Displeased with the Convent--Left it--Residence at St.
Denis--Reliques--Marriage--Return to the Black Nunnery--Objections made
by some Novices--Ideas of the Bible.
After I had been in the nunneries four or five years, from the time I
commenced school at the Congregational Convent, one day I was treated
by one of the nuns in a manner which displeased me, and because I
expressed some resentment, was required to beg her pardon. Not being
satisfied with this, although I complied with the command, nor with the
coolness with which the Superior treated me, I determined to quit the
Convent at once, which I did without asking leave. There would have
been no obstacle to my departure, I presume, novice as I then was, if I
had asked permission; but I was too much displeased to wait for that,
and went home without speaking to any one on the subject.
I soon after visited the town of St. Denis, where I saw two young
ladies with whom I had formerly been acquainted in Montreal, and one of
them a former schoolmate at Mr. Workman's school. After some
conversation with me, and learning that I had known a lady who kept
school in the place, they advised me to apply to her to be employed as
her assistant teacher; for she was then instructing the government
school in that place. I visited her, and found her willing, and I
engaged at once as her assistant.
The government society paid her 20_l_: a-year: she was obliged to teach
ten children gratuitously; might receive fifteen pence a month (about a
quarter of a dollar), for each of ten scholars more; and then she was
at liberty, according to the regulations, to demand as much as she
pleased for the other pupils. The course of instruction, as required by
the society, embraced only reading, writing, and what was called
ciphering, though I think improperly. The only books used were a
spelling-book, l'Instruction de la Jeunesse, the Catholic New
Testament, and l'Histoire de Canada. When these had been read through,
in regular succession, the children were dismissed as having completed
their education. No difficulty is found in making the common French
Canadians content with such an amount of instruction as this; on the
contrary, it is often very hard indeed to prevail upon them to send
their children at all, for they say it takes too much of the love of
God from them to sent them to school. The teacher strictly complied
with the requisitions of the society in whose employment she was, and
the Roman Catholic catechism was regularly taught in the school, as
much from choice as from submission to authority, as she was a strict
Catholic. I had brought with me the little bag I have before mentioned,
in which I had so long kept the clippings of the thread left after
making a dress for the Superior. Such was my regard for it, that I
continued to wear it constantly round my neck, and to feel the same
reverence for its supposed virtues as before. I occasionally had the
toothache during my stay at St. Denis, and then always relied on the
influence of my little bag. On such occasions I would say--
"By the virtue of this bag, may I be delivered from the toothache;" and
I supposed that when it ceased, it was owing to that cause.
While engaged in this manner, I became acquainted with a man who soon
proposed marriage; and young and ignorant of the world as I was, I
heard his offers with favour. On consulting with my friend, she
expressed an interest for me, advised me against taking such a step,
and especially as I knew little about the man, except that a report was
circulated unfavorable to his character. Unfortunately, I was not wise
enough to listen to her advice, and hastily married. In a few weeks, I
had occasion to repent of the step I had taken, as the report proved
true--a report which I thought justified, and indeed required, our
separation. After I had been in St. Denis about three months, finding
myself thus situated, and not knowing what else to do, I determined to
return to the Convent, and pursue my former intention of becoming a
Black nun, could I gain admittance. Knowing the many inquiries that the
Superior would make relative to me, during my absence before leaving
St. Denis, I agreed with the lady with whom I had been associated as a
teacher (when she went to Montreal, which she did very frequently), to
say to the Lady Superior that I had been under her protection during my
absence, which would satisfy her, and stop further inquiry; as I was
sensible, that, should they know I had been married, I should not gain
admittance.
I soon returned to Montreal, and on reaching the city, I visited the
Seminary, and in another interview with the Superior of it,
communicated my wish, and desired him to procure my re-admission as a
novice. Little delay occurred.
After leaving me for a short time, he returned, and told me that the
Superior of the Convent had consented, and I was soon introduced into
her presence. She blamed me for my conduct in leaving the nunnery, but
told me that I ought to be ever grateful to my guardian angel for
taking care of me, and bringing me in safety back to that retreat. I
requested that I might be secured against the reproaches and ridicule
of all the novices and nuns, which I thought some might be disposed to
cast upon me unless prohibited by the Superior; and this she promised
me. The money usually required for the admission of novices had not
been expected from me. I had been admitted the first time without any
such requisition; but now I chose to pay it for my re-admission. I knew
that she was able to dispense with such a demand as well in this as the
former case, and she knew that I was not in possession of any thing
like the sum required.
But I was bent on paying to the Nunnery, and accustomed to receive the
doctrine often repeated to me before that time, that when the advantage
of the church was consulted, the steps taken were justifiable, let them
be what they would, I therefore resolved to obtain money on false
pretences, confident that if all were known, I should be far from
displeasing the Superior. I went to the brigade major, and asked him to
give me the money payable to my mother from her pension, which amounted
to about thirty dollars, and without questioning my authority to
receive it in her name, he gave it me.
From several of her friends I obtained small sums under the name of
loans, so that altogether I had soon raised a number of pounds, with
which I hastened to the nunnery, and deposited a part in the hands of
the Superior. She received the money with evident satisfaction, though
she must have known that I could not have obtained it honestly; and I
was at once re-admitted as a novice.
Much to my gratification, not a word fell from the lips of any of my
old associates in relation to my unceremonious departure, nor my
voluntary return. The Superior's orders, I had not a doubt, had been
explicitly laid down, and they certainly were carefully obeyed, for I
never heard an allusion made to that subject during my subsequent stay
in the Convent, except that, when alone, the Superior would herself
sometimes say a little about it.
There were numbers of young ladies who entered awhile as novices, and
became weary or disgusted with some things they observed, and remained
but a short time. One of my cousins, who lived at Lachine, named Reed,
spent about a fortnight in the Convent with me. She, however, conceived
such an antipathy against the priests, that she used expressions which
offended the Superior.
The first day she attended mass, while at dinner with us in full
community, she said before us all: "What a rascal that priest was, to
preach against his best friend!"
All stared at such an unusual exclamation, and some one inquired what
she meant.
"I say," she continued, "he has been preaching against him who gives
him his bread. Do you suppose that if there were no devil, there would
be any priests?"
This bold young novice was immediately dismissed: and in the afternoon
we had a long sermon from the Superior on the subject.
It happened that I one day got a leaf of an English Bible, which had
been brought into the Convent, wrapped round some sewing silk,
purchased at a store in the city. For some reason or other, I
determined to commit to memory a chapter it contained, which I soon
did. It is the only chapter I ever learnt in the Bible, and I can now
repeat it. It is the second of St. Matthew's gospel, "Now when Jesus
was born in Bethlehem of Judea," &c.
It happened that I was observed reading the paper, and when the nature
of it was discovered, I was condemned to do penance for my offence.
Great dislike to the Bible was shown by those who conversed with me
about it, and several have remarked to me, at different times, that if
it were not for that book, Catholics would never be led to renounce
their own faith.
I heard passages read from the Evangile, relating to the death of
Christ; the conversion of Paul; a few chapters from St. Matthew, and
perhaps a few others. The priest would also sometimes take a verse or
two, and preach from it. I read St. Peter's Life, but only in the book
called the "Lives of the Saints." He, I understand, has the keys of
heaven and hell, and has founded our church. As for St. Paul, I
remember, as I was taught to understand it, that he was once a great
persecutor of the Roman _Catholics_, until he became convicted, and
confessed to one of the _father confessors_, I don't know which. For
who can expect to be forgiven who does not become a Catholic, and
confess?