rules, while we are at this work;" and although
she knew she had no reason for saying so, she began to sing, and I soon
joined her, and thus we spent the time, while we were at work, to the
neglect of the prayers we ought to have said.
We had no idea that we were in danger of being overheard, but it
happened that the Superior was overhead all the time, with several
nuns, who were preparing for confession: she came down and said, "How
is this?" Jane Ray coolly replied, that we had employed our time in
singing hymns, and referred to me. I was afraid to confirm so direct a
falsehood, in order to deceive the Superior, though I had often told
more injurious ones of her fabrication, or at her orders, and said very
little in reply to Jane's request.
The Superior plainly saw the trick that was attempted, and ordered us
both to the room for the examination of conscience, where we remained
till night, without a mouthful to eat. The time was not, however,
unoccupied; I received such a lecture from Jane, as I have very seldom
heard, and she was so angry with me that we did not speak to each other
for two weeks.
At length she found something to complain of against me, had me
subjected to a penance, which led to our begging each other's pardon,
and we became perfectly satisfied, reconciled, and as good friends as
ever.
One of the most disgusting penances we ever had to submit to, was that
of drinking the water in which the Superior had washed her feet. Nobody
could ever laugh at this penance except Jane Ray. She would pretend to
comfort us, by saying, she was sure it was better than mere plain,
clear water.
Some of the tricks which I remember, were played by Jane with nuns'
clothes. It was a rule that the oldest aprons in use should go to the
youngest received, and the old nuns were to wear all the new ones. On
four different occasions, Jane stole into the sleeping-room at night,
and unobserved by the watch, changed a great part of the aprons,
placing them by the beds of nuns to whom they did not belong. The
consequence was, that in the morning they dressed themselves in such
haste, as never to discover the mistakes they made, until they were all
ranged at prayers; and then the ridiculous appearance which many of
them cut, disturbed the long devotions. I laugh so easily, that on such
occasions, I usually incurred a full share of penances, I generally,
however, got a new apron, when Jane played this trick; for it was part
of her object, to give the best aprons to her favourites, and put off
the ragged ones on some of the old nuns whom she most hated.
Jane once lost her pocket-handkerchief. The penance for such an offence
is, to go without any for five weeks. For this she had no relish, and
requested me to pick one from some of the nuns on the way up-stairs. I
succeeded in getting two: this Jane said was one too many; and she
thought it dangerous for either of us to keep it, lest a search should
be made. Very soon the two nuns were complaining that they had lost
their handkerchiefs, and wondering what could have become of them, as
they were sure that they had been careful. Jane seized an opportunity,
and slipped one into a straw bed, where it remained until the bed was
emptied to be filled with new straw.
As the winter was coming on, one year, she complained to me that we
were not as well supplied with warm night-clothes as two of the nuns
she named, whom she said she "abominated." She soon after found means
to get possession of their fine warm flannel nightgowns, one of which
she gave to me, while the other she put on at bed time. She presumed
the owners would have a secret search for them; and in the morning hid
them in the stove, after the fire had gone out, which was kindled a
little before the hour of rising, and then suffered to burn down.
This she did every morning, taking them out at night, through the
winter. The poor nuns who owned the garments were afraid to complain of
their loss, lest they should have some penance laid on them, and
nothing was ever said about them. When the weather began to grow warm
in the spring Jane returned the nightgowns to the beds of the nuns,
from whom she had borrowed them, and they were probably as much
surprised to find them again, as they had before been at losing them.
Jane once found an opportunity to fill her apron with a quantity of
fine apples, called _fameuses_, which came in her way, and, hastening
up to the sleeping-room, hid them under my bed. Then, coming down, she
informed me, and we agreed to apply for leave to make our elevens, as
it is called. The meaning of this is, to repeat a certain round of
prayers, for nine days in succession, to some saint we choose to
address for assistance, in becoming more charitable, affectionate or
something else. We easily obtained permission, and hastened up-stairs
to begin our nine days' feast on the apples; when, much to our
surprise, they had all been taken away, and there was no way to avoid
the disagreeable fate we had brought upon ourselves. Jane therefore
began to search the beds of the other nuns; but not finding any trace
of the apples, she became doubly vexed and stuck pins in those which
belonged to her enemies.
When bedtime came, they were much scratched in getting in bed, which
made them break silence, and that subjected them to penances.